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“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#1 Apr 19, 2014
DEAR ABBY: I'm a 14-year-old girl with a problem. Because of my buzzed short hair, slim hips and flat chest, I frequently get mistaken for a boy. It really bothers me because, despite my haircut and body shape, I have a feminine face and I wear women's clothes and makeup. I'm not too much of a tomboy.

Sometimes when someone addresses me with a male pronoun or in some other way mistakes me for a male, I'm too nervous to correct them. Is there a clever or witty way to correct the mistake?-- NOT A BOY IN BROOKLYN, N.Y.

DEAR NOT A BOY: The person who made the mistake is the one who should be embarrassed, not you. If it happens again, all you need to do is smile and say, "I'm all girl."

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a woman, and I am considering proposing to her. We have discussed engagement rings and she wants to design her own, which I think is great. However, I am unsure exactly what to do regarding the actual proposal. What ring should I give her, knowing that whatever I give her will not be her ultimate engagement ring?-- SOON TO POP THE QUESTION

DEAR SOON TO POP: Marriage proposals happen in many situations and in many ways. There are no rules, and dropping to one knee and offering a ring is optional. The engagement does not begin when a woman starts wearing a ring; it begins when she accepts the proposal. All you need to do is say, "Will you marry me?" When she says yes, you can then decide when you both would like to select a stone for her engagement ring.

DEAR ABBY: A longtime friend asked me to be executor of her estate a few years ago, and I agreed. As time has passed, the details of the estate have changed several times. After the recent death of her husband, she again changed the beneficiaries and is now leaving almost half a million dollars to two animal shelters.

It's her money to do with as she chooses, and I don't judge her. I do, however, have a problem executing an estate that gives that much money to animal care when it could help so many people. I don't fault her for wanting to do it; I just don't want to be part of it. I'm afraid asking her to find another executor would damage or end our friendship. Please tell me what to do.-- DILEMMA IN TEXAS

DEAR DILEMMA: Let's face it. You ARE judging the woman and you DO fault her for wanting to leave a fortune to four-footed needy creatures instead of bipeds. Because you are uncomfortable with her plan, you must tell her she needs to find another executor who is as committed to animal causes as she is. You'll be doing her a favor.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#2 Apr 19, 2014
1. Lose the buzz cut, grow your hair. There are lots of no maintenance short haircuts that are girly.

2. Good response. FWIW, I didn't want and don't have an engagement ring.. That is not my style. My wedding ring is a plain gold band. That is the important one.

3. Abby is right. Tell her you can't carry out her instructions and to find someone else. Keep in mind that will probably be a permanent break in your friendship as well.
ScarletandOlive

Iselin, NJ

#3 Apr 19, 2014
LW1- many 14 year old boys do not yet have facial hair nor have their voices changed, so the only things that obviously differentiate between males and females at that age are hairstyles and clothes. I bet this girl does not dress in lots of skirts, which is fine, but she has to understand that some people will be unsure of which gender she is at first.

She (and many females) need to work on confidence. Who cares if people make a mistake at first? Just smile and say "It's Miss, not Sir" or "I'm a 'she' not a 'he'." And really, who cares what strangers think?

LW2- go to your favorite spot or take her to a nice dinner and just use your words. Again, who cares what society expects or usually does. Do what feels right for you as a couple.

Since: Mar 09

Pittsburgh, PA

#4 Apr 19, 2014
LOL, this happens to me occasionally since I cut my hair a few years ago -- I just put on my most high-falutin', plummy voice and say "I'm not a Sir -- I'm a MADAM!" And I say it with a smile.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#5 Apr 19, 2014
1- Grow your dam hair out, lezbro!

Back when the loser twins were living with me, one had a friend over one time. Buzzed head, baggy sweats, swore like a sailor. I spent five minutes talking with this dude thinking it was a guy.

Nope.

2- Propose with some cheap, generic ring. She can get what she wants later

3- Goes to show the ignorance of the other half. "Fluffy needs a new kennel." Meanwhile, a child is going to bed hungry
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#6 Apr 19, 2014
1: I have slim hips and humble boobs. It's your buzzcut, geez.

2: I am so jaded. I read this and only think people "consider" asking marriage like they consider buying a sweater. I think some people do that thinking it's the next thing they have to do, not going in for life.

3: I'm all for animal charity, but I think kids come before animals.
Or, she has millions--leave some to both.
Wanna bet the lady is leaving nothing to her executor either?
Cass

Claremont, CA

#7 Apr 19, 2014
LW1 - Lose the buzz cut.

LW2 - I am not romantic, so I have nothing on that one.

LW3 - If you have a problem with administering the estate the way it is, bow out.
boundary painter

San Antonio, TX

#8 Apr 19, 2014
LW3 is giving he Lone Star state a bad name. Telling the fickle friend
that LW3 is not a mind reader and doesn't know what that friend will want in the time give away her estate is not a bad idea. Also, pointing out that the fickle friend may outlast LW3 would be a good , bland fact
to lay on the table.
Kuuipo

Salinas, CA

#9 Apr 19, 2014
LW1: Simple solution: Grow your hair out. In the meantime, wear a feminine hair band with flowers and butterflies on it. Also, wear skirts and lacy tops. If you want to go all-out, get a padded bra until you need a real one.

LW2: Just propose w/o a ring and let her choose her own. You can be romantic without the ring. Think candlelight dinner.

