Abby 11-1

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“Derecho”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#1
Nov 1, 2012
 
DEAR ABBY: My father passed away a year ago, after being married to "Valerie" for 14 years. After his death, she got his life insurance. She paid for his funeral and the burial. She also bought a new house and a horse within two months of losing our father. Four months later, she was dating another man.

My sister and I didn't ask for anything except a few articles of Dad's clothing. Having spent all the insurance money, Valerie is now asking me and my sister to give her money for our father's headstone. We feel his life insurance money should have been used for this. My question is, are we wrong for being angry with her? Isn't she at least morally obligated to purchase his headstone?-- LOST GRIEVING DAUGHTER

DEAR DAUGHTER: Your stepmother should be ashamed of herself for foisting off her moral responsibility to her husband of 14 years. And no, you're not wrong to be angry about it.

You and your sister must now decide if you can live with the thought of your father having an unmarked grave. Ask the people who manage the cemetery if they might allow you to have a special planting -- a bush, perhaps -- to be used as a marker in lieu of a headstone.

DEAR ABBY: Last night I got a debt collection call for my brother, "Stan." He and his wife, "Susie," are ready to file for bankruptcy and have been dodging creditors left and right. This is the first time I have heard from Stan's creditors, but creditors have called me about other family members, too. My relatives expect me to lie to the callers to protect them.

Abby, I pay my bills and pride myself on living an honest and open life. I feel bad for Stan and Susie, but is it right for them to expect me to deal with their creditors when they won't?-- FED UP IN DELAWARE

DEAR FED UP: Of course not. However, whoever made that call may not have been in compliance with the Fair Debt Collection Practices Act, which applies to those who collect debts owed to creditors for personal, family and household debts.(These can include car loans, mortgages and money owed for medical bills.)

According to the Fair Debt Collection Practices Act, a debt collector may not contact the debtor's friends, relatives, employer or others, except to find out where the person who owes the money lives or works. If the calls continue, contact the Federal Trade Commission.

DEAR ABBY: Over the years I have become friends with a client of mine, "Doug." I live in Wisconsin; he lives in Florida. We are both happily married and share about family and work. We use instant messaging for work-related issues and to chitchat. We have typed "I love you" to each other at times -- but only if we're being sarcastic, joking around or saying thanks for some help.

My husband doesn't think you can say "I love you" to a friend without having feelings or wanting more. I have never regarded Doug as anything but a friend, and he feels the same. Can I say "I love you" to a friend without it meaning something more?-- SPREADING THE LOVE

DEAR SPREADING: In my opinion you can, and many people do. There is a difference between saying "I love you" and "I am IN love with you," and I'm surprised that your husband doesn't realize it. Could he be feeling insecure?

“Derecho”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#2
Nov 1, 2012
 

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1- You have every right to be angry. But now what do you do? She has no money for a headstone anymore. You and sis need to fork over the dough if you want him to have one.

2- Sounds like the creditors are pushing the law, if not breaking it. Inform your brother about it but let him deal with his own mess.

3- A married woman has no business saying I love you to another man she's not related to! Your husband is right, knock it off! Screw you, Abby. Way to turn it back around on the man for being insecure because his slutttty wife is the office flirt.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#3
Nov 1, 2012
 

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LW1: Tell her to sell her horse.

LW2: You don't have to lie. But you have no obligation to help them either. "I'm sorry. Stan Hansen does not live here. I can't help you. Goodbye"

LW3: LW3: "My husband doesn't think you can say "I love you" to a friend without having feelings or wanting more."

My wife says it on the phone to her female friend and I think its wierd. I imagine it would probably bother me a bunch more if she was saying it to a male friend.

Since: Jan 10

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#4
Nov 1, 2012
 

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L1. What tonka said.

L2: Why would you have to lie. "John Smith doesn't live here." Then hang up.

