Comments
1 - 20 of 38 Comments Last updated Dec 21, 2012
First Prev
of 2
Next Last

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#1
Dec 19, 2012
 
DEAR ABBY: I am a 31-year-old, never-married mother of two. Last summer I started having an affair with "Jordan," the father of my first child. He left me when our daughter was a year old and has been engaged for three years in an on-again, off-again relationship.

I could give you excuses about why the affair started up again, but the truth is we both knew it was wrong and continued to do it anyway. I never stopped loving him and I thought it would bring him back to me.

Today I found out from Jordan's fiancee that they have set their wedding date for next spring. She said they would like for me to come. As if it wouldn't be painful enough to go to the wedding, his fiancee has also asked me to do her hair for the occasion.(I'm a hairstylist.)

Abby, Jordan and I are still having an affair. I want to tell her, but I don't want him to hate me. I believe this wedding is a big mistake for many reasons, not just the obvious. Please give me some outside advice.-- CAN'T HELP MYSELF IN OHIO

DEAR CAN'T HELP YOURSELF: OK, the first thing to do is wake up, smell the coffee and accept that resuming the sexual relationship with Jordan has not had the desired effect. He will be marrying someone else.

Next, concentrate on saving yourself and waste no more of your time on him -- that is, if you would like a permanent, monogamous relationship with someone. Jordan has given you ample proof that he is incapable of being faithful to one woman.

And last, tell his fiancee that you do not plan to attend the wedding or do her hair because you are in love with Jordan and have been sleeping with him since last summer.

DEAR ABBY: I have known my husband for seven years and I love him very much, but I am no longer "in love" with him. Somehow along the way the spark has fizzled.

We have a wonderful family and have been through so much together. I don't want a divorce. I want to make our marriage work, and so does he. So how do I get my spark back?-- SPARKLESS IN TEXAS

DEAR SPARKLESS: That you and your husband want your marriage to work means it is capable of being resuscitated. While you didn't give any details, it is possible that you have been "through so much" that it didn't allow you to concentrate on each other. Exhaustion and distraction can cause a spark to fizzle.

A way to reignite it would be to spend more time alone together, participate in activities you both enjoy, and make time on a regular basis to talk, relax and touch each other. And if necessary, enlist the services of a licensed marriage counselor.

DEAR ABBY: My sister relinquished custody of her kids in a divorce 30 years ago. I recently made contact with them to re-establish lost ties. The contact I made with the daughter has been a wonderful success. The other resulted in complete -- and understandable -- rejection.

Now my sister, who didn't want to open the door, blames me for her heartache because her son rejected her. Was I wrong for bringing at least one of them back into the family?-- SISTER IN THE SOUTH

DEAR SISTER: Because you did it over your sister's objections, I think you were. While the daughter seems interested in establishing contact -- at least for now -- your sister has now "lost" her son twice. And if the daughter eventually backs off, your sister will be zero for two.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#2
Dec 19, 2012
 
1- I think everything Abby said was okay until that last paragraph. As long as she calls it off, I don't think the LW should be the one to tell her about the affair.

2- This is why couples swing.

3- It took you 30 years? Maybe you should stop trying to play reunite/matchmaker and not get your sister so involved in the children she gave up?

Since: Dec 07

DuPage County

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#3
Dec 19, 2012
 

Judged:

1

1 Funny how cheating rarely work out, isn't it? Call it off, opt out of the wedding entirely, but MYOB about bloing the whistle.

2 "...And if necessary, enlist the services of a licensed marriage counselor." Duhh!

3 Why is it that sisters so often butt in where they've been told not to?

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#4
Dec 19, 2012
 
L1: I wasn't even going to comment on this train wreck until I read Abby's last paragraph: "And last, tell his fiancee that you do not plan to attend the wedding or do her hair because you are in love with Jordan and have been sleeping with him since last summer." HAHAHAHA! Yes! Mainly, I think the wedding should be called off because I think it's probable that the child would feel the brunt of an angry new wife's wrath should she discover the affair after the wedding.

L2: Good advice from Abby. You CAN get that spark back if you both put forth the effort.

L3: Your sister has only herself to blame.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#5
Dec 19, 2012
 
LW1: Say no to the wedding and the hair. I'm torn about whether or not to tell her. Clearly this marriage has problems before it's even started; perhaps it would be best if it never happens.

