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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

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#1
Feb 8, 2013
 
DEAR ABBY: When my 9-month-old grandson, "Eli," comes to visit, I become frustrated to the point of leaving the room, if not my house. Not only must we put away things he shouldn't get into, we must tape shut every drawer and cabinet, block access behind couches and chairs to keep Eli from electrical cords, then constantly be on guard for the "unexpected."

Eli is never restricted in any way, and would never be confined to an "inhumane" playpen for even a few minutes. At the slightest whimper, he is picked up. He's walked to sleep (or taken on car rides to "soothe" him), and his parents literally run to him whenever he awakens.

I'm reluctant to criticize because I know they'll be offended, but I'm aching to suggest they teach the child about limits and restrictions and correct him when he misbehaves. Let him experience being in his playpen or even allow him to whine a little before jumping at his every whim. We're not allowed to say "no-no" -- the preferred response being to distract Eli and let him go about doing as he pleases. By the way, both parents are professional psycho-babble people.

Am I unreasonable to think my grandson is capable of learning limits with a simple "no-no" and, perhaps, a little smack on his hand? Or should I keep my mouth shut?-- WELL-MEANING GRANDPA

DEAR GRANDPA: Well-meaning as you are, I doubt that you will be able to convince two "professional psycho-babble people" that by not giving their little one limits, they're creating a monster. Rather than allow his visits to upset you, I suggest you visit this family in their own home.

DEAR ABBY: I am shocked at the rude treatment I see many older mothers receive from their children. I spend considerable time at various doctor appointments. Fortunately, I can drive myself, but many senior women must depend on their caregivers -- often their daughters -- who treat them badly. I can't help but wonder how they treat their mothers in private since they are so insensitive in public.

I'm grateful to have a daughter who puts up with my occasional crankiness and complaints. She loves me unconditionally and takes wonderful care of me when needed.

I'd like to ask sons and daughters to be kinder and more patient with their elderly moms. They won't be around forever.-- GRATEFUL MOM IN PHOENIX

DEAR GRATEFUL: I wish you had described more clearly the interactions you observed. What you saw may not have been a lack of devotion to their mothers, but signs of caregiver stress or burnout.

Daughters (and sons) caught in the sandwich generation -- earning a living and caring for their children as well as their aged parents -- are not always at their best. However, you are correct. These frail, elderly parents need compassion and patience because they won't be around forever.

DEAR ABBY: A question was recently raised at a family gathering. If the patriarch of a family is deceased and a man wants to marry his daughter, should he ask permission from her mother?-- CURIOUS IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR CURIOUS: It would be a lovely, respectful gesture if he did. But first he should be 100 percent certain that the daughter would like to marry him.

Since: Dec 07

DuPage County

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#2
Feb 8, 2013
 

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1 Tell the idiots you're not babysitting until the little shyte is better behaved.

2 Be nice to your mother! The old bats are known to write mean kids out of their wills.

3 Idiotic letter of the day. Seriously?

Since: Jan 10

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#3
Feb 8, 2013
 

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L1: He's nine months old. He's barely crawling, not even walking most likely (although, that will come in a few months). What will his parents do when he is 18 months old and unstoppable? from the time they learn to walk until they're about 2, 2.5, they need to be followed all the time,e specially in someone else's house.

1. I think you need to baby proof your house and leave it baby proofed for a year or so, rather than do this every time they visit.

2. These parents are creating a monster who will make their lives miserable. I don't think a warning from you is going to change their parenting style.

3. Don't let them visit at your home if theyr'e not going to watch their kid when he becomes a toddler. Visit them on their own turf.

L2: "I'm grateful to have a daughter who puts up with my occasional crankiness and complaints." So when you're a bitch, it's on her to put up with you? Old age doesn't come with a license to be an asshole.

L2: Fuck you. Fuck. you.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#5
Feb 8, 2013
 

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1 Just laugh it off, in a few years they will figure out how badly they screwed up.

2 At least you admit you're a cranky old bat.

3 A man wanting to marry his daughter is just icky.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#6
Feb 8, 2013
 

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Lw1: So basically, you want to throw the kid in the playpen and not have to think about him at all while he is there. What a great grandma you are.

lw2: "daughters -- who treat them badly"
Example?

LW3: Who cares. I wonder what % of newlyweds from the past 5-10 years participated in this old ritual.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#7
Feb 8, 2013
 
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
3. Don't let them visit at your home if theyr'e not going to watch their kid when he becomes a toddler.
After reading this comment, I went back and read the letter. I really didn't get the feeling that the parents were not watching the kid, but Upon further review, I really did not get a feeling that they were either, so this could go either way. I love my mom, but its a pain visiting her house with kids. She has breakable knick-knacks all over the gd place. She's never baby-proffed her house, nor have we ever asked her to. Which means we really have to watch our kids.When we would bring the playpen with us, that was set up in the bedroom. For sleeping. So if lil tonkas were up, WE had to ensure they did not go where they should not be. At 9 months, I would not expect a kid to understand boundaries of "don't go in the room that has all the shiny glass things". That's on the adults to make sure the kid don't go where he's not supposed to go. ie: be on guard.

