Abby 11-2

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“Derecho”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#1
Nov 2, 2012
 
DEAR ABBY: We recently learned that our son-in-law, "Mike," was fired from his job as a community service officer with the county. He committed second-degree criminal sexual assault on two women inmates he was supervising and is now in the process of going to court. We hope he'll be convicted and sent away so our daughter can put her life together.

This has torn our family apart. We don't know how to get through to her that she deserves so much better than this. She refuses to divorce him even though this was happening during their marriage and her pregnancy, She claims she's not being abused, but we have seen how controlling Mike has been throughout their courtship and marriage.

How can we help her realize that life without him would be so much better and that sex offenders are never really "cured"? They tell us they are "constantly praying" and that "God has already forgiven" him for what he has done. Any advice you can offer would be greatly appreciated.-- WORRIED PARENTS

DEAR WORRIED PARENTS: Your son-in-law's abuse of his authority is appalling. But as long as he's still around and "constantly praying" (probably more for a sympathetic jury than forgiveness for what he did to those women), you won't get through to your daughter.

Fortunately, the justice system has sentencing guidelines for men who abuse their power the way Mike has, and he may be going away for a long, long time. Once he's gone, start talking to your daughter about counseling to deal with the trauma she has been through, and let a mental health professional shed some light on this. If the message comes from a person with no bias, it stands a better chance of getting through.

P.S. I wholeheartedly agree she would be better off without him.

DEAR ABBY: I live in Arizona where the temperature can hit 100 degrees and we get 300-plus days of sunshine every year. I always have my 5-month-old son wear his sunglasses when he goes outside, and I get the most asinine comments from total strangers! Everything from "Can I have his autograph?" to "Does he think he's cool?" How can they be so dumb? People, tiny eyes need protection too!-- A NEW MOMMY

DEAR NEW MOMMY: The individuals you describe aren't "dumb"; they are making a failed attempt at humor. However, I showed your letter to Beverly Hills ophthalmologist Peter Cornell, M.D., who told me:

"It's ideal for everyone -- regardless of age -- to protect their eyes from ultraviolet light. And it's advisable for babies to be protected when they're outside. But it is not as 'crucial' with children as it is for older individuals, because their bodies are better able to repair oxidative damage. That said, ultraviolet light is not the friend of anyone's eyes."

DEAR ABBY: I was married recently but kept my maiden name. As wedding gifts, we received two sets of towels monogrammed with my husband's last initial, and a plaque for the front of the house -- "House of (his last name), Established 2012."

While we appreciate this generosity, I'm sure we will not put the items to use.(The plaque was from a close family member on my husband's side who knew I would be keeping my name.) How do we handle this?-- PERPLEXED NEWLYWED IN CLEVELAND

DEAR PERPLEXED: Here's how: Consign the plaque to your husband's man-cave (or toss it), use the towels for something other than display, and write a gracious thank-you to the family members who gave them to you for their thoughtfulness.

“Derecho”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

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#2
Nov 2, 2012
 

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1- There's nothing you can do.

2- Go to hell, new mommy. No one gives a crap about your bassterd kid, they're just being social. Get over yourself.

2- You can go to hell too. How DARE people presume you took your husband's name! You sound like a pill. I pity your husband, you've siphoned off his balls.
I rather liked Abby's snarky response.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#3
Nov 2, 2012
 

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LW1: You cannot make other people do what you want them to do.

LW2: Look, stupid. Seeing a 5 month old in sunglasses is not a normal occurence. People are trying to be friendly by joking with you. Get the friggin stick out of your ass.

LW3: "How do we handle this?"
Obviously you need to go raise hell and berate him. Do it while standing in front of his house and screaming at hte top of your lungs. Then cut of all communication from him.

Or you could just throw it on a shelf in the closet and forget about it.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#4
Nov 2, 2012
 

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LW3: You act like you're the only one who's ever gotten a wedding gift you did not like. Your parents should have taught you how to deal with disappointing gifts when you were a child.

Since: Jan 10

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#5
Nov 2, 2012
 

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L1: You can't make her see anything. Just be supportive of her and be there for your grandkid.

L2: Eye cancer is a real thing and it can kill you. But you need to chill.

L3: How do you handle it? How do you THINK you handle it? Discard or use the items. You don't have the right to demand that you get only gifts you like or gifts that you can use.

Since: Mar 09

United States

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#6
Nov 2, 2012
 
Oh boy. Bottom-of-the-barrel Friday.

Since: Jan 10

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#7
Nov 2, 2012
 
This job is so easy some days!

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#8
Nov 2, 2012
 

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1 I know a guy names Rocco, he knows people who know people....

2 Give him those goggles, he will look cool

3 I pity your husband.

Since: Dec 09

Smalltown, Colorado

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#9
Nov 2, 2012
 

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LW3 - Monogrammed towels should always be monogrammed with the wife's MAIDEN name initial, not her new married name initial. So the giver of the towels was wrong to monogram with the husband's initial even if the wife took her husband's last name. My own mom used her monogrammed towels for many years with her maiden name initial, H. Her married name initial was B.

