“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#22 Feb 8, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
L2: Fuck you. Fuck. you.
You win the post of the day award!

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#23 Feb 8, 2013
L1: Had to reread that letter three times. I'm not sure what the deal is. It is very poorly written.

L2: Some people do treat their advanced aged parents/relatives horribly. Some don't.

L3:{Shaking head) I don't find that charming at all.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#24 Feb 8, 2013
1: I got nothin'. You guys convered it pretty well.

2: I'm with PEllen. I was thinking this nosy old woman doesn't know these people or their relationships and it very well might be "as ye sow so shall ye reap."

3: This just flat pisses me off. No adult person needs to have permission asked of their parent. This is a patriarchal tradition from the time when women (even grown-ass adult women in middle age) were considered to be the property (by law) of their father.

Why the hell would someone want to give credence to this kind of ridiculous thing and allow it to continue to be perpetrated? Free at last, free at last thank god almighty we are free at last...free at last.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Garden City, MI

#25 Feb 8, 2013
Mimi Seattle wrote:
Why the hell would someone want to give credence to this kind of ridiculous thing and allow it to continue to be perpetrated? Free at last, free at last thank god almighty we are free at last...free at last.
For the same reason fathers "give their daughters away."

Asking for permission is a show of respect. I think it is a very noble tradition.
dahgts

United States

#26 Feb 8, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
L2: "I'm grateful to have a daughter who puts up with my occasional crankiness and complaints." So when you're a bitch, it's on her to put up with you? Old age doesn't come with a license to be an asshole.
Oh boy, just wait until you're old and feeble and see how you keep avoiding occasional crankiness and complaints. It's not the daughter writing in that her mother is a bitch or an asshole. My mother had a lot to complain about re her health and failing body, but never would anyone consider her a bitch. And if and when you reach that point you do have license to complain a bit. What do you think old people talk about among themselves? The latest iphone release?

So I guess you're never, ever cranky about anything or never have any complaints in life or in posts?
Cass

Rancho Cucamonga, CA

#27 Feb 8, 2013
L4 - Ah-hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! Ooph. Hahahahahahahahahahah!

I didin't know Abby picked up letters written 100 years ago for her column.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#28 Feb 8, 2013
dahgts wrote:
<quoted text>
Oh boy, just wait until you're old and feeble and see how you keep avoiding occasional crankiness and complaints. It's not the daughter writing in that her mother is a bitch or an asshole. My mother had a lot to complain about re her health and failing body, but never would anyone consider her a bitch. And if and when you reach that point you do have license to complain a bit. What do you think old people talk about among themselves? The latest iphone release?
So I guess you're never, ever cranky about anything or never have any complaints in life or in posts?
None of the old people in my life in my adult years have bitched about their health or anything else to do with aging. I think peopel either are complainers, or they're not. I"m NOT on this LW's side. If her daughter is carting her around and helping her out, she should keep her crankiness to herself.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#29 Feb 8, 2013
Mimi Seattle wrote:
3: This just flat pisses me off. No adult person needs to have permission asked of their parent. This is a patriarchal tradition from the time when women (even grown-ass adult women in middle age) were considered to be the property (by law) of their father.
Why the hell would someone want to give credence to this kind of ridiculous thing and allow it to continue to be perpetrated? Free at last, free at last thank god almighty we are free at last...free at last.
It was on topix. It was several years ago. I don't recall if it was on Amby or some other thread unrelated to you peeps. But I made similar comments and the LADIES there laid into me.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#30 Feb 8, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>It was on topix. It was several years ago. I don't recall if it was on Amby or some other thread unrelated to you peeps. But I made similar comments and the LADIES there laid into me.
http://www.topix.com/forum/city/hartford-ct/T...

Fifth down.

This?

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#31 Feb 8, 2013
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
http://www.topix.com/forum/city/hartford-ct/T...
Fifth down.
This?
What the heck? Are you some kind of topix summoner? How in the hell did you find that? Obviously, you had to be one of those people. Which one were you? Is this Terri? Tamora?
dahgts

United States

#32 Feb 8, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
None of the old people in my life in my adult years have bitched about their health or anything else to do with aging. I think peopel either are complainers, or they're not. I"m NOT on this LW's side. If her daughter is carting her around and helping her out, she should keep her crankiness to herself.
So, sitting down in a chair and saying wow, my knees sure hurt today is not allowed? It's too complaining? Would you tell that person to be quiet and quit bitchin'. You were assuming she was a bitch re complaining. How about assuming she was lucid enough to acknowledge that she occasionally is a little cranky and that she appreciates her daughter not reacting by being mean to her.

And sorry, I don't believe that any older people you know don't complain once in awhile. You just haven't been around them enough. Spend some time at a nursing home and find out that some are nasty and some are nice, even when they are hurting.

