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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#1 May 8, 2014
DEAR ABBY: I'm a young professional female with a military background. I'm well-educated and have a great job. However, I am also tattooed. The design is a tasteful full sleeve, with some work on my chest and other arm.

I will be attending a black tie affair for my boyfriend's company and am wondering what attire would be appropriate for such an event. I'm not ashamed of my art, and I have no issue with baring my arms, but would this be acceptable in this circumstance?-- FOREVER COVERED

DEAR FOREVER COVERED: I'm glad you asked, because it depends upon what kind of company your boyfriend works for. If it's creative, then to display your body art would not be shocking. However, if the company culture is conservative, it might attract unwelcome attention, and I don't recommend it.

DEAR ABBY: I have been intimately involved with another woman. Our relationship has been great for the past eight months. There is an immense amount of love and caring for each other. Although we have been together, we do not currently live together.

My problem is she's still living with her ex-husband. They have been separated for 12 years, but circumstances have brought them back into the same residence. I don't have an issue with their "roommate" situation. I have been to their home, have stayed the night and I'm OK with their arrangement.

What I DO take issue with is him introducing himself as her husband. Since I heard him do that, I have been in an uncomfortable state. Am I wrong for feeling this way, or is she wrong for allowing it to happen?-- SEETHING IN SACRAMENTO

DEAR SEETHING: Whether this couple has been separated for 12 years or not, they are still legally married. He IS her husband. You may be feeling uncomfortable because you feel like you may be involved in a triangle, and from where I sit, it may be true. It's time to have a frank conversation with your partner to clarify exactly what your role is.

DEAR ABBY: I have been trying to plan my son and future daughter-in-law's rehearsal dinner. The bride originally told me a local pizza place would be fine for the dinner. I insisted that I would like something "nicer," and she said it was up to me.

I have found a place within budget, but have just learned that the bridal shower is being catered by the same place. Is it acceptable for me to have the rehearsal at the same place?

We live in a town with relatively limited options, and there are other important festivities going on that day that limit my options further. Holding the rehearsal dinner at my house would be too stressful. Would it be OK to have it at the same restaurant, but serve different food?-- FUTURE MOTHER-IN-LAW

DEAR FUTURE MOTHER-IN-LAW: Absolutely! And congratulations on the forthcoming happy event.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#2 May 8, 2014
1- I don't like how Abby uses "conservative" as a negative connotation. If your family is "conservative" stay in the closet, if the company is "conservative" cover your tattoos. If however they're "creative"... Screw you Abby. You don't know the first thing about conservatism

2- Lezzies? Sounds like this couple is in an open marriage than a "separation"

Since: Jan 14

Location hidden

#3 May 8, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
1- I don't like how Abby uses "conservative" as a negative connotation. If your family is "conservative" stay in the closet, if the company is "conservative" cover your tattoos. If however they're "creative"... Screw you Abby. You don't know the first thing about conservatism
2- Lezzies? Sounds like this couple is in an open marriage than a "separation"
It's just a word that has more then one definition. Good grief !!! It's use here is negative only in your strange little mind. See #3

conĚservĚaĚtive
[kuhn-sur-vuh-tiv] Show IPA
adjective
1.
disposed to preserve existing conditions, institutions, etc., or to restore traditional ones, and to limit change.
2.
cautiously moderate or purposefully low: a conservative estimate.
3.
traditional in style or manner; avoiding novelty or showiness: conservative suit.
4.
( often initial capital letter ) of or pertaining to the Conservative party.
5.
( initial capital letter ) of, pertaining to, or characteristic of Conservative Jews or Conservative Judaism.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#4 May 8, 2014
1 Should have thought about how others will view your ink before now.

