Ask Amy July 25, 2014

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#1 Jul 25, 2014
Dear Amy: My ex-girlfriend and I dated for almost three years and have now been broken up for a year.

I was trying to distance myself to move on, and I imagine she was doing the same. I have seen other girls and been in other relationships over the past year or so, but I am still having a hard time getting over her. I compare the girls I meet to her — and they don't seem to measure up.

We saw each other last weekend at a party, and she told me that she still had feelings for me. My feelings for her have not gone away, and I have told her this.

She is leaving for school on the other side of the country for a year and doesn't want to start a relationship, and I completely agree.

I am just confused about why she told me her feelings now — especially when she is leaving in a few weeks. I can picture being with her for the rest of my life, I just don't want to pressure her or force anything on her, as it is not the best timing. I am just really confused what to do right now.

Do you have any thoughts?— 23 and Confused

Dear Confused: Your ex has probably had roughly the same kind of year you have had — trying out various relationships and finding that they don't add up to what she had with you.

Knowing that her plans are already in place makes it safe for her to admit all of this to you. This opens the door for you two to simply try to patiently tolerate the challenge, while welcoming the potential. You should admit to your confusion.

It's OK not to know exactly what to do. You two are in a great place in many ways; you already know each other and you are in a better position, now, to know what you want.

Dear Amy: I have a hard time getting it together when it comes to sending gifts to family members. My heart is in the right place; I purchase gifts and cards for graduations, birthdays and holidays, but I never send them!

What is the best way to let nieces, nephews and cousins know that I've been a flake all these years and that I am sorry I didn't let them know that I truly care, now and on their special days?

They are no longer children, and so many celebrations have passed without recognition because my grand plans always fell through. Is it too late to make amends? What would I say?— Day Late, Dollar Short in Alaska

Dear Day Late: Your query is a welcome respite from the usual onslaught of complaints about people who send gifts but never receive the gratitude.

Tape this phrase to your bathroom mirror: It is never too late to make amends.

Set aside a week to complete this task. Write to each person on your list. Here's a script to get you started: "I am writing you with the awkward task of admitting that I am and always have been a complete flake when it came to acknowledging special days in your life. I have no excuse other than the fact that though my intentions have always been good, I simply could not get my act together over the years to send you cards, gifts, etc.

"I regret this so much and hope you can forgive me. I want you to know that I think about you often and would like to keep in better touch. At least — I promise to do a better job from here on out, and I hope you won't give up on me."

Enclosing a check might help.

Dear Amy: "Technically Frustrated" was upset because her mom violated her privacy on Facebook. I was in a similar situation. My son sat down with me and explained the dangers of Facebook and taught me how to change my privacy settings so we were both happy.

I'm sure the mom is totally naive about where those pictures can go.— Judi

Dear Judi: This mom didn't seem open to reason, but I'm happy you were.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#2 Jul 25, 2014
1 Move on, she will.

2 Yes, money helps to heal

3 FB is evil.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#3 Jul 25, 2014
LW1:“I am just confused about why she told me her feelings now — especially when she is leaving in a few weeks.” Because she has feelings for you and wants you to know. At the same time,“she is leaving for school on the other side of the country for a year and doesn't want to start a relationship, and I completely agree.” What is so hard to understand?

What I would do is stay in contact with her while she is gone and just see how it goes. Don’t push her and don’t put all your eggs in one basket, because she could meet someone else while she is gone and you could meet someone else too.

Maybe she will change her mind over the course of the year and decide she wants to do the LDR with you or maybe she will want to give it another shot after the year is over (after a bunch of guys have their way with her while you sit at home with your d1ck in your hand pining for her for a year ;p) or maybe she or you will move on.

Keep all options open, including with her, until you see how things shake out.

LW2: I imagine this bothers you more than it bothers them. I would just let it go.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#4 Jul 25, 2014
L1: She's not going to cancel her schooling plans because she has feelings for you. She has her priorities. What else did you expect from her? Would you rather her tell you she thinks you're a dork and not to contact her?

L2: Let it go. Try to get organized for the upcoming events. There's always upcoming events.

L3: And some people know how the privacy settings work and just want to stir the pot.

Since: Dec 09

Smalltown, Colorado

#5 Jul 25, 2014
LW2 - This guy has way more problems than just "forgetting" to mail cards and gifts. I'll bet his kitchen is half torn up, the bathroom is half torn up, there is a "classic" car sitting half restored in the driveway, his desk at work looks like a tornado hit it, and he is chronically late.
Pippa

Hancock, NY

#6 Jul 26, 2014
Shari23 wrote:
LW2 - This guy has way more problems than just "forgetting" to mail cards and gifts. I'll bet his kitchen is half torn up, the bathroom is half torn up, there is a "classic" car sitting half restored in the driveway, his desk at work looks like a tornado hit it, and he is chronically late.
This could just as easily be a woman. I'm a bit like this. I hate mailing packages of any kind. It's a miracle I ever got around to packing up my daughter's things twice and mailed them to her across the country. I am still amazed and shocked that I did that. In fact, the more I think about it, the more I think I deserve a medal or at least a nice cushy place in a retirement home all expenses paid when the time comes. ;-) But what you said about completed projects sounds about right for the lw (and for me). I'm NOT chronically late though. Stuff goes undone sometimes simply because I will leave it that way so I won't be late for appointments, etc. I think they call it ADD - Attention Deficit Disorder. See there's a name for being like this lw. I have no idea whether there's a cure. But at least he's trying. The problem with Amy's advice is though the lw is trying, there's no reliable evidence that he will be able to change. His intentions are laudable but how does he KNOW he will be doing better? How does Amy even know he'd be able to mail the letters he writes? He needs some kind of reminder system. Perhaps he needs a computer ap that reminds him of events and will keep reminding him until he clicks to stop the reminder when he finishes the task. The Microsoft Office Outlook email program has this capability and I suspect that there are other aps that will do the same thing. I use Outlook to remind me to make regular monthly bill payments on time.

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