When teen dating turns violent

When teen dating turns violent

There are 281 comments on the Chicago Tribune story from Feb 19, 2009, titled When teen dating turns violent. In it, Chicago Tribune reports that:

Ed Loos, a junior at Lake Forest High School, said a common reaction among students to Chris Brown 's alleged attack on Rihanna goes something like this: "Ha! She probably did something to provoke it." In ...

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Manny

Olathe, KS

#247 Feb 21, 2009
These are some stupid kids if they are letting themselves get treated this way.
joker

Olathe, KS

#249 Feb 21, 2009
"Perhaps this behavior is a product of single-mother homes? Mom keeps abusive BF around for the money so daughter grows up with this concept
or boy has no father-figure in house
to pattern his behavior from.Social pathology. "

BS!!! I grew up in a single family home and I never once did a stupid thing like this. It's more a product of up bringing. Parents, MOTHER & FATHER, regardless of being in a single home or not, should be teaching these kids RIGHT & WRONG.
sadbuttrue

Crest Hill, IL

#250 Feb 21, 2009
sorry to say domestic violence is allowed and tolerated by women and men because the laws allow it. After a period of time a woman or man becomes used to the behavior and it becomes tolerated. Take for example a man verbally abuses his wife and threatens her constantly. Beats her, throws things at her every single day, but now she is scared to leave for fear that if she does she / he will die. Now the husband tries to kill himself, this is her opportune time to leave, but she doesnt for fear once again she ;/ he will die. Now this same person who has tried to kill himself, threatens her that she will die along with her kids if she leaves him, has spent time in a mental ward, is also obsessed with guns To make themselves look good to the community they run to a church and become born again, but deep down still threatens there family. Now when local authorities are told about a man who has a large quantity of weapons, and has a mental background, doesnt take there meds , lives within two blocks of a school, and at one point has threatened to kill his family and burn the house down to cover it up, the family is told there is nothing they can do but move out as it is just a verbal threat. First thought you were not allowed to bear arms if you have been put in a mental hospital, second... why wait til its to late?!
Reality Rounds

Chicago, IL

#251 Feb 21, 2009
Kids often live their lives on how they live at home. If abuse is prevalent in the home, it will be prevalent in their personal lives. It is eye opening that the teenagers feel Rihanna deserved her assault. Scary to think that assault under any circumstance is accepted. I agree that educating these kids against dating violence is the key. What if Rihanna was your daughter?
www.realityrounds.com
blitherer

Oak Lawn, IL

#252 Feb 21, 2009
Why hasn't the RIAA sued the school district for $70 million for using the celebrities copyrighted image in Chelsea Whitis' economics class? Come on hollywood, do your thing.
David

Chicago, IL

#253 Feb 21, 2009
Laura wrote:
<quoted text>
Wow, buddy, take it easy. I don't think this article says anywhere that it's okay for women to hit/verbally abuse men. The whole point is that abuse in relationships in any form is wrong, and these children needs education on this matter...
Unfortunately, the statistics speak for themselves. More women are abused in relationships than men. This is why there is a focus on helping teen girls understand why abuse is wrong and abnormal.
Statistics only show what was reported. How many men do you think would come forward and admit they were abused by their spouse? Not many I'm guessing.
Phil

Sunnyvale, CA

#254 Feb 21, 2009
The closing comment about the teacher being dismissive of the subject is out of context --- it was an ECONOMICS class -- hello? Domestic violence needs to be discussed, but in some forums it's just not relevant and in this case, adds nothing to your story.
hydeparkLuke

United States

#255 Feb 21, 2009
Any male that hits a girl is NOT A MAN.

There is NEVER EVER ANY reason nor excuse for hitting a girl, period!

For any of you punk as*s kids out there that think it's funny, entertaining, and even okay for a boy to hit a girl is ignorant and lost!

A male that feels a need to hit a girl is a weak minded, ignorant, insecure SISSY boy and should have his testicles removed!!!

Any girl that thinks its okay for a boy to hit a girl should have her tubes tied so she cant breed and teach her kids that its okay to hit!!!

Get off it and LEARN what's right!
the one

United States

#257 Feb 21, 2009
When teen dating turns violent

Shoot the offender..
Lauren

Floral Park, NY

#258 Feb 21, 2009
At the beginning of the relationship
meet or find out about the parents.
Usually, a man learns this behavior
from his father who abused the wife
or the children. Also, a self-defense
class wouldn't hurt.
RegularGuy

United States

#260 Feb 21, 2009
Laura wrote:
<quoted text>
Wow, buddy, take it easy. I don't think this article says anywhere that it's okay for women to hit/verbally abuse men. The whole point is that abuse in relationships in any form is wrong, and these children needs education on this matter...
But they won't hear that. What they'll hear is the feminist perspective where all abuse is caused by men, and only women are victims.

'Rockofages' is asking for some balance in this discussion, but he's not likely to find it.
Laura wrote:
<quoted text>Unfortunately, the statistics speak for themselves. More women are abused in relationships than men. This is why there is a focus on helping teen girls understand why abuse is wrong and abnormal.
Depends on whose statistics you're reading. If you read the work by Professors Gelles, Straus, and Steinmetz, you might get a different perspective.