2 Gay stuff, and why is she not divorced? It's been 12 yrs, cut the cord already.

3 Only 1 strip club in your town?
blunt advice

Livingston, NJ

#5 May 8, 2014
1. Why don't you ask your boyfriend what you should do? Or wear a jacket dress.
2. With the housing market as it is separated and even divorced couples live together until the house sells. I know of several couples who were in that situation. But use your words and tell your gf that this bugs you.
3. I don't understand what the problem is with having it in the same place. I don't think the restraint owners will mind either.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#6 May 8, 2014
RACE wrote:
1 Should have thought about how others will view your ink before now.
2 Gay stuff, and why is she not divorced? It's been 12 yrs, cut the cord already.
3 Only 1 strip club in your town?
lw1: she's just asking for advice on attire. Your response makes it seem like she now has some regret over her tats. She seems fine with it.
Pippa

Hancock, NY

#7 May 8, 2014
1: I'm with both Race and blunt advice on this. You SHOULD have thought about future situations before getting your ink but that's water under the bridge now. So yes, ask your boyfriend.

2: Where did you get the idea that they were divorced? Did she SAY they were "divorced" or did she just say he was her "ex?" You need to clarify the situation. As for why they never got divorced (if that's the case) in the past 12 years, I can think of a few reasons. They each get to use the "horrible spouse who won't sign the divorce papers" as an excuse to not commit (marry) to his/her partner of the They might find the process too expensive.(My parents used to joke they were still together because they couldn't afford a divorce. I have no idea what those things cost.) They both get to collect on any life insurance the other has in the event of death. One has great health insurance that the other can use as his/her spouse. They may file a joint tax return and benefit from doing that in some way. They may jointly have a better credit score than they would alone. Now some of those may not be correct as I don't know all the ins and outs of financial situations. And it does seem strange to me that you'd trust an ex with access to your financial assets and financial standing. But perhaps they have safeguards in place. I'm sure others on this site can think of even more reasons why these folks find it convenient to not divorce.

3: This is no big deal unless the bride is complaining about your choice. But I think if it's your dime, you get to choose. There's nothing wrong with using the same restaurant twice. People do it all the time. If the bride is causing trouble, it's time she grew up and realize not everything revolves around her.

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

#9 May 8, 2014
L1. That's too bad. I really don't like formal functions either.
Put me in a pair of faded blue jeans and I am as happy as a lark.
You could feign illness at the last moment and not go.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#10 May 8, 2014
If she only wanted fashion advice, she could have written to "Hints from Heloise" The fact that she is writing amby means their is guilt involved. And she did not even get the fashion advice she was seeking.
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>lw1: she's just asking for advice on attire. Your response makes it seem like she now has some regret over her tats. She seems fine with it.
Pippa

Hancock, NY

#11 May 8, 2014
RACE wrote:
If she only wanted fashion advice, she could have written to "Hints from Heloise" The fact that she is writing amby means their is guilt involved. And she did not even get the fashion advice she was seeking.
<quoted text>
:-) Hints from Heloise. Sure thing. Only that column deals with household hints, not fashion, if my memory serves.(No, I haven't read that column in years; maybe I should start reading it again if it is still published.) But I get your point and agree. She is basically asking whether her clothing choice should cover her tattoos or not given the situation. It has nothing to do with her being ashamed of them and she says so. It has to do with what would be most appropriate given the situation. So I agreed with your first response that at the time she was getting her ink, she should have given some thought to future situations and whether the tattoos would always be appropriate in all settings and how she would deal with those situations where they wouldn't be appropriate. Hindsight may be 20-20 but no one has perfect foresight as this situation indicates.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#12 May 8, 2014
L1: I'm with Tonka. I don't see where she has a problem with the ink. It's so in fashion right now I doubt very much she regrets it. I get the impression that she does not go to many black tie events and is not sure what the proper dress would be.

Thjere are 2 bigger companies in my building. One is mine. The other is a creative agency. You could wear a strapless at the creative agency party but if it was a party that my snooty company was giving, you'd feel more in place with a shrug over a strapless or sleeveless dress.

L2: Hmmm. Seems that the big question is whether or not they are divorced. Time for a sitdown indepth chat with what you believe is your SO.

