“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#1 Jun 24, 2014
DEAR ABBY: My 19-year-old sister died two years ago from an overdose. I'm 13. We were very close when we were little, but during the four years before she passed away, my parents didn't want us around each other for fear of her rubbing off on me, and she wasn't home half the time anyway. A year earlier she went to rehab, and I remember talking with her about how she was clean for good and then ...

It's just so lonely! All my friends have sisters and brothers and I don't, and I'm bored all the time. My parents work a lot, so I'm home alone at least three times a week, and although I've got friends and sports, I'm just really alone.

It's awkward going out to dinner or going on vacation because my parents just want to sit and relax, and I want to go out and do things, but it's embarrassing going everywhere with your parents. I miss having her around.-- ALONE IN OHIO

DEAR ALONE: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your sister. You are still grieving, which is why you say you feel alone. However, if you think about it, because of her addiction, she has been out of your life for longer than two years. It may be that what you're really mourning is the relationship you MIGHT have had.

You say you have friends. If you listen to them talk, you may find that they, too, sometimes feel alone even if they have siblings. Many teenagers have told me this. Because you're bored when you're not with your friends or participating in sports, consider finding a hobby that will fill your time when your parents are working, or do some volunteering if they agree.

You might also consider adopting a pet from a shelter to keep you company. Of course, pets require feeding, training, affection and exercise, but in return they offer unconditional love and companionship. If it would be all right with your parents, it might be a solution for you.

DEAR ABBY: I met a guy online. We have been dating for some time now. We have a wonderful connection and have our dates on Skype. The problem is, we have never met in person.

Every time we plan on meeting, he shuts up for a time, isn't reachable, then suddenly reappears and makes excuses, asking me to forgive him and plan another meeting. Should I still believe this will happen anytime soon?-- LEFT HANGING IN NAIROBI

DEAR LEFT HANGING: I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad tidings, but something smells fishy here. "Catfishy." From where I sit, it appears your wonderful connection may be only your connection to the Internet. A person who does this repeatedly may not be who he has represented himself to be. Do not count on him for ANYthing.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#2 Jun 24, 2014
1 Great idea abby, your sister dies...Get a hamster.

2 Honey if you call skype dating then you deserve this.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Melrose Park, IL

#3 Jun 24, 2014
RACE wrote:
1 Great idea abby, your sister dies...Get a hamster.
Right? How bout some grief counseling instead?
Community Disorganizer

Florham Park, NJ

#4 Jun 24, 2014
LW 1: First off I doubt your 13. Second get a boyfriend; your parents aren't around at least 3 days a week.

LW 2: You're not serious?

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#5 Jun 24, 2014
1.Every 13 year old ( more or less) is bored and embarrassed by their parents.

If your parents have any sense at all they will encourage and assist you participating in activities. The adage that idle hands make teh devil's work , or something similar has got to be very much in mind in light of what happened to your sister.

Find something you might be interested in. Dabble, choose, check out some stuff.

Talk to a counselor at school.

L2. He is married.
Pippa

Hancock, NY

#6 Jun 24, 2014
1: While getting a pet is not going to really substitute for a loving sister who was always there for you, this was not a loving sister who was there for her. I have to agree with Abby that the lw is mourning the loss of what might have once been when she was little and what she hoped would one day be again. I doubt the sister was in her life all that much the last year of so of her life. I bet the lw was mourning then as well. So yes, the parents should make sure this girl gets some professional grief counseling but if they haven't done so yet, it's unlikely they will do it now. The lw should talk to her school counselor and hopefully the counselor will tell the parents she needs grief counseling and give them some suggestions where they can find it. A pet might be helpful in giving the girl a non-judgmental companion. A hobby she can pursue at home might also be helpful to give her something else to think about and do.

2: I get the impression that a lot of relationships that start online can develop into loving marriages. However, this guy is not someone who is going to give you that. It wouldn't surprise me if he's married or otherwise "committed" to someone else. Of course that depends on your definition of committed since he seems mostly committed to himself. Stop skyping him and remove him from your skype list. You'll be better off in the long run.
Kuuipo

Marina, CA

#7 Jun 24, 2014
LW1: My condolences on the loss of your beloved sister. I'm an only child and I can totally relate to your feelings. I have some suggestions: read books, watch movies, listen to music, and/or do some kind of creative crafting - sewing, beading, painting, custom t-shirts, anything that keeps your hands occupied. Or learn to play an instrument.

LW2: I agree with PEllen, he is married or has a live-in girlfriend.
boundary painter

Waco, TX

#8 Jun 24, 2014
Kuuipo wrote:
LW1: My condolences on the loss of your beloved sister. I'm an only child and I can totally relate to your feelings. I have some suggestions: read books, watch movies, listen to music, and/or do some kind of creative crafting - sewing, beading, painting, custom t-shirts, anything that keeps your hands occupied. Or learn to play an instrument.
LW2: I agree with PEllen, he is married or has a live-in girlfriend.
This. For sure.

(Don't have enough info to know whether LW1 can approach those parents to let her join a positive organization, such as 4H club or school-related extra curricular activity.)

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