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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Mar 22, 2014
DEAR ABBY: I'm a 15-year-old boy in ninth grade. I have depression, and I don't know what to do. I always feel like I'm not good enough for anything, even though I have had a 4.0 GPA since seventh grade. I have repeatedly cut myself, but I wear a bracelet so no one can see it.

I don't want my family to find out because I'm afraid they will treat me like a poor little kid who is too easily offended. I don't know what to do or who I can go to for help. Thank you for any help you can give me.-- DROWNING IN DESPAIR

DEAR DROWNING: When a person is experiencing so much emotional pain that he (or she) is self-injuring, it's time to get professional help to deal with it.

Ideally, you should be able to talk to your parents about the depth and duration of your depression. But because you feel you can't, talk with a trusted teacher or counselor at school about it, or an adult relative you feel close enough to confide it to. Cutting is not the answer because it only brings temporary relief from the issues you have that need resolving.

I care about you, and I'm glad you asked me this question. Please don't postpone following my advice.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are retired. Everything was great until about six months ago, when things radically changed.

The issue is I stopped shaving every day. I did it when I was working, but I don't feel the need to do it now. My wife strongly disapproves. She claims my unkempt appearance is a direct, negative reflection on her. I feel it reflects only on me.

I have told her I will shave prior to any social engagement we both attend, as well as public events like civic club, etc. The guys I play cards with also go unshaven.

My wife has threatened to cancel card games with friends, cancel our weekend trip to her brother's birthday celebration, cancel our upcoming European river cruise, refuses to kiss me and said some things I can't repeat. Is there anything I can do to appease this lady I love dearly?-- LAID BACK IN MICHIGAN

DEAR LAID BACK: One thing comes to mind -- you could shave.

DEAR ABBY: I am a server in an upscale restaurant. Part of my job is refilling water goblets, which shouldn't be stressful except that almost all of our customers place their smartphones right next to their glasses. If I should make a slight mistake and accidentally drip water on these expensive devices, you know what would happen next. Please ask your readers to keep their smartphones off the table!-- CAREFUL SERVER IN BETHLEHEM, PA.

DEAR CAREFUL SERVER: I'm glad to ask, but many readers regard their smartphones as extensions of themselves. Convincing them to cooperate would be like selling them on amputating a finger. Of course, the lesson would be learned if the diner accidentally tipped over a water or wine glass because there would be no one else to blame. But in the meantime, it's important that when you pour, you do it VERY CAREFULLY.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#2 Mar 22, 2014
1- Welcome to being a 15 yr old boy.

2- Screw you, Abby! If it was a man complaining his wife didn't shave her legs, you'd be calling him controlling (I think there even was such a letter.) Dude, don't shave, your wife can learn to deal.

3- Pick UP the glass and pour. I'd actually prefer they did that instead of reaching their arm across the table and my plate of food

“An Apple a day”

Since: Jun 08

nil carborundum illegitemi

#3 Mar 22, 2014
1. Get help immediately.

2. Dude, shut up and shave already.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#4 Mar 22, 2014
1.Good idea to tell a trusted adult, but they have an tendency and possibly an obligation to tell the parents unless some demonstrable harm is certain to result.

Also, parents especially parents out of touch with their kids, tend to get real upset if their kid goes to some other adult. I have first hand experience with that after having helped one of my daughter's friends who got in some trouble.

2. Two points: th is clearly important to her so you can shave to please her, or grow it out and trim it so you look like the guy from the Men's Wearhouse or Dos Equiis ad, both of whom I think look really cool.

3. I agre with Edog. Pick up the glass.
Kuuipo

Salinas, CA

#5 Mar 22, 2014
LW1: Team PEllen. Tell whichever one of your parents that you are closest to and get the help that you need. Depression is serious.

LW2: You are retired. You have plenty of time to shave. Just do it and quit whining.

LW3: Team edog.
Pippa

Hancock, NY

#6 Mar 22, 2014
1: I agree with PEllen.
2: Why can't you compromise for goodness sake? I agree with edog that if a man were insisting that a woman shave her legs, Abby might call him controlling. This is the same thing but I can understand that in both cases, not shaving can be a sexual turn-off for the spouse. Perhaps they could agree he should shave on certain days and in certain situations. He should be allowed to not shave at least half the week. Also he should be aware that the unshaven appearance is a turn off for her and he's giving up kisses (and more) on the days he doesn't shave. I don't see that as controlling since they probably don't have sex every night of the week anyway.

