“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#41 Sep 4, 2013
Thats my point! From the letter...

We currently have the "married house" on the market,

So, if its on the market, then he still has ownership of the house along with her, so unless its stated in the divorce that she has sole possesion of the property till its sold, he has as much right to the house as she. In other words, unless he is forbidden to access to the home, he HAS access to the house.
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
If she is awarded the house, then either it's paid for and she needs to get a quit claim deed to remove him from the home ownership paperwork (and it will protect him from lawsuits that may arise from injuries sustained on that property), or it's not paid for and he has to keep making the mortgage payment for some reason (like, he makes way more money)-- good luck getting him to give up a sense of ownership in that case.
Or it's not paid off and she has to refinance the house in her name only -- meaning he gets half the equity in the house, and then she still needs to do a quit claim deed to remove his name from the deed to the home.
What she needs to do is set him up on a date with a distant friend to get him to worry less about her and more about his own life.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#42 Sep 4, 2013
You are suggesting things not in the letter...

Two warring people? How do you know their is animosity? She did not say it was a bitter divorce, it could have been completely amicable.

So, you're saying the judge has specifically barred the husband from the home? Again, you may have more knowledge from your divorce than I from mine, but I dont see where the guy was not allowed entry otherwise she would just have to call the cops.
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
To me, it's common sense. No judge would give two warring people common access to living quarters.
Hey, maybe you see it differently. Maybe there is a judge out there who would do it.
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#43 Sep 4, 2013
1: Good for the dad and good for you! You took a hard stand so stop regretting it. Sickening....I read stories of this too often. I would punch your daughter so hard in the taco she would have no use for her bf.

2: Your solution is annoyingly obvious.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#44 Sep 4, 2013
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
Kids probably told her long before he did.
That is my guess, too. I'm waiting for his response.

And I do understand that it is different when yo have kids together. It can be a considerate heads up to the person you need to get along it for x number of years to come.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#45 Sep 4, 2013
Toj wrote:
If all parties get along, it just makes things go that much better.
And I feel that setting up boundaries are the best way to achieve that. And my boundary is that you do not have the right to be notified ahead of time about every move that I make. If I start dating someone, that's none of your business. If the kids share that info, fine. That's their right.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#46 Sep 4, 2013
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
Kids probably told her long before he did.
Possibly. But if he was not bringing her around right from the start, they might not have known. His kids are pretty young, right? Does dad get a babysitter and tell them he's going out or that he's going out ON DATE ?

And to be clear, I have no problem if a divorced person chooses to share such info, I just don't think that the ex has any right to expect to be notified.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#47 Sep 4, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>Possibly. But if he was not bringing her around right from the start, they might not have known. His kids are pretty young, right? Does dad get a babysitter and tell them he's going out or that he's going out ON DATE ?
And to be clear, I have no problem if a divorced person chooses to share such info, I just don't think that the ex has any right to expect to be notified.
Kids didn't meet me for about six months. After 3-4 months, he told his oldest about me. He was 8 then. I remember he said that the kid acted really surprised.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#48 Sep 4, 2013
RACE wrote:
Why is it just not ok?
As you said it all hinges on their divorce agreement doesn't it?
If it is just as much his home as hers, then it is perfectly ok. Rude maybe, but ok just the same.
<quoted text>
Nope, not OK. The agreement MIGHT state that she's allowed to live in the home until it is sold, at which time the proceeds will be evenly divided.

(It is generally not a good idea to leave a home vacant while it is on the market. This invites vandalism.)

But no matter what the agreement states, this is currently HER residence, not his. In any landlord/tenant situation, legally he'd have to give her 24 hours notice in writing before coming over to inspect the property.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#49 Sep 4, 2013
Kuuipo wrote:
<quoted text>
Nope, not OK. The agreement MIGHT state that she's allowed to live in the home until it is sold, at which time the proceeds will be evenly divided.
(It is generally not a good idea to leave a home vacant while it is on the market. This invites vandalism.)
But no matter what the agreement states, this is currently HER residence, not his. In any landlord/tenant situation, legally he'd have to give her 24 hours notice in writing before coming over to inspect the property.
But its not a landlord/tenant situation. They are co-owners.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#50 Sep 4, 2013
I just emailed friend to see what he says. Not that he had any desire to go to his ex's place, but he was in the same situation: divorced co-owner of a house that still had his name on the deed and mortgage while his ex was living there.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#51 Sep 4, 2013
Nick said he didn't remember much, since it was over three years ago, but to.d her a short time after I'd been spending more time with the boys.

S long as someone's ex is relatively reasonable, I think they have a right to at least meet the person who will be spending a fair amount of time with the kids, when the kids are young, anyway.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#52 Sep 4, 2013
I am prett sure he has no right to enter the house beyond the doorway unless she gives him permission. How many people would tolerate tha?
Julie

Chicago, IL

#53 Sep 4, 2013
LW2: OMFG. Go to Walmart and BUY A SPINE, you F N moron.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#54 Sep 4, 2013
Mimi Seattle wrote:
No she didn't. With all that oxygen you're stealing I'm surprised you don't have better reading comprehension skills.
Work on your own reading comprehension, you stupid btch.

"If it's because their father won't allow it, then her estrangement from her daughters isn't her fault."

And I thought you weren't talking to me?

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#55 Sep 4, 2013
PEllen wrote:
Can't you tell when he is jerking (your) chain just to get a reaction?
I was doing no such thing.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#56 Sep 4, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
does he have any right to that info?
I think you're missing his point... or reading more into it than what was expected. He doesn't have a "right" to know anything. I think Saluk's point was, if he KNEW she had a boyfriend, he would probably be less likely to just show up unannounced and uninvited, lest he walk in and have to see his ex is on top of her boyfriend on the coffee table while a midget is spanking her.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#57 Sep 4, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text> But its not a landlord/tenant situation. They are co-owners.
That may be true but she has possession and she entitled nt to have people coming through without her knowledge and permission, even an ex spouse who may still be on teh title.
Thee are lots of exceptions of course- he needs to fix a leak to make sure teh property value stays up,with the permission of another resident, like the kids, but the ex is going into her room, not just her house and that crosses the line.

If she went back to eh divorce judge , he would look at the property settlement and say , Here- wife gets possession of 1234 Main St until it is sold and then the proceeds are divided; in the mean time, hubby you pay mortgage but stay out unless she gives you permission to be there.

FYI- wife can file a change of address form so his mail go to him. It is possible for landline phone companies to have an automatic intercept message and forward calls to Mr X to one number and Mrs X to another. With cellphones that is less of a problem..
This is why divorces are a pain and why a tightly drawn property settlement is needed.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#58 Sep 4, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Work on your own reading comprehension, you stupid btch.
"If it's because their father won't allow it, then her estrangement from her daughters isn't her fault."
And I thought you weren't talking to me?
I'm bored. Did you understand the word "if?"

She didn't blame it on him she said "if."

In the next sentence she says "if" regarding the woman, so yanno, she didn't blame it on either of them. She said '"IF" x then Y,' but "IF" Y then x.'

You infectious guts-griping hedge-pig!

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#59 Sep 4, 2013
Mimi Seattle wrote:
You infectious guts-griping hedge-pig!
I have no idea what that is but I love it! I'm taking it as a compliment!
Thoren

Highland Park, IL

#60 Sep 4, 2013
Mimi Seattle wrote:
You infectious guts-griping hedge-pig!
Edogxxx wrote:I have no idea what that is but I love it! I'm taking it as a compliment!
OMG OMG Its Sam and Race come back to life.

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