“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#1 May 6, 2014
DEAR AMY: I met "Cindy" at my workplace about a month ago. I am in my 40s, and she is 36. She has three daughters who live with her; I have met them briefly. Her oldest is 18.

Her husband left, and she blames herself. She has had two serious relationships in the last 12 years.

I asked her what she wants in life. She says she is lonely and wants a guy she can marry. She wants to be happy forever.

We have slept together twice. We have lunch together Monday-Friday. We tell each other we love each other and want to have "our" worlds together.

I have been honest with her that I live with my ex-girlfriend. My ex and I have been broken up for a while and live as roommates.

I sent Cindy a text asking if I moved out of my house, could I come live with her and her girls? And she responded that it would be awesome.

I show her that I am not like the other guys she has had in the past. She says she wants to try to have a future with me. I call and text her all the time, but over the weekends she doesn't answer. She likes to go out with her friends alone (she drives them, or so she says).

Now I do not know what to do. I am confused, hurt, frustrated and lonely without her.

I know I love her and want a future with her. I tell her I just want love, honesty, respect and communication. Can she just not commit, or is she scared? What do I do now?-- Lonely and Confused

DEAR LONELY: Stand down, Romeo. You are coming on very strong, very quickly.

You have no business asking someone you have known for a month if you can move in with her and her daughters. No good mom would even consider this, and even though she told you this would be "awesome," your aggression might be freaking her out. Because you work together, this whole relationship has the potential to damage both of you professionally as well as personally, unless you slow down.

If you are seriously interested in communication, you will have to figure out how to translate your intense interest into listening (and reading other nonverbal cues) rather than talking.

DEAR AMY: My father passed away, and it was his wish not to have an obituary published. Nor did he want any type of funeral service.

He was cremated, and we have his ashes, yet our family feels a lack of closure without some type of memorial.

I have thought about hosting a "life celebration" or "remembrance gathering" that would allow us to meet with immediate and extended family and friends, but are we going against his wishes?-- Perplexed

DEAR PERPLEXED: Unless your father was extremely specific that he didn't want his name mentioned at any kind of gathering after his death, at this point you and your family should tell yourselves that you have honored his wishes to the best of your ability.

A memorial gathering is different from a funeral service. You should do whatever you need to do in order to remember, reclaim and start to move forward from this loss.

I suggest organizing a gathering (preferably with food and drink involved) and asking everyone to bring photos and stories to share.

DEAR AMY: "Happy but Worried" was a grandmother who had two daughters: one infertile and the other newly pregnant.

I am the youngest of four sisters. I had to do IVF to get pregnant. I had a daughter.

Then my sister found out she had no more eggs (at 31), so I donated eggs for her and her husband. They had a beautiful daughter.

After that I had many miscarriages, and the sister I gave the egg to offered to carry a pregnancy for me.

My sister gave birth to my twin girls, who will be 17 in July.

Sisters are the best! We were blessed to have what each other needed.

Maybe this sister would be open to being a surrogate.-- Thankful Sister

DEAR THANKFUL: Great idea!

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Melrose Park, IL

#2 May 6, 2014
1- I agree, slow down dude

2- Have whatever gathering you want. There's nothing he can do about it

3- This is just weird to me. And like a Friend's episode. "My sister is pregnant with my baby!"

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Melrose Park, IL

#3 May 6, 2014
1- And move out if your dam ex's place!

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#4 May 6, 2014
1Let's see.
LW lives with his ex
LW met Cindy a month ago at work- did he start a moth a go or sis she?
He has already slept with someone he works with
Cindy has teenaged daughters, the oldest is 18.
Cindy isn't available on weekends.

Nope, I don't see anything wrong here..NOT.

What a loon. No wonder at 40 he isn't married.
Run away. Run away.

2.How nice. Better living thru biochemistry

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#5 May 6, 2014
LW1: This guy is creepy!!!

LW2: Do a memorial and spread some of his ashes.

LW3: I agree with edog (oy vey).

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Melrose Park, IL

#6 May 6, 2014
PEllen wrote:
No wonder at 40 he isn't married.
While I agree with your general assessment of the letter, this statement raised my hackles a little. Is there something wrong with not being married at age forty? Does society place such a stigma on single people? Am I a societal outcast by not marrying?

Since: Mar 09

Hollywood, FL

#7 May 6, 2014
L1: HOW old are you and Cindy again? Because you're acting like you're thirteen.

L2: Too bad you didn't ask him to specify what he meant while he was, yanno, still alive.

