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1 - 12 of 12 Comments Last updated Mar 16, 2013

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#1
Mar 16, 2013
 
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I are in our 20s and have been dating for five years. We're renovating a home that we will live in once it's completed. We have never lived together before.

During the renovation I have come to the house to find that he has opened packages that were addressed to me. The first time, I didn't say anything because I thought he might have thought it was his. After the second and third times, I mentioned -- nicely -- that they weren't his to open. He claims he "knew" they were things for the house, which is why he opened them.

I was raised that people's mail and packages were theirs to open, and I would never think of opening anything sent to him. This is an issue for me, but he brushes it off. He feels entitled to open my packages since it is his home, too. How can I make it clear that I expect him to respect my personal mail when he thinks this is no big deal?-- NO RESPECT IN NEW YORK

DEAR NO RESPECT: If I were you, I'd be less concerned about his opening your packages and far more concerned that when you tell him something bothers you, he ignores it. His disregard for your feelings is a red flag.

Your boyfriend appears to think that what is yours is his. Is the reverse also true?(I'll bet it's not.) Does he also check your phone messages and email? Does this extend to any other areas of your relationship?

If this was only about his opening your mail, I would advise you to open a post office box in your name only. However, if the answer to any of my questions is yes, I think you should take a sober look at the entire relationship.

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law is addicted to prescription painkillers and has been for more than 10 years. She went to rehab once, but relapsed and hasn't been able to get clean since. She has tried to quit on her own, but ends up having great emotional stress and slight psychotic episodes and starts again.

My problem is, my husband sees her addiction as "manageable." He sees no harm in having her watch our 3-year-old daughter, even though he has told me he has seen her nod off with her eyes rolled back like drug addicts do, usually during the afternoon. When we argue about this, he becomes defensive and attacks my family for being "overprotective and paranoid."

Am I right to put my foot down? I'm sick and tired of fighting over this.-- NOT PARANOID IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR NOT PARANOID: Continue putting your foot down! A person whose eyes have rolled back after taking drugs or alcohol hasn't "nodded off." The person has lost consciousness and passed out. In your mother-in-law's case, it means that while she may be physically present, she is completely unavailable to supervise your child. Leaving your daughter under the care of a person in this condition is child endangerment. That's why you can't allow it.

DEAR ABBY: Would you please settle a friendly debate between me and my friends? Is it ever appropriate to use your cellphone to update social media or send a text message during a church sermon, or is it still considered a rude act?-- OLD-FASHIONED IN KENTUCKY

DEAR OLD-FASHIONED: It's still considered rude. In a house of worship, we are supposed to be thinking about more important things than our social schedule, our Facebook page or who tweeted us.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#2
Mar 16, 2013
 

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1- While I agree that you shouldn't open sht that doesn't have your name on it, I think Abby is stretching things quite a bit. So he's gone from opening packages sent to the house, to checking your phone records and email?? He should respect your feelings, start withholding sex, burning dinner... I'm sure the women on here will be able to tell you how to shape and mold your man into into utter compliance.

2- Hubby is in denial and needs to be hit with a clue bat. Start withholding sex, burning dinner, get bleach stains all over his clothes, whatever...

3- God needs to get His @zz into the 21st century! Facebook, twitter account, come on, old man. Society is losing its morals and them gays are starting to take over! Get with it, dude!

Since: Jan 10

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#3
Mar 16, 2013
 

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L1. Dtmfa

L2. Your husband is an idiot.

L3. You are an idiot.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#4
Mar 16, 2013
 

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LW1 If we are working on a common house project and UPS drops off a package from Restoration Hardware addressed to my husband, I am going to open it. If the package is from Mens Health, its all his. It is not disrespectful. It is an acknowledgement that some places don't put 2 names on a mailing label. That said, context is a huge part of this.

LW2You husband is an ENABLING idiot who is putting your daughter at risk. One way to quit fighting is to not let grandma sit the baby on her own. I don't care if he sees the risk as manageable- its a question of the kid needing an adult when Grandma is out or worse yet, the kid getting into Grandma's pills.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#5
Mar 16, 2013
 

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PEllen wrote:
LW1 If we are working on a common house project and UPS drops off a package from Restoration Hardware addressed to my husband, I am going to open it. If the package is from Mens Health, its all his. It is not disrespectful. It is an acknowledgement that some places don't put 2 names on a mailing label. That said, context is a huge part of this.
This. He opened packages that he knew were for the house, not an envelope from her doctor. He does not see the big deal. I agree. He's not dismissing her concern. He just does not realize how far up her ass that stick is. If this is such a big concern to her, she needs to make it very clear, not casually mention it the way it seems she did.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#6
Mar 16, 2013
 
Lw3: So long as this person is not being disruptive during the sermon, its nunya f'n business what he does. Not your job to be pew monitor. You pay attention to the sermon and stop giving other church goers the evil eye.

Since: Jan 10

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#7
Mar 16, 2013
 

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PE and tonka have changed my mind.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Tacoma, WA

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#8
Mar 16, 2013
 

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I'm still on the fence with LW 1. I get that he knew it was for the house, but her name was on it, not his. I kinda take issue with the opening other peoples' mail thing no matter what it is. Freaking text me.

Keep in mind this is said from the position of *I* ordered Swiss Colony and *I* am paying for it, so YOU had no right to open it up when it came even if you knew I bought it for Christmas for "the house." <shrug> Of course I was more just annoyed than all spazzed out like LW. So yanno, FWIW and all...

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#9
Mar 16, 2013
 

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What happens when you fart in church?

You sit in your own pew!

Bwahh..ha..

“bELieve”

Since: Jun 09

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#10
Mar 16, 2013
 

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It is not totally clear to me whether the LW's packages actually were for the house or if the boyfriend just thought they were.

Either way, sounds like the LW is not quite ready for cohabitation. Is she going to label her snacks and expect that he not touch them, either?

Regarding household items, things need to be thought of as "ours", regardless of who orders them off the Internet.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#11
Mar 16, 2013
 

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L1: I think Pellen and Tonka make good points. If he's opening everything, that's a whole 'nother can of worms. What I don't get is, if he knows it bothers her why not call or text her -- "Hon, we got a package from Restoration Hardware (that's Pellly), I think it's the cabinet hardware we ordered. If it's okay I'd like to open it and get on installing them."

L2: I'm with Red. The husband is an idiot. No way, no how.

L3: Is this Miss Goody-Two-Shoes writing in? Who cares what the other person is doing as long as it's not intrusive to other people. Get back to your prayers!

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#12
Mar 16, 2013
 

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Toj wrote:
What I don't get is, if he knows it bothers her why not call or text her -- "Hon, we got a package from Restoration Hardware (that's Pellly), I think it's the cabinet hardware we ordered. If it's okay I'd like to open it and get on installing them."
This is where I disagree. If I'm renovating a home I plan to share with my girlfriend and a package from Restoration Hardware shows up, I think it's unreasonable to call or text my gf for permission to open it. I'm either gonna just open it or leave it for her if she's got such a stick up her @zz about it.

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