Mimi

United States

#23 Jul 24, 2013
Kuuipo wrote:
LW1: When I was 18, I thought I knew everything too. Now, I marvel at how much I don't know. You may or may not change your mind, and there is absolutely nothing wrong or weird about choosing not to have children.(Someone once said, "I love children. I just never wanted to raise any.") All of the posters above are correct about this: You will not find a doctor to sterilize you at your age and probably not until you are over 30. Doctors prefer not to sterilize childless women. Find an effective birth control method for the short term. The Pill works well for many women. Insist that your partner wear a condom as well.
LW2: Has your girlfriend tried any of the new snoring prevention methods? I use the foam earplugs when I travel and they work pretty well. You can get custom fitted ones from a hearing specialist, too.
While I (fully) agree she needs to wait a few years, I object to a doctor refusing based solely on her age, more over I strongly object to the prevailing attitude about not sterilizing childless women (of any age). It's misogynistic. All women need to be breeders....and they don't know their own minds or what's good for them so the establishment (read: patriarchy) gets to set the rules.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#24 Jul 24, 2013
1. I wanted to leave a footprint when I am gone
2. My ego is big enough that I wanted the word to have more like me and my husband: to replicate ourselves
3.I grew up in a relatively happy normal family and wanted some more of that
4.I waited until my late 30's because I didn't want to be a single parent and accepted the possibility I might not have kids.

I didn't anticipate it, but it turned out to be really cool to watch each of them discover the world and be able to guide and mold that for them

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#25 Jul 24, 2013
Mimi wrote:
<quoted text>
While I (fully) agree she needs to wait a few years, I object to a doctor refusing based solely on her age, more over I strongly object to the prevailing attitude about not sterilizing childless women (of any age). It's misogynistic. All women need to be breeders....and they don't know their own minds or what's good for them so the establishment (read: patriarchy) gets to set the rules.
If remember what I have read, it is a matter of medical ethics not to sterilize a woman before a specified age unless there is a compelling medical reason.IIRC that grew out of the past practices of eugenics, sterilization of the "unfit", procedure used in mental institutions and black girls in the South.This stuff was certainly going on through WWII and up til the 60's in some cases.

It came to med when there was the articles a couple weeks ago about gender reassignment in a 6 year old. It is essentially something you can't change your mind about.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#26 Jul 24, 2013
PEllen wrote:
Why do you want/or did you decide to have kids?
i wanted a little mascot that could dress like me and do the Semonole warchant and i could call mini me

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#27 Jul 24, 2013
Noble, so what did you get?
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>i wanted a little mascot that could dress like me and do the Semonole warchant and i could call mini me

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#28 Jul 24, 2013
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>
Immaturity, like stupidity, can be remedied. She may or may not breed but at least she is bringing a mental and rational analysis to the subject. Most people address the question of childbearing either from their gonads or an emotional standpoint, much less reliable for good outcomes IMO.
Query ( not to you personally, but in gemeral)
Why do you want/or did you decide to have kids?
More cons than pros, mostly. It might be cool, but I'm not under any impression that it is easy--at least when it's done right. I know I'd like my own kid, but I don't like to do kid stuff. I don't want to be a classroom mom or a soccer coach or a Girl Scout leader or whatever. I don't want to tell someone 50 thousand times to brush their teeth. I didn't really like being a kid, either. I don't feel that I'd be consistent. I don't even have the option of being a stay-at-home mom, so most of my paycheck would go to daycare. J and I come from vastly different backgrounds--I know from experience that I'd be the bad guy and he'd be the buddy parent. I don't want to expose a child to my in-laws. And on and on. If I really wanted a kid, I'd make it happen, but I don't.

I do worry about regretting not having them later, though. And J and I were both pretty cute babies. It would be cool to see what my spawn would look like. And my dad would love to be a grandpa.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#29 Jul 24, 2013
Hell, J was even cute as a pre-teen. I was all glasses and braces and gangly with a bad perm, and he had a perfect smile and a medium build and spiky hair. I think I'd have had a crush on him them, too.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#30 Jul 24, 2013
RACE wrote:
Noble, so what did you get?
<quoted text>
When mini me was maybe 2, we were at Old Navy. He was in the checkout line with Mrs. Tonka. I was sitting on a bench at the front of the tore waiting. He saw me, said "daddy!", then of his own volition, busted into the Warchant/Tomahawk chop for me! Loud. THAT'S MY BOY!

