Since: Feb 08

Location hidden

#61 Oct 23, 2012
Maverick 808 wrote:
<quoted text>You can't really discipline a person with Down's syndrome, but you can take them away from the area and engage them in something else when the really important parts of the wedding are taking place, that way everyone can enjoy the wedding and to co-operative effort in taking care of the cousin will draw the family closer together rather than creating a gap and leaving the parents of the cousin on an island.
BS. They can be disciplined, and they should, from as early an age as other children. Their mental/emotional age.
The parents put themselves on that island, they need to put some work in getting off it. I'll just bet that any time anyone said anything about his behaviour when it WAS controllable and he was small, it was ignored, or they spouted off the same crap as above.
Nope. Not buying it. I'm there, and I see how well behaved adults with DS and other cognitive disabilities can be.
I've seen adult kids and parents like those the LW describes, too, and they're usually there because they just couldn't bear to tell little Johnny "no", because "he has so many other problems".
Yeah, the biggest being parents who won't parent.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#62 Oct 23, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>And therein lies the issue I see with this idea of specific hours. They are not law and therefore not enforceable, and who is it that determines what those hours are? When it gets down to it, each person is responsible for themselves. Don't want to participate past a certain hour? Turn the light off and don'tanswer the door. Just because one person thinks it shoulc be from 4 to 6 does not mean his neighbor likes it better from 7 to9.
It is a known thing about the lights. Really, it's organized around the Chicago area and most people do abide by it. Maybe everyone in the suburbs are just lemmings -- I don't know. The "rules" have been around a while around here. Everyone is pleasant about it. It's really not a big problem. Time area posted by the towns. Here's a link that says exactly what I'm saying.

http://www.examiner.com/article/trick-or-trea...

Is it law? No. Amazingly, though, people cooperate b/c I'm assuming most people believe it ends up being the best for everyone. Why else would it work?

I'm sure each area has their own tradition -- meaning cities, towns and states.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#63 Oct 23, 2012
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
It is a known thing about the lights. Really, it's organized around the Chicago area and most people do abide by it. Maybe everyone in the suburbs are just lemmings -- I don't know. The "rules" have been around a while around here. Everyone is pleasant about it. It's really not a big problem. Time area posted by the towns. Here's a link that says exactly what I'm saying.
http://www.examiner.com/article/trick-or-trea...
Is it law? No. Amazingly, though, people cooperate b/c I'm assuming most people believe it ends up being the best for everyone. Why else would it work?
I'm sure each area has their own tradition -- meaning cities, towns and states.
"The recommended hours for Trick-or-Treating are listed below..."

1) Recommended by who?
2) The long list has starting times that vary by 3 hours and end times that vary by an hour and a half

Who puts this list together? Who decideds that the RECOMMENDED start time in Elk Grove Village is 1pm, but in Romeoville its 4? I highly doubt anyone's taking a vote.

That's my whole issue with this idea of posted hours. Its not enforceable and seems arbitrary based on who's whim? I'm more in favor of people just adhering to the rule of thumb, lights on, come on up, lights off, keep on walking.

Since: Feb 08

Location hidden

#64 Oct 23, 2012
Maverick 808 wrote:
<quoted text>It's too late for that. What will they do if they show up at the wedding? Tell them to get out?
Tell them that at the very first disruption, they're to take him home.
Really, it's that easy.
If they get huffy, tell them "I'm sorry, but you're the ones who have not socialized him, so you get to take him home now".

I really hate to be in the same camp as the dog, but even he has it right with this one.
My young man has been often taken home early simply because he needs some looking after, mainly because of his lack of communication skills. He's well behaved, but can't speak more than a half dozen words and it hasn't hurt him to miss a few receptions.
Of course, he has his own parties and dances he gets to attend, because his parents have him enrolled in a program that organizes such things for adults with developmental disabilities. Their son might benefit from such things, if he's allowed to attend. They expect the clients to behave well there, and if they're always throwing tantrums or refuse to go along with the rules, they must look for another program or just stay home with the parents.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#65 Oct 23, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>
"The recommended hours for Trick-or-Treating are listed below..."
1) Recommended by who?
2) The long list has starting times that vary by 3 hours and end times that vary by an hour and a half
Who puts this list together? Who decideds that the RECOMMENDED start time in Elk Grove Village is 1pm, but in Romeoville its 4? I highly doubt anyone's taking a vote.
That's my whole issue with this idea of posted hours. Its not enforceable and seems arbitrary based on who's whim? I'm more in favor of people just adhering to the rule of thumb, lights on, come on up, lights off, keep on walking.
That's fine. I don't think anyone is saying Tonka has to agree with it. You don't even live in the state. This is just what's done around here. If you decide to ignore the rules of trick or treating in your area, most houses will have their lights off when you take your kids around if it's not during the hours.

It's so most people know when to expect the kids.

Are you like this about everything b/c it's really irritating. I even specially said people do the lights thing. I even said it's not enforceable. Just who are you arguing with? And why?

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#66 Oct 23, 2012
By the by -- when I said "you" about the lights I meant you in the bigger sense -- not you as in Tonka.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#67 Oct 23, 2012
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
That's fine. I don't think anyone is saying Tonka has to agree with it. You don't even live in the state. This is just what's done around here. If you decide to ignore the rules of trick or treating in your area, most houses will have their lights off when you take your kids around if it's not during the hours.
It's so most people know when to expect the kids.
Are you like this about everything b/c it's really irritating. I even specially said people do the lights thing. I even said it's not enforceable. Just who are you arguing with? And why?
Who come up with this arbitrary list of trick or treating windows from town to town?

