Comments
1 - 20 of 24 Comments Last updated Sep 23, 2013
First Prev
of 2
Next Last

“Not a real reg”

Since: Jan 13

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#1
Sep 23, 2013
 
DEAR AMY: I am a married woman with a family. I am also caring for my elderly father, who is staying with us during his recovery from various ailments. My husband and I have not been intimate in a while.

During the week we both work, in addition to our other responsibilities. This past Sunday my dad’s friend offered to take my dad out for a few hours, giving us the opportunity to go somewhere with the kids, to have fun and relax.
I waited around all day. It was not until we were ready to sit down at the table for dinner that my husband finally said,“Where was it that you wanted to go?” By then it was too late and I was exhausted.

Whenever I ask my husband to do something with me, he says,“After the game.” Then it’s tennis, golf or some movie that he has to see. It seems as though there is never time for just us — we hardly leave the house on the weekends. When I try to talk to him about it, he tells me I’m nagging. I’ve tried to be patient, but I have needs too, and he doesn’t seem to care.

Do you have any suggestions? I’m ready to leave.-- Frustrated Mom

DEAR FRUSTRATED: There is nothing more enervating and exhausting than being a caretaker in the sandwich generation. Your husband is treating you like a piece of baloney at the center of that sandwich. He is not being a good or thoughtful partner.

My first suggestion is that you should leave. By leave, I mean that you should at least leave the house (not necessarily the marriage). You should not wait around for an entire day in hopes that your husband might finally decide that he is ready to go somewhere with you.

Ideally, you should each have some time alone each week to recharge and refresh.(Your local office on aging can help arrange for occasional interim care for your father.) And — as unromantic as this may sound — you two should schedule at least one night a week when you concentrate on connecting intimately as a couple.

The best time to communicate is not when the clock is ticking, but when you’re relatively relaxed. Ultimately, you are responsible for doing your best to get what you need. Your husband seems to have mastered this, and I suggest you do the same.

DEAR AMY: I’m a college student. Over the summer, I met a guy at a recurring social event. He is a nice guy, and at the time we had a mutual attraction. I admitted via one of our text discussions that I thought I liked him. We “went out” a couple of times but we are not dating.

As the summer stretched on, I realized that there are some things about him I find off-putting, and then he said something that’s a deal-breaker for me, and I have pretty much lost any attraction I had toward him. However, he still acts as if he likes me, though he’s never explicitly said so.

I’ve just started school again, and I have met one or two guys who I may be interested in dating. If so, what is my obligation to the guy back home? How would I ever begin to bring it up?-- No Man’s Land

DEAR NO MAN: You are under no obligation to the guy back home. You do not need to wait until you are interested in someone else — if he asks you out and you are not interested in dating him, you should tell him so. Ideally this would have been conveyed back in the summer, just after the deal-breaker. Your only obligation is to be brave enough to be truthful.

DEAR AMY: I’d like to offer a suggestion to “Don’t Like Being Lazy,” the woman who reported that she didn’t have the energy to complete any task.

My daughter had the exact same issue. I knew something was off. She was diagnosed with hypothyroidism, and with meds she feels like a new person.-- Relieved

DEAR RELIEVED: I hope “Lazy” sees a doctor too.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#2
Sep 23, 2013
 

Judged:

1

1 So you had all day to open your mouth, but you kept it shut instead, and that is your husbands fault?

2 Give him a good bye hummer and move on.

3 Yes, pills fix everything. And if they dont work then create a new medical condition to justify being lazy.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#3
Sep 23, 2013
 

Judged:

1

1

1

1. What Race said
2. Ewwww. Why would a woman give a hummer o anyone she doesn't like? Yuk.
3.What Race said

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#4
Sep 23, 2013
 
L1: Quit complaining and do something about it.

L2: I wouldn't worry about him.

L3: Hypothyroidism is a real condition. So is diabetes. Both of those can cause lethargy. Many other things can, too. If I had that symptom I'd get it checked out and if everything came back okay -- time to get in the gym, drink more coffee or something.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#5
Sep 23, 2013
 

Judged:

1

1

1

LW1: You should just take the kids and go do whatever it is you want to do. He probably won't even notice.

He probably wouldn't notice either if you signed up for a "class" and found a cougar-loving young man to help you out with your other problem one night a week.

LW2: Just don't be a b!tch when you do finally tell him.

LW3: I don't think the orignal LW's problem was medical.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#6
Sep 23, 2013
 

Judged:

1

1

1

LW1: I love getting away with just my wife. We always have a good time together and there are a lot of laughs. In his case, it sounds like it's about as much fun as pulling teeth.

So, the problem isn’t that he doesn’t make an effort, but rather that he doesn’t WANT TO make any effort to do things together. Do you really want to force him to do something he doesn’t want to do? That doesn’t sound like much of a relationship.

Maybe you do need to leave.

LW2: You two are not in a committed relationship. He hasn't even expressed his feelings for you, and you have simply said you liked him. You owe him nothing. You should however work on expressing your feelings. If you fancy someone, you should tell them in no uncertain terms.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#7
Sep 23, 2013
 
Because she can?
PEllen wrote:
2. Ewwww. Why would a woman give a hummer o anyone she doesn't like?

