“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#1 Aug 2, 2014
DEAR ABBY: I'm 16 and so is my boyfriend. He's wonderful. We're very much in love and intend to be together for the rest of our lives, but my mother is causing major problems in our relationship. We're not allowed to see each other outside of school. Neither of us has a driver's license, and we're not getting them anytime soon.

Even if someone will be watching us the whole time, Mom says she's afraid we're going to "make out." We won't, and it's very distressing. She says she trusts me, but clearly she doesn't. She also says she approves of my boyfriend, but obviously that's not the case, either.

What can I do to convince her that we are trustworthy?-- DISTRESSED TEEN IN TEXAS

DEAR DISTRESSED TEEN: Not knowing your mother, it's hard to say what will ease her worries. However, at 16, you are at an age when you should be starting to date. Many teens start by going out in groups, which lessens the opportunity for "make-out" situations.

The problem with overprotecting a teenage girl is that it can prevent her from acquiring the necessary social skills she will need later to make mature judgments. It's important that your mother realize this, and please tell her I said so.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I disagree on whether it is OK for me to have a secret I do not wish to share with her. It doesn't affect her. It pertains to a situation 40 years ago, long before we met. After we got into an argument about it, I eventually told her what it was about.

There was a popular movie about the same situation. Whenever it came on TV and I watched it, I would get teary-eyed, and my wife would ask me what was wrong. I would say I didn't know because I wanted to keep the reason to myself.

Now I'm accused of having lied to her about it. My wife is adamant that spouses should have no secrets whatsoever from each other. The issue was something significant and private to me. We would appreciate your comments.-- DISAGREEING IN MARYLAND

DEAR DISAGREEING: Would your wife have felt better if, when she saw you tear up and asked what was wrong, you had responded honestly and told her it was something personal, painful and none of her business?

What you did wasn't lying; it was protecting yourself from having to discuss something you weren't ready to reveal. And when you did, instead of being sympathetic, she attacked you. Well, now that you have shared your secret and are being punished for it, are you more comfortable with the idea of telling her "all"?(I doubt it.).

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#2 Aug 2, 2014
L1 "We're very much in love and intend to be together for the rest of our lives, " and you are 16 and you don't intend to make out?

Your mother is being too strict and you are a very naive young ninny.

L2 Your wife will now flail you about this until the day you die.

You should have kept your mouth shut. No doubt you ill do so in the future. What a clear sighted supportive bitch you married

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#3 Aug 2, 2014
PEllen wrote:
L1 "We're very much in love and intend to be together for the rest of our lives, " and you are 16 and you don't intend to make out?
Your mother is being too strict and you are a very naive young ninny.
L2 Your wife will now flail you about this until the day you die.
You should have kept your mouth shut. No doubt you ill do so in the future. What a clear sighted supportive bitch you married
1- maybe lw has proved untrustworthy in the past. Maybe what she's not telling us is she got knocked up at 14

2- dude needs to get over his girlfriend dumping him 40 yrs ago. If your spouse suddenly burst into tears during a movie, wouldn't you be curious as to why? Would you be satisfied with "I'm not telling?"

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#4 Aug 2, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
1- maybe lw has proved untrustworthy in the past. Maybe what she's not telling us is she got knocked up at 14
Okay, but that falls under the definition of either ninny, very young or naive,
boundary painter

San Antonio, TX

#5 Aug 2, 2014
Unfortunately, LW1's mother is giving the Lone Star state a bad name.
LW1 can request a ride to chaperoned dances with the boy--who may be okay--or to positive field trips, such as a school-sponsored work day at the Food Bank. That's about all that is in her power for now, unless
her father might be able to help her get to dances, community services
or other good activities.

Not sure what he wrote about is LW2's only secret that he is keeping from his wife.
Pippa

Hancock, NY

#6 Aug 2, 2014
1: There are quite a few parents who don't allow their teens to date. Just because many/most do in our country doesn't necessarily make it right. Considering the teen pregnancy problem, I can understand this teen's parents' position. I'm also thinking this girl hasn't told us the whole story. Perhaps she had "problems" in the past or perhaps the boy has had other girlfriends and behaved irresponsibly. In any case, it's the parents' call and why didn't Abby just tell the girl to talk in a calm and mature way (without tantrums) with her parents?

2: I don't think it's wrong for spouses to have secrets from one another depending on what they are. For example, they don't have to know the names or even the numbers of people their spouse dated before they were married. They DO have the right to know whether their spouse has other children or previous marriages. In other words, if it affects their marriage, it shouldn't be secret.(On a side note, I don't think a spouse has the right to reveal personal information another person told him/her in confidence. That is not a "secret" the spouse has a right to know if it has nothing to do with their marriage.) Not knowing the particular secret this guy revealed, I can't make a judgement. I will say that if I were this guy and my husband ranted at me about something that happened 40 years ago and I finally told him about it, I doubt I'd ever want to open up about anything else I thought might make him start another rant. I think that's just human nature. It's the basis for much of the discipline parents use on their kids - if the punishment is bad enough, the kids won't do the "bad behavior" again. It's too bad the lw's wife didn't think things through before she went at him with her rant.

To boundary painter: Good point that the lw may well have other secrets he's keeping. I doubt he'll want to "tell all" any time soon.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#7 Aug 2, 2014
1 Where is your dad??
Thats why your mom does not want you to date.

2 So, you wife was not happy enough with taking your balls and keeping them in her purse, she had to take that too.
boundary painter

San Antonio, TX

#8 Aug 3, 2014
RACE wrote:
1 Where is your dad??
Thats why your mom does not want you to date.
.
Good point. That mother might just be projecting and remembering her own errors.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#9 Aug 4, 2014
Pippa wrote:
1: There are quite a few parents who don't allow their teens to date. Just because many/most do in our country doesn't necessarily make it right.
Those that do not end up robbing their children of the opportunity to develop interpersonal dating skills. I know a girl I met in college on the dorm. She was not allowed to date in HS. Then she got to college and had all this freedom she had never had. By week 2, I found her wandering the hallway drunk and nekkid(except for a sheet) after some dude kicked her out of his room. Not saying this is the most likely scenario for people that did not get to date, but it's way more likely for someone who's never had any freedom to all at once be unleashed with no parental leash.

Tell me when this thread is updated:

Subscribe Now Add to my Tracker

Add your comments below

Characters left: 4000

Please note by submitting this form you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

Chicago Discussions

Title Updated Last By Comments
News Barack Obama, our next President (Nov '08) 4 min red and right 1,207,947
News BARACK OBAMA BIRTH CERTIFICATE: Suit contesting... (Jan '09) 10 min Rogue Scholar 05 185,980
Amy 3-30-15 19 min miss ann elk 40
{keep A word drop A word} (Oct '11) 55 min RACE 5,829
News Once slow-moving threat, global warming speeds ... (Dec '08) 55 min SpaceBlues 52,423
News Ill. House Approves Legalizing Same-Sex Civil U... (Dec '10) 1 hr CDC 51,890
News Israeli troops begin Gaza pullout as Hamas decl... (Jan '09) 2 hr scirocco 69,322
Chicago Dating
Find my Match
More from around the web

Chicago People Search

Addresses and phone numbers for FREE

Personal Finance

Mortgages [ See current mortgage rates ]