LW2: Yeah, yeah, what Abby said. And some porn wouldn't hurt either.

LW3: I don't get how she can blame you for something she did 30 years ago. And I don't get how giving up custody resulted in your/her side of the family not knowing these kids. My youngest step-sis gave up custody, but her kids were at every family gathering when they were young.
Sam I Am

Huntingdon, TN

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#6
Dec 19, 2012
 
1. I think you should see if Springer will sponsor the wedding and give that to them as their wedding present.

2. Jesus, you write to Abby about how to get the spark back? You're not even willing to pick up a book? Or go see a counselor? Just resign yourself to anotehr 40 years of mediocrity because you don't appear to have the incentive to really do the work.

3. You were out of line. Why is it so hard for people to know and accept their place?
Kuuipo

Salinas, CA

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#7
Dec 19, 2012
 
LW1: You are a hot mess. You have two children by two different baby daddies and you are old enough to know where babies come from and to use birth control responsibly. And if you're going to do the wild thing with people as completely unsuited to fatherhood as Jordan appears to be, you should double-up on the protection. By now, you've figured out that "Oops, I am pregnant" does not guarantee you a secure relationship with baby daddy nor a trip down the aisle. Smarten up. Now about Jordan. He is a player. DTMFA. And yes, tell his fiancee everything. When the dust settles, she will be grateful for the infomation. Both of you deserve better.

L2: What Abby said.
L3: What squishymama said.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#8
Dec 19, 2012
 
L3: It sounds not like the mom gave up custody but maybe even relinquished her parental rights, or at the very least, never had any visitation.

So she abandoned her children. That is very different than not having custody of your kids. Plenty of dads have been denied custody of their kids but they manage to stay in their kids' lives.

THe small number of cases that I'm personally familiar with in which the dad got custody and not the mom, 100% of them = mom has serious mental health issues.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#9
Dec 19, 2012
 

Judged:

1

L1: No matter how tempting, don't tell the bride-to-be. She won't believe you, your ex will hate you and the children will take the brunt of it.

L2: Why do people think that pizzazz stuff lasts forever? It'll ebb and flow. What keeps you together is that you do love each other and continue to work at it.

L3: I think it's okay that the aunt got in contact with her nephew and niece. Who cares what the LW sister thinks. If you don't have something, you can't lose it. Obviously, she continues to have issues and the LW needs to stop accepting the blame.

Since: Dec 07

DuPage County

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#10
Dec 19, 2012
 

Judged:

1

RedheadwGlasses wrote:
THe small number of cases that I'm personally familiar with in which the dad got custody and not the mom, 100% of them = mom has serious mental health issues.
100% agreement. For a dad to get custody, it seems that there has to be undeniable proof that the mom is a certified nutjob. Meanwhile, there are plenty of dads out there who are awesome parents, and get royally hosed in divorce decrees.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#11
Dec 19, 2012
 
Saluki Rod wrote:
<quoted text>
100% agreement. For a dad to get custody, it seems that there has to be undeniable proof that the mom is a certified nutjob. Meanwhile, there are plenty of dads out there who are awesome parents, and get royally hosed in divorce decrees.
This could be true in the majority of cases. I personally know 2 guys who got full custody of their kids (at different times). One of the guys had 4 kids. The ex-wives weren't certified nutjobs but were not good for the kids.

It helps if you have a good lawyer and you do a psychologist evaluation for "in the best interest" of the kids.

Since: Feb 10

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#12
Dec 19, 2012
 

Judged:

1

Kuuipo wrote:
Both of you deserve better.
Well...the fiancee probably deserves better. Can't really agree that the LW does, though. He sounds like a pig, but so does she. Perfect match.
pde

Schaumburg, IL

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#13
Dec 19, 2012
 
Sam I Am wrote:
3. You were out of line. Why is it so hard for people to know and accept their place?
I don't think it's out of line for an aunt to re-establish contact on her own with her niece and nephew. One of my aunts rode the crazy train off into the sunset and took her kids with her. Twenty years later, when said aunt has finally been committed, her sisters and her ex-husband's family have re-established contact with my cousins.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#14
Dec 19, 2012
 
itser wrote:
<quoted text>
Well...the fiancee probably deserves better. Can't really agree that the LW does, though. He sounds like a pig, but so does she. Perfect match.
He's a pig and she's a fool.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#15
Dec 19, 2012
 
