First Prev
of 4
Next Last

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#61 Sep 5, 2013
Ha! Thats funny!
Thoren wrote:
Mimi Seattle wrote:
You infectious guts-griping hedge-pig!
Edogxxx wrote:I have no idea what that is but I love it! I'm taking it as a compliment!
OMG OMG Its Sam and Race come back to life.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#62 Sep 5, 2013
She is only entitled to what the law says she is entitled to. You are drawing arbitrary lines and presenting them as fact when they are not.

Supposing two dudes decide to buy a house together as a business venture, planning to rent it out. But then the one dude gets divorced and decides to move into the house himself. Now the other dude is still responsible for 1/2 the mortgage and you are saying he has absolutely no rights to the property because the other guy has possession?
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>That may be true but she has possession and she entitled nt to have people coming through without her knowledge and permission, even an ex spouse who may still be on teh title.
Thee are lots of exceptions of course- he needs to fix a leak to make sure teh property value stays up,with the permission of another resident, like the kids, but the ex is going into her room, not just her house and that crosses the line.
If she went back to eh divorce judge , he would look at the property settlement and say , Here- wife gets possession of 1234 Main St until it is sold and then the proceeds are divided; in the mean time, hubby you pay mortgage but stay out unless she gives you permission to be there.
FYI- wife can file a change of address form so his mail go to him. It is possible for landline phone companies to have an automatic intercept message and forward calls to Mr X to one number and Mrs X to another. With cellphones that is less of a problem..
This is why divorces are a pain and why a tightly drawn property settlement is needed.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#63 Sep 5, 2013
RACE wrote:
She is only entitled to what the law says she is entitled to. You are drawing arbitrary lines and presenting them as fact when they are not.
Supposing two dudes decide to buy a house together as a business venture, planning to rent it out. But then the one dude gets divorced and decides to move into the house himself. Now the other dude is still responsible for 1/2 the mortgage and you are saying he has absolutely no rights to the property because the other guy has possession?
<quoted text>
No, I didn't say that all. It is just that in my experience divorce property settlements are pretty specific; if someone, emphasis ONE person gets possession that means the other person doesn't get to use the thing/ come into the house, whatever, unless they have permission

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#64 Sep 5, 2013
I agree, and in such a situation you would call the cops for them trespassing, not write amy asking how to keep them from going in your bedroom and watching porn.
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>
No, I didn't say that all. It is just that in my experience divorce property settlements are pretty specific; if someone, emphasis ONE person gets possession that means the other person doesn't get to use the thing/ come into the house, whatever, unless they have permission

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#65 Sep 5, 2013
RACE wrote:
I agree, and in such a situation you would call the cops for them trespassing, not write amy asking how to keep them from going in your bedroom and watching porn.
<quoted text>
He got it!By George, he got it!

Or, leave a note for him where he is not supposed to be but where he is sure to see it.
Leave her lap top up with the webcam running .

Call your divorce lawyer-- no, better yet call HIS divorce lawyer so HE gets the bill.

All sorts of things to do before writing to an advice columnist

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#66 Sep 5, 2013
Unfortunately, you didn't.
Since she did not call the cops, we can only guess that the man was not forbidden from doing what he did and has every right to be there, which is what I was hoping you would get.
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>
He got it!By George, he got it!
Or, leave a note for him where he is not supposed to be but where he is sure to see it.
Leave her lap top up with the webcam running .
Call your divorce lawyer-- no, better yet call HIS divorce lawyer so HE gets the bill.
All sorts of things to do before writing to an advice columnist
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#67 Sep 5, 2013
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>
No, I didn't say that all. It is just that in my experience divorce property settlements are pretty specific; if someone, emphasis ONE person gets possession that means the other person doesn't get to use the thing/ come into the house, whatever, unless they have permission
Exactly! Ownership does not imply that you have a right to come into the house without prior written notice when there are tenants. He is co-owner, not an occupant. He's overstepping. Hopefully, the house will sell soon, but she should establish clear boundaries now, otherwise he'll just walk into her new place, too, because the kids live there.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#68 Sep 5, 2013
RACE wrote:
Unfortunately, you didn't.
Since she did not call the cops, we can only guess that the man was not forbidden from doing what he did and has every right to be there, which is what I was hoping you would get.
<quoted text>
I disagree. It's more likely that she doesn't see it as such an offense as to call the cops on her kids' father. She likely doesn't want to escalate things and call an all out war, which is how the ex may take it if she calls the cops on him.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#69 Sep 5, 2013
You read what you want into it and I will do the same.
(but your probably closer to right than me)
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
I disagree. It's more likely that she doesn't see it as such an offense as to call the cops on her kids' father. She likely doesn't want to escalate things and call an all out war, which is how the ex may take it if she calls the cops on him.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#70 Sep 5, 2013
RACE wrote:
You read what you want into it and I will do the same.
(but your probably closer to right than me)
<quoted text>
from my friend
"There was nothing spelled out. I kept a key as my name was on mortgage and deed. She eventually refinanced the house and I signed a quit claim deed to remove my name. Gave her the key back."
Since she was not a tenant & nothing was spelled out in the divorce decree, I'd assume he was within his legal right if he wanted to pop into his property. Not suggesting that it would be a good idea.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#71 Sep 5, 2013
Well, that flies in the face of what PEllen said.
Yay! I win!
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>from my friend
"There was nothing spelled out. I kept a key as my name was on mortgage and deed. She eventually refinanced the house and I signed a quit claim deed to remove my name. Gave her the key back."
Since she was not a tenant & nothing was spelled out in the divorce decree, I'd assume he was within his legal right if he wanted to pop into his property. Not suggesting that it would be a good idea.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#72 Sep 5, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>from my friend
"There was nothing spelled out. I kept a key as my name was on mortgage and deed. She eventually refinanced the house and I signed a quit claim deed to remove my name. Gave her the key back."
Since she was not a tenant & nothing was spelled out in the divorce decree, I'd assume he was within his legal right if he wanted to pop into his property. Not suggesting that it would be a good idea.
I think when there are minor children involved, especially younger kids, like under 12 or so, parents should have a key to each other's house -- if they can be trusted -- in case of emergency or something. But maybe I'm just going overboard there.