Assumptions run rampant around here and most seem to take the low road.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#33 Feb 8, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>What the heck? Are you some kind of topix summoner? How in the hell did you find that? Obviously, you had to be one of those people. Which one were you? Is this Terri? Tamora?
None. I did a Google search. I was curious. I put in "Tonka" and "Topix" and then "permission to marry". Try it. Came right up.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#34 Feb 8, 2013
dahgts wrote:
<quoted text>
So, sitting down in a chair and saying wow, my knees sure hurt today is not allowed? It's too complaining? Would you tell that person to be quiet and quit bitchin'. You were assuming she was a bitch re complaining. How about assuming she was lucid enough to acknowledge that she occasionally is a little cranky and that she appreciates her daughter not reacting by being mean to her.
And sorry, I don't believe that any older people you know don't complain once in awhile. You just haven't been around them enough. Spend some time at a nursing home and find out that some are nasty and some are nice, even when they are hurting.
Assumptions run rampant around here and most seem to take the low road.
I think maybe we are making different assumptions or keying in on differnt words.

LW said, "I'm grateful to have a daughter who puts up with my occasional crankiness and complaints"

Complaints: I think its perfectly acceptable to complain about the pain your are having or how terrible you feel or whatever.

Crankiness: To me, that's vastly different. I hear that word and I think of someone taking their bad mood out on someone else. To me, THAT is unacceptable. I don't give a rat's ass how old you are or what caused you to feel bad. I did not cause it. If I am not responsible for the problem, do not take it out on me. If I am trying to assist you, treat me like someone who is trying to assist you, not like someone who caused your pain.

“It made sense at the time....”

Since: May 09

Itasca, IL

#35 Feb 8, 2013
Re crabby caretaker daughters... it coudl be that the parent changed their minds back and forth too many times or ignored too many signs leading up to a "disaster" as my gramma says. my mom has heard every BS excuse in the world about why my gramma wont do soemthing, and mom's patience is wearing thin.

A fer-instance. gramma's legs had been swelling for awhile, like a couple of months or so, yet she'd pass it off as nothing much, part of getting old. she started complaining of a swelling abdomen; it was just the cancer growing. finally, the medical staff at the nursing home saw that there was somethign different about it and brought it up to my mom and told her to have a MD take a look at it. an appointment was made 2 days later. when my mom calls to remind gramma, oh, she had a bad night, was up every 2 hours to pee, was too tired and didn't want to be too far from a toilet. ok, sez my mom, i'll reschedule, but WE ARE GOING NEXT TIME.

fast forward anotehr 2 days. the nursing staff calls to say gramma isnt peeing much at all, she needs to go to the ER. Turns out, the leg swelling was related to her peeing issues. the cancer had grown just the right way that it would lean on the "plumbing" nad either cause problems peeing or peeing too much. she "got drained" and within hours her belly was flat and her legs weren't swolen any more. mom & gramma had a couple back & forths in the ER, but one time when my mom left, i gently asked "why" about soemthing, and was able to explain that instead of staying in the hospital (hwere insurance wouldn't pay) that the nursing home staff could help with her concerns. she was fine wiht that. but then, i hadn't been a part of the BS for days about going to see her regular MD abuot swolen legs.

so, until you've been ther and "but for the grace of god" and all that, i'd chalk these things up to a bad day and trying times adn leave them alone if it looks like a crabass caretaker.

“It made sense at the time....”

Since: May 09

Itasca, IL

#36 Feb 8, 2013
ok, sorry that was so long, and i left out details too...

taht was a bad weekend for gramma(2 trips to teh ER for unrelated events) that concluded wiht her agreeing to go into hospice care...

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#37 Feb 8, 2013
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
None. I did a Google search. I was curious. I put in "Tonka" and "Topix" and then "permission to marry". Try it. Came right up.
Here's the thread I got when I did it:

http://www.topix.com/forum/chicago/TCU6DJ2FAD...

This is a fun game!

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#38 Feb 8, 2013
j_m_w wrote:
<quoted text>
Here's the thread I got when I did it:
http://www.topix.com/forum/chicago/TCU6DJ2FAD...
This is a fun game!
I liked the Sublime and Tonka back and forth on that one.:)

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#39 Feb 8, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
For the same reason fathers "give their daughters away."
You can't give something away if it's not your property. Dolt.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#40 Feb 8, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>It was on topix. It was several years ago. I don't recall if it was on Amby or some other thread unrelated to you peeps. But I made similar comments and the LADIES there laid into me.
Oh, I've no doubt about that. I think it's extraordinarily sad that these women don't understand what it really means, or rather what it meant. They still think it's a good idea.

Being respectful to one's potential in-laws is great. I highly recommend and support it. I agree that it's good all around if you're future spouse's family likes or at least doesn't despise you, but this tradition needs to go for once and for all. It just perpetuates the idea of unequal status as human beings and patriarchal ownership of women. <smfh>

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#41 Feb 8, 2013
Mimi Seattle wrote:
<quoted text>
Oh, I've no doubt about that. I think it's extraordinarily sad that these women don't understand what it really means, or rather what it meant. They still think it's a good idea.
Being respectful to one's potential in-laws is great. I highly recommend and support it. I agree that it's good all around if you're future spouse's family likes or at least doesn't despise you, but this tradition needs to go for once and for all. It just perpetuates the idea of unequal status as human beings and patriarchal ownership of women. <smfh>
I think its silly cause its meaningless. If I decide to ask a woman to marry me, I care what HER answer is. Sure, it would be nice for dad to like me and give his blessing, but in the end, his answer to my question is meaningless. If he says 'no', I'm not gonna still ask her to marry me? Whatever.

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