“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#1 Jun 29, 2014
DEAR ABBY: I recently took my children to spend a week with my mother-in-law, "Bea." Three days after we arrived, my husband flew in to join us. The next day, Bea handed me a hotel room key and told me to take as many of the children as I wanted, but I could not take my husband because she never gets to spend time with him!

I told Bea I was offended, and that I should not have been invited if it wasn't a "family" trip. As I was packing to leave, my mother-in-law left and spent the rest of our visit in the hotel herself while my family and I stayed at her home.

My husband has now told me that I will not be "allowed" to visit her again, and when she visits us next, it will be just him and the kids because I make his mother "uncomfortable." Must I stay away as he says, or should I pursue keeping myself included when they visit my mother-in-law?-- MOM OF FOUR IN MARYLAND

DEAR MOM OF FOUR: Did this happen out of the blue, or have you always had a strained relationship with your husband's mother?(I'm guessing it's the latter.) If so, why?

If the genesis of this is something you have said or done, and you can't mend fences, then perhaps it would be better if you made other plans while Bea visits. If it isn't, then face it: You married a mama's boy, and for that you have my sympathy.

Were I in your shoes, rather than inflict my presence on "Queen Bea," I'd grab the chance to treat myself to a well-earned vacation when the "lady" is in town -- and ditto when your husband and the kids go to visit Granny. Check into a spa and let yourself have a good time!

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 13-year old boy who loves to play baseball and football. Because of my hard work and dedication over the years, along with the help of my coaches and my dad, I'm pretty good at both sports.

The issue is, my mom does not support me and repeatedly tells me I'm not good at either one. When she says it, it cuts my heart out.

My parents have been divorced since I was 2, and Dad has always done everything for me. Even though he gives me encouragement, it still stings when Mom tells me I'm not good. She constantly says negative and bad things about my dad that I know are not true, but when I defend him she goes crazy with rage. What can I do to get her to stop being so negative?-- VERY DISCOURAGED IN TEXAS

DEAR VERY DISCOURAGED: Your letter made me sad because there is nothing you can do to make your mother change her attitude. She appears to be an angry and unhappy person, who may perceive your closeness with your father as a threat to her. What you CAN do is stop placing so much importance on receiving her approval. If your coach thinks you're doing well, and these sports bring you a sense of closeness with your father, then you should enjoy them for those reasons.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#2 Jun 29, 2014
1- We get it, you hate the woman who gave birth to your husband and the feeling is mutual. Get over it

2- You are not a 13 yr old boy, you are a vindictive ex husband writing in on his behalf. Let his mom be his mom. Stay the f*#k out of it and get over it

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#3 Jun 29, 2014
1. No,no, NO. If your husband is a mama's boy let him visit her on his own.

He is a major league wuss for not standing up for you.

Flash forward a some years when Bea is old. She will expect LW to take her into LW's and Sonny Boy's home and take care of her. Assuming LW and Sonny Boy are still married?

Curiosity? Did she want him to marry someone else? Different religion ,caste, ethnicity?

2. You are 13. You will soon learn that girls who have been dumped or who felt that they were justified in dumping a boy can be angry and vindictive.

Hard to have to learn that from your mom. Not all women are like that

Listen to your coach. He is objective.

And, keep the trophies at your Dad's house so she doesn't throw them away.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#4 Jun 29, 2014
LW1: If you have such a poor relationship with her, why would you even want to go visit her? Hubby wants to go visit with just the kids? Fantastic. I don't have a bad relationship with my inlaws and I love it when my wife takes the kids for a visit without me(I do go sometimes too). Gives me a few days of me time. On the flip side, expecting you to make yourself scarce when she comes for a visit? F that. Tell hubby she can go to a hotel like she expected you to. They can go hang out with her at the pool.

LW2: Bottle it up. Say little to your mom. Keep to yourself. Block out her negativity. This is the kind of relationship she is fostering, so give her what she deserves. Keep looking to your dad for positivity.
pde

Bothell, WA

#5 Jun 29, 2014
LW1: if you are comfortable having the kids visit her with your husband without you, then do that. But the second part of his demand--that you leave your house when she comes to visit you--is completely unreasonable. Don't.
Kuuipo

Salinas, CA

#6 Jun 29, 2014
LW1: Regardless of what kind of relationship LW had with her MIL before this incident, Bea handing her a hotel room key mid-visit is extremely rude. The bigger problem is that LW's husband is not backing her up. Teams Tonka and pde for the win. Let hubby take the kids and go visit, but when Bea comes to town, LW gets to be the Queen Bee in her own house.

LW2: You are fortunate to have a great dad. Either that, or edog is right. Either way, the lesson is that you can't change other people, you just have to learn to deal with them the way they are.

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