Nick goes into his ex house via the keypad on the garage (which he installed). BUt he doesn't do that when she's there, he goes in to get the kids when they're there alone, like after school.

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#73 Sep 5, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
I think when there are minor children involved, especially younger kids, like under 12 or so, parents should have a key to each other's house -- if they can be trusted -- in case of emergency or something. But maybe I'm just going overboard there.
Nick goes into his ex house via the keypad on the garage (which he installed). BUt he doesn't do that when she's there, he goes in to get the kids when they're there alone, like after school.
I would never, ever trust him in my house. Ever! No way, no day. He'd snoop through crap, take crap. Hell, he did that to me when we were together! Ain't dealing with that when we're not!
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#74 Sep 5, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
I think when there are minor children involved, especially younger kids, like under 12 or so, parents should have a key to each other's house -- if they can be trusted -- in case of emergency or something. But maybe I'm just going overboard there.
Nick goes into his ex house via the keypad on the garage (which he installed). BUt he doesn't do that when she's there, he goes in to get the kids when they're there alone, like after school.
I'm not feeling the key, but I absolutely agree that when there are children involved, divorced parents should be able to act civil toward each other and co-parent effectively. If the two of you got along well enough to create this child, then you should be modeling good adult behavior for that child.

In this case, we are arguing points of law when the heart of the matter is really setting and respecting boundaries. LW should ask Ex to not come over unless she is home or he arranges to come over and pick up one of the children. LW should tell him that rummaging through her things is not OK, and if there is anything in the house that he wants or needs, then he should ask for it. If LW's ex refuses to honor her requests, then LW should offer him the alternative of living in the home while it is being sold and she should move elsewhere.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#75 Sep 5, 2013
Stina2 wrote:
<quoted text>
I would never, ever trust him in my house. Ever! No way, no day. He'd snoop through crap, take crap. Hell, he did that to me when we were together! Ain't dealing with that when we're not!
Yeah, like I said, i fyou have an ex you can TRUST.

Although, I think Nick trusts his ex to not go through his things at all, but no way would he give her his key.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#76 Sep 5, 2013
Kuuipo wrote:
<quoted text>
I'm not feeling the key, but I absolutely agree that when there are children involved, divorced parents should be able to act civil toward each other and co-parent effectively. If the two of you got along well enough to create this child, then you should be modeling good adult behavior for that child.
In this case, we are arguing points of law when the heart of the matter is really setting and respecting boundaries. LW should ask Ex to not come over unless she is home or he arranges to come over and pick up one of the children. LW should tell him that rummaging through her things is not OK, and if there is anything in the house that he wants or needs, then he should ask for it. If LW's ex refuses to honor her requests, then LW should offer him the alternative of living in the home while it is being sold and she should move elsewhere.
Yeah, it's not like the kids are LITTLE/YOUNG. THey're teenagers. They can even leave the house, lock it up, and meet dad in the driveway at his car.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#77 Sep 5, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
Nick goes into his ex house via the keypad on the garage (which he installed). BUt he doesn't do that when she's there, he goes in to get the kids when they're there alone
Your boyfriend seems like quite the... passive type...

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#78 Sep 6, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Your boyfriend seems like quite the... passive type...
THat doesn't even make sense. He doesn't go into HER house when she's home to corral the boys out the door. When she isn't home, he goes in to get the kids and make sure they have their backpacks, musical instruments, hockey gear, whatever.

Tell me when this thread is updated:

Subscribe Now Add to my Tracker
First Prev
of 4
Next Last

Add your comments below

Characters left: 4000

Please note by submitting this form you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

Chicago Discussions

Title Updated Last By Comments
News Barack Obama, our next President (Nov '08) 1 min Bluestater 1,275,369
News BARACK OBAMA BIRTH CERTIFICATE: Suit contesting... (Jan '09) 1 hr Coffee Party 196,963
{keep A word drop A word} (Oct '11) 2 hr Red_Forman 6,409
News Once slow-moving threat, global warming speeds ... (Dec '08) 4 hr Earthling-1 54,503
Black lives matter 4 hr Pride in ones self 1
ask amy 8-29-15 11 hr Julie 4
abby 8-28-15 12 hr Mister Tonka 4
More from around the web

Personal Finance

Chicago Mortgages