“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#1 Aug 14, 2014
DEAR ABBY: I'm not much of a drinker. I have nothing against drinking or those who do. I just do not like the taste of alcohol. Worse, I have a very low tolerance for it. After only half a glass of wine, I become so sleepy I can barely keep my eyes open. It makes me feel physically awful.

My husband takes offense to the fact that I don't want to drink. When we're out with friends, he'll have three or four beers and pressure me to the point of embarrassment in front of them until I finally give in and order a glass of wine. Of course, I then spend the rest of the evening feeling terrible. When we get home, he'll want to be intimate, but I just want to go to sleep, which aggravates him further.

I have tried for several years to discuss this with him, but he can't explain why he does this. What can I do?-- JUST WATER, PLEASE

DEAR JUST WATER: Your husband is a drinker. He may be self-conscious about the amount he imbibes and feels less so if he has a drinking buddy (that's you), willing or not. To say the least, his behavior is inconsiderate -- and I mean all of it.

When someone is involved with a problem drinker, and from your description of his behavior your husband is one, the place to start looking for answers is Al-Anon.

DEAR ABBY: My best friend, "Cecily," has just come out to me as being a lesbian. We are both 15. I have tried my best to make her feel accepted and comfortable. But whenever she wants something from me and I refuse, she says I'm "treating her badly because she's gay."

I let it go the first couple of times, but now she does this every time she wants something. When I finally confronted her about it, she went to her mother and said I was bullying her because of her being gay. Her mother yelled at me and told me to "get my act together or get out of her life." Her mother is like a second mother to me.

Other than this, Cecily has been a great friend. This has gotten way out of hand. Abby, I have tried everything. What do I do?-- WAY OUT OF HAND IN NEW YORK

DEAR WAY OUT OF HAND: Cecily may react this way because she's newly out and hypersensitive to being discriminated against for being gay.(For too many gay teens, this is a sad reality.)

Consider asking your mother to talk to Cecily's mother and explain that you're not homophobic but feel her daughter is being manipulative. If the woman hears it from another adult, she may talk to her daughter about it. However, if that doesn't work, you may have to decide if it's worth it to continue the relationship under these circumstances.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#2 Aug 14, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
DEAR ABBY: I'm not much of a drinker. I have nothing against drinking or those who do. I just do not like the taste of alcohol. Worse, I have a very low tolerance for it. After only half a glass of wine, I become so sleepy I can barely keep my eyes open. It makes me feel physically awful.
My husband takes offense to the fact that I don't want to drink. When we're out with friends, he'll have three or four beers and pressure me to the point of embarrassment in front of them until I finally give in and order a glass of wine. Of course, I then spend the rest of the evening feeling terrible. When we get home, he'll want to be intimate, but I just want to go to sleep, which aggravates him further.
I have tried for several years to discuss this with him, but he can't explain why he does this. What can I do?-- JUST WATER, PLEASE
DEAR JUST WATER: Your husband is a drinker. He may be self-conscious about the amount he imbibes and feels less so if he has a drinking buddy (that's you), willing or not. To say the least, his behavior is inconsiderate -- and I mean all of it.
When someone is involved with a problem drinker, and from your description of his behavior your husband is one, the place to start looking for answers is Al-Anon.
DEAR ABBY: My best friend, "Cecily," has just come out to me as being a lesbian. We are both 15. I have tried my best to make her feel accepted and comfortable. But whenever she wants something from me and I refuse, she says I'm "treating her badly because she's gay."
I let it go the first couple of times, but now she does this every time she wants something. When I finally confronted her about it, she went to her mother and said I was bullying her because of her being gay. Her mother yelled at me and told me to "get my act together or get out of her life." Her mother is like a second mother to me.
Other than this, Cecily has been a great friend. This has gotten way out of hand. Abby, I have tried everything. What do I do?-- WAY OUT OF HAND IN NEW YORK
DEAR WAY OUT OF HAND: Cecily may react this way because she's newly out and hypersensitive to being discriminated against for being gay.(For too many gay teens, this is a sad reality.)
Consider asking your mother to talk to Cecily's mother and explain that you're not homophobic but feel her daughter is being manipulative. If the woman hears it from another adult, she may talk to her daughter about it. However, if that doesn't work, you may have to decide if it's worth it to continue the relationship under these circumstances.
WTF, topix change the comment thingy? I'm getting closer to being done with this forum

1- drink something other than wine. Or start drinking more, you'll build up tolerance

2- dump the gay drama queen

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#3 Aug 14, 2014
1 3 or 4 beers when he's out to dinner with friends and he's an alcoholic?
holy mother of beer kegs you are a spiteful woman.

