Abby 9-7

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“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#1
Sep 7, 2013
 
DEAR ABBY: I'm 24 and a college graduate. My boyfriend, "Jordan," and I have been together for a year and we would like to get married. However, my parents are against the idea. They love Jordan, but they think marriage is stupid because, in 2013, "Who is getting married?"

I think this is totally ridiculous, but I don't know what to do. I want to be married and I would love my parents' approval, but it's hard when they call me stupid for wanting to take that step just because their marriage didn't work out.

I love Jordan and I love my parents. Should I have to choose between the two?-- TOTALLY TORN

DEAR TOTALLY TORN: You do not have to choose between your parents and being married. At 24, you are an adult and mature enough to make your own decision about the importance of the institution.

As to the question of "who is getting married" these days, one answer is people with college degrees are marrying at a greater rate than those with only a high school education -- and their unions are more lasting. I'm sorry your parents' marriage didn't work out, but you would be foolish to let their cynical opinion of this kind of commitment taint your perspective. I hope you and Jordan enjoy many happy and fulfilling years together.

DEAR ABBY: What are your thoughts about co-workers dating? I have a crush on one of my co-workers, and I believe it is reciprocated. We're unsure about an office romance because, while it isn't against the rules for people to date within the building, there are concerns about sexual harassment or inappropriate behavior on the premises.(Some of our co-workers have dated with no problems.)

Would it be wrong to attempt to further the relationship, as long as it remains appropriate within the office, or should I forget it and date someone outside of work?-- WORKING RELATIONSHIP IN INDIANA

DEAR WORKING RELATIONSHIP: This may seem old-fashioned, but I'm not crazy about the idea of office romances. While I know they are not uncommon and it's hard to fight mutual attraction, office romances are distracting. When the pheromones are flying, it can be extremely difficult to concentrate on the tasks at hand. And if it doesn't work out, there can be tension, embarrassment and hard feelings in the aftermath, and that's not good for business.

DEAR ABBY: Twice in the past month I have received thank-you notes for gifts I had given, but the wrong gift was mentioned. I usually spend a lot of time selecting just the right thing, and I take pride in my choices.

I understand how something like that could happen, but I'm not sure what to do about it. Should I just keep quiet about it, or say something to the person? What would I say? I don't want to embarrass anyone, but I know I have received gifts in the past that will forever remind me of the giver.-- PICKING OUT PRESENTS IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR PICKING OUT PRESENTS: I see nothing to be gained by not alerting the person to the mistake. If you were thanked for the wrong gift, so was another giver. If I had mixed up the gift cards, I would want to know -- wouldn't you? Do unto others ...

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#2
Sep 7, 2013
 

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1 If your parents are calling you stupid, their is probably a reason. They dont want to shell out for a wedding that aint going to last.

2 Screw you abby. Just because your office romance with that midget from accounting didn't work does not mean it's bad for everyone. I'm sorry he dumped you for the girl who stocks the vending machine, but thats life.

3 The rule is if you give a gift you get a note. Nothing about it being the RIGHT note. Just be glad you got one and shaddup.

“Derecho”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#3
Sep 7, 2013
 

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1- "in 2013, "Who is getting married?"

Gays for one. But I've been to two weddings this year. Your parents need to get out more.

2- Sex at work can be fun!

3- This is just like that letter about the gravy china dish or whatever it was. And once again Abby tells you to alert the receiver about the mistake. And once again she's wrong! Be grateful they sent a note and SHADDUP!!

Since: Dec 07

DuPage County

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#4
Sep 7, 2013
 
1. Your parents don't like Jordan, and their reasons are just camouflage.

2. A little copy room nookie does a body good!

3. Whatever! Be glad you got a thank you and quit nursing your wounded ego. They probably have already returned that yogurt maker you gave them.
Cass

Rancho Cucamonga, CA

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#5
Sep 7, 2013
 
LW1 - Well, I see your parents' point, but if YOU and Jordan want to get married, why are you concerned about your parents' views? Just go ahead and get married. It doesn't cost much. If you want to have a wedding and expect your parents to pay for it, that's a different matter. They are not obligated to, and you can't ask them to pay for what they don't approve of. Either save your own money or get married in a town hall or go to Vegas.

LW2 - If there is no company prohibiting co-worker dating, go for it. If you trust the other person, that is. If the relationship does not work out and you break up, can this person be trusted to behave civilly and professionally towards you and not to file sexual harassment charges? If yes, go for it. If you have doubts, should you really be dating such a morally deficient person?

LW3 - Oh, just go ahead and call the couple and tell them how delighted you were to get their note, but you are afraid there was a mix-up. You gave them a toaster, not a 72-inch TV.
Cass

Rancho Cucamonga, CA

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#6
Sep 7, 2013
 

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On the issue of thank-you notes:

About a year ago, one of my former grad students got married. I was invited to the wedding, but couldn't go. I sent a gift though. Never got a thank-you note, but I know they got the gift because I ran into the student at the mall about 2 months after the wedding, congratulated her in person and asked if the gift was shipped to them. She said, yes and thank you very much. Done. I don't need formal notes.:-)
Kuuipo

Salinas, CA

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#7
Sep 7, 2013
 
LW1: Either your parents are very cynical or they have another reason for not wanting you to get married. You can try to determine if there's another reason, or you can just go ahead and plan your wedding without their help.

LW2: Adults often meet each other at work. I don't see anything wrong with that. I work in a large building and I know several couples, some married, that work there. It isn't a problem.
not a ghost

San Antonio, TX

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#8
Sep 7, 2013
 

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Why does LW1 want the approval of people who call
LW1 stupid?(I don't know if LW1 is a woman or a man.)
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

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#9
Sep 7, 2013
 

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1: I honestly think if you can't choose your SO (future spouse) over your parents' approval, you're not ready to get married. Your allegiance must be to the new family you will create and parents can deal or shut up.

2: Why is LW questioning after clearly telling us other co-workers have dated with no problems?
Is this just a way out of dating really?

3: Oh shut up. It's a hectic time and some friends was probably keeping the list. This is really about fluffing her ego.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#10
Sep 7, 2013
 

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LW1: "DEAR TOTALLY TORN: You do not have to choose between your parents and being married."
Correct

"At 24, you are an adult and mature enough to make your own decision"
Apparently not.

"As to the question of "who is getting married" these days, one answer is people with college degrees are marrying at a greater rate than those with only a high school education"
I'm pretty sure I 've seen stories that state the exact opposite. I think she's wrong.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#11
Sep 7, 2013
 
RACE wrote:
2 Screw you abby. Just because your office romance with that midget from accounting didn't work does not mean it's bad for everyone. I'm sorry he dumped you for the girl who stocks the vending machine, but thats life.
Yeah. And depending on the size of your office, it couls be a moot point. the places that I've worked have been big enough that the departments are spread out over multiple floors of a large building. There are tons of women that I would have zero contact with in a normal work week. Dating one of them would serve as no distraction

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#12
Sep 7, 2013
 

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LW3: If the person thanked me in person or made some other mention of it to me in person, I would correct them and say that wasn't from me. But in thank you note? Who cares. I'm not gonna go out of my way to correct this mistake.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#13
Sep 8, 2013
 

Judged:

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L1: If you can't be sure to be married over your parents' disapproval, then don't get married. You're not ready. It's really a maturity issue here. Otherwise, I agree with Cass.

L2: I'm with Tonka. Depends on the people and the size/type of the business. Also, I'm wondering if this is the type of person who polls everyone before making a decision. Lame.

L3: BFD. Get over it. I'm with chel.

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