So when she made the gripe about having to be on guard, that made me think she just wants to drop the kid in the playpen and not have to have anyone deal with him. But now I'm wondering if it means that the parents are not on guard either. If that's the case, then I can see her pain, but the way she wrote this letter gives off the impression that she's a cold old bitch.
Complaining that they don't lock the kid in the playpen
Complaining that they give too much attention to the kid.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#8
Feb 8, 2013
 
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
L2: "I'm grateful to have a daughter who puts up with my occasional crankiness and complaints." So when you're a bitch, it's on her to put up with you? Old age doesn't come with a license to be an asshole.
Bingo.

Since: Dec 09

Smalltown, Colorado

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#9
Feb 8, 2013
 

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LW1 - In 27 years, Eli will be playing video games (or whatever fad) on the parents' couch. They will then reap the benefits of being helicopter parents. Grandpa can only watch the story unfold.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#10
Feb 8, 2013
 
How can the kid get into any mischief if he is constantly coddled?
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>
Complaining that they don't lock the kid in the playpen
Complaining that they give too much attention to the kid.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#11
Feb 8, 2013
 

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RACE wrote:
How can the kid get into any mischief if he is constantly coddled?
<quoted text>
Ask grandma. She's the one telling the tale. Which more lends to my assessment that she did a poor job of writing the letter.
PEllen

Chicago, IL

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#12
Feb 8, 2013
 
RACE wrote:
How can the kid get into any mischief if he is constantly coddled?
<quoted text>
You need yo put the snark icon on that one.

L2 Or, the mothers could be reaping what they sowed 40 years earlier.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

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#13
Feb 8, 2013
 

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3-..."and a man wants to marry his daughter..."

Men should not be allowed to marry their daughters. Damn this new America where "anything goes" when it comes to marriage!

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

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#14
Feb 8, 2013
 
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>Ask grandma. She's the one telling the tale.
No, grandpa is.
vicktim

Marengo, OH

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#15
Feb 8, 2013
 
stop pickin' on me.....Baby!

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#16
Feb 8, 2013
 

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LW1: You sound like a cranky old man who does not want to change he ways to accomodate a baby, even for a few days. You clearly don't like the parents' chosen profession (and I find it interesting you don't mention which parent is your child) and they way they've chosen to raise their child.

But please remember that your grandchild is JUST A BABY! Some of the stupid parental behavior will likely change as he gets older and you can actually communicate with him.

Oh, and if you get caught slapping his hand, I suspect you will lose visiting rights. With all the other parental behavior you've described, that would be a deal-breaker. Just sayin'.

LW2: Maybe you're just witnessing a little unconscious payback from these daughers. Just because they're old dosen't mean they are saints.

LW3: Your family really needs to find something else to argue about.

Since: Jan 10

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#17
Feb 8, 2013
 
squishymama wrote:
LW1: You sound like a cranky old man who does not want to change he ways to accomodate a baby, even for a few days. You clearly don't like the parents' chosen profession (and I find it interesting you don't mention which parent is your child) and they way they've chosen to raise their child.
But please remember that your grandchild is JUST A BABY! Some of the stupid parental behavior will likely change as he gets older and you can actually communicate with him.
Oh, and if you get caught slapping his hand, I suspect you will lose visiting rights. With all the other parental behavior you've described, that would be a deal-breaker. Just sayin'.
LW2: Maybe you're just witnessing a little unconscious payback from these daughers. Just because they're old dosen't mean they are saints.
LW3: Your family really needs to find something else to argue about.
L1: Yeah, slapping a baby's/toddler's hand is something best saved for things like, the kid is about to stick his finger in an outlet or grab a pan off the stove. Not to keep them away from breakables.

l2: WHen the letter started, I thought it was going to be about teen girls who are snotty to their moms when out shopping together.

Since: Mar 09

Pittsburgh, PA

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#18
Feb 8, 2013
 

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Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>Ask grandma. She's the one telling the tale. Which more lends to my assessment that she did a poor job of writing the letter.
LW1 is GrandPA, not Grandma.

Since: Nov 10

Alexandria, VA

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#19
Feb 8, 2013
 
L1- The baby is learning boundaries because his parents redirect him when he gets into something he shouldn't. They may not be using the word, "no", but they aren't just letting him go anywhere he pleases or play with anything he wants. When he's older, he may learn more about limits.(That's when they get stubborn and redirecting doesn't work as well.) For a nine month old, however, I think what they are doing is fine.(Though, I've used the word, "no" at that age.)

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#20
Feb 8, 2013
 
Yes peeps. Its grandpa. Doesn't change anything I said, though.
Sam I Am

Cedar Grove, TN

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#21
Feb 8, 2013
 
1. Yes, you ARE allowed to say "no" in your own home. Are you afraid of your child and his/her spouse? You don't get to re-parent your grandson, but you do get to hold his parents accountable for controlling their child.

2. People are living too long now.

3. I think using the word patriarch is stupid.

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