“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Aug 8, 2014
DEAR AMY: My sister-in-law and her daughter are making plans for the daughter's wedding. During a recent family reunion they said that they did not want any small children at the ceremony and were going to make arrangements for a qualified sitter to be available at the church to watch the children during the ceremony. All are welcome at the reception.

This offended my daughter, who has a 4-month-old baby. She feels her parenting skills are being attacked in that she would sit in the back of the church and remove herself and the child if she became noisy. She also feels that because she and her child are family that makes this request very rude. She stated that she would not leave her child with a stranger (the child will be 16 months old by then), and if her child were not included, she would not attend.

I have tried to talk to my daughter to say that this is a reasonable request by the bride and she should not feel that request is rude. I feel she should respect the wishes of the bride and go, leaving her child in the care of the sitter for the 30-minute duration of the ceremony. My daughter still disagrees with this request.

Please give us your advice on this.-- Grandmother in the Middle

DEAR GRANDMOTHER: Well, I've heard of "Bridezillas"; your daughter sounds like a "Frankenguest."

I don't know what your daughter's own wedding was like, but if she'd care to view a videotape or two of what weddings can be like where toddlers are present, I'm sure I could arrange it. A 16-month-old should not be expected to necessarily hold it together during a church ceremony, and I think it is considerate of the marrying couple to recognize this and be willing to arrange for a sitter for the youngest guests.

Your daughter has several months of motherhood before this event to realize that sometimes the best thing for baby and family is to be happily engaged separately for a short time. If she is offended by this, it doesn't sound as if she would be able to be a good and gracious guest, and maybe it would be better for everyone if she stayed home.(August 2004)

DEAR AMY: I was proposed to last night. I'm 47 and my husband-to-be is 58. We have lived together for the last five years. We have everything we need and more. I am wondering if it would be proper to register at a travel agency for our wedding? We will go to Australia and Fiji for our honeymoon.-- Bewildered Bride

DEAR BRIDE: First of all, congratulations!

I know that many couples are choosing less conventional ways of accepting gifts from friends and family, and I think this is a great idea. Many travel agencies will set up special funds for your wedding trip; you can notify your wedding guests that in lieu of material gifts, they could contribute to your honeymoon through this fund, if they'd like.

I had a friend who did this several years ago, and she and her husband did a great job of emailing their friends from many exotic locations on their trip of a lifetime, expressing their gratitude. That helped ease my profound jealousy. Somewhat.(January 2005)

DEAR AMY: I was recently invited to a wedding but was not invited to the reception. Needless to say, I was very offended and did not attend the wedding, nor did I buy a gift for the happy couple. Did I overreact or is this just plain stupidity on the blushing bride's part?-- Gretchen

DEAR GRETCHEN: You are overreacting. The wedding and reception are separate events that are linked in some traditions but not all. Importantly, you have been invited to witness the most important and memorable part of the celebration: the wedding ceremony itself. This is an honor, and you should be gracious, even if you intend to decline.(August 2003)

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Riverdale, GA

#2 Aug 8, 2014
1- I agree, she can't leave her precious for thirty frickin minutes? Tell her to stay home then

2- no, I think it's uncouth to ask people to pay for your honeymoon

3- oh boo frickin hoo

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#3 Aug 8, 2014
1 The mother is thinking of leaving her 4month old child alone with a stranger, not a kid thats a year and a half old. By the time the kid is 1, she will come around.

2 Tres Tacky.

3 Well, You showed them didn't you!
Cass

Rancho Cucamonga, CA

#4 Aug 8, 2014
Team E-Dog and Race on all 3.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#5 Aug 8, 2014
Boring.

I think we'll all agree on these three letter as I agree with everyone so far.

How boring is that? Off to Abby. Maybe she'll have better letters. Figures that would be the csae on a day I have a few minutes for Topix.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#6 Aug 8, 2014
LW1: Frankenguest. I like it. What Race said. If this woman can't leave her precious baby for 30 minutes, I pity the clingy life that child is going to lead.

LW2: it is considered tacky, but would not bother me at all. I'm practical. My sister got me a VISA gift card as a gift last year. I noticed it cost her like $6. I jokingly told her she shoulda given me cash and saved the $6 or given it to me. She was like "cash is so tacky". F that. Back when I was a kid, they had special envelopes designed for giving cash as a gift. You giving me cash is a more versatile gift than a gift card to a specific store and costs nothing vs a VISA check card. Don't waste your money like that.

LW3:I disagree with Abby AND LW. I would not take this as some major slap in the face, but I also would likely not attend. Unlike Abby, I don't agree that its any big honor and "the most important part" to witness the wedding. For the COUPLE, the wedding is the most important part. For the guest? Not. I'm there for the party. I'm there for the celebration. I've actually (not deliberately) missed the wedding, but got there for the reception once.

That being the case, I would not attend. And I would not buy a gift either. Again, not out of spite, but my policy is, I get you a gift if I am invited AND attend. Just like birthdays. If I see you on your birthday or at a birthday party, you get a gift. Otherwise, you get a text, ecard, facebook wall post. To me, gifts are a face to face endeavor.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#7 Aug 8, 2014
LW1: Your daughter is a PITA and I am sure she is difficult in situations outside of this one as well. The bride was even nice enough to hire a sitter and she's still b1tching. There really is no reason for a small child to go to a wedding. So it just comes down to a preference. Whose preference should control ... the bride's or your daughter's? Clearly the bride's, since it is her wedding day. Your daughter thinks the world revolves around her and that her preference should control. I'd tell her it's not all about her and if she has that much of a problem with it she should stay home.

LW2: I don't like that idea.

LW3: I probably wouldn't have attended either, but it wouldn't bother me. I go to weddings primarily for the party and to celebrate, not to sit in church and listen to some priest blather on and on. The wedding ceremony (except my own of course ;p) is really just a dog and pony show.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#8 Aug 8, 2014
I actually prefer to give cash, but asking for cash so you can take a honeymoon is what's tacky, I don't need to know what it's for. When my friend got married I asked about the registry, she waved me off and said just give me cash, and I don't have a problem with that. I have no idea what to get my niece, so will likely give cash. But I will likely skip the reception, I think that's a reasonable compromise, sure, I'll attend the wedding, but don't think I can attend the celebration
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#9 Aug 8, 2014
1: Your daughter is a jerk. hat she's taking this very reasonable request as a personal insult means your words won't matter. Tell her to grow up, then leave her alone to sulk.

2: Subsidizing a honeymoon doesn't sit right with me.

3: Went to a wedding at church which was promoted in our weekly bulletin. Once there, we found out only certain people went to the reception. It was odd. I wasn't offended, per se, but glad I brought no gift!
Julie

Chicago, IL

#10 Aug 8, 2014
Not sure why y'all are bothering to respond to letters to this worthless lazy hack that are TEN FRICKIN' YEARS OLD????

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#11 Aug 8, 2014
L1 It is now 10 years later. It would be great if Amy contacted the LW and asked what happened with the wedding and how the 10 year old is doing

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