This tradition may have started because the woman started collecting things for her marriage long before she was engaged. Remember the "hope chest". Linens were stored in them until the woman was married.

Since: Jan 10

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#10
Nov 2, 2012
 
Shari23 wrote:
LW3 - Monogrammed towels should always be monogrammed with the wife's MAIDEN name initial, not her new married name initial. So the giver of the towels was wrong to monogram with the husband's initial even if the wife took her husband's last name. My own mom used her monogrammed towels for many years with her maiden name initial, H. Her married name initial was B.
This tradition may have started because the woman started collecting things for her marriage long before she was engaged. Remember the "hope chest". Linens were stored in them until the woman was married.
Interesting thought! I was all caught up in the "hope chest" thing and got one for Christmas when I was 16. I still own it and, other than my very heavy double recliner sofa and my piano, it is the heaviest piece of furniture I own. I love it.
pde

Schaumburg, IL

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#11
Nov 2, 2012
 
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
Interesting thought! I was all caught up in the "hope chest" thing and got one for Christmas when I was 16. I still own it and, other than my very heavy double recliner sofa and my piano, it is the heaviest piece of furniture I own. I love it.
At some point in my teenaged years, I recall my mom having me pick out a cedar chest (aka, hope chest) from a catalog. But I don't think she ever actually bought it.

Her cedar chest was ugly. It spent most of my life exiled to the attic or basement.
PEllen

Chicago, IL

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#12
Nov 2, 2012
 
Remember the ad for the movie Raising Arizona? Two grown ups and a baby sunbathing on law chairs all wearing sun glasses?
Why are you basing health care decisions on a movie poster?
PEllen

Chicago, IL

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#13
Nov 2, 2012
 
Shari23 wrote:
LW3 - Monogrammed towels should always be monogrammed with the wife's MAIDEN name initial, not her new married name initial. So the giver of the towels was wrong to monogram with the husband's initial even if the wife took her husband's last name. My own mom used her monogrammed towels for many years with her maiden name initial, H. Her married name initial was B.
This tradition may have started because the woman started collecting things for her marriage long before she was engaged. Remember the "hope chest". Linens were stored in them until the woman was married.
Well, hell, all traditions are out the window anyway. If the bride can keep her own surname, the groom can get his monogram on the towels.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#14
Nov 2, 2012
 

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LW1: I think once he goes to prison, she will realize that her life is better. Just keep being there for her and the child.

LW2: Wow, you need to lighten up a little.

LW3: Wow, so do you. You should use the towels when you have messy butt sex; maybe that will help you loosen up a little.
PEllen

Chicago, IL

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#15
Nov 2, 2012
 

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Query-
Is it ever possible for a sex offender to redeem himself?

If you are a sex offender, are you a pariah for life?

This is not minimizing what he did, ad I know there are different types and degrees of sex offenses. In today's news in Chicago, a guy who has been teacher of the year was found to have a conviction in the 60's or 70's for molesting a 15 year old

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#16
Nov 2, 2012
 
L1: She's got to see it for herself. Don't berate her, keep the connection she'll need it. Try to get her into counselling.

L2: Unclench. People aren't all that into your baby, yannow? I bought sunglasses for my sister's baby b/c they're outside a lot, own a pool and they were cute. Plus she's overprotective so I knew she'd love it. It's not a bad idea of have sunglasses for the little ones.

L3: What a cry baby. Write the thank you and keep your yap shut.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#17
Nov 2, 2012
 

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PEllen wrote:
Query-
Is it ever possible for a sex offender to redeem himself?
If you are a sex offender, are you a pariah for life?
This is not minimizing what he did, ad I know there are different types and degrees of sex offenses. In today's news in Chicago, a guy who has been teacher of the year was found to have a conviction in the 60's or 70's for molesting a 15 year old
You said it exactly: there are different types of sex offenders.

A guy who has been having sex with his girlfriend can be labelled a sex offender if all of a sudden he hasa birthday and is now no longer a minor while she is.(I know the laws vary, but this is a real scenario in some places).

I believe I've read about people taking a leak in public being labelled a sex offender for whippin their johnson out in public.

I'd need to know specifics before labeling someone a pariah for life.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#18
Nov 2, 2012
 

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This dude sounds like another Sandusky. Dirtbag for life.
Sam I Am

Huntingdon, TN

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#19
Nov 2, 2012
 

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1. It might be more productive to start with looking at how you failed as parents to raise a child so devoid of self-esteem and perspective.

And Abby agrees your daughter would be better off not being married to a sex offender? Way to go out on a limb, Abby.

2. You should rule the world. You clearly have all the answers.

3. You should give the items to your husband as a divorce present. You sound like an annoying harpy and should do him the good favor of leaving im before you cause him any further embarrassment.

“Derecho”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

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#20
Nov 2, 2012
 

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Mister Tonka wrote:
A guy who has been having sex with his girlfriend can be labelled a sex offender if all of a sudden he hasa birthday and is now no longer a minor while she is.
Not true. It's illegal for two fifteen year olds to have sex. It doesn't just become illegal if one turns 16. And teenagers aren't ending up on sex offender registries for having sex. Bet you can't name one case of this happening.

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