Comments
1 - 13 of 13 Comments Last updated Apr 18, 2014

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#1 Apr 18, 2014
DEAR ABBY: How do I deal with an assistant who keeps calling me a "brownnoser"? She did it again yesterday at a staff meeting in front of my boss and another assistant. It was the third time she has said it. She is gruff and rude, and several people have complained to me about her attitude.

Should I address her comments during her next employee evaluation, or would it be better to speak to her privately?-- THE BOSS IN LAKELAND, FLA.

DEAR BOSS: Talk to her privately and tell her what she said is insulting, not funny and you don't want it to be repeated. Then, put a note about her disrespectful attitude and poor judgment in her personnel file. And by all means revisit the subject at her next evaluation. She should also be made aware that people have complained about her rudeness.

DEAR ABBY: I would like to ask your readers -- especially women -- what is the one thing they feel is "make or break" in a relationship. A few months ago I divorced a man who was so disrespectful I don't think anyone in the world can match him.

As it turns out, I did myself a huge favor. Everything else -- trust, compromise and honesty -- is important in a relationship, but if there is no respect, it falls apart. That is what happened to me.

Abby, am I correct about respect being the most important aspect of a partnership?-- DESERVING IN SALT LAKE CITY

DEAR DESERVING: I think so, and I'm sure most readers will agree. When people respect each other, it follows that there will be honesty, trust and a willingness to compromise. Without these components, relationships usually don't last -- or they shouldn't.
l

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I spent a lot of money flying to our grandnephew's bar mitzvah. We stayed in a hotel and spent the weekend celebrating with the family.

During the last event, a Sunday brunch, my wife was approached by her penny-pinching sister -- the grandmother -- who asked her to co-sponsor the brunch. My wife, who is naive regarding financial matters, agreed without consulting me.

A few days later, we received an email with an amount that is far more than I want to pay. Had I known in advance, we would have skipped the brunch. How should we proceed?-- ON THE HOOK IN AUSTIN

DEAR ON THE HOOK: Your sister-in-law is a walking definition of the word "chutzpah." Your wife was wrong to obligate you without first making sure you agreed. That said, you have two choices: Refuse to share the cost of the brunch, which will embarrass your wife and cause hard feelings in the family, or grit your teeth, write a check and hope your wife has learned an expensive lesson.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#2 Apr 18, 2014
Lw1: This woman is your subordinate? And insulting you in front of your boss? Grow a pair.

Lw2: FU. I hate people like you. People that rhink there's a one-size-fits-all answer and that amby knows said answer.

Lw3: what amby said. Your wife is a dumbass. I would not share the costs for my nephew, much less my grandnephew. That's a vertical transaction. Parents. Grand parents. No branching of to grand uncles and aunts.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#3 Apr 18, 2014
1 You're not a boss you're a wuss. If you have to write in to ask what to do, you're stupid too.

2 I think you are over thinking this and just looking for validation.

3 I would call the place and make sure you are not paying the whole thing. But your wife did put you on the spot, so you gotta pay something.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#4 Apr 18, 2014
What Race said.

However it seems more that chutzpah to have a party and while it is going on ask a guest to help pay for it.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#5 Apr 18, 2014
L1: Seriously, can this be a real letter? Is anyone this ignorant?

L2: Aack! It's what's the most important thing TO YOU in a relationship -- not to everyone. Better get your SO's definition of respect before you make that perfect "match".

L3: You're stuck now. Your beef should be with your wife. Sit down and talk about how next time she needs to either say no or consult you before she says yes.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#6 Apr 18, 2014
LW1: What Abby said.

LW2: Holy kerschmoly! Seeking validation much?

LW3: What RACE said. And never attend a party with this woman again, unless you know how it's being paid for.
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#7 Apr 18, 2014
1: Why do POS employees never get fired??

3: You were asked to sponsor AFTER arrangementa had already been made, I presume?
My SIL asked me to be godmother to my niece. I agreed.
Then she buys this OTT fancy dresses (plural) for her baptism (not catholic--you get covered in a robe anyway) and asks me to pay for half AFTER it was bought without my knowledge.
I refused and told her to ask me before from now on.
She got an attitude and ignored me for awhile....then got over it.
You have to train people on rude behavior.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#8 Apr 18, 2014
squishymama wrote:
LW3: What RACE said. And never attend a party with this woman again, unless you know how it's being paid for.
no. Go ahead and attend. Just don't agree to pay. And eat all the more expensive food. Like take a whole platter of shrimpfor yourself

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#9 Apr 18, 2014
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>no. Go ahead and attend. Just don't agree to pay. And eat all the more expensive food. Like take a whole platter of shrimpfor yourself
I like your way better!
Cass

Claremont, CA

#10 Apr 18, 2014
LW1 - I don't know about respect, but dirty socks on the kitchen counter would be a deal breaker for me.

LW2 - She is your assistant? Fire her. For insubordination.

LW3 - Yep. Chutzpah. You can say no.
boundary painter

San Antonio, TX

#11 Apr 18, 2014
If LW1 is not fake, don't know why LW1 has not fired that "assistant".

Glad LW2 learned her lesson.

Annoyed with LW3 for not only giving the Lone Star state and our capitol a bad name--but also for promoting a rude, ugly stereotype about his family of origin. He doesn't deserve to dwell in our state.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#12 Apr 18, 2014
LW1: This woman is your assistant and you need to ask an advice columnist what to do? Yes, you speak to her privately and tell her that under no circumstances will you tolerate another instance of her being disrespectful to you or rude to you or others. If she doesn't step up her game, you let her go. In this job market, she will be easy to replace.

LW2: I agree that respect is important. Other deal breakers for me: Liars, cheaters, substance abusers, anyone with a prison record.

LW3: Send a check for as much as you are willing to chip in, regardless of what she asked you for, along with your regrets that you are not able to contribute more.
Julie

Chicago, IL

#13 Apr 18, 2014
LW1: You're way too spineless to be a boss. Absolutely no sympathy.

LW3: Your wife is not "naive" regarding financial matters---she's a Brain-Dead Moron. I hope you enjoy the 3 Brooklyn Bridges she buys over the next year.

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