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

#31 Jul 24, 2013
Yeah, I know what you mean about tubal ligations.
I try to use proper medical terms wherever possible, as I believe by doing so it helps everyone communicate with a better understanding to the medical heirachry.
But generally speaking, many doctors are very conservative and will take the 'if it ain't broke, don't fix it' approach to their practices.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#32 Jul 24, 2013
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>
If remember what I have read, it is a matter of medical ethics not to sterilize a woman before a specified age unless there is a compelling medical reason.IIRC that grew out of the past practices of eugenics, sterilization of the "unfit", procedure used in mental institutions and black girls in the South.This stuff was certainly going on through WWII and up til the 60's in some cases.
It came to med when there was the articles a couple weeks ago about gender reassignment in a 6 year old. It is essentially something you can't change your mind about.
That makes sense.

I will reiterate that I doubt that at 17 she really knows for sure what she wants for her WHOLE LIFE, though it's possible. However, if she goes to a doctor after age 18 and requests sterilization, that she will pay for, I don't think the doctor should be able to refuse based on her age. It's not eugenics or forced sterilization, it is at her request.

OMG what if she decided later she wants kids? Well, one person making a not-easily-reversable choice that she turns out to regret later won't stop the world from spinning. Yeah, not feeling overly "nice" today, but I'd feel that way anyway. We all make choices, some permanent, some we can change, some we just have to live with. There's no guarantees.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#33 Jul 25, 2013
Matilda77 wrote:
<quoted text>
More cons than pros, mostly. It might be cool, but I'm not under any impression that it is easy--at least when it's done right. I know I'd like my own kid, but I don't like to do kid stuff. I don't want to be a classroom mom or a soccer coach or a Girl Scout leader or whatever. I don't want to tell someone 50 thousand times to brush their teeth. I didn't really like being a kid, either. I don't feel that I'd be consistent. I don't even have the option of being a stay-at-home mom, so most of my paycheck would go to daycare. J and I come from vastly different backgrounds--I know from experience that I'd be the bad guy and he'd be the buddy parent. I don't want to expose a child to my in-laws. And on and on. If I really wanted a kid, I'd make it happen, but I don't.
I do worry about regretting not having them later, though. And J and I were both pretty cute babies. It would be cool to see what my spawn would look like. And my dad would love to be a grandpa.
GOd the constant "Stop talking with food in your mouth" -- saying it every single time we eat -- gets old. The repetition children require in order to get a lesson burned into their tiny brains just annoys the crap out of me.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#34 Jul 25, 2013
Mimi Seattle wrote:
Well, one person making a not-easily-reversable choice that she turns out to regret later won't stop the world from spinning.
I agree.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#35 Jul 25, 2013
WHOOP!
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>When mini me was maybe 2, we were at Old Navy. He was in the checkout line with Mrs. Tonka. I was sitting on a bench at the front of the tore waiting. He saw me, said "daddy!", then of his own volition, busted into the Warchant/Tomahawk chop for me! Loud. THAT'S MY BOY!

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#36 Jul 25, 2013
Matilda77 wrote:
<quoted text>
More cons than pros, mostly. It might be cool, but I'm not under any impression that it is easy--at least when it's done right. I know I'd like my own kid, but I don't like to do kid stuff. I don't want to be a classroom mom or a soccer coach or a Girl Scout leader or whatever. I don't want to tell someone 50 thousand times to brush their teeth. I didn't really like being a kid, either. I don't feel that I'd be consistent. I don't even have the option of being a stay-at-home mom, so most of my paycheck would go to daycare. J and I come from vastly different backgrounds--I know from experience that I'd be the bad guy and he'd be the buddy parent. I don't want to expose a child to my in-laws. And on and on. If I really wanted a kid, I'd make it happen, but I don't.
I do worry about regretting not having them later, though. And J and I were both pretty cute babies. It would be cool to see what my spawn would look like. And my dad would love to be a grandpa.
All of this, except for the regretting it part. I know that it's a *possibility* that I may someday regret not having kids, but since the years have passed and my feelings about not having kids have only gotten stronger, I think it's really unlikely.
Cass

