“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#1 Aug 21, 2014
DEAR ABBY: I am being married later this year, and I'm planning my guest list. My cousin "Emily" has five young children who I'm making an exception to invite. She lives across the country, so she's starting to book her plane reservations.

Emily just announced that she's being remarried and her fiance has three children he shares joint custody of. Am I obligated to invite three children I have never met? This is causing a lot of grief between me and my fiance because Emily assumes that they are all welcome. Please advise.-- D.C. IN NYC

DEAR D.C.: Call Cousin Emily. Explain that your guest list is limited and that her five children -- to whom you are related -- are the exceptions. No other children have been invited to the wedding, and you would prefer to get to know her fiance's children under less stressful circumstances.

Emily's wrong to assume she can include anyone whose name wasn't on her wedding invitation. The children can stay with their mother or grandparents during the time their father will be away.

DEAR ABBY: My husband prefers leftovers to sandwiches for his work lunch. He generally takes them in reusable plastic bowls that claim to be dishwasher and microwave safe.

After a short time, these bowls become terribly stained. Not only are they unsightly, but sometimes they harbor odors. Even though they have been thoroughly washed, they seem unclean. We have noticed this happens more often with tomato-based food like spaghetti or barbecue.

I have tried soaking the bowls overnight in dishwashing detergent and even using a small amount of bleach, but the stains remain. Is there a way to remove the stains and odors, or must I continue to buy new bowls and throw the stained ones out?-- BOWLED OVER IN ALABAMA

DEAR BOWLED OVER: According to "Haley's Hints," by Graham and Rosemary Haley (New American Library), if you soak the bowls and lids in cold water for five minutes or more before putting the leftovers into them, you can prevent the staining from happening. And the odors can be removed by placing crumpled newspaper inside them and putting the tops on before storing them.(This is also an effective way to deodorize shoes.)

DEAR ABBY: My daughter just got remarried to a man who has a 10-year-old son. I don't know the boy at all. What is the appropriate name he should call me? My daughter already has two boys from her first marriage and they, of course, call me Grandma. I don't feel comfortable having her new stepson call me Grandma. Any suggestions?-- NAMELESS IN NEW YORK

DEAR NAMELESS: Is your heart really so closed that you would tell that boy he isn't welcome in it? I urge you to be more accepting of this child, or you may get a name that isn't fit for a family newspaper -- and not only will the boy be using it, but also his father.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#2 Aug 21, 2014
Wow. Talk about hypocrisy. In L1, Amby is more than happy to treat the new steps ad second class citizens, but something must be wrong with LW3 for not treating the step as 100% equal.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#3 Aug 21, 2014
Not being invited to a wedding is not the same thing as not being invited into a family.
Mister Tonka wrote:
Wow. Talk about hypocrisy. In L1, Amby is more than happy to treat the new steps ad second class citizens, but something must be wrong with LW3 for not treating the step as 100% equal.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#4 Aug 21, 2014
RACE wrote:
Not being invited to a wedding is not the same thing as not being invited into a family.
<quoted text>
It may not be signed in ink yet, but those kids are now the cousin's step children. I think its tacky to say you can bring some of your children, but not the others.

That seems worse, to me, than other grandma wanting a different name.

Additionally, who is going to watch the steps. Its so easy to toss out that they could stay with the grandparents. We don't know if the grandparents can do it if they even live close enough to do it. So now dad has to stay home with HIS kids. Welcome to the family.

I say all the kids or none.
Cass

Rancho Cucamonga, CA

#5 Aug 21, 2014
LW1 - Wow, indeed. These three kids are your cousin's step kids. You must invite the whole family, adults only, or none of them at all. Amy is dead wrong on this one.

LW2 - They are plastic bowls! Buy some cheap ones, like Ziplock, and just toss them when they look gross.

LW3 - Does the boy WANT to call you Grandma?

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#6 Aug 21, 2014
1.LW can have all 8 kids. LW will be aggravated
LW can have only Emily's 5 kids and exclude the new 3.. New kids will be lleft out; long term family rift sounds possible

LW can have no kids at teh wedding. That way new 3 aren't singled out.

If you can break it off by age, that might,help. Maybe.

Since LW is close enough to Emily to make an exception for her kids, LW can call Emily and say LW can't handle 8 and ask if Emily has some ideas. It may be that Emily attends on her own and her fiance/new husband stays home with 8 kids.

This is one of those times when, to me, it makes a difference if Emily is actually married or if the guy is just a fiance.

