Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#21 Dec 9, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>Did i miss something? Lw mentioned arm in the table and using finger instead of knife. Neither qualifies as a "gross out" offense unless it grosses you out to see fingers touch food, in which case, good luck keeping your meal down ay a sandwich shop, pizza parlor, or wing place.
No, you probably didn't miss a thing. I mentioned what bothered me, personally. I believe what bothers me doesn't necessarily bother someone else and because of that I can understand what other things may bother someone else -- such as someone not using their utensils and using their hands.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#22 Dec 9, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>Did i miss something? Lw mentioned arm in the table and using finger instead of knife. Neither qualifies as a "gross out" offense unless it grosses you out to see fingers touch food, in which case, good luck keeping your meal down ay a sandwich shop, pizza parlor, or wing place.
I will say I don't get what he means that she uses her hands instead of her knife. Perhaps he means (such as) when you're trying to capture peas on your fork and she uses her finger to keep them from rolling off instead of using a knife?

My first thought was that she was tearing her meat but that can't be right. Although I suppose it could be.
Pippa

Hancock, NY

#23 Dec 9, 2013
2: Are there classes in table manners? If so, why not suggest you and your girlfriend start taking a few classes just for the fun of it. Do NOT start with the one on table manners. Do basket weaving, pottery painting, or something else first. Then do the table manners and make it a fun joint venture. She MAY not see that you're trying to changer her into the woman of your dreams which she doesn't quite reach yet.

2: I have been known to return calls to people whose numbers I don't know or who are not in my contact list. Why? Because sometimes it's a wrong number and the caller may need to know they didn't reach the right number. I used to have a number of people calling my cell phone because the number used to belong to someone else. I'd simply tell the caller that the person no longer had the number they dialed if I happened to answer the phone. I did call a few people back because there were messages left on my voicemail about a court date being changed and so forth. It appeared to be from a lawyer or court clerk so I called back to tell them the message had not reached the person they thought they'd contacted and they should try another number if they had one in their files. I didn't want someone to miss a court date and have legal problems as a result if I could prevent it.

I agree with Toj on this. I simply don't see why anyone would be bothered by someone else calling these people.

Since: Feb 08

Location hidden

#27 Dec 9, 2013
Pippa wrote:
Whoops, the last sentence of my first paragraph got cut off. It should read, "They're supposedly Christian. That means they're supposed to treat others as they want to be treated."
So, they DO want him to beat them, reject them, and force them into unwanted and unnecessary therapy? That's how they treated him.
He should save himself the hassle and heartache and just send them a letter saying it's too bad they're heartless homophobes and if they ever come to their senses they can call him. IF they still have his number by that time.
Then get a new phone number.
It is a waste of time and effort to wait for acceptance and decency from that sort, just let them go.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#28 Dec 9, 2013
Pippa wrote:
"They're supposedly Christian. That means they're supposed to treat others as they want to be treated."
But Christianity forbids homosexuality. Therein lies the problem. How can you tell someone to accept something their religion forbids? It's like telling a Jew to just get over it and eat pork. Then call him a swineophobe when he refuses.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#29 Dec 9, 2013
NWmoon wrote:
too bad they're heartless homophobes
See? Is slapping labels on people who don't share your views all you have?
Pippa

Hancock, NY

#30 Dec 9, 2013
NWmoon wrote:
<quoted text>So, they DO want him to beat them, reject them, and force them into unwanted and unnecessary therapy? That's how they treated him.
He should save himself the hassle and heartache and just send them a letter saying it's too bad they're heartless homophobes and if they ever come to their senses they can call him. IF they still have his number by that time.
Then get a new phone number.
It is a waste of time and effort to wait for acceptance and decency from that sort, just let them go.
I agree that the parents have treated him horribly. I said they're SUPPOSED to be Christians (according to the lw) which means THEY are supposed to treat him as they'd want to be treated. They didn't do that. So I don't think they really are Christians; they don't act like it anyway despite what they might say. I think what I'm saying is that if the lw WANTS to have them in his life, he can put forth the offer and see what happens but he has to do it on terms acceptable to him and his partner. If his parents don't like the conditions, they can "lump it." It would be THEIR decision and the lw would have no reason to feel guilty about the rift. He shouldn't anyway but I bet he has some feeling of guilt anyway. Otherwise, he wouldn't be writing in to Amy. He wanted someone to agree with his decision. I find no fault with his decision; if he wants to leave things as they are (I assume he followed through and now just wants someone to say it's ok.), he shouldn't feel guilty. I think Amy just wanted to give him one more way for him to KNOW he's not at fault for the rift. But calling them names like "homophobes" only adds to the argument and won't change their minds. A gentle response is more likely to be like burning coals on their heads.

