“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#1 May 12, 2014
DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 18 years to a wonderful woman who was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer a few years ago. We don't know how much time she has left, but she feels the cancer has robbed her of her "retirement." She is trying to persuade our family to move to Florida so she can enjoy some warm weather.

Abby, for many reasons I do not want to move. We have lived in the Midwest all our lives. My elderly parent would be all alone if we move, and I have a sibling who is also terminally ill.

I have had the same job for 25 years, and I don't want to give it up because I have the freedom to do much of my work from home, which allows me to help my wife and have income as well. If we move, there would be no guarantee that I could find a similar work situation that is so beneficial.

My wife says I'm being selfish because I'm unwilling to leave my job, family and friends to do as she wants. I understand her desire to live in a warmer climate, but I think she's the one who is being selfish. What do you think?-- WANTS TO STAY PUT

DEAR WANTS TO STAY PUT: I think the winter in the Midwest was brutal this year, and now the spring rains have arrived, which are also depressing. But in a short time the flowers will bloom and the warmth of summer and autumn will last for the next half-year.

Why not take a vacation (or leave) from your job for the next three or four weeks? If you telecommute, you could still get some work done and let your wife have her dose of sunshine. Surely someone can check on your parent and keep you informed about your sibling for that short time. I do not recommend moving anywhere permanently because there's no guarantee you'd find a job that compensates you as well as the one you have, and you may need the income.

DEAR ABBY: A tall, attractive man came into the insurance office where I work to buy an auto insurance policy. I haven't talked with men outside of my church in a long time, so I was nervous. I thought my heart would explode from beating so fast.

He will be coming back in a couple of weeks, and I'm afraid if I don't ask him out, I will regret it. I don't know how to approach him or ask a guy out at all. Help!-- NERVOUS OUT WEST

DEAR NERVOUS: The man may be married, so take it slow. If he comes in before noon, casually mention there's a restaurant not far away that serves good food and offer to show him. If he comes in later, use the old "want to grab a cup of coffee?" gambit. Either of these will give you a chance to talk with him and find out more about him without being overly obvious.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#2 May 12, 2014
And if he quits his job, whose insurance pays for the cancer care? whose income pays for living expenses?

Stage 4 cancer is not good, but a lot of cancers are now considered manageable rather than short term death sentences.

The issue of care-giver burnout is also very real. LW seems to be caregiver to elderly parent and sounds like he may have some role with his terminally ill sib.

If there is some money there, send the wife and a companion down to Florida for the winter and fly to visit her.

I get irritated with people who use illness as an emotional bargaining chip.

L2She never meets men outside of her church? This one is ripe to be scammed.
not a ghost

San Antonio, TX

#3 May 12, 2014
LW2 is probably fake; she can't really have only women, children and men from her church coming into that insurance office to purchase a policy--until this male came along....

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#4 May 12, 2014
Team PEllen


“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#5 May 12, 2014
L1: Take some time off (family leave?) and take her to a warm climate on vacation. Let her know all the reasons, for her own good (insurance) that you don't see moving as a real possibility.

L2: I'm with Ghost, although when I was in my late teens (18-19 so a gazillion years ago) and a receptionist I still remember this absolutely handsome guy coming into the office and me being a bit tongue-tied. I usually don't melt but he was something that could make you (at least me) melt. The thing is, I would never have had the courage to ask him out as I had a difficult time asking the usual business questions.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#6 May 12, 2014
These letters are so boring.

LW1: You must get it through to her that you need the money and insurance that your job currently provides. Help her take more vacations in the cold weather to places where it's warm (FMLA might be able to help with this), but you cannot just up and "retire" with her, no matter how much you'd like to.

LW2: Are you sure your company is cool with you hitting on customers at the front desk? Maybe get his address from some paperwork and send a card... <mimishrug>

Elizabethtown, KY

#7 May 12, 2014
LW1: PEllen nailed it.

LW2: Good luck with that.
boundary painter

Waco, TX

#8 May 13, 2014
Glance into the future for LW1:
(a) He went along with her to her oncologist and talked about the needs
his wife would have if she vacationed in the city she wants to move to.
(b) He called friends in that city and arranged for them to Skype with
people she wanted to see one last time.
(c) He bought her plenty of comfortable socks and sweaters for the
cold weather and encouraged caring friends to visit when they could
come by with a bit of cheer for her.
(d) other

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