“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#21 Feb 22, 2013
Ha!
I'm a mans man, I can enjoy my snark sometimes.
Shari23 wrote:
<quoted text>
No, no! RACE do not turn into Eggdogg, Pleeeease!

“FD&S is no way to be.”

Since: Feb 13

Knoxville, TN

#22 Feb 22, 2013
1. You aren't working, so you are going to be expected to do more, but certainly not all. Tell her you'll chip in for a maid, but your retirement does not translate to you becoming a full-time housekeeper.

2. A) I am guessing her parents' drinking habits are not totally healthy. B) You cannot smoke pot with her, then turn around and condemn her for substance abuse. It sounds like your friend has a lot of free time on her hands and nothing to really focus on. Try getting into an activity with her.

3.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#23 Feb 22, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Why should it be equal? She's working all day and he is not? He presumably has more time to do a majority of what needs to be done, and allow his girlfriend a chance to rest and relax when she gets home.
I don't see why this lady should get to get out of doing EVERY chore at home, just because before he met her he saved enough to retire and doesn't have to work any longer. Did she contribute to him being able to save to retire ... did she make any sacrifices? Nope. The dude presumably worked his whole life, earning his retirement. Retirement to me doesn't say doing ALL the chores at home. Maybe if she were his long time partner, but not some live in gf. F' that.

If it bothers her so much she can leave, go live by herself, work full time, and she'll still end up doing chores at home or go find some guy who works and she'll end up likely splitting chores with him.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#24 Feb 22, 2013
She looks at it as if he's sitting on his a$s, not working, while she's working.

I look at it, as he already did that work that she's not giving him credit for. Everyday he worked, a little bit of that work or money he earned was so that he could retire. Now he's enjoying the fruit of his labor.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#25 Feb 22, 2013
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
I don't see why this lady should get to get out of doing EVERY chore at home, just because before he met her he saved enough to retire and doesn't have to work any longer. Did she contribute to him being able to save to retire ... did she make any sacrifices? Nope. The dude presumably worked his whole life, earning his retirement. Retirement to me doesn't say doing ALL the chores at home. Maybe if she were his long time partner, but not some live in gf. F' that.
If it bothers her so much she can leave, go live by herself, work full time, and she'll still end up doing chores at home or go find some guy who works and she'll end up likely splitting chores with him.
Ah, LW now knows how SAHM's are regarded. Where did you hide the bonbons?

It is a current societal meme that if you are a SAH anything (or otherwise not employed), that you have plenty of time to run around and fill the traditional duties of a wife.

Not.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#26 Feb 22, 2013
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>
Ah, LW now knows how SAHM's are regarded. Where did you hide the bonbons?
It is a current societal meme that if you are a SAH anything (or otherwise not employed), that you have plenty of time to run around and fill the traditional duties of a wife.
Not.
The big problem as I see it is that cleaning cuts into time spent with Oprah, and that's just not right!:D

I don't completely disagree with the societal meme. It's not that I think such a person is eating bonbons, but they do have more time than the person who is working. If he were a stay at home and not bringing in any income, I'd say he should do more (that goes for a stay at home dad or mom)... not all, but the majority, yes.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#27 Feb 22, 2013
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
I don't see why this lady should get to get out of doing EVERY chore at home, just because before he met her he saved enough to retire and doesn't have to work any longer. Did she contribute to him being able to save to retire ... did she make any sacrifices? Nope. The dude presumably worked his whole life, earning his retirement. Retirement to me doesn't say doing ALL the chores at home. Maybe if she were his long time partner, but not some live in gf. F' that.
If it bothers her so much she can leave, go live by herself, work full time, and she'll still end up doing chores at home or go find some guy who works and she'll end up likely splitting chores with him.
I never said he should do EVERY and ALL the chores, so your extremes invalidate your argument.

But I get the impression he isn't willing to do ANYTHING, except maybe pick up his socks and hang up his own towel. Sounds like he expects her to do all the shopping, errands, cooking, cleaning, and laundry after getting home from working all day. If he's too busy surfing and having coffee with the guys to pick up the dry cleaning, then HE needs to move out so he can only focus on himself, which he seems to be doing anyway, while his girlfriend is overwhelmed.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#28 Feb 22, 2013
Can you point to any line in the letter where he suggested what her duties should be? I missed it.
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
I never said he should do EVERY and ALL the chores, so your extremes invalidate your argument.
But I get the impression he isn't willing to do ANYTHING, except maybe pick up his socks and hang up his own towel. Sounds like he expects her to do all the shopping, errands, cooking, cleaning, and laundry after getting home from working all day. If he's too busy surfing and having coffee with the guys to pick up the dry cleaning, then HE needs to move out so he can only focus on himself, which he seems to be doing anyway, while his girlfriend is overwhelmed.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#29 Feb 22, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
I never said he should do EVERY and ALL the chores, so your extremes invalidate your argument.
But I get the impression he isn't willing to do ANYTHING, except maybe pick up his socks and hang up his own towel. Sounds like he expects her to do all the shopping, errands, cooking, cleaning, and laundry after getting home from working all day. If he's too busy surfing and having coffee with the guys to pick up the dry cleaning, then HE needs to move out so he can only focus on himself, which he seems to be doing anyway, while his girlfriend is overwhelmed.
I don't know where you got any of that from. Go back and re-read the entire letter.