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#68 Oct 23, 2012
Maverick 808 wrote:
L1: Bah humbug on you! It's a day of catering to the trick or treaters not catering to your schedule. Either find a way to enjoy the day or turn off the light and do your own thing.
L2: Please see a urologist if your pediatrician has no solution.
L3: If your family can't band together at these functions to support your cousin then I suggest you spend some time with someone with down's syndrome and see for yourself how hard it is to take care of someone afflicted with this disease.
It's not a disease, and it's Down syndrome.

And his Down syndrome is no excuse for such horrible behavior. This is all his parents' doing. Don't invite them, and tell them why. They sound horrid.

*They've done their son no favors.*

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#69 Oct 23, 2012
Maverick 808 wrote:
<quoted text>It's far too late to change them now, they'll just have to adjust to the current situation as well as they can.
Everyone else has to adjust to two people's bad parenting 25 years after they had a kid? No way. They created the problem, they can stay homea nd miss some social functions.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#70 Oct 23, 2012
NWmoon wrote:
<quoted text>That shouldn't mean ruining someone else's party. Let them throw a few of their own and practice with that.
He can stay home with his parents and they can practice manners and boundaries with him.
ITA.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#71 Oct 23, 2012
1. As I said earlier, the latest research -- and there's quite a bit -- indicates that *constipation* is the cause of most childhood bedwetting. Whether that's the case with older kids, I don't know. Either way, this girl needs to insist on a doctor's visit -- perhaps a pediatrician. And she deserves, at 14, to not have mom and dad in the doctor's office with her. I had a pelvic exam at 13 or 14. Thank god for the old nun nurse who held my hand. But no way would I have wanted my MOM with me.

2. Moon, have you heard of special daytime movie showings for families with an autistic kid? That way everyone in the audience knows that there will be kids acting out, talking, getting up and moving, etc., but it's all arranged beforehand and the parents don't have to worry about their kids being disruptive, because MOST of the kids will be disruptive! I think it's awesome.

I read that at a Twins game this summer, they set up an area in the stands for families with an autistic kid, and they turned down the speakers in that area, and the food sellers adjusted by not bellowing out what they were selling, etc.

I think that stuff is just wonderful! What a relief for the parents!

“It made sense at the time....”

Since: May 09

Des Plaines, IL

#72 Oct 23, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>Who come up with this arbitrary list of trick or treating windows from town to town?
i think the police departments "drive" the process for setting the suggested times. i think it also varies depending on if Halloween falls on a school night or not.

i remember as a kid, my parents wouldn;t let us or take us out after dinner most years. by the time i got to junior high and had a group of friends to go out trick or treating iwth, my mom was giving me the evil eye about going out at all.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#73 Oct 23, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>Who come up with this arbitrary list of trick or treating windows from town to town?
You know what I know. I gave you the link.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#74 Oct 23, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>Who come up with this arbitrary list of trick or treating windows from town to town?
It must be foreign to Florida. Look at this:

http://www.tripadvisor.com/ShowTopic-g34618-i...

I thought it amusing how people who just moved to Florida couldn't believe they were having a difficult time finding the hours for trick-or-treat.:)

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#75 Oct 23, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>Who come up with this arbitrary list of trick or treating windows from town to town?
The individual villages or the police departments. It varies from village to village. It allows people to be home to answer teh door, the kids to have a chance that lots of people have treats, safety so that drivers have abetter idea when to watch for groups of sugar high kids wearing masks. It is one part of an orderly society. What's the big deal if a sanitized pagan traditiona has some guidelines imposed?

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#76 Oct 23, 2012
In Des Moines and other central iowa communities, the cops have declared Oct. 30 to be the only acceptable night for trick or treating. THey did this because they want to be able to focus on "troublemaking teenagers" and "satan worshippers" on 10/31. It's beyond stupid.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#77 Oct 23, 2012
HOWEVER: In that part of Iowa, trick or treaters tell a Halloween-themed joke or riddle in order to get candy.*that* is pretty awesome to hear/see, as you hand out candy all night. 2-3 year olds are cute, they don't get the words all right, but damn it, they have a joke to tell you!

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#78 Oct 24, 2012
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
Everyone else has to adjust to two people's bad parenting 25 years after they had a kid? No way. They created the problem, they can stay homea nd miss some social functions.
That's how I see it.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#79 Oct 24, 2012
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
1. As I said earlier, the latest research -- and there's quite a bit -- indicates that *constipation* is the cause of most childhood bedwetting. Whether that's the case with older kids, I don't know. Either way, this girl needs to insist on a doctor's visit -- perhaps a pediatrician. And she deserves, at 14, to not have mom and dad in the doctor's office with her. I had a pelvic exam at 13 or 14. Thank god for the old nun nurse who held my hand. But no way would I have wanted my MOM with me.
2. Moon, have you heard of special daytime movie showings for families with an autistic kid? That way everyone in the audience knows that there will be kids acting out, talking, getting up and moving, etc., but it's all arranged beforehand and the parents don't have to worry about their kids being disruptive, because MOST of the kids will be disruptive! I think it's awesome.
I read that at a Twins game this summer, they set up an area in the stands for families with an autistic kid, and they turned down the speakers in that area, and the food sellers adjusted by not bellowing out what they were selling, etc.
I think that stuff is just wonderful! What a relief for the parents!
Not the movie so much, but *I* would so want to sit in that section for the baseball game.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#80 Oct 24, 2012
Thats what I said. But I dont think the parents are on board with this plan.
Maverick 808 wrote:
<quoted text>You can't really discipline a person with Down's syndrome, but you can take them away from the area and engage them in something else when the really important parts of the wedding are taking place, that way everyone can enjoy the wedding and to co-operative effort in taking care of the cousin will draw the family closer together rather than creating a gap and leaving the parents of the cousin on an island.

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