L3: My girlfriends -- many to most, I think -- say "I love you" both in person and in email. I never, ever say it back.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#5
Nov 1, 2012
 

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1 If you want a headstone there then buy one, if she wants a headstone there then she can buy one.
2 I hate debt collectors, and solicitors in general. Thats why I dont answer the phone. For over a year I was getting a call for someone with my last name.
3 Hate to say it, but emutt took my answer!
dahgts

Chicago, IL

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#6
Nov 1, 2012
 
L2: They are probably calling for his work or home address. My brother was a deadbeat of sorts. Once I got a call from a loan co. looking for him and when I asked why they're calling me he said I was given as a reference. I told him that they should have called me before they gave him the money.

“Licensed to Ill”

Since: Aug 08

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#7
Nov 1, 2012
 

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LW1: I’d call the b1tch out.

LW2: I wouldn’t help those blood sucking leeches.

LW3: I wouldn’t want my wife telling another man she loves him.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#8
Nov 1, 2012
 

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LW1: What Tonka said.

I have a feeling something similar is going to happen with my dad and his lady friend. The more time I spend with her, the more I realize she's nucking futs.

LW2: What everyone else has said.

LW3: I could see saying this in a situation where he has bailed her out of some jam at work or gotten her good tickets to a show. But just some chit chat and an "I love you"? That's weird.

Since: Mar 09

United States

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#9
Nov 1, 2012
 
L1: This would be a no-brainer for me, but I'm one of those cold, heartless people who doesn't give a flying patootie about headstones.

L2: They expect you to lie how? What could you possibly say? Just tell the creditors that so-and-so doesn't live there.

L3: I think it's weird for non-single friends of opposite sexes (or same sexes if they're gay, but gay people might have a whole different opinion about this anyway, I don't know) to say ILY. I've heard female friends say it to one another and while I very rarely do it myself, that doesn't seem inappropriate. A married woman saying it to a straight guy friend seems like a slippery slope.
Sam I Am

Huntingdon, TN

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#10
Nov 1, 2012
 

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1. Tell her either she pays for a nice one or you will and you will take equivalent value in items from the house.

2. "They don't live here." Period. Then you call them yourself and tell them the next call gets their address. People who would put you in this position don't deserve your consideration.

3. You are wrong. Wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong. Wrong.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#11
Nov 1, 2012
 
I love how pretty much everyone here has the opposite opinion on #3 than Abby who feels like its such a no brainer in the opposite direction.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#12
Nov 1, 2012
 

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Sam I Am wrote:
People who would put you in this position don't deserve your consideration.
???
What have they done to put LW in that position? Its not like they said, "Hey, if you have trouble reaching me, call my brother in law!"

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#13
Nov 1, 2012
 
You guys have everything covered but letter three, although I sorta agree with y'all.

I can see how some people use that -- "I love you" -- as a sarcastic thing. I really believe, though, that could be a slippery path to go down with a friend of the opposite sex (or same sex if you're gay).

I have male friends who are long time friends that I would say, "Love ya!" But these are people I've known for over 30 years. That's not the norm.
Sam I Am

Huntingdon, TN

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#14
Nov 1, 2012
 

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Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>???
What have they done to put LW in that position? Its not like they said, "Hey, if you have trouble reaching me, call my brother in law!"
First of all, for things to get to that point, they have to have been very irresponsible. Second, if creditors are calling other family members, then the deadbeats have ignored about a hundred letters and numerous phone calls. Creditors have to follow the trail somewhere. That's why I would take the first call, not give any info, tell the deadbeat, then they're on their own. When your bs comes to my doorstep, intentional or not, you get one shot then it's tough nuggies.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#15
Nov 1, 2012
 

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Calm down Sub. They're just bill collectors not lawyers!
:)
Sublime1 wrote:
LW2: I wouldn’t help those blood sucking leeches.
PEllen

Chicago, IL

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#16
Nov 1, 2012
 

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Cemetaries have rules about who can put up gravestones. If your stepmonster gives teh okay for you and your sister to pay for it, teh inscription should read George, loving father of Jane and Mary

May the bro and SIL ARE living there because they are broke.

Give your hubby a BJ everytime you tell Doug I love you. That will make it all better.

“Derecho”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#17
Nov 1, 2012
 

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PEllen wrote:
Give your hubby a BJ everytime you tell Doug I love you. That will make it all better.
Better to have her Skype Doug while she's doing it. That seems hotter.

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