L3: Your family tree gives me a headache.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#8 May 6, 2014
LW1: This guy would freak me the f*ck out!

You have known her a grand total of 30 days and roughly 4 weekends in which you have decided that she cannot commit because she goes out with friends (whom she has probably known much longer than 30 days) and does not respond to your numerous texts/calls.

You barely know this person and she barely knows you! Not committing to living with someone after knowing that person for barely a month is not being scared, it's being smart.

LW2: A party is not a funeral. Food, drink and lots of pictures will help.

LW3: Sounds like a soap opera.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#9 May 6, 2014
L1: The new girlfriend needs to be smarter to protect her children and probably has a weekend guy (maybe not -- might be just busy). The LW is definitely creepy, though. I don't place much hope on either of the two people in the middle of this scenario.

L2: He did receive what he wanted. Now go have what your family needs. He's dead so there's no way to get his approval. Most likely he'd want his family happy so go with that.

L3: Close family. Helped each other out with very personal, demanding favors. I think it's kind of beautiful they are there that much for each other. That's asking a lot, though. No one should expect it out of a family member.
boundary painter

Waco, TX

#10 May 6, 2014
Glance into the future for LW1:
(a) The current girlfriend helped him pack and looked relieved as she
said the arrangement was for the best.
(b) Cindy continued to be "busy" and let LW1 know she "couldn't burden
him with her responsibilities" and "would understand if he wanted to spend time with others".
(c) got scolded by his mother or step mother because he didn't bring her anything for Mother's Day
or
(d) other

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#11 May 6, 2014
boundary painter wrote:
Glance into the future for LW1:
(a) The current girlfriend helped him pack and looked relieved as she
said the arrangement was for the best.
(b) Cindy continued to be "busy" and let LW1 know she "couldn't burden
him with her responsibilities" and "would understand if he wanted to spend time with others".
(c) got scolded by his mother or step mother because he didn't bring her anything for Mother's Day
or
(d) other
(d) Other

He decided to "drop by" the following weekend at her house since she wasn't answering her phone on a Saturday afternoon. Turns out she was being extraordinarily neighborly with the gentlemen who lived next door. LW1 offered to hook him up with his ex so he could continue his "relationship" with the "neighborly" lady.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#12 May 6, 2014
1 Dude, you are way to clingy. I bet she broke it off before this even got to print.
And edog, you're not a social outcast because you're not married.... You're not married because you're a social outcast.
You're
You're
You're
2 A memorial service is not a funeral, have one and get drunk.
3 Team JMW!

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#13 May 6, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
While I agree with your general assessment of the letter, this statement raised my hackles a little. Is there something wrong with not being married at age forty? Does society place such a stigma on single people? Am I a societal outcast by not marrying?
LW clearly thinks so or he wouldn't be rushing things on 30 days acquaintance
blunt advice

Toms River, NJ

#14 May 6, 2014
1. This broad gave birth at 18. Flash forward 6 to 18 years later. In 12 years she had 2 boyfriends and a husband while raising a young girl. And she started shacking up with a new guy at work a month ago and is going out on weekends. For the love of God I hope you used condoms the 2 times you banged her and continue to use them each subsequent time. And you want to marry her? You better buy those Trojans by the caseload.
2. Have a memorial party in his honor.
3. Good idea but please don't keep rehashing this.
Julie

Chicago, IL

#15 May 6, 2014
j_m_w wrote:
L1: HOW old are you and Cindy again? Because you're acting like you're thirteen.
You NAILED it.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#16 May 7, 2014
RACE wrote:
1
And edog, you're not a social outcast because you're not married.... You're not married because you're a social outcast.
!
heh

Tell me when this thread is updated:

Subscribe Now Add to my Tracker

Add your comments below

Characters left: 4000

Please note by submitting this form you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

Chicago Discussions

Title Updated Last By Comments
News Barack Obama, our next President (Nov '08) 1 min Grumpy 1,522,052
News BARACK OBAMA BIRTH CERTIFICATE: Suit contesting... (Jan '09) 2 hr Buster Steinbeizer 240,358
News Chicago Restaurants Rally Against Trump Immigra... 4 hr Truth 8
I think she is pissed. From a few years ago. 4 hr SENIORS READ-THIS 6
Topix Chitown Regulars (Aug '09) 4 hr RACE 105,131
Look at Minn. Maine & Michigan. 4 hr OUTLAW-HALAL-FOODS 13
{keep A word drop A word} (Oct '11) 4 hr RACE 10,582

Chicago Jobs

More from around the web

Personal Finance

Chicago Mortgages