pellen

Highland Park, IL

#1 Jun 11, 2014
DEAR ABBY: I'm a twice-divorced woman who found my present husband late in life. I'm in my early 60s, and my husband is in his 70s. We married quickly because I didn't want to be alone in life and I thought I loved him.

My husband works while I stay at home because of a medical condition. Because I get bored, I spend some of my time communicating with and texting male friends from the past and one of my ex-husbands.

We have fun texting and sometimes it goes a little beyond that. I realize I am married and my ex is engaged, but how harmful can this be? I don't think I'm hurting anyone, and it helps the day go by.

Is this considered cheating? I don't think it is because my ex and I live in different states and the chances of us ever getting together again are slim to none.-- PASSING TIME

DEAR PASSING TIME: This isn't harmless fun; it's a threat to your marriage. Whether I consider it cheating is beside the point. Whether your husband and your ex's fiancee would consider it cheating is the question. If they got wind of your "pastime," I suspect both would be hurt, angry and feel violated. Not only that, you could lose Husband No. 3.

DEAR ABBY: My 2-year-old daughter has recently become boob-obsessed. The first thing she does in the morning is point at my chest and say, "Boobs!" If she hugs me, she tries to grab them. Sometimes I catch her staring at my chest in fascination. I scold her when she grabs at them, but it's disturbing.

I never taught her the word "boob" and feel annoyed that she probably learned it from our sitter. When I spoke to the sitter about it, she laughed and said it's perfectly normal and that a lot of kids are boob-obsessed. But it doesn't seem normal to me, and I'm creeped out.

I have started wearing sweatshirts to keep covered up. My little girl has also started grabbing my butt and lifting up my shirt, and I'm nervous about how she's acting around the sitter and other women in the family. Is this behavior normal?-- CREEPED OUT IN VALENCIA, CALIF.

DEAR CREEPED OUT: Children have been known to act out to get attention. If a parent acts shocked at something the child does or says, the child will repeat the action for its shock value. Because you are concerned that your daughter's behavior isn't normal, the person to discuss this with would be her pediatrician. The doctor can put your fears to rest or alert you if there is something to worry about.

Another thought: Ask your baby sitter to be more circumspect in the language she uses around your child if the word "boob" offends you, because children build their vocabularies repeating the words they hear.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#2 Jun 11, 2014
1- you think the chances of cheating with your ex are slim to none because you live in different states? And if you didn't...? You don't sound very committed to your marriage, lady

2- while curiosity in children is normal, sudden new behavior and vocabulary had to be picked up from somewhere. Consider a nanny-cam to see what the babysitter is up to

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#3 Jun 11, 2014
Lw1: So your husband does not know you do this, yet here you are writing to an advice columnist to defend yourself. Sounds like someone has a guilty conscious. I wonder why.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#4 Jun 11, 2014
1 You skanky old ho....Your husband is in his 70's and still working??

2 Emutt is right, the sudden facination with sexual body parts is a valid concern. I wonder what abby would have said if the nanny were a man?

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#5 Jun 11, 2014
L1: You're old enough to know better. Quit trying to spin this for anything but what it is.

L2: Could be what the babysitter is watching on TV. Some little kids do have a facination about body parts. The first time that happened you should have said no and moved on -- not making a big deal of it. Now it's going to take some time to get her over it. Talk to the sitter and consistently said no and gret the 2 year old's attention to other things -- a book, a game, whatever.
Pippa

Hancock, NY

#6 Jun 11, 2014
1: I fully understand why you've been divorced twice and are probably on your way to divorce #3.

2: I'd rethink your sitter. She's teaching your child inappropriate behavior. Put in a nanny cam at the very least. Regarding the comment about tv, I'd tell the nanny she can only watch programs that are age appropriate for your child. It's what most parents I know do when their kids are awake and could be watching with them. And after all, she's being paid to care for your child, not watch tv or videos. I'm trying to figure out the number of small children I've been around during my 65 years but it's impossible to number. One thing I KNOW is that I've never heard of a child acting in that way except for one and she was a couple of years older. It was later found out that she'd been sexually molested by someone. Two is VERY young. Now my daughter's kids have been somewhat "boob-obsessed" at a very young age but she breast fed all five until they were more than a year old. They outgrew the "obsession" once they were weaned. I never heard them say the word "boob" either. Her twins are now 21 months old and are still breast feeding to some extent and I might say they are still somewhat obsessed but not so much since they've discovered so many other interesting foods to eat. I'd be very firm with the sitter if I were you and tell her that you want your child to be a CHILD and not appear like she's being coached for a child porn film.

But now that this behavior has started, I agree that she now doing it because it gets your attention. Ignore her when she uses the word but make sure you pay plenty of attention at other times. Set aside time to play with her and read her age appropriate books. She needs to learn new words that will take her attention away from the ones taught to her by her sitter. There are plenty of words out there that sound funny and you and your daughter can have a lot of fun with them as well.
blunt advice

Jersey City, NJ

#7 Jun 11, 2014
1. Aren't you a self centered wench. Hope hubby 3 finds someone better.
2. Find a new babysitter with good references. If you have HBO or other channels with r rated movies get rid of them.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#8 Jun 11, 2014
A lot of toddlers go through this. Mine did not get obsessed but then again I just said "no" and diverted his attention. Any thing that's made into a big deal a toddler has a tendancy to exploit that for attention.

http://thestir.cafemom.com/toddler/8298/Breas...

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#9 Jun 11, 2014
Toj wrote:
L2: Could be what the babysitter is watching on TV. Some little kids do have a facination about body parts. The first time that happened you should have said no and moved on -- not making a big deal of it. Now it's going to take some time to get her over it. Talk to the sitter and consistently said no and gret the 2 year old's attention to other things -- a book, a game, whatever.
Or the sitter's boyfriend is coming over after the mom leaves and they play grabass in front of the toddler

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#10 Jun 11, 2014
blunt advice wrote:
If you have HBO or other channels with r rated movies get rid of them.
or just use the parental controls that just about every cable box delivering premium content comes with. Set up a password and only you have access.
Kuuipo

Seaside, CA

#11 Jun 11, 2014
LW1: Team Toj.

LW2: I remember how my little cousin was when she was 3! She would repeat the same word or phrase over and over and over. My uncle wasn't very careful about what he said around her and got embarrassed a few times! IMO, this is normal toddler behavior. Try to not make a big deal about it and divert her attention to something else.

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