Since: Mar 09

West Palm Beach, FL

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#8
Sep 23, 2013
 
L1: Team RACE.

L2: Really? Obligation? The only obligation you have is to say no if and when he ever asks you out again. You're not in a relationship, it's not on you to break anything off (there's nothing to break off).

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#9
Sep 23, 2013
 

Judged:

2

1

1

1- So you're horny. Use a BOB.

2- I want to know what he said that's a deal breaker? Lemme guess, he's opposed to gay marriage? What is it with you so-called "gay rights" activists? People who don't share your exact views aren't worth a second of your time. How tolerant of you. But anyway, you owe him nothing. And you should worry about your education, not letting men into your pants.

3- Yes, everyone can be diagnosed with something. The goal is to get every member of the population on pills and rescind them of any personal responsibility.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#10
Sep 23, 2013
 

Judged:

1

edogxxx wrote:
2- I want to know what he said that's a deal breaker? Lemme guess, he's opposed to gay marriage? What is it with you so-called "gay rights" activists? People who don't share your exact views aren't worth a second of your time. How tolerant of you. But anyway, you owe him nothing. And you should worry about your education, not letting men into your pants.
Nope, he told her he wanted to marry his horse.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#11
Sep 23, 2013
 

Judged:

1

1

1

squishymama wrote:
Nope, he told her he wanted to marry his horse.
Or he supports the war in Iraq and is pro-life. And said Obama thinks he's a socialist dictator. And supports the pipeline, fracking, and drilling in Anwar.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#12
Sep 23, 2013
 

Judged:

1

1

1

RACE wrote:
Because she can?
<quoted text>
Given a choice among equals, I'd rather sip a milkshake at McDonalds through a straw.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#13
Sep 23, 2013
 
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Or he supports the war in Iraq and is pro-life. And said Obama thinks he's a socialist dictator. And supports the pipeline, fracking, and drilling in Anwar.
Or it's really about the gay rights thing and he's against it and she's REALLY religious and is upset he's not emulating the Pope and being more inclusive and less derogatory about gay people.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#14
Sep 23, 2013
 
Now there's a run-on sentence!

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#15
Sep 23, 2013
 
No it's because she is into swinging and open marriage and he believes in the SANCTITY of marriage.
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
Or it's really about the gay rights thing and he's against it and she's REALLY religious and is upset he's not emulating the Pope and being more inclusive and less derogatory about gay people.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#16
Sep 23, 2013
 
RACE wrote:
No it's because she is into swinging and open marriage and he believes in the SANCTITY of marriage.
<quoted text>
But I heard they met at the Velvet Curtain Club in Texas (look it up :D)

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#17
Sep 23, 2013
 

Judged:

1

edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Or he supports the war in Iraq and is pro-life. And said Obama thinks he's a socialist dictator. And supports the pipeline, fracking, and drilling in Anwar.
No, he said he's. a big R Kelly fan and wantedd her to be his biggest fan, thenn he busted out the towels.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#18
Sep 23, 2013
 

Judged:

1

1

1

PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>
Given a choice among equals, I'd rather sip a milkshake at McDonalds through a straw.
his shakes are hand mixed

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#19
Sep 23, 2013
 

Judged:

1

RACE wrote:
1 So you had all day to open your mouth, but you kept it shut instead, and that is your husbands fault?
2 Give him a good bye hummer and move on.
3 Yes, pills fix everything. And if they dont work then create a new medical condition to justify being lazy.
this

Since: Oct 09

Wagner, SD

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#20
Sep 23, 2013
 

Judged:

1

edogxxx wrote:
1- So you're horny. Use a BOB.
3- Yes, everyone can be diagnosed with something. The goal is to get every member of the population on pills and rescind them of any personal responsibility.
1. BOBs aren't really a viable substitute. I mean, sure they are once in awhile when you really can't take it anymore, but they are definitely not adequate as a long-term substitute when you have a higher sex drive than your hubby and are lucky to actually get it more than a couple times a month when you want and need it a lot more than that. And don't ask me how I know that!

2. Hypothyroidism is a real condition that has a major effect on your energy and mental functioning, I know that first-hand. The difference between before taking the thyroid pills that replace the hormones that are greatly diminished by low-functioning thyroid and afterwards is like night and day. Energy returns full-force, your head is cleared and mental "fog" is gone, you actually want to do things, etc, etc. There are also other very real medical conditions that cause the kind of lethargy and mental fog the LW described. Yes, there are people who are just plain lazy, quite true, but that isn't always the case. The only lack of personal responsibility in the case of a medical condition causing such symptoms is refusing to do anything about it by not getting any medical help.

Tell me when this thread is updated: (Registration is not required)

Add to my Tracker Send me an email

First Prev
of 2
Next Last

Add your comments below

Characters left: 4000

Please note by submitting this form you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

•••
•••
•••

Chicago Jobs

•••
Enter and win $5000
•••

Chicago People Search

Addresses and phone numbers for FREE

•••

Chicago News, Events & Info

Click for news, events and info in Chicago
•••

Personal Finance

Mortgages [ See current mortgage rates ]
•••