Abby 10-25

Posted in the Chicago Forum

Comments

Showing posts 1 - 20 of29
< prev page
|
Go to last page| Jump to page:

“suffers from formicophilia ”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#1
Oct 25, 2012
 
DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have had many discussions regarding tattoos. She would say she wanted one; I'd disagree.

Well, just before her birthday she had her best friend, a tattoo artist, give her a small tattoo of a dragonfly with dots representing our four children. I didn't know about it for about six weeks, until I walked up behind her at her computer desk and noticed it on her upper shoulder. Our kids knew and hadn't said anything.

I got really mad and left the house for a while. When I returned and began arguing with her, she would say only that it was her body, and she would do whatever she wanted.

I have gotten over the tattoo part, but I haven't forgotten about not knowing and how I finally found out. I am hurt that she didn't tell me. She doesn't think it's worth apologizing for. It seems like everything she does now is one big secret. Please advise.-- HURT TO THE BONE IN KENTUCKY

DEAR HURT TO THE BONE: Your wife didn't tell you because she wanted to avoid the argument that she knew would follow. Your children didn't say anything because they were protecting their mother.

It appears that you and your wife have significant communication problems. Counseling might help, and I recommend it because secrets can cause marriages to crumble.

DEAR ABBY: When I was a young woman, I was a single parent. I did it all -- the cooking, the cleaning and working. My friends would laugh at how often I'd say, "I need a wife!" I didn't mean it in a sexual way; I simply hated housework and cooking.

When I started dating my husband, my daughter told him, "Mom will never marry you. Men are just more wash and messes." He told her he would do the housework. Stupidly, I believed him.

The economy tanked, I lost my job and I have become a housewife. I feel like I'm serving a life sentence in a prison of my own making. I tried to convince my husband to move so I could find a job and hire a maid. No luck. He decided that since we didn't need as much money, he would work less. Now he works part-time, and I want out.-- LIVING IN HELL IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR LIVING IN HELL: Tell your husband that you didn't sign up for the role he has assigned to you. I'm sure he already knows you're not happy with the situation. If he is unwilling to resume working full-time, then it will be up to you to find some kind of job that will enable you to save enough money to leave.

DEAR ABBY: Election Day will soon be here, when we go to the polls and elect a Democrat or Republican to the White House.

Afterward, why not stop at your local animal shelter and elect a DemoCAT or a RePUPlican to your house? No matter whom you choose for the White House, you can't go wrong with a furry friend.

They don't make promises they don't keep. They can't reduce the deficit or improve the economy, but what they can do is give unconditional love.-- INDEPENDENT ANIMAL ADVOCATE

DEAR INDEPENDENT: I agree that pets give unconditional love -- and without "term limits."

“suffers from formicophilia ”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#2
Oct 25, 2012
 

Judged:

1

1- Jeebus, dude, you need to fricken chill.

2- So get a job.

3- Dear Lord. Stupidest. Letter. Ever.

“Licensed to Ill”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#3
Oct 25, 2012
 

Judged:

2

1

1

LW1: Everything is one big secret because you sound like a controlling a$s.

LW2: Use your words and talk to him.

“This is SPARTA!”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#4
Oct 25, 2012
 

Judged:

1

1

1

LW1: "She would say she wanted one; I'd disagree."
You would disagree that she wanted one? You think you know what she wants better than she does?

Its a big secret because of the way you reacted. I am guessing this argument would have happened had she told you she was aboutto go get a tattoo or if she told you about it the minute she came home. She knows you're gonna bring the drama, so she keeps you out of the loop to avoid it.

LW2: So you're saying the ONLY way foryou to find a job is to move? I know the economy is tough, but I don't kow if I buy that. I certainly know that, to me, moving for a job is an extreme last resort I would make only out of financial desperation. Sounds like you all are managing just fine. I would not want to move if I were him either.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#5
Oct 25, 2012
 
L1: I'm with Tonka -- that line got me too. She would say she wanted one -- I'd disagree. So he controls her mind? Is he surprised because he didn't control the situation? There's more here than the tat and not much good. This is just a symptom, I bet.

L2: You're a big girl. If you want out, get out. Move to another city, get the job you want. If you want to keep your marriage, go to counselling or do a trial separation. I think the LW is looking for someone to change her husband.

And Tonka, depends where they live. There are spots that have absolutely nothing going on and other areas of the country that have jobs. We don't know what business position or what level she held.

