Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#45 Dec 9, 2013
RACE wrote:
So, if two guys swapping spit grosses me out (and it does) I am free to tell them to knock it off?
I would rather look at half chewed food than two men sucking the snot out of each others mustache.
<quoted text>
Did edog take possession of you or something?

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#46 Dec 9, 2013
What grosses me out may not be what grosses you out (your words), but you say that you can call out a person for something you find gross...Am I not allowed to do the same?
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
Did edog take possession of you or something?

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#47 Dec 9, 2013
RACE wrote:
So, if two guys swapping spit grosses me out (and it does) I am free to tell them to knock it off?
I would rather look at half chewed food than two men sucking the snot out of each others mustache.
<quoted text>
You don't need my permission. Say whatever you feel necessary.

So, do you frequently go out to dinner with guys who "swap spit" and/or "suck the snot out of each other's mustache?

Interesting.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#48 Dec 9, 2013
NWmoon wrote:
<quoted text>I understood what you meant, I just see no good reason for him to keep banging his head against a wall that will always be bricked up.
And if the label fits, they get to wear it. I NEVER said he should call them up and tell them they're homophobes, but, they ARE. And they're worth even less than that troll that inhabits this board. They don't deserve to ever see their grandchildren or enjoy holidays with his family. He's better off to count them as dead right now and be done with it.
But clearly LW doesn't see it that way and wants to maintain some civil contact with his family. Otherwise he would not have written for advice.

He is probably not going to get the fantasy resolution he wants give the viperous initial response. Nonetheless people do get accustomed to situations they initially find distasteful and come to terms with it. Look at Pippa and her lip smacking roommate. Different order of magnitude, but the same concept. There is nothing to suggest that LW1's family could not come to to a similar point
Pippa

Hancock, NY

#49 Dec 9, 2013
NWmoon wrote:
<quoted text>I understood what you meant, I just see no good reason for him to keep banging his head against a wall that will always be bricked up.
And if the label fits, they get to wear it. I NEVER said he should call them up and tell them they're homophobes, but, they ARE. And they're worth even less than that troll that inhabits this board. They don't deserve to ever see their grandchildren or enjoy holidays with his family. He's better off to count them as dead right now and be done with it.

No, you never said he should call them up and tell them that. You said, "He should save himself the hassle and heartache and just send them a letter saying it's too bad they're heartless homophobes and if they ever come to their senses they can call him. IF they still have his number by that time." I guess sending a letter they read over and over again is not as bad as calling them up and telling them that? They MAY deserve that, but I don't see it as a means of changing their hearts if that's what he'd like to do. I suspect this is a decent guy who would really like his parents to accept him for what he is but doesn't want the grief they've given him so far. He doesn't want that for his partner either. So maybe telling them off will ultimately be what he needs to do but right now, I think he simply wants to set boundaries and leave the door open for future possibilities.
Pippa

Hancock, NY

#50 Dec 9, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Well, we won't get into how Islam treats homosexuality, but I will concede that "beating him up," (if that's what really happened) is wrong. But... is it wrong to paddle your kid? Is it wrong to dole out corporal punishment when a child misbehaves? Again, that's another argument all together, but the point is, the parents are not wrong for not approving of his lifestyle. They MAY be wrong for how they reacted, but now he's an adult and he's giving them an ultimatum: accept his lifestyle, or lose all (or most) contact.
He's also quantified that by wondering if it's fair to "stoop to their level" and not accept THEM... or if he should be the "bigger" person and realize not everyone shares the same views.
It sounds like this guy is willing to extend a limited olive branch to the people who birthed and raised him. You people are suggesting the parents deal or lose him forever.
Who would win in that situation?
Who would win if the man decided to keep his parents in his life but with limited contact?
I think I see your point - at least to some extent. I don't think even the LW wants to lose all contact with his parents as some folks here indicate he should do. So far, he's been spending holidays with them and so forth. But they won't accept his partner or let the LW bring his partner with him for these visits. Imagine if you were married and your parents told you they don't like your wife and she's not allowed to visit with you. Homosexuality is NOT a LIFESTYLE from what I've heard. It isn't a CHOICE. It's who the person IS. To say it's a choice is ludicrous. It may be a choice to be who you are rather than hiding who you are. But that way doesn't do anyone any good either. Gays and lesbians have done this probably forever and it cheats them and the people they spend their lives with. Would you LIKE to be married to a lesbian who simply hates to have sex with you but puts up with it simply to hide that she's not straight?

Also, we often suggest that people should cut certain other people from their lives. Following the scenario I suggested above, do you think a man should give his parents an ultimatum/limit contact if they won't allow his wife to visit with him or who won't even acknowledge her existence in their son's life? How about the parents/siblings who say horrible things to the wife and bring her to tears at every family gathering?

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#51 Dec 9, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
No, you idiot. It's like a Jew telling his Jew parents he's eating pork and they should deal.
Living up to your reputation.

