Amy 11-7

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“suffers from formicophilia ”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#1
Nov 7, 2013
 
DEAR AMY: I am a 40-year-old woman and have lived with my sister (six years younger) since we moved out of our parents' house together 14 years ago.

We bought a house together years ago and both have very fulfilling lives.

Neither of us has had a boyfriend for years. Our focus is on work, family, friends and our dog. Our parents keep giving us a hard time because they want grandchildren.

My sister is now pressuring me to consider adopting a baby together. It sounds like a good idea, but I don't see how it would work well. She insists that our lives will just envelope around the child.

We both work full-time demanding jobs and we are financially comfortable, but a child adds a lot of expense and time (also, this gives a whole other meaning to "having two mommies"). She suggested it could work the same way we handle our dog, where I am considered Mama and she is Auntie. Obviously, there is a big difference between a dog and a baby.

What if my sister ends up meeting the man of her dreams and moves out? Will she then be OK leaving the child behind? It seems like it could turn into a legal nightmare.

On the other hand, we are not getting any younger and it would be great if we could give our parents a grandchild. What do you think?-- Considering Adoption

DEAR CONSIDERING: Giving your parents a grandchild is not a good reason to have a baby.

I love the idea of adopting within the family but you and your sister should explore this carefully, thoroughly, and with abundant legal and counseling assistance.

If you decide to move forward, I'd urge you to consider becoming foster parents. According to the National Foster Parent Association, more than 400,000 children are living without permanent families in out-of-home placement. You and your sister (and your parents) might be the ideal family to offer your love and care to a child in need. To learn more, check nfpaonline.org .

DEAR AMY: I've had a good friendship with someone for 10 years. We both enjoy music. Last month, he asked me to give him a ride to and from the hospital where he was having a procedure done.

I was unable to do this and told him so. Apparently he did not believe me and never answered my email when I inquired about the procedure.

Then at a musical event that we both normally attend he shunned me. I know he gets easily offended and sometimes acts this way toward other people.

This has caused me to not attend several musical events because I feel uncomfortable.

Should I try to reach out to him by email to see if this friendship can be salvaged?-- Shunned

DEAR SHUNNED: Email doesn't work for you. You should give him a call or speak to him directly the next time you see him. Ask him how he is doing, and if the atmosphere thaws between you, you can move on in friendship. Otherwise, please continue to boogie to your beat, regardless of the awkwardness.

DEAR AMY: "One-Legged Lady" asked about disclosing her amputation to dates. I, too, am a below-knee amputee (guy) who re-entered the dating game.

If this woman wants romance, there is nothing more attractive than a confident woman.

So here is what you do: On the second date invite the lucky guy to engage in some kind of sporty outdoor fun. Maybe a brisk walk, a bike ride, tennis, softball, archery, bird-watching, gardening, whatever. On the day of the event ditch the trousers for a skirt or shorts and let your freak flag fly.

He will ask questions and One-Legged should look him in the eye and say, "Stuff happens. No one leaves this planet with what they arrived with." If he doesn't swoon immediately then there is no romance in the poor guy and she can move on. This worked for me -- and my chosen one and I are in it to win it nearly three years later.-- Len in Cupertino, Calif.

DEAR LEN: I have one word for you: Awesome.

“suffers from formicophilia ”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

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#2
Nov 7, 2013
 
3- Glad you got a leg up on the situation
liner

Bellport, NY

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#3
Nov 7, 2013
 
L1: Would it be unseemly if I say "ick"?

“suffers from formicophilia ”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

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#4
Nov 7, 2013
 
liner wrote:
L1: Would it be unseemly if I say "ick"?
Kinda has a lesbian sisters feel to it.

But would unmarried sisters cohabiting even be ALLOWED to adopt?

“Licensed to Ill”

Since: Aug 08

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#5
Nov 7, 2013
 
LW1: This sounds like it could be a Simpsonís episode. Patty and Selma adopt a child to raise together.

LW2: The guys a jerk Ö move on.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#6
Nov 7, 2013
 
L1: Please. Don't.

L2: His problem. If you want the friendship, ask him face-to-face why he is calling you a liar and how that makes you feel. Come to some kind of terms and try to move on from the whole situation.

L3: I thought second date. I like the idea of going for something that shows you can do anything but I think it would depend on the personality of the people.

Since: Jan 10

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#7
Nov 7, 2013
 
L1: Two things.(1) "we are not getting any younger and it would be great if we could give our parents a grandchild." EL STUPIDO. You both are. Two of the dumbest, lamest reasons for adopting a child.

(2) "What if my sister ends up meeting the man of her dreams and moves out?" BWAHAHAHAHAHA. You both will die in that house. Unless you get therapy to find out why you both have allowed your sibling relationship become the primary relationship in your lives.

As for Amy's response: "I love the idea of adopting within the family" Amy, this answer is it. among your worst ever. You should be fired. You ridiculous hack.

However, i see merit in the fostering suggestion. But I could see how my approval of that could be naive and misguided.

L2: "I know he gets easily offended and sometimes acts this way toward other people." Remove the word "other" before the word "people" and you have it right. You are no better than anyone else. He treats you like he treats everyone else. Get some cojones and go to the shows and be polite but distant with him. Life is too short to indulge people like him.

L3: Aw! I like this guy!

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#8
Nov 7, 2013
 
L1 Two people with full time demanding jobs, huh? Which one of you would dial back for childcare? Would you get teh dog walker to watch the baby?.

The group knows I was a FTWM but we made a commitment to the girls before I got pregnant. LW has not made that commitment. Deciding which one would be the adopting parent sounds fraught with argument.

But, but, but... if they were going to raise eh child of a 3rd sibling ( absent due to death or drugs etc) no one would raise an eyebrow. The same questions about commitment remain

L2. He is a person who looks for reasons to be offended. He did it to other people and he is doing it to you. Step back- does he have any long term friends in his active circle? If he does, this is probably temporary and you have a good shot at reconnecting. If he has no long term friends, back off- this is going nowhere

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#9
Nov 7, 2013
 
LW1: Why adopt? Just go out and have some sex with random good-looking strangers and have your own baby.

On second thought, go get another dog.

LW2: F*ck him. Go to the shows and ignore him completely.

LW3: Good attitude, horrible schtick. "In it to win it" with your "chosen one"? My eyes, they are a-rollin'.

“suffers from formicophilia ”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

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#10
Nov 7, 2013
 
Sublime1 wrote:
LW1: This sounds like it could be a Simpsonís episode. Patty and Selma adopt a child to raise together.
It was. Patty (or was it Selma?) couldn't adopt as a single parent, so Homer had to pretend to be her husband.

Since: Jan 10

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#11
Nov 7, 2013
 
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
It was. Patty (or was it Selma?) couldn't adopt as a single parent, so Homer had to pretend to be her husband.
Yeah, the baby from China.

“Licensed to Ill”

Since: Aug 08

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#12
Nov 7, 2013
 
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
It was. Patty (or was it Selma?) couldn't adopt as a single parent, so Homer had to pretend to be her husband.
You are right:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Goo_Goo_Gai_Pan

Life imitating art, lmao!
Julie

Skokie, IL

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#13
Nov 7, 2013
 
squishymama wrote:
LW1: Why adopt? Just go out and have some sex with random good-looking strangers and have your own baby.
They can't, because they're in love with each other (or at least the younger one is with the older one). Sick, sick, sick.

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