“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#65 Dec 10, 2013
NWmoon wrote:
<quoted text>Yeah, I hope for his sake it's not a waste of time. I've just seen too many that went that way.
Watching the fallout in a couple of those cases in local circles this year. It just really sucks and seems so pointless in most cases.
All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.

Sometimes cliches get that way because they reflect a type of reality. LW is hopeful. Your experience is different.

(How're you doing, kid?, Where are you spending the holidays?)

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#66 Dec 10, 2013
RACE wrote:
Im sorry, your deflection is lost on me. Since you want to play stupid, I will treat you that way. Little words, try not to get lost.
You think chewing with your mouth full is gross, I think two men kissing is gross.
Since it is acceptable for you to point out what you perceive as gross to others, Is it not also acceptable for me to do that exact same thing?
This is a simple yes or no answer.
<quoted text>
Since you want to act like an idiot, I will treat you like an idiot. Let me spell this out for you.

When I am having dinner and my boyfriend is across the table chewing with his mouth open, I would have said something on the first date. I most likely would say, "Don't talk with your mouth full" with a smirk and a look I can make seem not as harsh.

I have no idea why you would have thought I meant I would go up to anyone in the room and say something. I would not pursue anyone.

See, most people, given the letter was about a boyfriend/girlfriend scenario, would have put the situation in those terms.

Can you understand that? Or do I need to be as crude and rude as you for you to understand?

As for two guys kissing, for me it doesn't bother me. However, I don't care if it's 2 guys or 2 girls or a girl and a guy -- two people going at it in public is not something I would want to see. I would say something to people I know -- as in take it to a hotel -- but I would not say something on the whole to people I do not know.

Now, was that simple enough for YOU?

Since: Feb 08

Location hidden

#67 Dec 10, 2013
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>
All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.
Sometimes cliches get that way because they reflect a type of reality. LW is hopeful. Your experience is different.
(How're you doing, kid?, Where are you spending the holidays?)
My experience WAS different, but I have a couple folks in my circle who are going through stuff that was just like the LW's situation 15-25 years back. Both dealing with end days of the parents, and both regretting wasted time and efforts. One much more than the other, but both are having a pretty lousy holiday season. They've been venting, I've been listening. The one with kids is having the hardest time.
We're okay. Closing on the house the first week of January, emptying the stick house now. Living in the coach, and will be moving to a park about a week before the close. We'll go see the younger son on Christmas for a short visit, but most of our time is going to be getting things to either the storage unit, or Goodwill.

“I looked, and behold,”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#68 Dec 10, 2013
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
When I am having dinner and my boyfriend is across the table chewing with his mouth open, I would have said something on the first date. I most likely would say, "Don't talk with your mouth full" with a smirk and a look I can make seem not as harsh.
Not really first date material, IMO. Not that I talk with my mouth full, but if I did and a woman who I did not know that well said that to me on a first date, I'd probably give her the look of death.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#69 Dec 10, 2013
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
Not really first date material, IMO. Not that I talk with my mouth full, but if I did and a woman who I did not know that well said that to me on a first date, I'd probably give her the look of death.
(shrug) If a guy was chewing with his mouth full, I probably would not date him again.

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#70 Dec 10, 2013
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
(shrug) If a guy was chewing with his mouth full, I probably would not date him again.
Bingo!!!

“I looked, and behold,”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#71 Dec 10, 2013
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
(shrug) If a guy was chewing with his mouth full, I probably would not date him again.
Still, there is no need to be rude about it. You don't correct a person's table manners on a first date.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#72 Dec 10, 2013
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
(shrug) If a guy was chewing with his mouth full, I probably would not date him again.
You guys make me soooo happy I am married even if he does like his steaks well done with butter on top.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#73 Dec 10, 2013
Clear as a bell thank you.
Now can you explain how your boyfriend chewing with his mouth open, or talking with his mouth full, harms you in any way?

Here's your quote....
L3: Why do people care what other people do if it doesn't affect them nor wrong anyone?

Well, chewing with your mouth open does not wrong anyone does it? And while you say that you are affected because you think its gross, well, isnt that all in your own head? Gross is relative to the individual. Obviously your boyfriend does not find it gross, if he did he would stop doing it..right? So his chewing is not affecting you, you're affecting yourself.

