Dear Abby 5-1-13
First Prev
of 3
Next Last
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

#1 May 1, 2013
DEAR ABBY: My oldest son came out to me as a gay man in a private conversation. I have no problem with him being gay; however, I do have a problem with the fact that he has asked me not to tell anyone. He isn't ready to come out to anyone else. I tried to advise him that until he is true to himself, he won't be happy. My son says if he comes out to anyone else, it would hurt so many people.

I will keep his secret, but there is a young woman he is living with and planning to marry, and I do not believe this is fair to her or her child. He is not happy being a gay man, and that's why he's choosing to live a lie. He was raised in church and feels like he is betraying God by being gay.

How can I support him and lie to this young woman he is with? My son is so confused. How do I help him and keep his secret at the same time?-- ANONYMOUS

DEAR ANONYMOUS: Your son may not be happy being a gay man, but that is who he is. For him to keep a secret like this from his fiancee, who plans to share the rest of her life with him, will be more hurtful to her if he goes through with the wedding than telling her now.

Help him by encouraging him to seek counseling through an LGBT community center. It will be strictly confidential, and there is nothing he can tell them they haven't heard before. He has already cracked open his closet door by disclosing his sexual orientation to you. This tells me that on some level he wants to open it all the way.

He is fortunate that he has a parent who is as accepting and wise about life as you. Continue talking to him and encourage him to talk more with you. It may help him to become more comfortable opening up and to accept reality.

DEAR ABBY: I live in a small town where traffic isn't much of a problem. Recently, though, a young man was killed in a car wreck. He ran into a semi because he was texting while driving. His final text was to a friend who had asked if they could get together for a night of fun.

As a rule, we look down on people who drink and drive, as this is unacceptable in today's world. But we do nothing to drivers who text and drive. Please advise your readers that no message is worth dying over. Last night there was another traffic accident caused by the same thing!-- ROBERT IN KILGORE, TEXAS

DEAR ROBERT: Sadly, that night of fun will have to be postponed indefinitely. Sometimes it takes a tragedy (or two) to wake people up because they're operating under the delusion that they are the exception to the rules of the road or are invincible.

DEAR ABBY: My mother is in her mid-90s and in good health. She has no intention of dying soon, but asked me an interesting question. She has mileage points with a major airline and was wondering if she can use them for the final trip back to her home state for burial when the time comes. Do you know the answer?-- ONE-WAY TICKET

DEAR ONE-WAY: Your question is not only an interesting one, but it's a first. I contacted a spokesperson for a major airline who responded that his company does not accept mileage points as a form of payment for any type of shipment. For her last flight, your mother would no longer be considered a passenger; she would be cargo, which is why her points idea won't fly.
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

#2 May 1, 2013
LW1: Your son needs to get coundeling and accept who he is. It's not fair to his fiancee or her child. If he does this now, at least maybe they can remain friends.

LW2: People who text while driving are idiots. If you want to kill yourself fine, but it's not fair to put others in danger. Stupid heads.

LW3: I wonder if she can leave her points to someone, then?
not a ghost

San Antonio, TX

#3 May 1, 2013
LW1 should let that son tell who he wants to tell when he feels comfortable doing so. It's not LW1's
place to choose who to tell.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#4 May 1, 2013
L1: Ugh! Tell. Don't let him ruin this girl's life.

L2: "Sadly, that night of fun will have to be postponed indefinitely." Um, what, Abby? Dude is dead. I'd say it's cancelled, not postponed.

L3: A) Why would you ask Abby and not a representative of the airline? B) Why would you want to use miles for that when you could do something fun? C) I like Stina's idea of willing the miles if she doesn't want to use them herself while she's still alive.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#5 May 1, 2013
L1: Yes, counselling.

L2: I think it's looked down upon. There's PSA's and everything now. Some people are just too stupid, is all.

L3: Why would you write Abby with this question? Call the customer service for the airlines.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#6 May 1, 2013
LW1: Uh, your son needs to tell the woman he is to marry or you should. I couldn't stand by and watch that play out before me.

LW3: Abby do you know if my local domino's pizza will deliver to my house?

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#7 May 1, 2013
Sublime1 wrote:
LW3: Abby do you know if my local domino's pizza will deliver to my house?
Ha! These questions kill me. These people must just want to get their dumbass question published and they don't have a real problem to ask about.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#8 May 1, 2013
LW1Maybe the son is bi-sexual and the girlfriend knows.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#9 May 1, 2013
PEllen wrote:
LW1Maybe the son is bi-sexual and the girlfriend knows.
And maybe monkeys will fly out of my @zz.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#10 May 1, 2013
1- Tell your son to get the dam memo. It's 2013! Being gay is not only acceptable, but encouraged!

2- Maybe KILGORE should change its name? And dude, texting while driving IS frowned on. Many states have laws against it and many more are following.

