Kuuipo

Marina, CA

#21 Nov 12, 2013
LW1: I agree with Matilda. He sounds like a fabulous neighbor. And kudos to LW for teaching her children to treat everyone with respect. I don't see a problem with the wine if he is consuming it at home.

LW2: Your parents are fine. It's your mother's bf who is uncomfortable spending time with your dad. JMHO, but you should be grateful that your parents behave civilly toward each other because there are many who have parents who are still battling it out after their divorces and many whose married parents don't treat each other well. I think you will stir up trouble by asking Henry to "suck it up." It's once every other year, and you know the date.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#22 Nov 12, 2013
No, its every year! Every year they have to jump thru hoops. I dont think grandma is not seen every other year, they just dont stay with her every year. But they still have to make time to see her, and for the kids to get their gifts, open them, say thank you and probably take her and henry out to a light dinner or something.

Huge hassle just to appease mr grumpy pants.
Kuuipo wrote:
It's once every other year, and you know the date.
Kuuipo

Marina, CA

#23 Nov 12, 2013
RACE wrote:
No, its every year! Every year they have to jump thru hoops. I dont think grandma is not seen every other year, they just dont stay with her every year. But they still have to make time to see her, and for the kids to get their gifts, open them, say thank you and probably take her and henry out to a light dinner or something.
Huge hassle just to appease mr grumpy pants.
<quoted text>
I'm not feeling "huge hassle" here, even at once per year. So if this is Mom's year, the family has the big holiday gathering at Mom's and has breakfast or lunch with Dad the following day at a family friendly restaurant, or his place. And nobody "has to" celebrate holidays. You can make time to get together any day of the year. LW is better off accepting the situation as opposed to telling others to "suck it up." I guarantee that will not go over well.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#24 Nov 12, 2013
Why does it always have to be about mom and what she wants? She's not the one lugging around a bunch of kids, or trying to coordinate with other family members about visitation. There can be neices and nephews involved, and the inlaws. Everybody has to schedule their christmas around her and her egotistical husband?
Sorry, Not feeling the "Mom rules the roost"
Kuuipo wrote:
<quoted text>
I'm not feeling "huge hassle" here, even at once per year. So if this is Mom's year, the family has the big holiday gathering at Mom's and has breakfast or lunch with Dad the following day at a family friendly restaurant, or his place. And nobody "has to" celebrate holidays. You can make time to get together any day of the year. LW is better off accepting the situation as opposed to telling others to "suck it up." I guarantee that will not go over well.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#25 Nov 12, 2013
Nobody rules anyone. That's the thing. You state what you can do and realize you cannot force anyone to do anything other than what they are willing to do.

A lot of family members do not get together because of distance and/or other factors.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#26 Nov 12, 2013
Blunt Advice wrote:
Wonder what Jesus thinks of his birthday being turned into a big overkilled marketing circus.
We've taken Jesus out of this "holiday season."
dahgts

Chicago Heights, IL

#27 Nov 12, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
We've taken Jesus out of this "holiday season."
Speak for yourself.
Julie

Chicago, IL

#28 Nov 12, 2013
squishymama wrote:
LW1: Amy, you can take your little judgemental self and just f*ck off.
This is the perfect default to Lamy's responses. All of them. Squishy for the win!
Kuuipo

Salinas, CA

#29 Nov 12, 2013
RACE wrote:
Why does it always have to be about mom and what she wants? She's not the one lugging around a bunch of kids, or trying to coordinate with other family members about visitation. There can be neices and nephews involved, and the inlaws. Everybody has to schedule their christmas around her and her egotistical husband?
Sorry, Not feeling the "Mom rules the roost"
<quoted text>
Mom asked for one Christmas every other year. Whether or not the kids want to comply and how much running around they want to do is up to them. I don't think it's a lot to ask, but all anyone has to say is, "Sorry Mom, I can't make it this year," or "Sorry Dad, it's Mom's year and we'll see you some other time." Trying to force Henry and Dad to be in the same room is not a great idea, IMHO. Alpha male syndrome. But LW is going to try. Looking forward to the next letter.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#30 Nov 13, 2013
Sorry, have to disagree. Making the kids do what the parent wont is not the answer. the parents need to be more flexible, the kids are already trying enough. The kids should not have to draw the line in the sand, they already asked the parents to work with them, but a stick in the mud is pouting. Alpha male crap? Maybe at 30 and under, after that GTFU and act like an adult.
Kuuipo wrote:
<quoted text>
Mom asked for one Christmas every other year. Whether or not the kids want to comply and how much running around they want to do is up to them. I don't think it's a lot to ask, but all anyone has to say is, "Sorry Mom, I can't make it this year," or "Sorry Dad, it's Mom's year and we'll see you some other time." Trying to force Henry and Dad to be in the same room is not a great idea, IMHO. Alpha male syndrome. But LW is going to try. Looking forward to the next letter.

“I looked, and behold,”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#31 Nov 13, 2013
RACE wrote:
Sorry, have to disagree. Making the kids do what the parent wont is not the answer. the parents need to be more flexible, the kids are already trying enough. The kids should not have to draw the line in the sand, they already asked the parents to work with them, but a stick in the mud is pouting. Alpha male crap? Maybe at 30 and under, after that GTFU and act like an adult.
<quoted text>
It's not alpha male crap. It's insecurity or the desire to control. By all accounts, everyone gets along, but to appease the mom's bf everyone must cater to him and be inconvenienced.

