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“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#21
Dec 19, 2012
 
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
L3: It sounds not like the mom gave up custody but maybe even relinquished her parental rights, or at the very least, never had any visitation.
So she abandoned her children. That is very different than not having custody of your kids. Plenty of dads have been denied custody of their kids but they manage to stay in their kids' lives.
THe small number of cases that I'm personally familiar with in which the dad got custody and not the mom, 100% of them = mom has serious mental health issues.
My sister is the only woman I've ever known to give up custody. At the time of the divorce, she thought she was going to be the next big country singin' star and didn't want the responsiblity of the children.

I thought it was pretty selfish and stupid of her to do that, since her ex is a total ass and spent his time at home (living with *his* mother) locked in his room, smoking pot. The kids got no attention from him (luckily, his mom was more present in their lives) and my sister tried to be their friend instead of their mother.

They're pretty f*cked up young people today.

Since: Jan 10

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#23
Dec 19, 2012
 

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the tuition thing is very common now. I think it's crazy.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#24
Dec 19, 2012
 
Common or not -- I say you should have gotten a better lawyer if you ended up paying it. UNLESS you make a very good salary and, in that case, quit your moaning and get your kids educated.

"... if you are contemplating divorce and have children who are –or will be –attending college, here are a few important points you need to keep in mind:

Unless ordered by the courts, there is typically no legal obligation to pay college tuition.

In the absence of a court order, the best way to secure funds for college tuition is to include the obligation in your divorce settlement agreement. You can 1) have the funds put into an escrow or trust account to make sure they are available when needed, or 2) get an up-front lump sum payment (as described below).

If the terms have not been negotiated in a divorce settlement agreement, the courts can order a parent to pay for their child’s education –but that depends on the state in which the divorce occurs.

Most states allow courts to order the non-custodial parent to help pay for college. But a few, like Alaska, Nebraska and New Hampshire, do not, except in those cases where the parents had a previous agreement."

Since: Jan 10

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#25
Dec 19, 2012
 
I think most parents just agree to it -- their kids are 8 and 10 -- and don't think ahead to what that means 10 years down the road. Or they don't want to look like the dkhead parent by saying "no."

Since: Jan 10

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#26
Dec 19, 2012
 
I just googled. A few states' courts will require child support through age 21 for college.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#27
Dec 19, 2012
 
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
I just googled. A few states' courts will require child support through age 21 for college.
:D Good for you?

Since: Jan 10

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#28
Dec 19, 2012
 
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
:D Good for you?
Heh smart ass. Most don't, but I was surprised -- I think three were Alabama, Iowa, and Hawaii.

BUt I Bet having a good lawyer makes all the difference.

and maybe those laws or court precedents are more about making a wealthy parent pay when he's being a jerk about it.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#29
Dec 19, 2012
 

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I'm finding myself agreeing with Angela on this issue. Am I losing it or is she?

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#30
Dec 19, 2012
 
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
Heh smart ass. Most don't, but I was surprised -- I think three were Alabama, Iowa, and Hawaii.
BUt I Bet having a good lawyer makes all the difference.
and maybe those laws or court precedents are more about making a wealthy parent pay when he's being a jerk about it.
I agree with you. And I know no one wants to paint their friends as being chintzy with their kids. Let's face it, some are. They can be very good loving people but cheap asses when it comes to divorce. They see any money that goes to anything as the ex-wife getting the money instead of seeing the good of education or whatever thing their children are into. To some, it's something they "lost".

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#31
Dec 19, 2012
 

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edogxxx wrote:
I'm finding myself agreeing with Angela on this issue. Am I losing it or is she?
It's not a win/loss thing.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

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#32
Dec 19, 2012
 

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Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
I agree with you. And I know no one wants to paint their friends as being chintzy with their kids. Let's face it, some are. They can be very good loving people but cheap asses when it comes to divorce. They see any money that goes to anything as the ex-wife getting the money instead of seeing the good of education or whatever thing their children are into. To some, it's something they "lost".
I agree with you, but it is ridiculous, because they can choose to write the check to the college directly.

I'm not a parent, but if I were, I would encourage my child to get a college education and set aside some money to supplement it. We have some really good junior colleges in CA and some reasonably affordable state colleges as well. It's not like you have to send to Stanford to get a good education. A friend's daughter is going to a good junior college and although my friend and her husband help with the costs, she also has a part-time job. I think this is the ideal situation because the work experience will be very helpful when she graduates. You need both education and work experience on a resume.

Since: Jan 10

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#33
Dec 19, 2012
 
I think I'd help my kid out SOME during school, but I'd have them get student loans, and if their grade were good and they worked hard, I'd help to pay off those loans. That way, the kid has something at stake, but isn't saddled with debt without some assistance.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

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#34
Dec 20, 2012
 

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My co-worker is haggling with his ex-wife over putting his youngest through college right now, and yeah, I think it's absurd. Paying for college isn't some sort of birth right. I'm sure he'd help her out on some level, but having to deal with the ex and courts over an 18 year old 'kid' is redonk.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#35
Dec 20, 2012
 
Matilda77 wrote:
My co-worker is haggling with his ex-wife over putting his youngest through college right now, and yeah, I think it's absurd. Paying for college isn't some sort of birth right. I'm sure he'd help her out on some level, but having to deal with the ex and courts over an 18 year old 'kid' is redonk.
Right. So he can get a trust fund where they both could put in and that can be managed by a third party if he's worried about getting ripped off. You get a side agreement which is binding. Both their lawyers are probably sparking the arguments b/c it'll take longer and then there's more fees.

You KNOW that happens.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

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#36
Dec 20, 2012
 
Matilda77 wrote:
My co-worker is haggling with his ex-wife over putting his youngest through college right now, and yeah, I think it's absurd. Paying for college isn't some sort of birth right. I'm sure he'd help her out on some level, but having to deal with the ex and courts over an 18 year old 'kid' is redonk.
I totally agree that paying for college is not a birth right. I think @ 18, he should be dealing with the "kid" instead of his ex. Still, I am amazed by people who have to haggle back and forth for years after a divorce. I wonder what they will argue about after the kids have graduated.

Since: Jan 10

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#37
Dec 20, 2012
 
Kuuipo wrote:
<quoted text>
I totally agree that paying for college is not a birth right. I think @ 18, he should be dealing with the "kid" instead of his ex. Still, I am amazed by people who have to haggle back and forth for years after a divorce. I wonder what they will argue about after the kids have graduated.
No doubt. The dad should just say "Here's what I can afford to give you for school." Whatever the mom wants or can give is none of his business, and vice versa.
Anonymous

Plant City, FL

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#38
Dec 20, 2012
 
3: I coould never just abandon my nieces if this were me...I don't think the rest of the family should pay for sis' choices, especially if the kids allow the relationship.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#39
Dec 21, 2012
 
cheluzal wrote:
3: I coould never just abandon my nieces if this were me...I don't think the rest of the family should pay for sis' choices, especially if the kids allow the relationship.
I'm with you on this point.

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