Comments
41 - 60 of 79 Comments Last updated Oct 22, 2012

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#41 Oct 19, 2012
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
Sub this isn't a political thing. Stina's not a liberal (I don't think). So dividing it up by political views is dumb and lazy. Just like when you determined that a republican who made dumb decisions really is just a liberal. Because republican politicians must be above reproach, apparently.
Please, someone like toj who pretty much no matter what has transpired is virtually always like "everybody makes mistakes" ...
"it's okay" ... "kumbaya my lord ... kumbaya" coming down hard on a couple who had an accident is ridiculous.

Just cause she's a single parent and no one would f' her to get her knocked up, doesn't give her the right to be so mean!!! Ahahahaha.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#42 Oct 19, 2012
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
No, by my logic it does not make everyone that ever became a dad "by accident" a poor father. There is a set of circumstances here. 5 month relationship with the mother with a baby arriving, 9 year old girl and he wants them to move and uproot them. Who wants to bring a child up in that environment? Man has kids, too. I don't want to just single out the father, here. I'm putting mom right in the bad parent mix with him.
Exactly when in the chain of events do you consider him a bad dad?

-When his first children were born that he presumably helped raise
-when he got divorced from their mother
-when he began dating
-when he began dating a single mother of a 9 year old
-when he began having sex with a single mother
-when he knocked her up presumably by accident(I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt that the birth control they used failed)
-when he decided to take the hand that was dealt and deal with it head on by attempting to become one big family?

Where, in this chain of events would you say the scales tipped toward him being a bad father and what would you have recommended he do differntly? You say "he wants to move them to move and uproot them". Is that where the scale tips? So to you, he would be a good father if he maintained a seperate residence from his child and child's mother?

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#43 Oct 19, 2012
I like how the LW said something like "My kids didn't act like this (temper tantrums) because we didn't allow it." Yeah, my parents hardly "allowed" that, but my sister threw full-on temper tantrums until she was probably 15, maybe longer. Punishment meant nothing to her when she was raging over seemingly trivial things. Granted, they only made a feeble attempt at counseling, but...I didn't see that they "let" her do that, exactly.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#44 Oct 19, 2012
Stina wrote:
If the guy wants to really step up, then he and the mom should get married and not just shack up.
Who say's that's not part of the plan? Regardless, marriage does not change the situation. Baby coming. 9 year old out of control.
Stina wrote:
I don't think the Mom slept around, but she never even bothered to give her daughter a chance to adjust to a new man in their lives and then *BAM* her whole life is completely changed.
And? If you agree she didn't sleep around(which I'm guessin is true if she made it 9 years without popping out another), then what is her crime here? If this pregnancy was an accident, all that you are complaining about is an unavoidable side affect of that accident. Unless you think she should not be having sex with anyone at all.
Stina wrote:
I don't think that's fair and I don't think it's fair that she's being blamed for not being able to deal with it.
Blame? This is not about blame. The guy said the daughter is behaving a certain way. Who's fault it is is not the issue. How to deal with it is. And that's the question he's trying to answer.

"What can I do to win this child's confidence so there is peace in the house?"

Other than refrain from having sex, what is it that you folks think this couple should have done differently?

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#45 Oct 19, 2012
Matilda77 wrote:
I like how the LW said something like "My kids didn't act like this (temper tantrums) because we didn't allow it." Yeah, my parents hardly "allowed" that, but my sister threw full-on temper tantrums until she was probably 15, maybe longer. Punishment meant nothing to her when she was raging over seemingly trivial things. Granted, they only made a feeble attempt at counseling, but...I didn't see that they "let" her do that, exactly.
I would say he probably means she is not actively doing anything to put a stop to it in the moment.

My kid will throw a tantrum too, hey, like yesterday. But I don't let it go. You go to your room if you can't behave. Then he slammed the door and threw someting at the wall. WTF? Uh Uh. That shiatt ain't flying. So now, you're going to sit on the floor in front of me with your hands on your knees,while I prepare dinner, until you can manage to behave like a human being. You won't calm down, you start losing privileges.

So while I can't mandate that he not throw a tantrum and snap my fingers to make it so, I have to take steps to stop them from happening and take away privileges so he learns a lesson and thinks twice before letting it blowing up like that again. I am guessing that's what he means by not allowing it and that mom is not putting a top to the tantrum and maybe just lets it run its course.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#46 Oct 19, 2012
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
I'm not surprised that you off all people would overlook the fact that I expressly said my statement was not directed at her.
rif.org
You of all people should realize I really don't care. I was making a joke. Haha!

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#47 Oct 19, 2012
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>I was making a joke. Haha!
Don't quit your day job, Toj.

:)

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#48 Oct 19, 2012
How's does it feel to finally be on the winning team, Tonka?