If my mom had a bf like that, I'd tell the dude to blow ... we are having one party ... he can either come or stay the eff home, but my mom is coming. My bros would do the same thing. If they guy took it out on my mom, we'd ball bat the mo fo'er. F' negotiating.

Reminds me of my female cousin, at her mom's wedding when she remarried. Her doosh bag bf or husband at the time, wanted her to leave way early into the night. All our cousins were in town and we were all having a good time. My cousin didn't really want to leave, but he was trying to make her. My bro just walked up to him and said, she isn't leaving ... "you can leave, but she's not ... all her cousins are here ... it's her mom's wedding ... the night is early". Not shyte he could do about it ... it was non-negotiable. When dealing with a-holes, that's much better than Toj's negotiating. Let em try to do something about it.
Kuuipo

Marina, CA

#32 Nov 13, 2013
Mom is asking them to come over without Dad once every other year. We don't know what Mom does on the off years, but it's possible that she comes to Dad's house without Henry. I still think it's a reasonable request to accomodate their mom once ever other year.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#33 Nov 13, 2013
Well isn't that great.
One year she gets the kids all to herself, and the next dad has to share them with her at his home. Yeah, why would she want to change that?

The more you write about this woman, the more I dislike her!
Kuuipo wrote:
Mom is asking them to come over without Dad once every other year. We don't know what Mom does on the off years, but it's possible that she comes to Dad's house without Henry. I still think it's a reasonable request to accomodate their mom once ever other year.
Kuuipo

Marina, CA

#34 Nov 13, 2013
RACE wrote:
Well isn't that great.
One year she gets the kids all to herself, and the next dad has to share them with her at his home. Yeah, why would she want to change that?
The more you write about this woman, the more I dislike her!
<quoted text>
Well I don't know her so I neither like nor dislike her. I'm just playing devil's advocate in pointing out that she gets along fine with her ex and a whole lot of people do not. Henry is the one who is uncomfortable in Dad's presences. It inconveniences the grown kids either way, true.

And who was accusing columnists of man-bashing just... yesterday? So I guess it is OK to woman-bash just to even things out.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#35 Nov 13, 2013
Where does it say that a lot of peeps dont get along with dad? Your just making stuff up now. And when did I woman bash? Not denying I do it, but what I said was not bashing, unless you can show me otherwise. I just said that mom has her cake and eats it too, and dad is stuck with crumbs.
Kuuipo wrote:
<quoted text>
Well I don't know her so I neither like nor dislike her. I'm just playing devil's advocate in pointing out that she gets along fine with her ex and a whole lot of people do not. Henry is the one who is uncomfortable in Dad's presences. It inconveniences the grown kids either way, true.
And who was accusing columnists of man-bashing just... yesterday? So I guess it is OK to woman-bash just to even things out.
Kuuipo

Marina, CA

#36 Nov 13, 2013
RACE wrote:
Where does it say that a lot of peeps dont get along with dad? Your just making stuff up now. And when did I woman bash? Not denying I do it, but what I said was not bashing, unless you can show me otherwise. I just said that mom has her cake and eats it too, and dad is stuck with crumbs.
<quoted text>
Dad gets every other year, too, so how is he stuck with crumbs? And are you really arguing that some divorced parents don't get along with each other? All other divorced moms and dads manage these situations better?

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#37 Nov 13, 2013
I thought you were saying THIS dad, not dads in general.
But he is stuck with crumbs because he either has to share his time with the X around (when its his year) or be marginalized to whenever the kids can find time when its her year. Big disparity in hours there.
Kuuipo wrote:
<quoted text>
Dad gets every other year, too, so how is he stuck with crumbs? And are you really arguing that some divorced parents don't get along with each other? All other divorced moms and dads manage these situations better?

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#38 Nov 13, 2013
RACE wrote:
I thought you were saying THIS dad, not dads in general.
But he is stuck with crumbs because he either has to share his time with the X around (when its his year) or be marginalized to whenever the kids can find time when its her year. Big disparity in hours there.
<quoted text>
How? Are the holidays shorter every other year?

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#39 Nov 14, 2013
I love your ability to remain dense.
Little words.
the kids have only so many hours, so when the visit mommy, mommy gets all of them except for the few they manage to go and spend with daddy.
BUT
when daddy has the kids, their time is split between both mommy and daddy because MOMMY IS THERE HORNING IN ON HIS CHRISTMAS WITH THE KIDS.

Seeing this yet? I really cant dumb it down any further, so if you still need an explanation I suggest you talk to edog.
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
How? Are the holidays shorter every other year?

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#40 Nov 14, 2013
RACE wrote:
Why does it always have to be about mom and what she wants? She's not the one lugging around a bunch of kids, or trying to coordinate with other family members about visitation. There can be neices and nephews involved, and the inlaws. Everybody has to schedule their christmas around her and her egotistical husband?
Sorry, Not feeling the "Mom rules the roost"
<quoted text>
Do you spend the holidays with your ex? Or do you and her see your daughter seperately?

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