2. I use some white vinegar or lemon juice with the soap to soak the containers. It is teh acid in the food which etches the plastic. Acid takes it off

3. If the bio grandkids call you Granny, ask the new kid to call you Granny Nameless. He now has 3 grandmothers anyway

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#7 Aug 21, 2014
Cass wrote:
LW3 - Does the boy WANT to call you Grandma?
This. And this is probably where my mind was when I did not see a big deal with her wanting a different name. I grew up with a friend who live with dad and step-mom. He had a good relationship with her, but never called her 'mom'.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Detroit, MI

#8 Aug 21, 2014
Mister Tonka wrote:
I say all the kids or none.
I disagree, and think Abby has a point about the cousin being presumptuous. Just because YOU are invited, doesn't automatically mean that every extension of you, kids, coworkers, and bowling buddies, are also welcome

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#9 Aug 21, 2014
LW1: I don’t know why any person would automatically assume just because they and their children are invited that this also means the children of the person they are dating are invited as well. If there is joint custody, then he can leave them with their mother. Just call and tell her that you’ve already made the guest list, already made an exception for her 5 kids, and that it would be too much to have additional children.

LW3: Why don’t you sit down with him and get to know him a bit. Then tell him how happy you are that he is now also a part of your family, and ask him what he would like to call you Mrs. Cold-Hearted or Grandma Cold-Hearted.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#10 Aug 21, 2014
PEllen wrote:
1.LW can have all 8 kids. LW will be aggravated
LW can have only Emily's 5 kids and exclude the new 3.. New kids will be lleft out; long term family rift sounds possible
LW can have no kids at teh wedding. That way new 3 aren't singled out.
If you can break it off by age, that might,help. Maybe.
Since LW is close enough to Emily to make an exception for her kids, LW can call Emily and say LW can't handle 8 and ask if Emily has some ideas. It may be that Emily attends on her own and her fiance/new husband stays home with 8 kids.
This is one of those times when, to me, it makes a difference if Emily is actually married or if the guy is just a fiance.
2. I use some white vinegar or lemon juice with the soap to soak the containers. It is teh acid in the food which etches the plastic. Acid takes it off
3. If the bio grandkids call you Granny, ask the new kid to call you Granny Nameless. He now has 3 grandmothers anyway
Lw1: Speaking for myself, I have lots of cousins. Get along just fine, but none that I correspond with. I mainly see some of them at family holiday gatherings. There are none that I would incur the expense of flying across the country to attend their wedding. All of the family weddings that I would be invited to are people scattered throughout the state of Florida. A tank of gas away at most. The idea of also having to pay for 5 kids and travel with them makes me ill. If I were in the cousin's situatuatiin, I would probably decline and the exclusion of the steps would be a non-issue.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#11 Aug 21, 2014
Emily just announced....
The guest list pre-dates Emily's announcement. Dad and his kids stay at home Emily and her's fly.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#12 Aug 21, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
I disagree, and think Abby has a point about the cousin being presumptuous. Just because YOU are invited, doesn't automatically mean that every extension of you, kids, coworkers, and bowling buddies, are also welcome
I agree that the cousin was presumptuous, but the LW has to include the stepkids or no kids. It has to be a difficult time for those kids and personally, I wouldn't want to be responsible for making those kids feel like outsiders right off the bat.

I disagree with Abby on that.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Garden City, MI

#13 Aug 21, 2014
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
I agree that the cousin was presumptuous, but the LW has to include the stepkids or no kids. It has to be a difficult time for those kids and personally, I wouldn't want to be responsible for making those kids feel like outsiders right off the bat.
I disagree with Abby on that.
I disagree with the all or none. So now this dude's kids dictate that all children, or no children, are invited? How is that fair to the other kids? Race has a point, the invite went out before Emily even had step kids. So simply because her marital status changed, the lw must now accommodate for three other kids? Or tell Emily she has to leave her kids at home? No. That's just tough sh*t for the other kids. Think they even WANT to fly across the country for a wedding of people they've never met anyway?

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#14 Aug 21, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
I disagree with the all or none. So now this dude's kids dictate that all children, or no children, are invited? How is that fair to the other kids? Race has a point, the invite went out before Emily even had step kids. So simply because her marital status changed, the lw must now accommodate for three other kids? Or tell Emily she has to leave her kids at home? No. That's just tough sh*t for the other kids. Think they even WANT to fly across the country for a wedding of people they've never met anyway?
Probably not. I agree she's not obligated, but it would be the good thing to do. PITA, definitely. Also, the cousin was very presumptious.

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