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#31 Dec 9, 2013
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
Lip smacking bothers me more. I can always look away, but I can't tune that out. <smack, smack, smack, chomp, chomp>
My one brother used to do it. My middle son was doing it one day. I said would you PLEASE stop smacking your lips while you eat .... in my ear.(I've officially become my dad, lol).
This is my BIGGEST pet peeve. Once I hear it, I can hear it from across a room. The guy that sits behind me eats louder than my dog and it's amplified because of a column and a wall near us. I absolutely have to use my iPod during breakfast and lunch while I am at work. It's positively disgusting (and yes, he holds his fork like a caveman and holds his plate up to his mouth and scrapes it in). How he ever gets by at busienss dinners is SO beyond me...
Pippa

Hancock, NY

#32 Dec 9, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
But Christianity forbids homosexuality. Therein lies the problem. How can you tell someone to accept something their religion forbids? It's like telling a Jew to just get over it and eat pork. Then call him a swineophobe when he refuses.


Right, so a Christian can beat up a 14 year old kid and so forth because he says he's gay? I don't think so. So if he converts to some other religion, they can beat him up? No. It means they themselves should avoid homosexual acts. At least that's the point I've been told. It's like the fact you're not supposed to have extramarital sex or premarital sex according to most denominations within the overall "Christian" religion. We don't see Christians beating up their spouses because the spouse had an affair. They sometimes get counseling to see whether the marriage can be saved and sometimes they get divorced. Beatings? No. We live in a world with all kinds of people acting in ways we like and others acting in ways we don't like. But we don't normally go beating someone up simply because we don't agree with or like their behavior. If the behavior is illegal, we report it to law enforcement; we don't take care of it ourselves by beating someone up. I don't think the lw was trying to force anything on his parents. He simply informed them of who he was. While they could question why he at the age of 14 he was so sure of his homosexuality, I think they should respect him as another human being no matter their differences.

It's possible that they were so confused by his homosexuality that they overreacted. They may even have been advised by their minister or church elders to do what they did. And of course, they are having their homophobia reinforced by the teachings of their church on fairly frequent intervals. It's entirely possible that with time they will come to realize their mistake and want to apologize and have a relationship with him.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#33 Dec 9, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
But Christianity forbids homosexuality. Therein lies the problem. How can you tell someone to accept something their religion forbids? It's like telling a Jew to just get over it and eat pork. Then call him a swineophobe when he refuses.
no dum dum. Its like telling a jew to get over it and accept that others eat pork.

TSTI
Pippa

Hancock, NY

#34 Dec 9, 2013
Stina2 wrote:
<quoted text>
This is my BIGGEST pet peeve. Once I hear it, I can hear it from across a room. The guy that sits behind me eats louder than my dog and it's amplified because of a column and a wall near us. I absolutely have to use my iPod during breakfast and lunch while I am at work. It's positively disgusting (and yes, he holds his fork like a caveman and holds his plate up to his mouth and scrapes it in). How he ever gets by at busienss dinners is SO beyond me...
I see I'm not the only one put off by the noises some people make while eating. I had a college roommate for 2 1/2 years who smacked her lips while eating. It was most annoying when she ate snacks in our dorm room while we were studying - absolute silence except for the sound of pages turning and a pen writing & the sound of L's lips smacking as she ate. But she was otherwise one of the nicest girls I ever knew and I would never say anything about the noise. I figured it was half her room and I should just put up with it. I never regretted that decision.

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#36 Dec 9, 2013
Pippa wrote:
<quoted text>
I see I'm not the only one put off by the noises some people make while eating. I had a college roommate for 2 1/2 years who smacked her lips while eating. It was most annoying when she ate snacks in our dorm room while we were studying - absolute silence except for the sound of pages turning and a pen writing & the sound of L's lips smacking as she ate. But she was otherwise one of the nicest girls I ever knew and I would never say anything about the noise. I figured it was half her room and I should just put up with it. I never regretted that decision.
You aren't!!! I'd actually have to leave when she ate. My heart rate goes up and I can't concentrate. It's LITERALLY like someone continuously scratching nails on a chalk board to me. I don't think I could have handled it, no matter how much I liked her.

