Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#1 Mar 27, 2013
Dear Amy: As a smoker, I am waving my white flag of surrender. I like to think that I am a "classy" smoker, the kind who sits on patio furniture with her cappuccino and lights a cigarette sitting in peace. And while most of the time I am, there are also times when I've had such a rough day that I go for a walk and light up on the sidewalk.

My boyfriend has expressed his disgust for the habit and while I completely agree with its foulness, I don't believe that it is a vice that I need to give up entirely. I only smoke three cigarettes a week, and while I am aware of the health risks, I would like to quit on my own and for my own reasons.

My question to you, Amy, is how do I gently tell him to be patient with me and quit the interrogations?— The New Minority

Dear Minority: You don't say what "interrogations" are taking place, but my (limited) knowledge of interrogations is that when the subject (you in this scenario) answers a question truthfully, the interrogation is supposed to stop. And — in the movies, anyway — the person being interrogated is sometimes offered a cigarette afterward.

So if your boyfriend says, "Have you been smoking?" You say, "Yes, honey." If he responds by telling you he wants you to quit this foul habit, you can reply, "I know you want me to quit."

The real lesson here is for your boyfriend. He cannot control what you do, even if he doesn't like it. If you being a smoker ("classy" or otherwise) is a relationship deal breaker for him, then he'll have to communicate that to you. Then you'll have a choice to make.
Dear Amy: My boyfriend recently broke up with me because he said we "want different things."

I asked to meet him two weeks later to discuss some medical issues I was having. When we met, he told me he made a huge mistake in breaking up with me.
While we were a couple, we had planned four different times to move in together and every time, he backed out.
My heart and my head are at war over the situation. He claims he's ready to have an adult relationship with me, but I'm afraid he will just let me down again.
Should I take another chance along with couples counseling, or should I leave the one I love?— Torn and Confused

Dear Torn: I see this as a science experiment. You take the same elements (You plus Him) and combine them and add a reactant (live-in commitment). You do this experiment four times and each time you get the same result: One of the elements (Him) vaporizes.

How many times do you need to experience this outcome in order to believe it?

So yes, you do want different things. You want a live-in commitment, and he wants to miss you from afar.
If your guy wants to change the outcome, he'll have to provide the proof. If he wants to be with you, he can find a counselor, set up an appointment and ask you to join him. Unless this happens, I suggest you adopt a skeptical outlook.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#2 Mar 27, 2013
USE TONKA'S

Tell me when this thread is updated:

Subscribe Now Add to my Tracker

Add your comments below

Characters left: 4000

Please note by submitting this form you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

Chicago Discussions

Title Updated Last By Comments
Barack Obama, our next President (Nov '08) 4 min harmonious 1,108,362
BARACK OBAMA BIRTH CERTIFICATE: Suit contesting... (Jan '09) 5 min Jacques from Ottawa 177,940
RAY RICE was a BAD BOY, but what about JEREMY H... 26 min NFL BLACK THUGS 1
Israeli troops begin Gaza pullout as Hamas decl... (Jan '09) 45 min Global Lukewarming 68,461
Ill. House Approves Legalizing Same-Sex Civil U... (Dec '10) 58 min Lolocaust 49,750
care to join me for some fun 1 hr Abu69 1
Once slow-moving threat, global warming speeds ... (Dec '08) 1 hr Ted Williams 46,551
•••
•••
•••

Chicago Jobs

•••
Enter and win $5000
•••
•••
•••

Chicago People Search

Addresses and phone numbers for FREE

•••

Chicago News, Events & Info

Click for news, events and info in Chicago
•••

Personal Finance

Mortgages [ See current mortgage rates ]
•••