TSTI

You've just taken my scenario and re-phrased it yet still too stupid to see you just agreed with me.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#52 Dec 9, 2013
Pippa wrote:
Homosexuality is NOT a LIFESTYLE from what I've heard. It isn't a CHOICE.
dog disagrees.
Pippa wrote:
To say it's a choice is ludicrous. It may be a choice to be who you are rather than hiding who you are.
To dog, being who you are instead of hiding it equals throwing it in your face.
Pippa wrote:
do you think a man should give his parents an ultimatum/limit contact if they won't allow his wife to visit with him or who won't even acknowledge her existence in their son's life? How about the parents/siblings who say horrible things to the wife and bring her to tears at every family gathering?
Stop confusing him with logic and sense.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#53 Dec 9, 2013
Pippa wrote:
I suspect this is a decent guy who would really like his parents to accept him for what he is but doesn't want the grief they've given him so far.
If you knew a decent woman who was beaten by her husband so badly that she needed recuperative therapy, would you ever consider it a wise choice for her to try to stay with him in the hopes that she is no longer subjected to the "grief" he's given her so far? This dude was severely injured by their violence.
Pippa

Hancock, NY

#54 Dec 9, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>If you knew a decent woman who was beaten by her husband so badly that she needed recuperative therapy, would you ever consider it a wise choice for her to try to stay with him in the hopes that she is no longer subjected to the "grief" he's given her so far? This dude was severely injured by their violence.
It has been a couple of decades since they actually beat him up. But I'd say the mental abuse has likely been awful. But people seem to want to be loved and accepted (as they are) by their parents. This lw has pretty much always spent the holidays with his parents. He realizes there's another person involved now - his partner soon to be spouse. He realizes that he needs to stand by his partner and rightly chooses to spend the holidays with him rather than his bigoted parents who won't allow the man in their home. He has a measure of guilt for limiting his contact with his parents and he simply needs reassurance that he's doing the right thing. To reduce the guilt he's feeling, his letting them know they can be part of his life if they change their attitude can be helpful. It puts the ball in their court and he can feel that he did all he could to keep a relationship with his parents. I doubt his parents are going to change their minds however.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#55 Dec 9, 2013
Im sorry, your deflection is lost on me. Since you want to play stupid, I will treat you that way. Little words, try not to get lost.
You think chewing with your mouth full is gross, I think two men kissing is gross.

Since it is acceptable for you to point out what you perceive as gross to others, Is it not also acceptable for me to do that exact same thing?

This is a simple yes or no answer.
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
You don't need my permission. Say whatever you feel necessary.
So, do you frequently go out to dinner with guys who "swap spit" and/or "suck the snot out of each other's mustache?
Interesting.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#56 Dec 9, 2013
No,
Do you frequently go out with people who talk with a mouth full of food?

Interesting....
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
You don't need my permission. Say whatever you feel necessary.
So, do you frequently go out to dinner with guys who "swap spit" and/or "suck the snot out of each other's mustache?
Interesting.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#57 Dec 9, 2013
Pippa wrote:
<quoted text>
It has been a couple of decades since they actually beat him up.
It happened when he was 14(child abuse). He's 27 now.

Since: Feb 08

Location hidden

#58 Dec 9, 2013
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>But clearly LW doesn't see it that way and wants to maintain some civil contact with his family. Otherwise he would not have written for advice.
He is probably not going to get the fantasy resolution he wants give the viperous initial response. Nonetheless people do get accustomed to situations they initially find distasteful and come to terms with it. Look at Pippa and her lip smacking roommate. Different order of magnitude, but the same concept. There is nothing to suggest that LW1's family could not come to to a similar point
Yeah, I hope for his sake it's not a waste of time. I've just seen too many that went that way.
Watching the fallout in a couple of those cases in local circles this year. It just really sucks and seems so pointless in most cases.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#59 Dec 10, 2013
But people want what they want.
I would think it probably tears them up inside to admit they will never get the acceptance they want from the people who are most important to them. It must be like watching a dream die.
NWmoon wrote:
<quoted text>Yeah, I hope for his sake it's not a waste of time. I've just seen too many that went that way.
Watching the fallout in a couple of those cases in local circles this year. It just really sucks and seems so pointless in most cases.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#60 Dec 10, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>If you knew a decent woman who was beaten by her husband so badly that she needed recuperative therapy, would you ever consider it a wise choice for her to try to stay with him in the hopes that she is no longer subjected to the "grief" he's given her so far? This dude was severely injured by their violence.
"Reparative" therapy. It means he was in therapy to try to make him straight, he wasn't in therapy because of the beating.

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

#61 Dec 10, 2013
Jacques,
Mark Kirk is a stroke patient.
We do not believe his doctors when they claim that he is mentally as sharp as a tack.
If this is the case, then it certainly has not been proven in all this time.
We are calling on Kirk to do what is best and resign.

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

#62 Dec 10, 2013
Sorry gang, that was supposed to be on the Barack Obama thread.,

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#63 Dec 10, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
"Reparative" therapy. It means he was in therapy to try to make him straight, he wasn't in therapy because of the beating.
Upon further review, I believe you are correct. Guess all those years of going to the meetings paid off for you. Anti-gay lingo just isn't at the tip of my tongue.

Since: Feb 08

Location hidden

#64 Dec 10, 2013
RACE wrote:
But people want what they want.
I would think it probably tears them up inside to admit they will never get the acceptance they want from the people who are most important to them. It must be like watching a dream die.
<quoted text>
It is.

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