My whole point is that you are hypocritical to say that people should be tolerant to gays kissing because they are not hurting anyone, but you cant apply that same filter to yourself about something that you find gross.

Practice what you preach, be consistent in your arguments and dont apply a double standard to yourself.

Thanks for playing!

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#74 Dec 10, 2013
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
Still, there is no need to be rude about it. You don't correct a person's table manners on a first date.
I don't understand why you are trying to draw me into an argument.

That's fine if you would not. Since I have not been in that scenario, it's difficult at this point to call me rude, don't you think?

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#75 Dec 10, 2013
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>
You guys make me soooo happy I am married even if he does like his steaks well done with butter on top.
They are obviously just bored. This is not even an interesting topic.

Single or married, I would not be dating someone who talked with their mouth full so the whole thing is a moot point.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#76 Dec 10, 2013
RACE wrote:
Clear as a bell thank you.
Now can you explain how your boyfriend chewing with his mouth open, or talking with his mouth full, harms you in any way?
Here's your quote....
L3: Why do people care what other people do if it doesn't affect them nor wrong anyone?
Well, chewing with your mouth open does not wrong anyone does it? And while you say that you are affected because you think its gross, well, isnt that all in your own head? Gross is relative to the individual. Obviously your boyfriend does not find it gross, if he did he would stop doing it..right? So his chewing is not affecting you, you're affecting yourself.
My whole point is that you are hypocritical to say that people should be tolerant to gays kissing because they are not hurting anyone, but you cant apply that same filter to yourself about something that you find gross.
Practice what you preach, be consistent in your arguments and dont apply a double standard to yourself.
Thanks for playing!
Let's get down to it. Where and what am I preaching?

I asked why do people care. Where's the preaching?

Now, you're even telling me how I should feel and what is real and isn't real concerning my feelings.

“I looked, and behold,”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#77 Dec 10, 2013
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
I don't understand why you are trying to draw me into an argument.
That's fine if you would not. Since I have not been in that scenario, it's difficult at this point to call me rude, don't you think?
I didn't call you rude. I said that would be rude.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#78 Dec 10, 2013
<*BLINK*>
Your entire quote was preachy. Especially when contrasted with what you said to LW2, which is what prompted me to write to you to begin with.

But I guess you being like sam ,are simply never wrong, even when all the pieces are laid out for you and all the dots connected.

So go back to your happy place with rainbow skies and brooks of flowing chocolate milk, I wont bother you with logical thought a moment further.
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
Let's get down to it. Where and what am I preaching?
I asked why do people care. Where's the preaching?
Now, you're even telling me how I should feel and what is real and isn't real concerning my feelings.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#79 Dec 10, 2013
If you were married why would you be dating anyone?
That is completely illogical, well, at least to me, but I guess in your world...
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
Single or married, I would not be dating someone who talked with their mouth full so the whole thing is a moot point.
Pippa

Hancock, NY

#80 Dec 10, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>
It happened when he was 14(child abuse). He's 27 now.
Wow! You're right! I thought he said it happened 27 years ago. Goes to show how bad my reading comprehension is not only because I'm getting to be really old but because I multi-task while I'm on the computer. Thanks for pointing that out.

I got that it was child abuse but I thought that it was a one-time thing that was due to their over-zealous religious background and ignorance and that they'd gotten through that incident. I can understand why a parent might overreact when confronted with what they see as a serious breach of conduct and simply due to their shock. I'm not saying it's right but I was thinking this incident occurred 27 years ago and public opinion about child discipline was different or in a state of change at that time. Many fundamentalist religions at the time (and still?) felt that kids sometimes (often?) needed corporal punishment to set them straight.[No pun was intended here but as I read it back, I see it fits. ;-)] I even saw a handbook in a school I subbed in a very few years previous to this incident indicating it was ok for school officials to paddle students. That was in the late 1970s so you can see how attitudes were different not so very long ago. It would not be so difficult for a parent to feel it was ok (legal) to hit their VERY difficult child into submission at that time. I'm not saying it was right; I'm pointing out that was not an uncommon situation and often not even thought all that bad or illegal at that time.