He expressly says he doesn't expect her to pull his weight. He wants to enjoy his retirement and have someone who equally shares responsibilities at home ... not do everything himself, which is what she is asking him to do. I don't see anything wrong with this.

I don't agree with folks on here or Amy who think he should do the majority of work at home. He's not a house frau ... he's in his retirement. If you are doing it right, it should be mostly about leisure. She's trying to guilt him into doing his share at home and her share, and he doesn't want to.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#30 Feb 22, 2013
I'm very curious to know what "pulling his weight" means. I know what we all think that means. I wonder what his version is.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#31 Feb 22, 2013
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
I don't know where you got any of that from. Go back and re-read the entire letter.
He expressly says he doesn't expect her to pull his weight. He wants to enjoy his retirement and have someone who equally shares responsibilities at home ... not do everything himself, which is what she is asking him to do. I don't see anything wrong with this.
I don't agree with folks on here or Amy who think he should do the majority of work at home. He's not a house frau ... he's in his retirement. If you are doing it right, it should be mostly about leisure. She's trying to guilt him into doing his share at home and her share, and he doesn't want to.
YOU reread the letter. She never said she expects him to do EVERYTHING. And again, no, I don't thinks it's fair they should split the housework "equally." She works all day, he doesn't.

Hey, I've been there. If I'm working all day, you bet your ass I ain't expecting to come home and do all the housework too while someone has been sitting at home all day doing nothing.

“FD&S is no way to be.”

Since: Feb 13

Knoxville, TN

#32 Feb 22, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
YOU reread the letter. She never said she expects him to do EVERYTHING. And again, no, I don't thinks it's fair they should split the housework "equally." She works all day, he doesn't.
Hey, I've been there. If I'm working all day, you bet your ass I ain't expecting to come home and do all the housework too while someone has been sitting at home all day doing nothing.
Luckily for every female in the world, they'll never have to have that discussion with you.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#33 Feb 22, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
YOU reread the letter. She never said she expects him to do EVERYTHING. And again, no, I don't thinks it's fair they should split the housework "equally." She works all day, he doesn't.
FAIL! From the letter:

"She seems to have this expectation that I should do all of the household chores: cleaning, shopping, errands, home maintenance, etc."
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>Hey, I've been there. If I'm working all day, you bet your ass I ain't expecting to come home and do all the housework too while someone has been sitting at home all day doing nothing.
So because his gf didn't save enough for retirement, can't retire, and has to work, he should have to do the majority of house work during his retirement because he was smarter than she was and saved more? Are you sure you aren't a democrat?

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#34 Feb 22, 2013
Have you ever seen an obituary of a housewife? If they're old enough, it will say "retired homemaker." I thought, Right, like her household chores suddenly became HIS responsibility when she "retired" from being a homemaker?

He should do half of those chores now because he's half the couple -- mopping, errands, sweeping, because ideally, they'll be retired TOGETHER and it sure shouldn't be her job.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#35 Feb 22, 2013
He never said he should not, only that SHE expected him to do ALL of it.
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
Have you ever seen an obituary of a housewife? If they're old enough, it will say "retired homemaker." I thought, Right, like her household chores suddenly became HIS responsibility when she "retired" from being a homemaker?
He should do half of those chores now because he's half the couple -- mopping, errands, sweeping, because ideally, they'll be retired TOGETHER and it sure shouldn't be her job.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#36 Feb 22, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
Have you ever seen an obituary of a housewife? If they're old enough, it will say "retired homemaker." I thought, Right, like her household chores suddenly became HIS responsibility when she "retired" from being a homemaker?
That may or may not be true. Since retiring my dad does at least what my mom does around the house, and more than he did when he worked.
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
He should do half of those chores now because he's half the couple -- mopping, errands, sweeping, because ideally, they'll be retired TOGETHER and it sure shouldn't be her job.
That's what I have been saying and what the LW has been saying. His GF thinks he should be doing more than half. That's what the problem is.

“Casual Encounters”

Since: Feb 13

Greenfield, TN

#37 Feb 22, 2013
Go Cubs!

“Casual Encounters”

Since: Feb 13

Greenfield, TN

#38 Feb 22, 2013
Sox suck

“Casual Encounters”

Since: Feb 13

Greenfield, TN

#39 Feb 22, 2013
Go Bears

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#40 Feb 22, 2013
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
FAIL! From the letter:
"She seems to have this expectation that I should do all of the household chores: cleaning, shopping, errands, home maintenance, etc."
<quoted text>
So because his gf didn't save enough for retirement, can't retire, and has to work, he should have to do the majority of house work during his retirement because he was smarter than she was and saved more? Are you sure you aren't a democrat?
1- "SEEMS to have this expectation..." he's assuming she's asking him to do everything because she asked him to fold the laundry.

2- You are being presumptuous. Who said she's old enough to retire? He could be her sugar daddy for all we know. And who says she even WANTS to retire?

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