Posted in the Chicago Forum
“Not a real reg”
Since: Jan 13
#1 Nov 17, 2013
DEAR AMY: I have a confession to make. I do not vote the way my wife tells me to vote. In fact, most often, I cancel out her vote. If she knew this, she would be very angry because she thinks I agree with her political opinions.
Also, I always listen to her talks and hit “Like” on her Facebook posts. The truth is, I like her and want her to think I support her, but I do not like her increasingly radical ideology related to liberal politics.
I consider myself a moderate traditionalist. Others may consider me old-fashioned or conservative. I would like to tell her this but do not want to start a fight. Besides, I think she would feel betrayed if she discovered my secret.
Should I risk the truth so that we can have an honest relationship in which she understands that I don’t share her politics?-- Conflicted in the Heartland
DEAR CONFLICTED: Hitting “Like” on Facebook does not necessarily convey that you actually “like” something. This “thumbs up” sign indicates mainly that you have seen the post or photo. On Facebook,“sharing” a post is a true endorsement. That having been said, if you don’t want to say something positive about one of your wife’s FB posts, then don’t.
Your vote is your own. You are not keeping a secret when you don’t disclose your vote; you are merely demonstrating citizenship in its pure form.
Actively pretending (or implying) that you agree with your wife about her changing politics to avoid an argument exposes a fault line in your relationship. I suggest you be brave enough to leap across it. You say that raising these issues will “start a fight.” You won’t be starting a fight if you state your own truth.(“Your views seem to be changing, and we are further apart politically than we used to be.”)
If your wife insists that you must always agree with her politics and vote alongside her to be in a peaceful relationship, then you have a real problem.
DEAR AMY: My 30-year-old daughter has left her husband and 4-year-old child to live the single life. She is attending college but hasn’t finished after six years because she has dropped or failed classes and has to repeat them. She continues to manipulate her gullible grandfather into paying for her school and car and giving her cash.
She is now also getting state assistance with housing, food stamps and day care, as well as child support. She lies about virtually everything.
I recently learned that she came into our house without permission while we were away and took money. I’m at my wits’ end with all the lies and deceit. I’m at the point that I don’t even want to speak to her, but I don’t want to jeopardize my relationship with my granddaughter. I don’t know what to do now.-- Furious
DEAR FURIOUS: First you need to change the locks on your house. Then you need to change the way you relate to your daughter.
If you fear that behaving ethically will jeopardize your relationship with your young granddaughter, then your daughter has already successfully manipulated you (why doesn’t the child live with her father?).
You should detach completely from your daughter’s problems. If she asks you a question, you must always answer honestly. But for now, confine your communication to matters only having to do with the grandchild. Your daughter will not cut you off from this child because she likely needs you.
The next time you want to be lied to, ask your daughter a question. Until then, detach. Show interest in your grandchild, and do your best to influence her — and let the rest go.
DEAR AMY: Recently “Old-Fashioned” posed a guy-minded hypothetical: If you went to Vegas with your sister’s fiance and he slept with “strange women,” would you tell her?
I’d say: If you’re comfortable with your sister getting married to someone who will break her heart, then by all means, keep that nasty little secret. And may I please have your wife’s phone number?-- Disgusted
DEAR DISGUSTED: I had a similar reaction.
“reign in blood”
Since: May 09
#2 Nov 17, 2013
1- You "like" your wife? You LIKE her?? Get a divorce, she's a stupid liberal anyway.
2- "(why doesn’t the child live with her father?)"
?? Where does it say she doesn't?? But yes, change the locks and keep a good relationship with your son in law. Screw your daughter, she'll crash and burn on her own eventually.
3- I still think most people would tell their sister.
“Where is Everyone?”
Since: Jul 12
#3 Nov 17, 2013
L1: I have to agree with Amy. It's more about the communication problem then it is about politics.
L2: Detach from your daughter. Seems so simple, right? I'm sure it isn't. Go to a therapist to help you. I'm thinking she's an addict but then the LW doesn't mention that. Could me some kind of mental illness. Therapist is all I got b/c there's not enough other information.
L3: I would hope most brothers would speak up to the soon to be BIL at Vegas, then and there.
Since: Jun 09
#4 Nov 17, 2013
1. If you value family peace, keep yu mouth shut and vote private. You have permission to throw out junk mail. P.S. You sound pussy whipped
2. Something doesn't compute. If she left her 4 year old and she is getting child care assistance, either LW is wrong or daughter is a welfare cheat, The advice to stay on good term with son in law is excellent. You have no ability to force contact with you granddaughter so long as your daughter is alive, not in jail .
3. he took you to Vegas with him because he figured you would keep your mouth shut. Tell him to get an STD test and show you the certificate or you are going to spill everything to your sister.
#5 Nov 17, 2013
PEllen for the triple crown. <Couldn't have said it
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