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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Mar 13, 2013
DEAR ABBY: I have been married 30 years and have raised four children to adulthood. I recently found out my husband has been having an affair with a prostitute from a strip club. He paid all her living expenses and promised to marry her. She was 26 when it started; he is 56. He told her his wife had run away with another man and that he was divorced. When I confronted him, he lied, lied, lied.

He wants to continue living together and pretend nothing happened. He went to counseling and quit. Then he went to a psychiatrist, who diagnosed him with a "mixed personality disorder." He says he wants to make up for his mistake with me, but all the while he was having unprotected sex.

I doubt he'll ever stop lying to me because he always has. I can't spend the rest of my life looking over my shoulder because this has happened before, although not to this extent. He said he just "led a double life" and he doesn't want to do it anymore. He admitted he did it because he never thought he would get caught.

During this long affair, he was brazen, arrogant and abusive to me. Now he wants to be attentive, but he makes me sick. What do I do?-- CAN'T TRUST HIM IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR CAN'T TRUST HIM: Only you can decide that, but in order to do it rationally, without anger or vengefulness, I'm advising you to make up your mind after some sessions with a psychologist on your own. What your husband wants at this point is far less important than what you want. And why you would want to continue in a marriage to an abusive philanderer is something only you can answer.

DEAR ABBY: I am a gay man who has been single for seven years. I met this guy, "Mark," about 10 months ago and we hit it off immediately. We have almost everything in common except that I'm a Democrat and he's a Republican. We both know how we feel about our political differences and decided to continue dating anyway.

My problem concerns my other gay friends, mostly Democrats, who don't like Mark because he's a Republican. I have tried explaining to them that we overlook our differences and concentrate on the many things we have in common, and they should try to do the same. But they no longer invite me to gatherings and their phone calls have ceased.

I feel hurt and rejected by my closest friends, some of whom I have known my whole life. I feel torn between them and Mark, who is someone I really care for. Is it wrong to continue my relationship with my boyfriend at the expense of my friends?-- POLITICALLY INCORRECT

DEAR POLITICALLY INCORRECT: Twenty-twelve was a particularly heated election year, with important issues at stake and negative campaigning bringing out the worst in many people. Now that the election has been decided, one would hope that inflamed emotions will settle down and life can return to normal.

I know several couples who have strong and happy "mixed" marriages in which the spouses do not always agree politically. It is a shame that you would be required to choose between the man you care for and your longtime friends, who want to ignore that there are also gay Republicans.

I see nothing wrong with continuing your relationship with Mark; however, I think it may be time for you to expand your circle of friends if this is how your old ones behave. You'll all be happier if you do. Trust me on that.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#2 Mar 13, 2013
Lw1:'He admitted he did it because he never thought he would get caught.'
Who ever does the wrong thing thinkingthey will get caught?

'During this long affair, he was brazen, arrogant and abusive to me. Now he wants to be attentive, but he makes me sick. What do I do?'
You know why he cheated on you? Cause you're so dumb you can't figure this out without Abby's input.

LW2: I will never understand this. I'm 41 damn years old and I really could not tell you the political leanings of any of my friends. Politics is just not a general topic of discussion when we get together.

"Is it wrong to continue my relationship with my boyfriend at the expense of my friends?"
Another idiot. Wrong? There is no right or wrong in this situation. You do what you feel is best for YOU. What relationship do you value more?

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

#3 Mar 13, 2013
L3. Your friends will never bridge the divide with prejudice.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#4 Mar 13, 2013
L1: "What do I do?" Kick his ass to the curb and take half of everything.

L2: This is about gay marriage. Luckily, Minnesota's gay marriage bill was introduced by a Republican.:D (And passed both committees last night!!!)

There are many gay Republicans. "Log Cabin Republicans" is the name of their group. They'd love gay marriage, but they feel that fiscal policies override personal/social stuff.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#5 Mar 13, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
LW2: I will never understand this. I'm 41 damn years old and I really could not tell you the political leanings of any of my friends. Politics is just not a general topic of discussion when we get together.
I probably can tell you how 90% of my coworkers vote, and how 99% of my friends vote. But my friends and I don't talk politics much at all. During the last election, one friend, another liberal, asked me what was wrong with the Voter ID amendment being put on the ballot (it was very poorly written, to the degree that nursing home residents and homeless vets wouldn't be allowed to vote, and neither would overseas troops whose permanent address is Minnesota). I am opposed to any and all voter ID laws, but my friend is not. But when I told her the problems of the proposed amendment, she voted against it. BUt I know she'll vote for it if they fix the problems it had and reintroduce it.

