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1 - 20 of 23 Comments Last updated Feb 27, 2013
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Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#2 Feb 27, 2013
L1: I don't know of a single straight man who watches porn who also would watch gay porn. Nick's attitude is about gay men is he's fine with them, thinks they should be able to get married, but he does NOT want to see two dudes touching, kissing, ANYTHING. I think that's the norm for 99.9% of straight men.

You need to have a sit-down, honest, heartfelt, potentially painful conversation with your husband. Do it in a way that he knows he can be 100% honest with you. Do it with a marriage counselor if you must.

L2: And you're paying for that half-hour, I bet. She either needs to stop being late, or you need to find a new therapist who respects your time and money.

L3: Don't sell it -- you'll lose 90% of what you paid for it, or more. Get it repurposed into other jewelry.

And look, my diamond engagement ring means nothing to me.*I* paid for half of it. I may wear it around the house alone a couple of times a year, just because it's pretty and sparkly, but I'd never wear it out in public or with my boyfriend around. THat just seems tacky.

Respect your husband's feelings. Stop being a doosh.

Since: Dec 09

Smalltown, Colorado

#3 Feb 27, 2013
LW2 - Next time she makes your appointment at say, 3:00. Tell her you want it at 3:30 since that is when she will show up. If she shows up at 4:00, get another therapist. God, I hate late people!

Since: Dec 09

Smalltown, Colorado

#4 Feb 27, 2013
LW3 - She could have the ring redesigned. That is what my mother did because the diamond was too big to let go of. Her husband could pay for the redesign and then it would be "his" ring.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#5 Feb 27, 2013
1 And remember how you felt he was "just like one of the girls" when you were dating? Now you know why. Dump him before you have kids.

2 Are you paying for that time? You are an idiot, your therapist is trying to tell you that it's over and you dont need therapy any longer. Thats what your supposed to "Understand".,

3 Tacky lady, how about you take the diamond and have it mounted as an earring for him?(Someday I am getting a diamond earring, big gaudy thing too)
or pierce your belly button with it, or your clit.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#6 Feb 27, 2013
1- Meh, you gotta shake things up a little. Who likes watching the same ol, same ol?

2- You've been going to therapy once a week for the last four years? What issue are you unable to reslove? Maybe it's time for a new therapist anyway.

3- it's just a piece of jewlery. He needs to get over it.

“bELieve”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#7 Feb 27, 2013
LW1 - You can't turn to an outside source and ask them how to fix your relationship when you haven't even tried communicating with your partner. It makes sense that you are confused, scared, angry and a bunch of other emotions, but you can either choose to live with your head in the sand or act like an adult and live with the consequences (including how you deal with the rest of your family). No one can make that decision for you, though.

LW2 - If I was paying a professional for help and they consistently showed up late and then talked down to me by saying that I "just [didn't] understand", there would be no question about maybe finding a new therapist. I'm sure you feel that you have become friends, but this is really about a business relationship. Be mature and professional when leaving yourself, but find someone who respects both their profession and their clients.

LW3 - Does your husband expect that you are going to throw away everything in your life that he didn't give you? You don't mention whether you were divorced or widowed and that might make a difference in this case. A 20 year anniversary band from a happy marriage that ended prematurely because of death is (to me) still a symbol and has quite a few emotions attached to it. A ring from a marriage that ended in divorce is now just a ring (no matter how expensive).

If it makes your husband that uncomfortable, you could suggest that he buy you a new piece of jewelry (of your choosing) to replace it. After all, it is just a ring.
ChicagolandChica

Atlanta, GA

#8 Feb 27, 2013
Redhead, I'm going to take some exception to what you said. While your typical straight man is not going to watch gay porn, bisexuality is a real thing, and I also am sure that there are straight men out there who might not seek out gay porn but have no problem seeing two men kiss or touch.

I think that dudes who say watching two men kiss squicks them out tend to be protesting too much, honestly. Smacks of homophobia covering up some fear they have that they might be gay or something.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#9 Feb 27, 2013
What Jess said on all three.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#10 Feb 27, 2013
I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but I had my engagement ring turned into a pendant. I wore it around Jasper and I don't think we ever had a conversation about it. I know it didn't/wouldn't have bothered him.

I haven't worn any of the jewelry (earrings and necklaces... no rings) Jasper gave me since I found out about him dating someone else. I hope to be able to at some point because I really like the pieces.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#11 Feb 27, 2013
ChicagolandChica wrote:
Redhead, I'm going to take some exception to what you said. While your typical straight man is not going to watch gay porn, bisexuality is a real thing, and I also am sure that there are straight men out there who might not seek out gay porn but have no problem seeing two men kiss or touch.
I think that dudes who say watching two men kiss squicks them out tend to be protesting too much, honestly. Smacks of homophobia covering up some fear they have that they might be gay or something.
I know bisexuality is real. THis woman's husband isn't straight, is what I was getting at. But better that she find out and they work through it (maybe this won't end their marriage), than he eventually do something behind her back.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#12 Feb 27, 2013
Howeve,r My boyfriend also won't watch lesbian porn. I'll watch gay AND lesbian porn! So there's no accounting for taste, eh? ;)

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#13 Feb 27, 2013
And I am going to disagree with that. I can just as easily turn it around and say that any guy who is not squicked out by watching two men swap spit is probably a tad h0m0 themselves.

I dont like watching two guys make out, I dont find it offensive, just kinda repulsive, and I dont think that is an overreaction on my part, or an indication that I am a secretly gay. I know they have as much right to doing so as I do, but I don't have to be cool or accepting with it, just tolerant.

