“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#1 Apr 6, 2014
DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my wonderful husband for 10 years. My father-in-law, "John," has always been a man of extremely few words with me. He mostly just ignores me when I'm around. I have mentioned it to my husband and mother-in-law over the years, and they say he's just "weird."

Last year, my brother-in-law married a nice woman, "Donna." It turns out that John talks just fine with her. He's not overly chatty, but he's friendly and polite. They had a 20-minute conversation on Christmas Eve, and I don't remember ever exchanging more than three sentences with the man. I'm naturally sociable and easygoing, and I don't know why John would treat me so rudely for so long.

Of course, I'm jealous. I would trade the father-in-law I have had for the one Donna has in a heartbeat. I'm so hurt and angry that I find it difficult to be in the same room with him now. I am seeing a therapist, which helps, but I'm still not sure how to get over this or how to proceed. Can you offer me some advice?-- LIKE I'M NOT HERE

DEAR LIKE: I'll try. There could be any number of reasons why your father-in-law has been unable to connect with you, and I can think of at least one that might have nothing to do with you. Has it occurred to you that this may have something to do with the way he feels about your husband? Sometimes the negative feelings a parent has toward a child can spill over onto the spouse. That might explain his warmer attitude toward your sister-in-law.

However, if that's not the case, then you will have to accept that people don't always have the same level of chemistry with everyone -- and your father-in-law isn't being intentionally hurtful. I have experienced this, and if you think about it, I'm sure you probably have, too.

I'm glad you're seeing a therapist, although I hope the reason isn't your father-in-law. If being around him is uncomfortable for you, then limit the time you spend with your in-laws. That's what I'd do.

DEAR ABBY: Over the past 35 years I have saved all the cards, letters and photographs sent to me by friends. I thought it would be fun to make them into scrapbooks and give them back to those friends one day.

Now that I finally have the time to organize them all, I'm not so sure. They are pre-Facebook. There are lots of letters about their pregnancies, birth announcements, child-rearing experiences and holiday letters.

Can you ask your readers if they would welcome something like this or should I toss them all? It's time to clean house.-- UNSURE IN THE WEST

DEAR UNSURE: I'll put the question out there, but the people who really should answer are the friends for whom you're thinking of creating those scrapbooks. Speaking for myself, I think they would be priceless gifts, but I can't answer for everyone.
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#2 Apr 6, 2014
1: Seeing a therapist? Good grief, it's just some weird old man who doesn't take to you--why in the world are you so insisting he be your buddy? People who ignore me do me a favor and lessen annoying conversation, but I'm healthy enough to know not everyone on the planet will like me. If he's not overtly rude, who cares?

2: I would not get mad if a friend gave me one of these!

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#3 Apr 6, 2014
1- Oh, wah, your daddy-in-law doesn't pay you enough attention. Wah. You need more therapy.

2- I love giving pictures and birth announcements to people just so they can give them back to me later.
Pippa

Hancock, NY

#4 Apr 6, 2014
1: So why not start a conversation with this guy some time telling him what you told Abby - that you'd love to trade him for your sister-in-law's father-in-law because that man actually talks to his daughter-in-law.

2: Sure, ask the people who gave them to you. They really want more trash to fill their homes.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#5 Apr 6, 2014
LW1: You need therapy to figure out why you would marry a man who allows his family member to treat you so passive aggressively and disrespectful and who is utterly incapable of standing up to his parents in the face of such behavior.

I learned how to stand up to my parents when I was a teen and I think some people never learn that. I would have asked my dad a long time ago what his f'ing problem is and why he can't even acknowledge my wife's presence ... Shyte woulda hit the fan, we would of had it out and came to a resolution that one way or the other would have stopped the behavior, whether that be a change in the FIL or no longer visiting them.

I'm just not going to hang around anyone, I don't care who they are, that treats my wife in such a manner. Non-negotiable.

LW2: you've been saving the stuff for 35 years for a reason ... so why not?

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#6 Apr 6, 2014
LW1 Why do I think that the FIL walked in on her at some point when she was with or talking dirty to another guy?
Cass

Claremont, CA

#7 Apr 6, 2014
LW1 - I don't get it. Why get your knickers in a twist over a father-IN-LAW? Why do you care so much?

On the other hand, maybe the old goat has the hots for Donna, and that's why he is friendly and chatty with her.

LW2 - Go ahead and do it. I don't think I'd particularly welcome anything like that, but I wouldn't refuse it either. On the other hand, saving a lot of post cards and birth announcements for 35 years gives off a definite whiff of hoarding.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#8 Apr 6, 2014
1 He does not talk to you because you're seeing a shrink and he does not want to be part of your drama....Too late!

2 I think you should make a collage and print it out as a poster to give to them.
Julie

Chicago, IL

#9 Apr 6, 2014
LW1: O.M.F.G.

GROW THE EFF UP YOU STUPID WHINING MORON.

Maybe your FIL will be able to tolerate you when you act older than 14.

BooHooHooHooHooHooHooHooHooHoo .

“An Apple a day”

Since: Jun 08

nil carborundum illegitemi

#10 Apr 6, 2014
1. Grow up. The guy just doesn't like you. Why is it so important that he likes you in the first place. Ignore him right back.

2. And for this you wrote to an advice columnist. These friends of yours must not be very good friends if you couldn't just ask them.

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