Claremont, CA

#37 Jul 25, 2013
Matilda77 wrote:
<quoted text>
More cons than pros, mostly. It might be cool, but I'm not under any impression that it is easy--at least when it's done right. I know I'd like my own kid, but I don't like to do kid stuff. I don't want to be a classroom mom or a soccer coach or a Girl Scout leader or whatever. I don't want to tell someone 50 thousand times to brush their teeth. I didn't really like being a kid, either. I don't feel that I'd be consistent. I don't even have the option of being a stay-at-home mom, so most of my paycheck would go to daycare. J and I come from vastly different backgrounds--I know from experience that I'd be the bad guy and he'd be the buddy parent. I don't want to expose a child to my in-laws. And on and on. If I really wanted a kid, I'd make it happen, but I don't.
I do worry about regretting not having them later, though. And J and I were both pretty cute babies. It would be cool to see what my spawn would look like. And my dad would love to be a grandpa.
I hear ya. I will never be a classroom mom (or, god forbid, a soccer coach or a Girl Scout leader). I have a demanding job, a household to run, and two kids to take care of. I don't have time for classroom-moming most of the time, although I do it once in a while when my schedule is not packet to the gills. And I hate to tell my kids 50000 times to go brush their teeth (a daily occurrence, btw). However, for me, when they cuddle up to me in the morning or when my daughter tells me all about the imaginary world of magical pets that she has invented, the joy and love are overwhelming. I don't know how to express it in non-sappy terms, but it's just a wonderful feeling that erases the frustration of having to yell at that to stop fighting over which TV show they are going to watch after dinner.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#38 Jul 25, 2013
PEllen wrote:
Why do you want/or did you decide to have kids?
I just always knew I wanted children, so I guess that's mostly biological urge. I *had* to know what it felt like to be pregnant. And I always knew that I was going to have more than one; I hated being an only child.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#39 Jul 25, 2013
Matilda77 wrote:
<quoted text>
More cons than pros, mostly. It might be cool, but I'm not under any impression that it is easy--at least when it's done right. I know I'd like my own kid, but I don't like to do kid stuff. I don't want to be a classroom mom or a soccer coach or a Girl Scout leader or whatever. I don't want to tell someone 50 thousand times to brush their teeth. I didn't really like being a kid, either. I don't feel that I'd be consistent. I don't even have the option of being a stay-at-home mom, so most of my paycheck would go to daycare. J and I come from vastly different backgrounds--I know from experience that I'd be the bad guy and he'd be the buddy parent. I don't want to expose a child to my in-laws. And on and on. If I really wanted a kid, I'd make it happen, but I don't.
I do worry about regretting not having them later, though. And J and I were both pretty cute babies. It would be cool to see what my spawn would look like. And my dad would love to be a grandpa.
Oh, I have totally given up on the idea that I can be the "everything" mom. I don't have time to go on the field trips or volunteer for Math Night or whatever. I'm a terrible cook with really no desire to get better. I'm a terrible housekeeper and I don't see that improving either. When the kids get older, they will have housekeeping chores, but I'm so lazy about it that I don't see me being too strict about them.

But our house is filled with love and books and art, and they'll just have to make the best of it. I just hope they don't require too much therapy as adults.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#40 Jul 25, 2013
squishymama wrote:
<quoted text>
I just always knew I wanted children, so I guess that's mostly biological urge. I *had* to know what it felt like to be pregnant. And I always knew that I was going to have more than one; I hated being an only child.
The feeling when the baby moves, it's difficult to explain. Awesome feeling.

It also gave me nightmares, though, from my active imagination. Had a dream that an alien was coming out of my stomach.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#41 Jul 25, 2013
j_m_w wrote:
<quoted text>
All of this, except for the regretting it part. I know that it's a *possibility* that I may someday regret not having kids, but since the years have passed and my feelings about not having kids have only gotten stronger, I think it's really unlikely.
Yeah. I keep waiting for some maternal urge or something to kick in, and it doesn't. And the longer I'm away from a kid-centric life, the less I want to go back to it. My dad recently said on Facebook "There is no such thing as 'fun for the whole family'".

Not knocking those that have kids, though. Not in the least. Unless you're a sh1tty parent, then knock it off.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#42 Jul 25, 2013
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
The feeling when the baby moves, it's difficult to explain. Awesome feeling.
It also gave me nightmares, though, from my active imagination. Had a dream that an alien was coming out of my stomach.
I always knew I wanted a child. ONE child. I had dreams too, not nightmares, just dreams. I was on another planet (like Jodi Foster in Contact) at a beach. I will point out that this was years before that movie, but it probably had something to do with all the sci fi books I was reading while I was pregnant.

I'm so not a room mom type mom. I don't bake and if I never, ever, ever read Cat in the Hat again it will be too soon. Chris could however make his own peanut butter sandwich at age 2-ish, and I was willing to (and did) go mucking around tide pools with his first, second, and third grade classes several times over those years, so there's that.

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