Personally, I don't think he should be all that worried about hurting his parents' feelings or maintaining any contact considering their behavior toward him not only in the past but currently as well. But HE seems concerned about his behavior toward his parents and that's what I was thinking about. He has already set the boundaries he feels are necessary and I say "YAY" to him on that. Perhaps it's his own upbringing that makes him concerned about how he's treating his parents and needs someone to say it's ok or maybe it's what I said about children feeling they need the love and approval of their parents. In any case, his asking for reassurance that he made the right decision indicates he may be feeling some guilt about it. He shouldn't feel guilty but I felt that Amy's suggestion had some merit in putting the onus back where it belongs, with his parents. It would be up to them, not him, to make a change and decide whether to soften their attitude. I really doubt they will at this point. If nothing else, I suspect they're more concerned how the rest of their congregation will think of them if they accept their son as he is. I see them as very self-righteous people who feel they've had a huge burden placed upon them.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#81 Dec 10, 2013
Pippa wrote:
Perhaps it's his own upbringing that makes him concerned about how he's treating his parents and needs someone to say it's ok or maybe it's what I said about children feeling they need the love and approval of their parents.
Thanks for bringing the conversation back to gay men who don't talk with a mouthful of meat...

Your parents are supposedly the most important people in your life, until you have your own family. Would it be fair to himself, and to the folks who brought him up, if he decided to cut off all contact because they don't approve of his life-style? It doesn't sound like he thinks so. Everyone is spouting that if his parents don't accept his gayness, then they can screw off. But... wouldn't it also seem fair to say the HE needs to accept the views of his parents?

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#82 Dec 10, 2013
RACE wrote:
If you were married why would you be dating anyone?
That is completely illogical, well, at least to me, but I guess in your world...
<quoted text>
That's your problem, sir. You need every single little bit of information spelled out directly.

I don't have time for that so you're not going to get that from me. If you cannot infer some common things skip over.

I have more things going than Topix. Perhaps you can juggle better than me, so be it.

I believe you're trying to get a rise out of me and it's not going to work. It is not important to me what you believe or think.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#83 Dec 10, 2013
ok, so if your married you can still date men as long as they dont chew with their mouth open.

Yeah, no questionable acts in that, just me being dense, I guess I am woefully wrong in thinking that married women dont date.

Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
That's your problem, sir. You need every single little bit of information spelled out directly.
I don't have time for that so you're not going to get that from me. If you cannot infer some common things skip over.
I have more things going than Topix. Perhaps you can juggle better than me, so be it.
I believe you're trying to get a rise out of me and it's not going to work. It is not important to me what you believe or think.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#84 Dec 10, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
Your parents are supposedly the most important people in your life, until you have your own family.
Or until they beat you, disrespect you, kick you out of the house. And by the same token, I contend that your CHILD should be the most important person in your life and you should accept that they will make many choices in life that may not be the same choice you would make. Your children are not supposed to grow up to be clones of you.
edogxxx wrote:
Would it be fair to himself, and to the folks who brought him up, if he decided to cut off all contact because they don't approve of his life-style?
Not approving of his lifestyle is one thing, they are way past that.
edogxxx wrote:
Everyone is spouting that if his parents don't accept his gayness, then they can screw off. But... wouldn't it also seem fair to say the HE needs to accept the views of his parents?
He DOES accept their views. He's not trying to get his dad to suck c#<k or get his mom to scissor grind. He just wants them to treat him with respect and accept that how he lives HIS life is not how they live theirs.

Tell me when this thread is updated:

Subscribe Now Add to my Tracker

Add your comments below

Characters left: 4000

Please note by submitting this form you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

Chicago Discussions

Title Updated Last By Comments
News Barack Obama, our next President (Nov '08) 1 min Realtime 1,581,751
What's the real story about Charlottsville? 15 min ThomasA 23
News BARACK OBAMA BIRTH CERTIFICATE: Suit contesting... (Jan '09) 39 min Chicagoan by Birth 242,540
The Party of Racism. 2 hr Its The Democrats 2
Only Mother Fu__ers would destroy our statues. 2 hr Out of Potty Expe... 3
TRUTH will be revealed, someday, maybe. 3 hr Muslims Did IT 42
News Once slow-moving threat, global warming speeds ... (Dec '08) 5 hr Agents of Corruption 63,946

Chicago Jobs

More from around the web

Personal Finance

Chicago Mortgages