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#37 Dec 9, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
But Christianity forbids homosexuality.
True Christianity also forbids judging others and commands us to all love each other. It's not man's place to judge these things; only God can do that. It's up to Him.

“I looked, and behold,”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#38 Dec 9, 2013
Stina2 wrote:
<quoted text>
This is my BIGGEST pet peeve. Once I hear it, I can hear it from across a room. The guy that sits behind me eats louder than my dog and it's amplified because of a column and a wall near us. I absolutely have to use my iPod during breakfast and lunch while I am at work. It's positively disgusting (and yes, he holds his fork like a caveman and holds his plate up to his mouth and scrapes it in). How he ever gets by at busienss dinners is SO beyond me...
I would have to listen to music too. It's like nails on a chalkboard to me.

Since: Feb 08

Location hidden

#39 Dec 9, 2013
Pippa wrote:
<quoted text>
I agree that the parents have treated him horribly. I said they're SUPPOSED to be Christians (according to the lw) which means THEY are supposed to treat him as they'd want to be treated. They didn't do that. So I don't think they really are Christians; they don't act like it anyway despite what they might say. I think what I'm saying is that if the lw WANTS to have them in his life, he can put forth the offer and see what happens but he has to do it on terms acceptable to him and his partner. If his parents don't like the conditions, they can "lump it." It would be THEIR decision and the lw would have no reason to feel guilty about the rift. He shouldn't anyway but I bet he has some feeling of guilt anyway. Otherwise, he wouldn't be writing in to Amy. He wanted someone to agree with his decision. I find no fault with his decision; if he wants to leave things as they are (I assume he followed through and now just wants someone to say it's ok.), he shouldn't feel guilty. I think Amy just wanted to give him one more way for him to KNOW he's not at fault for the rift. But calling them names like "homophobes" only adds to the argument and won't change their minds. A gentle response is more likely to be like burning coals on their heads.
I understood what you meant, I just see no good reason for him to keep banging his head against a wall that will always be bricked up.
And if the label fits, they get to wear it. I NEVER said he should call them up and tell them they're homophobes, but, they ARE. And they're worth even less than that troll that inhabits this board. They don't deserve to ever see their grandchildren or enjoy holidays with his family. He's better off to count them as dead right now and be done with it.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#40 Dec 9, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
no dum dum. Its like telling a jew to get over it and accept that others eat pork.
No, you idiot. It's like a Jew telling his Jew parents he's eating pork and they should deal.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#41 Dec 9, 2013
Pippa wrote:
Right, so a Christian can beat up a 14 year old kid and so forth because he says he's gay? I don't think so. So if he converts to some other religion, they can beat him up?
Well, we won't get into how Islam treats homosexuality, but I will concede that "beating him up," (if that's what really happened) is wrong. But... is it wrong to paddle your kid? Is it wrong to dole out corporal punishment when a child misbehaves? Again, that's another argument all together, but the point is, the parents are not wrong for not approving of his lifestyle. They MAY be wrong for how they reacted, but now he's an adult and he's giving them an ultimatum: accept his lifestyle, or lose all (or most) contact.

He's also quantified that by wondering if it's fair to "stoop to their level" and not accept THEM... or if he should be the "bigger" person and realize not everyone shares the same views.

It sounds like this guy is willing to extend a limited olive branch to the people who birthed and raised him. You people are suggesting the parents deal or lose him forever.

Who would win in that situation?

Who would win if the man decided to keep his parents in his life but with limited contact?

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#42 Dec 9, 2013
NWmoon wrote:
And if the label fits, they get to wear it. I NEVER said he should call them up and tell them they're homophobes, but, they ARE. And they're worth even less than that troll that inhabits this board. They don't deserve to ever see their grandchildren or enjoy holidays with his family. He's better off to count them as dead right now and be done with it.
This must be a part of that tolerance thing you guys are always preaching about.
liner

Brooklyn, NY

#43 Dec 9, 2013
L1: "Why would I allow them around my future children?"
um, hmmm, oh nevermind....

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#44 Dec 9, 2013
So, if two guys swapping spit grosses me out (and it does) I am free to tell them to knock it off?
I would rather look at half chewed food than two men sucking the snot out of each others mustache.
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
It affects me when people talk with their mouth full. It grosses me out; therefore, I see no contradiction.
Don't you hate looking at people's half-chewed food in their mouth?

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