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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#1 Jul 9, 2013
DEAR AMY: Let me start by saying this is not a midlife crisis. I am a 40-year-old guy who has never dated anyone older than 25. I recently broke up with a 19-year-old after dating her for a month. She was the one who asked me out, but the pressure from her friends and family was too much.

She then started dating someone her own age. Even though she left for school a month ago, we talk on the phone almost every night, sometimes for hours. This girl got to me like no one else ever has. I know we were made for each other, though at different times! I can't get her out of my head. I don't know if I should just keep talking to her and stay close hoping she may still have feelings for me.-- Not That Old

DEAR NOT: Thank you for declaring that you are not having a midlife crisis. I agree. You are having a dim-life crisis.

Before I attempt to slap you silly with the phrase "what can you possibly be thinking?!" I realize I have some major baggage here. Many of us do. At least those of us with teenage daughters.(If you attempt to date mine, by the way, I'm coming after you. Or better yet, I'll send her father.)

Her parents must be worried about this, and I would think that as their contemporary, you would try to respect them, at least a little bit. But she is also a party to this relationship, and based on what you present here, it sounds as if she's still interested in you. Since she is a (barely) consenting adult, there isn't much anyone can do legally to prevent you from seeing each other.

I do feel, however, that the decent and adult thing is for you to back off -- way off -- in order to allow her to have a halfway normal time at college. I realize that by the time she graduates, she may be too old for you, but since you're "made for each other," I assume you'll be happy to wait in spite of the fact she might outgrow you.(2003)

DEAR AMY: My guy just broke up with me, and I'm frantic. What's the best way to get him back?-- Broken Hearted

DEAR BROKEN: The only method I know for sure is to stop caring. Once you really stop caring, they have a way of coming back. By then, of course ... you don't care.(2003)

DEAR AMY: I am 50 and dating again -- whew! It's fun, but who pays is so confusing. He'll ask me for ideas about what we can do on dates, and I'm afraid to make suggestions for fear that he'll think I see him only as a wallet. The reality is, he makes far more money than I do -- I work part time -- and I can't afford much more than a movie every now and then.

How do others re-entering the dating scene handle this?-- Cathleen

DEAR CATHLEEN: Very badly, mostly. A basic guideline is that whoever does the inviting should pay for the date, and if your guy is asking for suggestions, it's a good idea to keep those suggestions modest. You can reciprocate with the occasional movie date, inexpensive visits to landmarks, museums and galleries, and your homemade lasagna.

Although this "who pays for the date" issue is still fluid with your guy, I hope you'll muster up the courage to say to him, "Whew, this is fun, but who pays is so confusing! How do you feel about it?"

He may confess that he has the same questions you have. The beauty of a new relationship is that you get to make up new "rules" as you go. As long as you are in basic agreement, you can concentrate on having a good time, instead of worrying about who picks up the tab.(2004)

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

#2 Jul 9, 2013
L1.You're not stuck on her, You're stuck on yourself.
People like you give men a bad name.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#3 Jul 9, 2013
L1: Enjoy growing old alone. You're pretty immature. You dated this girl for a month and even though she's now happily dating someone else, you're clinging to her just to try to keep her options open for her. KNock it off.

I suspect you date women so much younger because no good woman your own age will have you.

L2: Sleep with his brother.

L3: I was more annoyed when I dated men who made a lot of money who wouldn't let me pay for anything. I mean, yes, I get it, you're loaded, but can I at least pay for pizza and a DVD rental? Let ME treat!

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#4 Jul 9, 2013
1 Write again when you have a real problem.

2 Get better in bed

3 Where are these women who want to pay for dates?

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#5 Jul 9, 2013
Lw1: You're gross.

Lw2: Suddenly take an interest in his best friend.

Lw3: So glad I'm married.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Melrose Park, IL

#6 Jul 9, 2013
1- Don't be so judgmental, people. We all have our tastes. Maybe the women his own age just have too much baggage. And kids. Who needs all that?

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#7 Jul 9, 2013
L1: You're a creeper.

L2: I want to slap you.

L3: Be honest. Tell him your ideas but say you can't afford to do much. Or ask for more hours at work.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#8 Jul 9, 2013
....(If you attempt to date mine, by the way, I'm coming after you. Or better yet, I'll send her father.)....

Conveyance of a threat of bodily harm through electronic media. The LW should sue lamy.

Since: Dec 07

DuPage County

#9 Jul 9, 2013
1: You would benefit from a good throat punch. Grow up, ya' aging juvenile delinquent.

2; Put out more.

3: Whatever happened to the old-fashioned Dutch Treat? Pick up a dinner check once in awhile ladies, real men like women who are considerate.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#10 Jul 9, 2013
RACE wrote:
....(If you attempt to date mine, by the way, I'm coming after you. Or better yet, I'll send her father.)....
Conveyance of a threat of bodily harm through electronic media. The LW should sue lamy.
I was more annoyed by her threatening with the father. What, she needs a man to protect her child? Dude, me and my S&W can do just fine thankyouverymuch.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#11 Jul 9, 2013
Disclaimer: I'm neck deep in a women's studies class right now. Even though I already know all this stuff, this much of it concentrated into such a short time, just pissesmethefuckoff so I'm kinda anti-man-taking-care-of-stuff right now. Of course I *did* have a man kill that big nasty spider last night, but that was more of an "anyone not me" thing so...<shrug>

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#12 Jul 9, 2013
Nice avatar Mimi!

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#13 Jul 9, 2013
LW1: So, basically you like women who are immature and don't know what they want in life.

You also act like a little teenager. You were dating, YOU broke up with her, you still talk to her every night, but you are too chicken shyte to ask if she still has feelings for you. No wonder you can only get high school chicks.

LW2: Win the lotto.

LW3: The guy should pay ... he should always pay if it's not just platonic.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Melrose Park, IL

#14 Jul 9, 2013
RACE wrote:
....(If you attempt to date mine, by the way, I'm coming after you. Or better yet, I'll send her father.)....
Conveyance of a threat of bodily harm through electronic media. The LW should sue lamy.
As long as you preface with "IF you do such and a such" it's not technically a threat.

"I'm going to cut your winky off" is a threat.
"If you have sex with my dog again, I'm going to cut your winky off," is not.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Melrose Park, IL

#15 Jul 9, 2013
Sublime1 wrote:
LW3: The guy should pay ... he should always pay if it's not just platonic.
The women's lib movement won't be too happy about this.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#16 Jul 9, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
The women's lib movement won't be too happy about this.
Most women, including those in the movement, want it both ways. They want to have equal opportunity, but they also want to be treated like a lady. I don't see the two as being in conflict. Just because women want to have equal opportunities in life doesn't mean they should always be treated like a guy, especially when you are dating them.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#17 Jul 9, 2013
RACE wrote:
Nice avatar Mimi!
I agree.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#18 Jul 9, 2013
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
Most women, including those in the movement, want it both ways. They want to have equal opportunity, but they also want to be treated like a lady. I don't see the two as being in conflict. Just because women want to have equal opportunities in life doesn't mean they should always be treated like a guy, especially when you are dating them.
100% wrong. "Most women" do NOT want it both ways. Some. A few. NOT MOST.
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

#20 Jul 9, 2013
LW1: This letter is 10 years old. So the LW is now 50. I wonder if he still dates teeny boppers.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#21 Jul 9, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
100% wrong. "Most women" do NOT want it both ways. Some. A few. NOT MOST.
Women don't like to be treated like a lady?

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