ChicagolandChica wrote:
Redhead, I'm going to take some exception to what you said. While your typical straight man is not going to watch gay porn, bisexuality is a real thing, and I also am sure that there are straight men out there who might not seek out gay porn but have no problem seeing two men kiss or touch.
I think that dudes who say watching two men kiss squicks them out tend to be protesting too much, honestly. Smacks of homophobia covering up some fear they have that they might be gay or something.

“bELieve”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#14 Feb 27, 2013
j_m_w wrote:
I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but I had my engagement ring turned into a pendant. I wore it around Jasper and I don't think we ever had a conversation about it. I know it didn't/wouldn't have bothered him.
I haven't worn any of the jewelry (earrings and necklaces... no rings) Jasper gave me since I found out about him dating someone else. I hope to be able to at some point because I really like the pieces.
It is still really soon after the end of your romantic relationship, though. I hope that if you choose to get married or enter another long term relationship, seven years later they will just be nice pieces of jewelry. Maybe even not that long :)

I also want to say (not to you, but I'm too lazy to start a new comment) that I don't expect people to look at their old jewelry and not occasionally be reminded of happy times with the person who gave it to them. However, because none of us come without histories at this point in our lives, that can happen when we are seeing a commercial for a place we once visited with someone or when someone walks by wearing a hideous sweatshirt similar to the one that our ex refused to throw away. Should we refuse to ride on an airplane with our new SO because it might remind him/her that we had to fly to get our honeymoon destination with a former partner?

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#15 Feb 27, 2013
Jess in NJ wrote:
<quoted text>
It is still really soon after the end of your romantic relationship, though. I hope that if you choose to get married or enter another long term relationship, seven years later they will just be nice pieces of jewelry. Maybe even not that long :)
Seven years!?!?
;)
No, I know what you mean. I have a ring and a necklace that my ex-husband gave me and I wear them from time to time. They've been "just jewelry" to me for years.
Jess in NJ wrote:
<quoted text>
I also want to say (not to you, but I'm too lazy to start a new comment) that I don't expect people to look at their old jewelry and not occasionally be reminded of happy times with the person who gave it to them. However, because none of us come without histories at this point in our lives, that can happen when we are seeing a commercial for a place we once visited with someone or when someone walks by wearing a hideous sweatshirt similar to the one that our ex refused to throw away. Should we refuse to ride on an airplane with our new SO because it might remind him/her that we had to fly to get our honeymoon destination with a former partner?
Exactly. You (the general "you") can't assign meaning to all these common things or it'll drive you nuts. It's something I'm struggling with a bit right now, but I know it will pass with time. I look at the couch and remind myself that it's just a piece of furniture, etc.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#16 Feb 27, 2013
ChicagolandChica wrote:
I think that dudes who say watching two men kiss squicks them out tend to be protesting too much, honestly. Smacks of homophobia covering up some fear they have that they might be gay or something.
Yes, because we all know that any man that doesn't LOVE watching gay porn is a closeted homosexual.
:::eye roll:::

So basically there is no problem here. This lady should praise her husband for being progressive and call it a day.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#17 Feb 27, 2013
Ha! My relationship with my x had become so just friends living together, that I had no problem keeping any of the stuff that she did not take. But, I did go out and get a new dinner set (daughter helped pick it out, pretty awesome set) and I feel much better. I kept one small plate from the old set that I use to feed the cats their wet food, but the rest is gone.
As for the sofa, nothing ever happened on that particular one anyway.
j_m_w wrote:
<quoted text>
Seven years!?!?
;)
No, I know what you mean. I have a ring and a necklace that my ex-husband gave me and I wear them from time to time. They've been "just jewelry" to me for years.
<quoted text>
Exactly. You (the general "you") can't assign meaning to all these common things or it'll drive you nuts. It's something I'm struggling with a bit right now, but I know it will pass with time. I look at the couch and remind myself that it's just a piece of furniture, etc.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#20 Feb 27, 2013
LW1: He's bisexual. I don't think one can help that. Also just cause he's bisexual doesn't necessarily mean he will turn full blown gay or cheat on you. Lots of women are bisexual and they don't cheat on men who they date. However, a lot of men are cool with that ...

I don't think the same can be said of women towards men. Pretty sure my wife would be revolted at the idea (she doesn't have anything to worry about, lol). So, you have to decide that for yourself. If that's a deal breaker, then it's a deal breaker.

Even with that, you have the problem of your sex life being in the dumps and him seeming to prefer porn over you. So you two need to get to the bottom of that, even if you can live knowing that he's a switch hitter.

LW2: Find a new therapist.

LW3: I can see both sides of the issue, but I tend to side more with the LW so long as there isn't more going on.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#21 Feb 27, 2013
(sigh) They pull the first post. Off I go to find Abby.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#23 Feb 27, 2013
L1: Yes, you need to have a sit down chat with hubby. He could be bi. Being bi doesn't mean he doesn't want to/won't be faithful to you. You have to decide what you are willing to accept.

L2: I wouldn't put up with this!

L3: Time to get the ring reset.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#24 Feb 27, 2013
RACE wrote:
And I am going to disagree with that. I can just as easily turn it around and say that any guy who is not squicked out by watching two men swap spit is probably a tad h0m0 themselves.
I dont like watching two guys make out, I dont find it offensive, just kinda repulsive, and I dont think that is an overreaction on my part, or an indication that I am a secretly gay. I know they have as much right to doing so as I do, but I don't have to be cool or accepting with it, just tolerant.
<quoted text>
I don't think Nick would be bothered by a gay couple exchanging a quick smooch, as we will do sometimes, even in public (like when the Wild scored las tnight in OT!), but making out? Yeah, that would bother him.

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