3- Ask the airline! And I don't think you can "will" travel miles.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#11 May 1, 2013
1 Damn Republicans

2 I hate peeps who text while driving, flipping idiots.

3 Well since she cant, I guess she better use them now to get there and stay there before she dies.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#12 May 1, 2013
L1: WTF? Tell her. TELL HER. He is being a coward and he will eventually come out, and then it'll hurt her even more. " My son says if he comes out to anyone else, it would hurt so many people." Tell him he's really not all that special.

L2: "But we do nothing to drivers who text and drive." I don't think that's true these days. IT's a punishable offense in Minnesota. THey will take your phone after an accident and check your logs.

L3: She should use the miles now for something enjoyable.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#13 May 1, 2013
Sublime1 wrote:
LW1: Uh, your son needs to tell the woman he is to marry or you should. I couldn't stand by and watch that play out before me.
LW3: Abby do you know if my local domino's pizza will deliver to my house?
L1: That's how I feel. I'd feel AWFUL for knowing and not meddling under circumstances like that.

L3: HA!

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#14 May 1, 2013
Oh, travel miles can be donated to charities, like the Make a Wish foundation. LW3's mom should look into that.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#15 May 1, 2013
LW1: Encourage counceling and talk to him about delaying the wedding. Remind him that if he really cares about this woman, she deserves to know the truth.

LW2: Newsflash! People do stupid stuff while driving. Texting is just the newest distraction.

LW3: Why don't you ask her to take you both somewhere that she's always wanted to go.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#16 May 1, 2013
I unfortunately was in a car with my ex. He had always drove in a way that would frighten anyone. It use to be when he'd talk to people in the car, he'd turn and look at the people he was talking to.

Not now.

Now he's too busy TEXTING to talk to the people in the car. Seriously.

Then (this was during the recent flood), when he couldn't get through on the street b/c of high water, he drove on the sidewalk (and therefore on people's yards) for 2 blocks!

OMG. I could not get out of that car fast enough.

Yes, I was stupid to get into that car. I should have know his driving would have gotten worse and not better. In my defense (although it just doesn't cut it this time), I hadn't been in a car with him for any distance in over ten years.

“FD&S is no way to be.”

Since: Feb 13

United States

#17 May 1, 2013
1. IMO he is making a mistake, but it is his mistake to make. Just keep being supportive. Your acceptance could encourage him to expand on his coming out.

2. Wait, what? Texting and driving is bad? I hadn't heard that before. Thanks for the PSA.

3. Dum dum.

“It made sense at the time....”

Since: May 09

Schaumburg, IL

#18 May 1, 2013
LW2 - yes, the amount of cars on the road makes such a differene when a driver is distracted and not paying attentin to teh road... <rolls eyes> we've had stories around here of morons - drunk, texting or showing off, all the same implication - driving off the road and wrapping the car full of people around trees the front lawn of unsuspecting homeowners...

LW3 - nonsense, do like teh Griswolds and bring Aunt Edna home in coach.
animaniactoo

New York, NY

#19 May 1, 2013
"Son, you don't have to tell anyone you don't want to. But if you don't want to tell your gf, you break up with that girl right now, for whatever other reason you want to give. Because if you don't, she IS the one person I WILL tell. She may not believe me but I won't help you lie to her. It'll hurt her to hear it now. It will hurt her worse to find out in 10 years. You don't get to get out of hurting people, you just get to try to choose the path that will hurt them the least in the long run."

Oh, and find him a blog or a support group of people who find out after *years* that their spouses are gay and what it's done to them.
animaniactoo

New York, NY

#20 May 1, 2013
Sublime1 wrote:
LW3: Abby do you know if my local domino's pizza will deliver to my house?
Dear LW3, I checked with Domino's National Supervisor, Sublime, and he assures me that Domino's will deliver to your house in 30 minutes or less, as long as you don't live on a mountaintop. Enjoy your pizza.

Tell me when this thread is updated:

Subscribe Now Add to my Tracker
First Prev
of 3
Next Last

Add your comments below

Characters left: 4000

Please note by submitting this form you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

Chicago Discussions

Title Updated Last By Comments
Double Word Game (Dec '11) 6 min boundary painter 1,849
News Barack Obama, our next President (Nov '08) 9 min Nostrilis Waxman 1,348,952
{keep A word drop A word} (Oct '11) 12 min boundary painter 7,345
abby 2-14 16 14 min boundary painter 2
News BARACK OBAMA BIRTH CERTIFICATE: Suit contesting... (Jan '09) 25 min haha 207,774
Topix Chitown Regulars (Aug '09) 1 hr David 101,446
News Once slow-moving threat, global warming speeds ... (Dec '08) 2 hr Earthling-1 57,336
More from around the web

Personal Finance

Chicago Mortgages