But if it weren't for her asking me that question, I'd have no idea where she stands on that issue (and I honestly don't really care).

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#6 Mar 13, 2013
1 See! Here's the problem, you complained that he was brazen, arrogant and abusive. Now your complaining that Now he wants to be attentive.

Typical woman, never satisfied.

2 Your problem is that your gay friends are dumbasses and had you not met mark, you would be just like them (and you were, weren't you?). If your friendships are defined by your political affiliations, you're all buttheads!

“Citizen_Patriot_ Voter_Atheist!”

Since: May 09

Earth,TX

#7 Mar 13, 2013
LW1. Dump him.

LW2. Keep him, and I'd throw a party, a "one party" party, a "I don't like broccoli party, but I get that you do" party, a coming together to celebrate your coming out republican and his coming out democrat party.

Tell your friends that opposites attract, make up something but don't let them ostracize you, give em a laugh, make sure they get to know him. Maybe everyone could bring someone of the other party, or do role reversals skits for the group.

Tell everyone that before you marry, you are both converting to the Tory party, for the children's sake.

Since: Dec 07

DuPage County

#8 Mar 13, 2013
1 I sense somebody's about to lose their half of a mobile home.

2 Your friends are overly-sensitive aholes. ZI, like other commenters, could give a rat's azz about politics.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#9 Mar 13, 2013
1- I'm with tonka and race, the lady sounds like a pill.

2- Democrats are so narrow-minded and intolerant.

Tonka, seriously? I think I know which side of the aisle everyone of my friends stands on and many co workers, too.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#10 Mar 13, 2013
RACE wrote:
If your friendships are defined by your political affiliations, you're all buttheads!
Correct. Friendships should be defined by sports team affiliations and similar musical tastes.:)

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#11 Mar 13, 2013
My head almost exploded when a friend started dating a Pearl Jam fan who was a gator.
cjzag

Franklin Square, NY

#12 Mar 13, 2013
Hey Reason Personified - I like your style!! Brilliant!

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#13 Mar 13, 2013
LW1: I bet he’s a democrat too.:-p

LW2: As is not uncommon, your liberal friends are the epitome of tolerance. <sarcasm>

I say f’ your friends, if they are that intolerant. They have shown their true colors and they clearly weren’t much of friends to begin with.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#14 Mar 13, 2013
LW1: Save your money on the psychologist and spend it on a lawyer instead.

LW2: If they really cared about you, they would not act this way. Time for new friends!

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#15 Mar 13, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
Tonka, seriously?
Yes. Seriously. And its not like there is some concerted effort to stay off politics. That's just how it is. The first time I was ever exposed to political talk on anything other than the tv or radio was at my current job. A few co-workers sniping back and forth. Politics come up here now and then. But other than here? No where.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#16 Mar 13, 2013
I walk away anytime I hear it starting. A buddy of mine can go on for an hour once he starts. I just shut him down. I refuse to listen to his rants.
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>Yes. Seriously. And its not like there is some concerted effort to stay off politics. That's just how it is. The first time I was ever exposed to political talk on anything other than the tv or radio was at my current job. A few co-workers sniping back and forth. Politics come up here now and then. But other than here? No where.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#17 Mar 13, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>Yes. Seriously. And its not like there is some concerted effort to stay off politics. That's just how it is. The first time I was ever exposed to political talk on anything other than the tv or radio was at my current job. A few co-workers sniping back and forth. Politics come up here now and then. But other than here? No where.
You don't have to discuss politics to learn where someone stands. Ever discuss social issues? Fiscal issues? Taxes?

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#18 Mar 13, 2013
I pretty much only talk politics on here. If it comes up IRL, it's not a prolonged discussion and spoken about in generalities.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#19 Mar 13, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
My head almost exploded when a friend started dating a Pearl Jam fan who was a gator.
Heh. Jasper's a UM fan who likes 70s music. I will learn from this and choose more wisely next time.

“FD&S is no way to be.”

Since: Feb 13

Cedar Grove, TN

#20 Mar 13, 2013
1. You write that letter and you still have to ask someone else what you should do? Amazing.

2. F' your friends. If they are going to blacklist you because of this, you're better off without them.

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