“Not a real reg”

Since: Jan 13

Location hidden

#1 May 28, 2013
DEAR ABBY: I own a business with just two employees, my husband and a very old friend. The friend has been in the business for 15 years, and he is critical to running it. My husband has been with me for 11 years, but in the business for only three. He is not critical to running the business.

Their relationship is a constant strain. Neither one likes the other, but they generally tolerate each other. When tensions arise they become emotional, and I end up caught between them, unable to put an end to it.

How do we work and live in peace? Their conflict is affecting the smooth functioning of the business. What should I do to end the hostility? I'm a quiet type, which probably feeds the situation.-- WALKING ON EGGSHELLS

DEAR WALKING ON EGGSHELLS: You may be a quiet type, but you are also the boss. The atmosphere you describe is unhealthy for your business. For it to continue to be successful, your business must be nurtured as a separate entity apart from your friendship and your marriage.

Because the present situation makes it difficult for all of you to function together, I'm suggesting that you tell your husband you love him, but either he must get along with the longtime employee or leave the business -- because it's the business that is paying the bills, feeding and putting a roof over all of you!

DEAR ABBY: A friend, "Wanda," invited my husband, "Hugh," and me to a dinner party two years ago. Hugh had too much to drink and insulted not only Wanda but also one of the guests. He apologized the next day.
This is not the first time he has done this at dinner parties, and his behavior has had a negative impact on some of my best friendships. I used to entertain all the time, but I can no longer invite my friends over as they no longer want to be around Hugh.

Wanda continues to invite me to her dinner parties, but has made a point of telling me that Hugh is not invited. Not wanting to lose another friend, I have been going alone. I let my husband know why, and he says it doesn't bother him, but I feel guilty attending without him. My friendships are important to me and I'm torn about what to do.-- PARTY OF ONE

DEAR PARTY: If your husband can't control his behavior when he's had a drink or two, then he should not be drinking in public. That he says it "doesn't bother him" that he's no longer welcome in these people's homes is sad, as it should be a glaring signal that he needs help.

Because he isn't ready to do something about his problem, continue to socialize without him. That you do is admirable, so please stop feeling guilty about it.

DEAR ABBY: About a year ago, my wife had an affair with one of the instructors at a training seminar. We are working to repair our marriage and are making great strides. She says there's nothing else going on now.

My wife has been invited to a graduation ceremony where she is to receive an award from the same instructor. This will be the first time I meet this person, and I have mixed feelings about it. How should I approach this meeting?-- MIXED FEELINGS IN MISSOURI

DEAR MIXED FEELINGS: Do it with cool civility, complete sobriety and as little contact as possible.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#2 May 28, 2013
Yay for abby's interns! They must read out posts!

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#3 May 28, 2013
L1: Fire your husband.

L2: Your husband is an obnxious drunk. You chose him. Deal with it. Personally, I love that your friends refuse to have anything to do with him. He must be pretty horrid. So good for them for having boundaries!

L3: She shouldn't go. It's just to accept some silly "honorary" degree, I bet.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#4 May 28, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
L1: Fire your husband.
L2: Your husband is an obnxious drunk. You chose him. Deal with it. Personally, I love that your friends refuse to have anything to do with him. He must be pretty horrid. So good for them for having boundaries!
L3: She shouldn't go. It's just to accept some silly "honorary" degree, I bet.
Thanks for saving me the time/trouble of typing all of this.:D

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#5 May 28, 2013
LW1: Sorry, hubby's gotta go.

LW2: Maybe your dinner parties are a complete snooze fest and he's glad not to go. Stop feeling guilty; this is all on him.

LW3: Eff the sobriety - take a xanax. But the rest of the intern's advice is good.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#6 May 28, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
L3: She shouldn't go. It's just to accept some silly "honorary" degree, I bet.
If it's work-related training, she'll have to go.
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

#7 May 28, 2013
Good job, everyone!!!

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#8 May 28, 2013
L1: Fire hubby or give him something that has no contact with the other guy and have him telecommute (heh -- stay at home).

L2: Do you want verification that your husband is a jerk? There's nothing to do. I wouldn't feel guilty. He put himself in that situation, not you. He is the one that needs to feel guilty.

L3: Go and show some class by not reacting to him. Be confident in what you have now. He's nothing anymore to you or your wife. I can imagine, though, that every bone in your body wants to pulverize him.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#9 May 28, 2013
1- "Dear Abby, I want to leave my husband for my business partner. How should I go about this?"

2- Either your husband needs help with his raging alcoholism or your friends are bores. Not sure which one to root for....

3- Hell no, she ain't going. I see why she cheated. Dig through your wife's purse til you find your balls and spine.
Kuuipo

Marina, CA

#10 May 28, 2013
LW1: Abby's right, you need to step up and do the hard work of being a boss. What you are dealing with is "alpha male syndrome", IMHO.

You need to tell your husband firmly, that the business was running smoothly before he "joined the company" and suggest that if he is unhappy or can't get along with your critical-to-the-business employee, that he should find another job.

Or, just tell him that you don't think it is wise for the two of you to work together.

LW2: What Red and Toj said.(What do you see in this man?)

LW3: What Toj said.

“Colorful Beyond Words”

Since: May 11

" Live, Laugh, Love "

#11 May 28, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
1- "Dear Abby, I want to leave my husband for my business partner. How should I go about this?"
2- Either your husband needs help with his raging alcoholism or your friends are bores. Not sure which one to root for....
3- Hell no, she ain't going. I see why she cheated. Dig through your wife's purse til you find your balls and spine.
LOL !! Funny !
Julie

Chicago, IL

#12 May 28, 2013
LW2: "Not wanting to lose another friend, I have been going alone. I let my husband know why, and he says it doesn't bother him, but I feel guilty attending without him."
Why on earth do you feel guilty going without him? HE obviously doesn't feel guilty about being an obnoxious drunk. Seriously, how many friends have you lost because of Mr. Jerk-When-Drunk's behavior?

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#13 May 28, 2013
LW1: Husband needs new job.

LW2: You have no reason to feel guilty. You don't have to do everything with your husband, and since the only reason you can't do these things with him is because he made himself unwelcome. His problem, not yours.

"Not wanting to lose another friend, I have been going alone. I let my husband know why, and he says it doesn't bother him,"

"That he says it "doesn't bother him" that he's no longer welcome in these people's homes is sad, as it should be a glaring signal that he needs help."

I took it to mean it does not bother him that she goes without him.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#14 May 28, 2013
Right? Few hours of peace and quite.
Mister Tonka wrote:
I took it to mean it does not bother him that she goes without him.

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