“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#1 Nov 22, 2013
DEAR ABBY: My 23-year-old daughter is out of control and has been since she was 16. She has a 2-year-old daughter, but she lives her life on the edge. She spends her days on the Internet meeting strange men and going out with them in private places. On the weekends, she drops her daughter here and takes off.

She has a history of drug and alcohol abuse and prostitution, but swears she only drinks alcohol now. I get so worried and upset I find myself yelling at her and trying to prevent her from leaving with these strange men. She thinks I'm trying to control her life when I'm actually trying to save her.

What should I do? I'm getting too old to be stressing out about what she's doing and who she's with.-- STRESSED-OUT IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR STRESSED-OUT: You can't "save" your daughter. Until she realizes she needs help, and is willing to accept it and change her life, she is unreachable. You can, however, talk to an attorney about gaining legal custody of your grandchild.

Terrible things can happen to women who do what your daughter is doing. That little girl needs safety, consistency and stability, and it appears you are the only relative she has who is capable of giving it to her. Please don't wait.

DEAR ABBY: I read the obituaries in our local newspaper every day to see if someone I know has died. But when I don't see any familiar name, I feel let down and disappointed. Is that weird?-- STILL ALIVE IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR STILL ALIVE: People read the obituary section for various reasons, including the fact that some of the deceased have lived very interesting lives. Some do it hoping they won't find their own name listed. If they see the name of an acquaintance, they may feel sadness at the loss or sympathy for the family, knowing each death leaves a hole in someone's heart. But to feel "let down" seems to me like a lack of empathy, and in my opinion, it is weird.

DEAR ABBY: Please remind your readers that it is the job of retail workers to help customers. We are not "liars" or "stupid" because our store happens to be out of a toy that an angry parent "must" have this holiday season. It is amazing how this year's hot toy item can turn parents into monsters.

I had one parent ask me after finding out that we were out of stock on a certain toy, "What am I supposed to do now?" I suggested looking online, but what I really wanted to say was, "Take your kids to help out at a homeless shelter so they can count their blessings!" -- SANTA'S HELPER IN IOWA CITY

DEAR SANTA'S HELPER: I'll remind them, but the parents you describe are under pressure because they don't want to disappoint their kids. To the panicked parent who asks, "What am I supposed to do now?" you could respond by saying, "Now you go to Plan B." Then suggest some other toy the child would like -- even though it's not his or her No. 1 choice. While I think the comment you would like to make (but keep suppressing) is an excellent suggestion, it would not be an appropriate one to make in a situation like this.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#2 Nov 22, 2013
1 The girl is the product of micromanaging parents and some form of abuse. Get the grandkid and dont do what you did with your daughter.

2 I dont think its strange at all. Kinda like reading the scores and realizing your team did not play last night.

3 I think you handled it great, and abby is wrong to suggest you try to sell them something else. something else is not what the kid wanted.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#3 Nov 22, 2013
RACE wrote:
1 The girl is the product of micromanaging parents and some form of abuse. Get the grandkid and dont do what you did with your daughter.
2 I dont think its strange at all. Kinda like reading the scores and realizing your team did not play last night.
3 I think you handled it great, and abby is wrong to suggest you try to sell them something else. something else is not what the kid wanted.
lw3: from a business perspective,Abby is dead on. What do you think will make the boss happier? A worker who sends a customer away empty handed perhaps to a different retailer or one that takes that exasperated parent and convinces her to spend her money with them on something else?

“I looked, and behold,”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#4 Nov 22, 2013
LW1: Sheís an adult now. The time to save her was she was when she was a child Ö by raising her properly. Iíd say donít enable her, but her daughter would probably be at risk if you didnít watch her. At best you can try to learn from your mistakes, try to steer your granddaughter in a different direction, and hope that eventually your daughter sees the light, but even with that her life will probably always be somewhat of a train wreck.

LW2: Yeah, Iíd say itís definitely kind of weird to be disappointed that folks you now didnít die. No doubt about it.

LW3: Welcome to life Ö there are jerks.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#5 Nov 22, 2013
This is true under some conditions, but from the tone of the letter, I get that they are talking about kids who want specific products like a PS4 and the shopper is not going to be talked into an Atari system or an Xbox.
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text> lw3: from a business perspective,Abby is dead on. What do you think will make the boss happier? A worker who sends a customer away empty handed perhaps to a different retailer or one that takes that exasperated parent and convinces her to spend her money with them on something else?

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#6 Nov 22, 2013
RACE wrote:
This is true under some conditions, but from the tone of the letter, I get that they are talking about kids who want specific products like a PS4 and the shopper is not going to be talked into an Atari system or an Xbox.
<quoted text>
That's on the shopper to not be talked into something else. The company would much rather have a worker who can keep potential dollars from walking out the door. Or at least try. Mgr is going to be more happy with the guy who at least tries to sell her on a rainchwack or an xbox than the employee that just lets her walk out empty handed without even trying

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#7 Nov 22, 2013
RACE wrote:
.
2 I dont think its strange at all. Kinda like reading the scores and realizing your team did not play last night.
.
What the hell is wrong with you?? It is NOTHING like that! The woman has a mental disorder and needs therapy

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#8 Nov 22, 2013
I dont disagree, but that is not the point of the letter.
Personally, if I am looking for a specific product, you trying to sell me something else is not welcome, and how hard you push the issue can do more harm than good.
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>That's on the shopper to not be talked into something else. The company would much rather have a worker who can keep potential dollars from walking out the door. Or at least try. Mgr is going to be more happy with the guy who at least tries to sell her on a rainchwack or an xbox than the employee that just lets her walk out empty handed without even trying
Kuuipo

Marina, CA

#9 Nov 22, 2013
LW1: Your daughter has been out of control for 7 years. She needs more help than any advice columnist can begin to give. Abby is right, you cannot save her until she is willing to accept help. You can, however, save your granddaughter, so work on that. Your daughter is not fit to raise a child. Maybe your daughter will wake up and smell the coffee when she is hauled into court. And maybe not. But you have to accept the things you cannot change and change the things you can.

LW2: You need a better hobby.

LW3: Associates should be able to back order out-of-stock items and/or check other stores. They should also be able to tell the customer what day(s) they restock items. I would do one or more of the above before I send a potential customer away.

Since: Feb 08

Location hidden

#10 Nov 22, 2013
RACE wrote:
This is true under some conditions, but from the tone of the letter, I get that they are talking about kids who want specific products like a PS4 and the shopper is not going to be talked into an Atari system or an Xbox.
<quoted text>
In the short run, sell them what you can.
For someone who comes back to you (often right after they've gotten the BIG thing they needed) you tell them where they can get what they need, if at all possible. The chain I worked for encouraged us to even call the competition, if they had it ask them hold the item for the customer. That wasn't possible at Christmas, but could be done other times of the year.
It worked. The company is still going strong and has expanded to four states.

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