L3: People over think this stuff.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#13 May 8, 2014
I'm no fashion guru, but aren't their arm sleeve things that give the appearance of tattoos? Anyway cant she just wear something like a fishnet thingy, to kinda bust up the tat look? It does not have to be hidden, but it can be masked.
Kuuipo

Elizabethtown, KY

#14 May 8, 2014
LW1: I agree with Abby that it's important to consider the crowd. If LW's boyfriend works for a stuffy corporation, the execs will be there, and this is the first time she is meeting his co-workers, it might be best to cover the ink. After she gets to know everyone, she can better assess whether or not to wear a dress that reveals her body art. Here on the left coast, it wouldn't raise too many eyebrows.

LW2: People get so caught up in assigning blame. Who is "wrong" is not the real issue. The real issue is that it makes you very uncomfortable, so you need to deal with that. Use your "I feel" statements.

LW3: I don't see a problem with having the shower and the rehearsal dinner at the same place if choices are limited.
Kuuipo

Elizabethtown, KY

#15 May 8, 2014
RACE wrote:
I'm no fashion guru, but aren't their arm sleeve things that give the appearance of tattoos? Anyway cant she just wear something like a fishnet thingy, to kinda bust up the tat look? It does not have to be hidden, but it can be masked.
I was thinking lace sleeves.

Since: Mar 09

Hollywood, FL

#16 May 8, 2014
loose cannon wrote:
L1. That's too bad. I really don't like formal functions either.
Put me in a pair of faded blue jeans and I am as happy as a lark.
You could feign illness at the last moment and not go.
The LW didn't say anything about not liking formal functions.

Since: Mar 09

Hollywood, FL

#17 May 8, 2014
L1: Ask your boyfriend. Duh.

L2: Jerr-y! Jerry-y! Jerr-y!

L3: Go with the pizza place that the BRIDE ORIGINALLY SAID WOULD BE FINE.
pde

Bothell, WA

#18 May 8, 2014
RACE wrote:
I'm no fashion guru, but aren't their arm sleeve things that give the appearance of tattoos? Anyway cant she just wear something like a fishnet thingy, to kinda bust up the tat look? It does not have to be hidden, but it can be masked.
I think those would more likely draw attention to the tats. She needs to go to the formal department of her local department store, and investigate what long-sleeve options they have. Unfortunately, it being May, those are going to be harder to find. They usually have a lot of them in September/October.

An option with lace is that some of them actually have a nude-colored liner. I wonder if they sell nude colored arm covers ... let's ask Google. Ah ha! they do. They are called ink armor. She could wear those under lace sleeves.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#19 May 8, 2014
Lw1: Her concern is not how others will think of her, but of how that impression could affect her bf at his place of employment, therefore, the best answer of the day was whoever said to ask her bf. It's his employer she will be giving a first impression to and therefore him who will be most affected by that impression, good, bad, or neutral.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#20 May 8, 2014
L1. Were you an officer? Wear your dress uniform the same way your BF would if he were attending a black tie affair at your company.

If his company is big enough, they have a dress code which addresses visible tattoos. Call his secretary and ask what it is and dress to honor teh company dress code.

L2. This is the husbands way of putting a metaphorical thumb in LW's eye and telling her she has no standing with the wife/girlfriend in actuality or publicly without ever saying it out loud..

Its been 12 years? Wifey ain't leaving. She has a bit on the side and you are it. Husband probably watches when you sleep over.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#21 May 8, 2014
PEllen wrote:
If his company is big enough, they have a dress code which addresses visible tattoos. Call his secretary and ask what it is and dress to honor teh company dress code.
We have no indication that he even has a secretary, but regardless, why not JUST ASK HIM? I don't see the logic in bypassing HIM on questions concerning HIS place of employment. I can't imagine calling ANYone at my wife's job for information vs asking her. If she was unable to provide whatever information I was looking for, I would expect her to do the legwork or I would make do without.

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