“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#1 Nov 28, 2013
DEAR ABBY: A friend of mine faked a pregnancy to get a man to stay with her. Once he moved in, she told him she'd had a miscarriage. She even went so far as to name this so-called baby.

He now has the baby's name tattooed on his arm! She goes on Facebook and talks about how she misses her "little baby boy," and counts every month as though it is his birthday. Every time I read it I get a sick feeling.

I want to tell this man the truth. I know for a fact she was not pregnant. I'm not sure how to go about this. If I say something, I know I will end up the bad guy. Should I mind my own business or let this man know he's living with a maniac?-- WANTS TO TELL THE TRUTH

DEAR WANTS: Your friend may have told this lie so often that she has come to believe it herself. Or, she may be acting this out in order to hang onto the man. While I don't think she is a maniac, I do think she may be unbalanced.

I agree the man has a right to know. Wouldn't you want to be told if you were him? The way to do it is face-to-face. And be prepared for the friendship to end afterward. Frankly, that may be for the best because the woman has more problems than you can cope with.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have recently moved and are now being bombarded with demands to see our home. I was brought up to believe that inviting yourself to anything, especially the privacy of someone's home, is extremely rude.

I understand our family is excited for us, and it is nice to be loved -- but our home isn't ready to be shown, and people won't give up! Telling them about the remodeling mess and that we plan to have a housewarming party in the future when everyone can see our place has been ineffective.

The times I have been unable to avoid people who insisted on coming over, they were rude and judgmental about the moving mess. Please advise me how to say "no" without offending those who are offending me.-- ETIQUETTE-BOUND HOMEOWNER IN KANSAS

DEAR HOMEOWNER: I'll offer a tip. It is amazing what a person can get away with saying if it is done with a smile. All you have to do is smile and say, "Nope. No one can see it until the unveiling." And remember, it isn't rude to stand your ground when someone is trying to encroach upon it. Even family members.

DEAR ABBY: My problem is my mother. My entire life (I am 50) she has made me choose between her and Dad for the holidays. They have been divorced for 30 years, and she still speaks ill of him. She has made every wedding or family event unbearable. It has reached the point that I feel guilty if I want to go and see him.

She is now doing the same thing with my boyfriend of four years. A lot has transpired between us, but we are on a good path and are very much involved in each other's lives. She refused to spend this past Easter with us, including my children, if he was around. I told her that it was her choice and she is always welcome to attend.

With Christmas fast approaching, I don't want all the drama and blackmail to continue. Help!-- WEARY IN WISCONSIN

DEAR WEARY: You handled Easter appropriately and you should do the same with Christmas. If your mother chooses not to attend, the choice is hers. Consider asking your father to join you if she won't be there.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#2 Nov 28, 2013
L1 Both the friend and the BF are nuts. Walk away slowly.

The friend has major issues with reality and being manipulative. If LW tells the BF, LW has no proof there was no pregnancy and LW becomes the bad guy.

An early miscarriage is like a bad period. Once you get mid term, there is something equivalent to a delivery. After about 26 weeks, the docs will want to save the baby. You can't do that with a fake.

L2. LW is a wuss Just say No, not yet.

L3. LW's Mom is a [man] hater. If it is isn't this BF, it will be a cousin or another BF. Margnalize her and invite your dad.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#3 Nov 28, 2013
1- Call her out on facebook. She needs to realize her actions and behavior have consequences.

2- So invite them over already! What is the dam problem? The house isn't "ready??" You're living in it, it's ready enough. YOU are coming off as the rude one by not allowing friends and family to visit you.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#4 Nov 28, 2013
PEllen wrote:
After about 26 weeks, the docs will want to save the baby.
And it's appalling to want to ban abortions after 20 weeks! APPALLING!!
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#5 Nov 28, 2013
1: Holy crap. I could not process being friends with someone like this...the guy stays with her without the kid string to keep him there? Until she gets pregnant again. Once she "miscarried" that was his chance to escape.

3: What a shrew. I would go to dad's all the bloody time until she SHUTS up.
My mom loves slamming my dad at any little opportunity and when it happens, I: leave or hang up the phone.
Kuuipo

Salinas, CA

#6 Nov 28, 2013
1. The ideal time to have said something was when she sold him the fake pregnancy story, assuming that you either knew or suspected that something was off at the time. Then again, do you really want to insert yourself into someone else's drama? I'm with PEllen. They are both nuts. Walk away from both of them and let them figure each other out.

2. Team edog.

3. Y'all remember the letter from the woman whose divorced parents got along but the mother's boyfriend didn't like being around the dad? That LW doesn't have to put up with Mom spewing venom about Dad like this one does. This LW has a real problem. If she wants to keep the peace, she'll have to visit each separately.
Pippa

Hancock, NY

#7 Nov 28, 2013
1: I would like to know just how this lw "knows" her friend faked the pregnancy and miscarriage. Sometimes people just "know" things but they're so very wrong about what they think they know. I do think the friend is very weird though. I've never known a woman who really miscarried to behave in this manner. I don't think I'd want to be friends with her in any case.

2: What? Don't you want your friends and family to see the "before" as well as the "after" in your new home? Sure, people shouldn't push where they aren't wanted but if they're normal folks, they aren't going to have coniption fits seeing your home in it's current condition knowing that you plan a renovation of sorts. They may have some very helpful ideas. You don't have to follow through on everyone's ideas but believe me, some of them can be great. Another thought: just how long is your remodelling going to take anyway? Are you going to keep your family at bay that long? I think you're being unrealistic.

3: I can't believe you allowed your mom to dictate to you in this way for 30 years of adult life. Right from the beginning, you should have invited who you wanted and let them decide between themselves and not put you in the middle this way. It's one thing to choose to not invite someone because YOU don't want to see them, but it's simply rude for another person to dictate who you should not invite. An exception to that might be if there was a situation such as a request that you don't invite your dad/uncle/grandfather/brother/ whoever because he's a child molester and children will be present during the event or some other situation where the person might do someone harm.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#8 Nov 28, 2013
Kuuipo wrote:
2. Team edog.
Team dog as well. LW sounds too pretentious for my liking. If I move into a new place, who do you think is helping me move? Friends and family. they're gonna see the place in shambles on day one.

I don't need to have my home in perfect Better Homes & Gardens magazine cover condition to have friends over.

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