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
This could be true in the majority of cases. I personally know 2 guys who got full custody of their kids (at different times). One of the guys had 4 kids. The ex-wives weren't certified nutjobs but were not good for the kids.
It helps if you have a good lawyer and you do a psychologist evaluation for "in the best interest" of the kids.
Oh, I forgot one case. I dated a guy who had custody. He was a dickhead lawyer, mom was fine. He just used the legal system to his advantage. ;)

Since: Dec 07

DuPage County

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#16
Dec 19, 2012
 

Judged:

1

Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
This could be true in the majority of cases. I personally know 2 guys who got full custody of their kids (at different times). One of the guys had 4 kids. The ex-wives weren't certified nutjobs but were not good for the kids.
It helps if you have a good lawyer and you do a psychologist evaluation for "in the best interest" of the kids.
Sadly, I only know 3 guys who were lucky enough to get their kids too. Way too many men get shafted still, in this day and age. The requirement to pay 1/2 of the kid's college tuition is a major back-breaker.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#17
Dec 19, 2012
 
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
Oh, I forgot one case. I dated a guy who had custody. He was a dickhead lawyer, mom was fine. He just used the legal system to his advantage. ;)
He must have known the judge. She should have asked for a change of venue.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#18
Dec 19, 2012
 

Judged:

1

1

Saluki Rod wrote:
The requirement to pay 1/2 of the kid's college tuition is a major back-breaker.
I would fight that tooth and nail. I don't know my kid a single penny after he's 18 and done with high school. After that, anything I give him is a GIFT, not an obligation. College included.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#19
Dec 19, 2012
 
Saluki Rod wrote:
<quoted text>
Sadly, I only know 3 guys who were lucky enough to get their kids too. Way too many men get shafted still, in this day and age. The requirement to pay 1/2 of the kid's college tuition is a major back-breaker.
That's not standard. 1/2 tuition. At least not in Indiana nor Illinois. That a negotiated thing.

You should always get the best lawyer you can afford. It saves you money in the end.

Personally, I think each parent should pay a third and the child should pay a 1/3 of college. But...

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#20
Dec 19, 2012
 

Judged:

1

RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
I would fight that tooth and nail. I don't know my kid a single penny after he's 18 and done with high school. After that, anything I give him is a GIFT, not an obligation. College included.
I think what happens, sometimes, is people have college savings for their kids. Each parent should give half of that to the kid instead of taking it for themselves.

I know of a divorce where the woman is the major breadwinner. The father wanted the money all for him out of the college savings they had. He even had the audacity (after that was nixed by the mediator) to say he deserves to get whatever is left over of that account after college and it could only pay for tuition.

Not a cent of his own money went into it. You'd think he'd want it to go to housing, books, etc. for the kids. Nope, he wants it.

The REAL kicker is -- he's a teacher (high school).

Tell me when this thread is updated: (Registration is not required)

Add to my Tracker Send me an email

First Prev
of 2
Next Last
Type in your comments below
Name
(appears on your post)
Comments
Characters left: 4000
Type the numbers you see in the image on the right:

Please note by clicking on "Post Comment" you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

81 Users are viewing the Chicago Forum right now

Search the Chicago Forum:
Title Updated Last By Comments
Israeli troops begin Gaza pullout as Hamas decl... (Jan '09) 5 min TRD 67,937
Barack Obama, our next President (Nov '08) 5 min USAsince1680 1,079,822
BSU PRE DEGREE/DIPLOMA FORM FOR 2014/2015 SESSI... 7 min DR ADEKUNLE 1
Topix Chitown Regulars (Aug '09) 8 min Sublime1 97,530
BARACK OBAMA BIRTH CERTIFICATE: Suit contesting... (Jan '09) 13 min Frank 174,612
ABU PRE DEGREE/DIPLOMA FORM FOR 2014/2015 SESSI... 27 min DR ADEKUNLE 1
ABSU PRE DEGREE/DIPLOMA FORM FOR 2014/2015 SESS... 29 min DR ADEKUNLE 1
Amy 7-24 45 min Toj 23
Abby 7-24 12 hr Pippa 42
•••
•••
•••

Chicago Jobs

•••
Enter and win $5000
•••
•••

Chicago People Search

Addresses and phone numbers for FREE

•••

Chicago News, Events & Info

Click for news, events and info in Chicago
•••

Personal Finance

Mortgages [ See current mortgage rates ]
•••