LW3: Suck it up and follow the woman's instructions when the time comes, if, as previous posters have mentioned, you have the good fortune to outlive your friend.

“Checks and Balances”

Since: Apr 13

Location hidden

#10 Apr 19, 2014
It's a little disappointing to read everyone just telling LW1 to grow her hair out. She is young and trying to find her own sense of style instead of simply following what fashion mags say that women must look like. I have worn men's jeans since high school because they were more comfortable and I often borrow my husband's shirts for the same reason.

The thing that sticks out to me is that she is too shy to correct people who mistake her for a boy. Instead of dismissing who she is and just telling her to be someone else, we should all be encouraging her to be more assertive and to own her decisions.
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#11 Apr 19, 2014
ScarletandOlive wrote:
It's a little disappointing to read everyone just telling LW1 to grow her hair out. She is young and trying to find her own sense of style instead of simply following what fashion mags say that women must look like. I have worn men's jeans since high school because they were more comfortable and I often borrow my husband's shirts for the same reason.
The thing that sticks out to me is that she is too shy to correct people who mistake her for a boy. Instead of dismissing who she is and just telling her to be someone else, we should all be encouraging her to be more assertive and to own her decisions.
I think you're taking a huge leap on the feminism train.
What women must look like?
No one says she needs Hollywood extensions, but you have a buzz cut and it's different territory.
Maybe to her shoulder.

You're right on the speaking up thing.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#12 Apr 19, 2014
ScarletandOlive wrote:
It's a little disappointing to read everyone just telling LW1 to grow her hair out. She is young and trying to find her own sense of style instead of simply following what fashion mags say that women must look like. I have worn men's jeans since high school because they were more comfortable and I often borrow my husband's shirts for the same reason.
The thing that sticks out to me is that she is too shy to correct people who mistake her for a boy. Instead of dismissing who she is and just telling her to be someone else, we should all be encouraging her to be more assertive and to own her decisions.
How you dress, your body language, your grooming are nonverbal communication.

LW asserts she is a girl and wants to be recognized as a girl; but her non verbal cies say otherwise.

If there is a disconnect between what you do(wear/look like) and what you say you are goin to have problems.

I see this as another facet of a girl who dresses in tight short skirts and low cut tops being affronted when someone takes her for being slutty. That's the packaging. If that's not what you are, change the packaging. I would call it being authentic to yourself. LW isn't.

That said, anyone ho has met me has no doubt I am female. U went to nigh scholar. One of my profs was usually half in the bag by the time class started. It remains a running joke with my friends about the times I stood up to respond to a question and was called Mister

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#13 Apr 19, 2014
Blasted auto correct- It should be, I went to night school

“Checks and Balances”

Since: Apr 13

Location hidden

#14 Apr 19, 2014
Eve Salvail and Sinead O'Connor are undoubtedly female. Neither of them wear flowery clothing or accessories. The key to rocking a buzz cut is confidence. 14 year olds have an idea of who they are, but they don't always have the confidence to figure out how they fit into society while being true to themselves.

I am proud to be a feminist. It doesn't mean that I hate men, just that I want to empower women.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#15 Apr 19, 2014
ScarletandOlive wrote:
Eve Salvail and Sinead O'Connor are undoubtedly female. Neither of them wear flowery clothing or accessories. The key to rocking a buzz cut is confidence. 14 year olds have an idea of who they are, but they don't always have the confidence to figure out how they fit into society while being true to themselves.
I am proud to be a feminist. It doesn't mean that I hate men, just that I want to empower women.
Apples and oranges.

LW wants to be known as a female. The visual message she is sending does not do that. It doesn't matter whether she conducts herself loke Phyllis Schafly or Gloria Steinem or Sinead O'Connor, based on her current representation she comes across as androgynous at best and she doesn't like that.

“Checks and Balances”

Since: Apr 13

Location hidden

#16 Apr 19, 2014
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>Apples and oranges.

LW wants to be known as a female. The visual message she is sending does not do that. It doesn't matter whether she conducts herself loke Phyllis Schafly or Gloria Steinem or Sinead O'Connor, based on her current representation she comes across as androgynous at best and she doesn't like that.
She wants it to be known that she IS a female, but obviously wants to be herself with her own style. She wants to know how to respond to people who do not recognize her gender, not get style tips (which are thrown in the face of every young woman who has access to magazines or the internet).
Julie

Chicago, IL

#17 Apr 19, 2014
LW1: I'm sorry, but if you're so frickin' timid that you can't even correct people when they get your GENDER wrong, then you have *far* bigger, deeper problems than your appearance.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#18 Apr 19, 2014
LW1: "The person who made the mistake is the one who should be embarrassed, not you."

Why should anyone be embarrassed for mistaking a boy-looking girl for a boy?

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#19 Apr 19, 2014
cheluzal wrote:
Wanna bet the lady is leaving nothing to her executor either?
Isn't it normal and wise that the executor is NOT in the will? Wouldn't it create a conflict of interest otherwise?

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

#20 Apr 19, 2014
There are different degrees of buzz. She could look like a jarhead wearing full leather gear, cammy fatigues and combat boots for alll we know.
I hate that when you meet people and you don;t know if they're this or that.
Saw a guy today who looked like he was pregnant
What do you say to someone like that? Twins, I ask?

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