If you're getting your statistics from feminist advocacy groups - well, we all know what THEY have to say.
RegularGuy

United States

#261 Feb 21, 2009
David wrote:
<quoted text>
Statistics only show what was reported. How many men do you think would come forward and admit they were abused by their spouse? Not many I'm guessing.
A lot of the data that has been gathered was collected from women inside of shelters. By design, men are NOT allowed inside domestic violence shelters, so any 'self-reporting' statistics will be horribly skewed.

Even in ER data, there is an inherent bias. A friend who sits on a hospital medical board was shocked to find out that his hospital's protocol was to only ask WOMEN if their injuries were related to domestic abuse. The hospital just assumed that men are never beaten or abused. It took a major effort over several months to convince the rest of the hospital medical board to ask EVERYONE about the source of ER-presented injuries.
Jackie

Lafayette, IN

#262 Feb 21, 2009
If you enjoy pushing people's buttons, you can expect a lash back occasionally. Live with it.
john williams

Berwyn, IL

#263 Feb 21, 2009
Teens should not date. that would solve the problem
People DO Die From DV

Thornton, IL

#264 Feb 21, 2009
No matter who is perpetrating the crime, battery (physical attack) and assault (threat of physical attack) are crimes. Period. Circumstances of the crime may affect the sentencing of the defendant, but either action is a crime & must be treated as such.
A good friend of mine dated and later married an abusive man (she didn't tell me what was happening until later in the marriage). He seemed perfectly normal and respectable to the outside world. He was white, upper-middle class (owned his own successful business), was an honorably discharged veteran, and very pleasant. She was an attractive tomboy and they mainly bonded over various sport activities (motorcycle racing, fishing, hunting, etc...). But when they were at home he engaged in all sorts of unspeakable violent acts towards her, often in front of her young son. When she finally saw her son imitating her husband's abusive behavior, she left and got a protective order. Shortly thereafter, he stalked her, jumped in her car, put a gun to her head and told her to come back to him. She agreed, he left, she called the cops. He spent a few hours in jail. She was afraid to be alone in her house. She was home one night a few days later with her son & parents. He came in, tied everyone up, slit everyone's throat and set the house on fire. Somehow her some & father got out (before the house burned to the ground) and lived. She and her father died. He was "on the run", burning down the houses of everyone who had told her to leave him (including me). He was finally caught and is now spending life in prison.
This is not an unusual story and anyone who thinks even one instance of assault and/or battery is no big deal is kidding themselves.
Although since my friend died I have always done work in/for battered women's shelters, this article has motivated me to do some volunteer work in my local schools to educate kids on violence in general and DV in particular.
I hope others will do the same.
LoveGun

Chicago, IL

#265 Feb 21, 2009
This is very sad.
Violence should not a norm
Nobody should ever resort to violence.
Chris should of been a real man and ended the relationship rather the resorting to a physical confrontation.
Donna

Fremont, CA

#266 Feb 21, 2009
This is one of the most appalling articles I've read in a very long time.

I'm so sick of people suggesting that there's a Chris Brown "side" to understand. I don't care what she did or said; absolutely nothing excuses this behavior. Period.

Also...

Newsflash: Nobody but nobody beats someone this badly the first time they hit them.

Abuse escalates.

I guarantee you this is far from the first time Brown has hit Rihanna. It's just the first time someone was around who called the police, and yes, it's probably the most physically injurious time.
Terry

Cockeysville, MD

#267 Feb 21, 2009
It's obvious a cultural thing where this type of violence is so acceptable. if these case were prosecuted more intensely maybe the word would get out.
I realize that most of these cases never see the court room as victims either don't show up to testify or change their mind and don't want to prosecute. In my opinion, if the victim doesn't appear or refuses to cooperate, hold her in a jail cell until she does; threat of arrest has an amazing effect on non cooperating witnesses.
RUT ROH

United States

#268 Feb 21, 2009
Hip hop culture glorifies this kind of behavior. Women are degraded in their lyrics and in their videos. Violence is a common theme.

Should it come as a surprise that young people think this is cool?

Just like some think carrying a gun and "poppin" someone is okay to do. Ex: 21 students killed this school year in Chicago.

Or dressing like an idiot to emulate a gang banger is more important than dressing for success.

Its the culture. The "man" says don't hit a woman. The "hip hop culture says "be a man, hit a woman". Who are they going to listen to if they have no self respect? Hip hop.

Becuase if they had self respect they wouldn't listen or follow the examples of that culture. And their parents would discipline them and teach them about self respect.

Just the other day the "Producer" of Death Row Labels was beat up and put in the hospital. DEATH ROW was the name this former convict uses as his record label. Cool huh?
West Dundee

Algonquin, IL

#270 Feb 21, 2009
I really don't understand what's happening in this world, every child should be taught that verbal and physical abuse should not be tollerated. If you beat up your girlfriend you should be in jail, it doesn't matter who you are, famous or not.

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