2 Mutt is right, lose the drama.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#4 Aug 14, 2014
Lw1: When he starts badgering you and embarrassing you, give it right back. Tell him if he wants sex tonight, he's going about it the wrong way.

LW2: Get out of her life.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#5 Aug 14, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
WTF, topix change the comment thingy?
???

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#6 Aug 14, 2014
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>
???
Comment box is gone, can only post via the reply button. Is it just me?

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#7 Aug 14, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Comment box is gone, can only post via the reply button. Is it just me?
Just you.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#8 Aug 14, 2014
LW1: A problem drinker? WTF? She said he has 3 or 4 beers over the course of an evening with friends. On what planet is that a problem drinker?

Ah, he probably just wants to have more fun with you. I don’t care what anyone says, it’s always a good time with friends, your SO, and a few drinks. It’s also fun … a lot of fun (not that it’s not fun without that) to take a woman into the bedroom after you’ve both had a few drinks.

Still he needs to accept who you are. Maybe you should try 420. Chicks get all freaky in the bedroom on that shyte too.:p

LW2: Get out of her life. Why deal with a PITA like that?
Cass

Rancho Cucamonga, CA

#9 Aug 14, 2014
LW2 - Gay people may be discriminated against, but that does not automatically make them all nice. Your friend is a manipulative jerk. She is turning her sexuality into the "I am a victim, pity me, and give me special treatment" campaign. Talk honestly to her, but if she doesn't see the light (i.e. starts understanding that she is pushing people away with her manipulative behavior, not her sexuality), then follow her mom's advice and get out of her life. Find less narcissistic friends.
boundary painter

San Antonio, TX

#10 Aug 14, 2014
LW2's "friend" is giving New York teens a bad name.(Telling her that
LW2 would say "no" to any boy or girl regardless of who they think they like would not be unreasonable as a response from LW2.)

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#11 Aug 14, 2014
1. Bars are well able to accommodate people who can't /won't drink alcohol. All the big breweries make alcohol free beer.O'Douls by Budweiser comes to mind. Your husband will say it sucks but he he's not the one drinking it. He'd say the same about a frou frou cocktail with a little umbrella.

I don't drink ( or drink very little) at business functions and I doubt very many people know that. Tonic with a lime looks the same as vodka tonic, etc.

I agree he has a drinking problem , not because of th quantity but because he is bullying you to join him. You need support but probably assertiveness training rather than Al-Anon.

2.People who use their special staus to manipulate others are ( lots of bad words deleted) not people you want to hang around with. The sad part is that Cecily and her mom are on teh road to blame everything bad in her life on people hating her because she is gay.

Didn't ace the history test? Teacher hates me because I'm gay.
Hit someones car and he yells at you? You are just doing that because I'm gay.

Etc

It is a mindset of victimization and we all know how successful that is.

If you are a good friend, you might check some gay oriented websites like Pflag or Lambda. I would guess there are resources for people who find themselves in LW's shoes

Since: Feb 08

Location hidden

#12 Aug 14, 2014
Yeah, calling him a problem drinker is nuts.
What he is is a jerk. She doesn't like booze and he should just STFU and let her NOT DRINK. He would probably get laid more often just because she's happy to have not been harangued all night and let her enjoy the party.
And SHE needs to develop a backbone and tell him to STFU when he starts in on her.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#13 Aug 14, 2014
L1: I agree with PEllen. It's not the amount he drinks but rather how he is treating alcohol. He's not the first husband who is a PITA and won't be the last. Either fake the drink or take Tonka's advice and remind him what it does to you for later play time.

L2: Do not go to her mother. The LW's relationshp is with the daughter. Getting more people involved will make this more complicated. I'd be honest with the friend, heck, read the letter to her. If she doesn't handle things better after that, move on. It's sad when friendships end but sometimes they need to end.
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#14 Aug 14, 2014
1: Wow, why marry such a jerk? I don't drink and anyone who tried non-stop to pressure me would find a swift kick in their crotch. Unacceptable. That is very egregious behavior in my boundary playground and I would never marry, let alone date, someone who got defensive over me drinking water or coke. Gross.

2: Gay, straight, asexual, this girl is a manipulative B who has learned (probably from her mommy) that the world owes her. Now she has a handy little excuse card to carry around. She's the girl who will become the woman who feels that gays can never be fired, get tickets, etc....and must be discriminated against.
Also, misusing the word bullying is grounds for dismissal.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#15 Aug 14, 2014
cheluzal wrote:
She's the girl who will become the woman who feels that gays can never be fired, get tickets, etc....
A lot of straights feel that way too... they're called liberals.....

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#16 Aug 15, 2014
Ha! Maybe liberals are those gays who have not (discovered/realized/admitted/ accepted) that they are gay yet? Explains a lot.
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
A lot of straights feel that way too... they're called liberals.....

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