L3: Why do people always talk about the wonderful things adopting a pet will bring you? Be real. It's a responsibility as well and don't take it on if you're not prepared for it.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#6
Oct 25, 2012
 

Judged:

1

1

LW1: Abby, there is no evidence given that the wife has any other secrets. She only kept this one because she knew the LW was going to behave the way he did and she didn't want to hear it. And it's on *him* that he now sees that she's keeping secrets on other things in their life.

LW2: If you are so willing to relocate for a job, then leave his ass and do it.

LW3: Right Abby, no "term limit". What BS; it's a life term.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#7
Oct 25, 2012
 

Judged:

1

1

1 I want to know why this man never saw it on his wife sooner. Dont they have...Relations?

2 So your gullible, but its your husbands fault your miserable. And who the hell can live on a single part time salary?

3 Political crap, dont care
Sam I Am

Huntingdon, TN

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#8
Oct 25, 2012
 

Judged:

2

1

1. First, you're from Kentucky. Aren't tattoos mandatory? Second, I cannot imanige why she didn't tell you, you seem like such an understanding, mature person. Third, STFU. She got a little tattoo that means something to her. Get off your high horse.

2. You want out? So get out. Most people don't respond until they have to. Unless and until your husband believes you are serious, things will continue as they are. BTW, I hope he has been left to fend for himself in the old gettin' off department.

3. You are a horrible person.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#9
Oct 25, 2012
 

Judged:

1

1

Toj wrote:
L1: I'm with Tonka -- that line got me too. She would say she wanted one -- I'd disagree. So he controls her mind? Is he surprised because he didn't control the situation? There's more here than the tat and not much good. This is just a symptom, I bet.
L2: You're a big girl. If you want out, get out. Move to another city, get the job you want. If you want to keep your marriage, go to counselling or do a trial separation. I think the LW is looking for someone to change her husband.
And Tonka, depends where they live. There are spots that have absolutely nothing going on and other areas of the country that have jobs. We don't know what business position or what level she held.
L3: Why do people always talk about the wonderful things adopting a pet will bring you? Be real. It's a responsibility as well and don't take it on if you're not prepared for it.
You and Tonka are willfully misunderstanding LW1. She said she wanted one. he would disagree with her getting it

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#10
Oct 25, 2012
 
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>
You and Tonka are willfully misunderstanding LW1. She said she wanted one. he would disagree with her getting it
It might be what he meant to say, but that's not what he said. I wonder, Freudian slip perhaps?

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#11
Oct 25, 2012
 

Judged:

1

1

1

How did I miss this today?

L1: "She would say she wanted one; I'd disagree." You sound like a jerk. You disagree that she wants one? Or are you just stupid and you can't say "I didn't want her to get one.

I don't get how you guys got naked enough to have four kids but you didn't know for six weeks that she had a tat? You have to keep it bandaged for a while, put special cream on it. You're a real piece of work.

I disagree with Abby. You don't have communication problems. YOU HAVE CONTROL ISSUES.

L2: So divorce him. But I don't see what your problem is. If he's working PT, he should do some housework. You don't need his permission to move. Take your kid and go.

L3: Ugh.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#12
Oct 25, 2012
 
edogxxx wrote:
1- Jeebus, dude, you need to fricken chill.
2- So get a job.
3- Dear Lord. Stupidest. Letter. Ever.
Lw2 - and ANY job would be better than no job. I bet she wants something like she had before. Lady, in this economy, you take what you can get and piece together things with PT work if you have to.
Julie

Skokie, IL

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#13
Oct 25, 2012
 

Judged:

1

LW1: "I didn't know about it for about six weeks, until I walked up behind her at her computer desk and noticed it on her upper shoulder."

Your wife had a tattoo on her shoulder and you didn't notice it FOR 6 WEEKS?
Wow--your marriage has *much* bigger problems than a tattoo. Oh, and FWIW, you sound like an immature @$$hole.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#14
Oct 25, 2012
 

Judged:

2

Julie wrote:
LW1: "I didn't know about it for about six weeks, until I walked up behind her at her computer desk and noticed it on her upper shoulder."
Your wife had a tattoo on her shoulder and you didn't notice it FOR 6 WEEKS?
Wow--your marriage has *much* bigger problems than a tattoo. Oh, and FWIW, you sound like an immature @$$hole.
I take my shower at a different time from my husband. I wear nightgowns which are not spaghetti strap. I do not keep a flashlight under the covers. My hair is long-ish and falls below my shoulders.He has never told me he wanted to check me for ticks in the moonlight or otherwise.

It sounds perfectly plausible that a couple could go for weeks without seeing a spouse in full body nudity under well lit conditions.