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#49 Oct 19, 2012
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
So you didn't know about the litmus test -- if you disagree with Sub you're an automatic liberal? ;)
Interesting. I know of a similar test. If you disagree with edogg, you're a liberal.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#50 Oct 19, 2012
Sublime1 wrote:
How's does it feel to finally be on the winning team, Tonka?
You need to look in the mirror when you ask that question.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#51 Oct 19, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>Exactly when in the chain of events do you consider him a bad dad?
-When his first children were born that he presumably helped raise
-when he got divorced from their mother
-when he began dating
-when he began dating a single mother of a 9 year old
-when he began having sex with a single mother
-when he knocked her up presumably by accident(I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt that the birth control they used failed)
-when he decided to take the hand that was dealt and deal with it head on by attempting to become one big family?
Where, in this chain of events would you say the scales tipped toward him being a bad father and what would you have recommended he do differntly? You say "he wants to move them to move and uproot them". Is that where the scale tips? So to you, he would be a good father if he maintained a seperate residence from his child and child's mother?
We are low on details. You like to make lists. That list doesn't tell the whole story b/c we don't have the full story. However, in these set of circumstances that we know, prego after dating for 5 months when you have a 9 year old you do not have a good relationship with and you have to uproot the family (notice I am NOT separating the parents) means you're not good parents. That's crazy, stupid and very stressful.

It's okay that you find that they are good parents. I do not. They don't get bonus points b/c he's having them live with him. Blended families are difficult enough without more drama. Making babies in this situation is not a good idea, especially since he does not get along with the 9 year old. Whether or not the baby is an accident does not make them better people -- they are grown adults. I believe people are not good parents when they can't seem to get their family planning together when other children are involved.

If he didn't parent the child that is expected to be born, that would make him an even worse parent. We all know there's much worse out there. However, in this situation I would hope if someone was having difficulty there would be a better place to go to get help than Amy!

As I said before, it's the package. I don't believe a parent's only obligation is to feed, cloth and house. I believe you have the responsibility to have a stable home environment for your children.

What connection do you have with the dad? You're really honing in on the dad.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#52 Oct 19, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>Interesting. I know of a similar test. If you disagree with edogg, you're a liberal.
:D

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#53 Oct 19, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>Interesting. I know of a similar test. If you disagree with edogg, you're a liberal.
I don't think edog thinks you are a liberal and you've disagreed with him plenty of times.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#54 Oct 19, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>You need to look in the mirror when you ask that question.
I look in the mirror everyday and ask myself how does it feel to be on the winning team!

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#55 Oct 19, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>I would say he probably means she is not actively doing anything to put a stop to it in the moment.
My kid will throw a tantrum too, hey, like yesterday. But I don't let it go. You go to your room if you can't behave. Then he slammed the door and threw someting at the wall. WTF? Uh Uh. That shiatt ain't flying. So now, you're going to sit on the floor in front of me with your hands on your knees,while I prepare dinner, until you can manage to behave like a human being. You won't calm down, you start losing privileges.
So while I can't mandate that he not throw a tantrum and snap my fingers to make it so, I have to take steps to stop them from happening and take away privileges so he learns a lesson and thinks twice before letting it blowing up like that again. I am guessing that's what he means by not allowing it and that mom is not putting a top to the tantrum and maybe just lets it run its course.
I'm with Matilda. It sometimes goes to the child's temperament. It sounds like you have something that's working for you and your child since you're comfortable with it.

As I said before, I think they're both nut cases.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#56 Oct 19, 2012
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
I don't think edog thinks you are a liberal and you've disagreed with him plenty of times.
I think tonka IS a liberal and it's not because he disagrees with me.
PEllen

Chicago, IL

#57 Oct 19, 2012
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
I said that statement wasn't directed at you!
:)
I think it was... that makes me an ultra liberal because I disagreed with him when he was disagreeing with somone else unless we agree to disagree andconcur instead which will re-moderate me?
PEllen

Chicago, IL

#58 Oct 19, 2012
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
I think tonka IS a liberal and it's not because he disagrees with me.
(Hey are you affected by the pipeline spill on Arsenal?)
pde

Davis Junction, IL

#59 Oct 19, 2012
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Relevance? I agree that maybe they're moving a little fast, but that doesn't excuse the child's behavior. I agree with sub, she shouldn't get to dictate what the adults can do. She has behavior issues and needs therapy.
The last time I heard an older man with grown children use a line similar to "my children didn't act like that because it wasn't allowed in our household," his wife looked at him like he had two heads.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#60 Oct 19, 2012
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>
(Hey are you affected by the pipeline spill on Arsenal?)
If by "affected" you mean I'll be paying higher prices at the pump tomorrow, then yes.

Tell me when this thread is updated: (Registration is not required)

Add to my Tracker Send me an email

Add your comments below

Characters left: 4000

Please note by submitting this form you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

Chicago Discussions

Title Updated Last By Comments
Barack Obama, our next President (Nov '08) 16 min shinningelectr0n 1,099,823
BARACK OBAMA BIRTH CERTIFICATE: Suit contesting... (Jan '09) 34 min Grand Birther 177,346
Song Titles Only (group/artist in parenthesis m... (Mar '10) 1 hr _Zoey_ 7,745
Music Artists A to Z (Feb '14) 1 hr _Zoey_ 296
Danger! It is horrible, rotten luck to hug a w... 1 hr Unlucky man 1
Word (Dec '08) 1 hr _Zoey_ 4,648
{keep A word drop A word} (Oct '11) 1 hr _Zoey_ 4,663
Topix Chitown Regulars (Aug '09) 6 hr Phil Indeblanc 97,916
•••
•••
•••

Chicago Jobs

•••
Enter and win $5000
•••
•••

Chicago People Search

Addresses and phone numbers for FREE

•••

Chicago News, Events & Info

Click for news, events and info in Chicago
•••

Personal Finance

Mortgages [ See current mortgage rates ]
•••