But I agree that he sounds like an immature dork

“This is SPARTA!”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#15
Oct 25, 2012
 
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
It might be what he meant to say, but that's not what he said. I wonder, Freudian slip perhaps?
this.

“This is SPARTA!”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#16
Oct 25, 2012
 
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
But I don't see what your problem is. If he's working PT, he should do some housework. You don't need his permission to move. Take your kid and go.
L3: Ugh.
I can't identify with her at all. The way her letter read to me, was that housework on top of a job while raising a kid was just overwhelming. But she doesn't have a job now. And truth be told, I don't think she's raising kids anymore. I got the picture that the kids were grown and out. Her complaints don't seem to be about money other than wanting enogh to get a maid.

To me, housework is only a big bother when you are so busy you can't keep up with it. If she's got no job, housework should be a breeze. Give the place a good cleaning and then spend a little time each day maintaining. I think, mentally, she checked out from the whole concept of housework when she had everything else going on in her life an still maintains that mindset even though its not the same burden it once was.

“This is SPARTA!”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#17
Oct 25, 2012
 

Judged:

1

And the reason I think she's not rqising the kid anymore is she says thing like "when i was younger i was a singke parent".

And the exchange between hubby and her daughter seemed like an adult conversation.

Finally, hubby decided to work part time cause they didn't need the money. To me, all that points to a couple at retirement age that just need a little part time job supplemental income and are living off retirement savngs.

“suffers from formicophilia ”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#18
Oct 25, 2012
 

Judged:

1

Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
It might be what he meant to say, but that's not what he said. I wonder, Freudian slip perhaps?
Y'all are being way too literal and starting to sound like idiots. He meant he disagrees with her getting a tattoo. There's enough problems with this guy than to read into what isn't there.

“suffers from formicophilia ”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#19
Oct 25, 2012
 
Mister Tonka wrote:
Finally, hubby decided to work part time cause they didn't need the money. To me, all that points to a couple at retirement age that just need a little part time job supplemental income and are living off retirement savngs.
They don't need any extra money. She's finding herself doing all the "housewife" duties and would rather work outside the home. She only wants a maid because her husband isn't doing his share of scrubbing the toilets. She's just a complacent housewife bitching about the only thing she has to complain about. She should move out, then. Try to make it on her own. Then she'll realize she didn't have it all that bad.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#20
Oct 25, 2012
 
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>I can't identify with her at all. The way her letter read to me, was that housework on top of a job while raising a kid was just overwhelming. But she doesn't have a job now. And truth be told, I don't think she's raising kids anymore. I got the picture that the kids were grown and out. Her complaints don't seem to be about money other than wanting enogh to get a maid.
To me, housework is only a big bother when you are so busy you can't keep up with it. If she's got no job, housework should be a breeze. Give the place a good cleaning and then spend a little time each day maintaining. I think, mentally, she checked out from the whole concept of housework when she had everything else going on in her life an still maintains that mindset even though its not the same burden it once was.
I re-read it and I think you're right -- her daughter is gone, and she just doesn't want to do housework, and getting a job gets her off the hook from doing it.

Tell me when this thread is updated: (Registration is not required)

Add to my Tracker Send me an email

Showing posts 1 - 20 of29
< prev page
|
Go to last page| Jump to page:
Type in your comments below
Name
(appears on your post)
Comments
Characters left: 4000
Type the numbers you see in the image on the right:

Please note by clicking on "Post Comment" you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

14 Users are viewing the Chicago Forum right now

Search the Chicago Forum:
Topic Updated Last By Comments
Barack Obama, our next President (Nov '08) 1 min RealDave 1,034,248
Messianic Jews say they are persecuted in Israel (Jun '08) 3 min Reply2_CIA 65,141
BARACK OBAMA BIRTH CERTIFICATE: Suit contesting... (Jan '09) 12 min Scrutiny 167,634
Once slow-moving threat, global warming speeds ... (Dec '08) 58 min DonPanic 43,017
{keep A word drop A word} (Oct '11) 2 hr 2twisted 4,032
American Escrow: Illinois attorney general prob... (Mar '09) 4 hr Arlene Adelman 323
Israeli troops begin Gaza pullout as Hamas decl... (Jan '09) 4 hr cartooni 67,197
Topix Chitown Regulars (Aug '09) 7 hr cheluzal 96,140
•••
•••
Chicago Dating

more search filters

less search filters

•••

Chicago Jobs

•••
•••
•••

Chicago People Search

Addresses and phone numbers for FREE

•••

Personal Finance

Mortgages [ See current mortgage rates ]
•••