3: We often hear that people offend others by using their cell phones while eating at restaurants. Maybe this is another reason why they should put them away in their pockets or purses.---- Just a thought.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#7 Mar 22, 2014
Pippa wrote:
Perhaps they could agree he should shave on certain days and in certain situations.
"I have told her I will shave prior to any social engagement we both attend, as well as public events like civic club, etc."

Sounds reasonable to me. Not good enough for her, though.

Who's being the stubborn one?

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#8 Mar 22, 2014
Pippa wrote:
he's giving up kisses (and more)
I've heard from women that they like a little stubble on a man who's "going south" because it helps with stimulation.

(Sorry, kids. edogxxx is NOT rated PG)
:)
bounday painter

San Antonio, TX

#9 Mar 22, 2014
Not convinced that LW1 is real--he writes too sophisticated for a depressed 15-year-old.

LW2 is not giving Michigan a bad name if he will neatly trim the beard
and/or mustache he grows.

Agree with edog on LW3.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#10 Mar 22, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
1- Welcome to being a 15 yr old boy.
2- Screw you, Abby! If it was a man complaining his wife didn't shave her legs, you'd be calling him controlling (I think there even was such a letter.) Dude, don't shave, your wife can learn to deal.
3- Pick UP the glass and pour. I'd actually prefer they did that instead of reaching their arm across the table and my plate of food
Holy shit. I need to lie down and have my temperature taken. I agree with the mutt across the board
blunt advice

Brooklyn, NY

#11 Mar 22, 2014
1. Get help asap.
2. So looking good for your coworkers was important but your wife isnt?

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#12 Mar 23, 2014
blunt advice wrote:
2. So looking good for your coworkers was important but your wife isnt?
Maybe he had a job where he HAD to be clean shaven everyday. I had one of those a few times. Shaving everyday is a PITA. On weekends or a week off, hells no I didn't shave. Now that he's retired, he said screw it, enough with shaving everyday. His wife got used to a clean-shaven man and now can't handle the change. The hell with her. After a long and successful marriage, THIS is what she's complaining about??

Since: Oct 09

York, NE

#13 Mar 23, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
1- Welcome to being a 15 yr old boy.
2- Screw you, Abby! If it was a man complaining his wife didn't shave her legs, you'd be calling him controlling (I think there even was such a letter.) Dude, don't shave, your wife can learn to deal.
3- Pick UP the glass and pour. I'd actually prefer they did that instead of reaching their arm across the table and my plate of food
I hope you're sitting down,'cause I'm gonna totally agree with you here, both against Abby and in favor of him not shaving. Yes, as a woman, I can say that it's annoying when our men don't shave, but he's offered to do so when they go out or on other occasions, so it's not like he refuses to do it altogether. She knows how annoying it is to have to shave something every day (like our legs!!), so she needs to just leave him alone like he probably leaves her alone about shaving her legs. Maybe she and the crazy gold-digging "financial future" chick from a couple days ago need to partner up, lol.

Since: Oct 09

York, NE

#14 Mar 23, 2014
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>Holy shit. I need to lie down and have my temperature taken. I agree with the mutt across the board
I know, me too, and I felt the same way, lol!

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#15 Mar 23, 2014
Kuuipo wrote:
LW2: You are retired. You have plenty of time to shave. Just do it and quit whining.
Then i hope your advice to the wide is to quit whining and make sure she shaves everyday too. And while she's at it, make sure she puts her make up on first thing every mornng too. If he's retired and expected to prepare for each day tge same as if he were going into the office, she should suffer the same.

This woman is a controlling bitch. I nean seriously. Threatening to cancel hs weekly card game for not shavng. I would become grizzly adams on principal alone

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#16 Mar 23, 2014
blunt advice wrote:
1. Get help asap.
2. So looking good for your coworkers was important but your wife isnt?
its not "looking good for co-workers". Its adhering to company dress policy and maintainng a professional appearance.
Kuuipo

Salinas, CA

#17 Mar 23, 2014
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>Then i hope your advice to the wide is to quit whining and make sure she shaves everyday too. And while she's at it, make sure she puts her make up on first thing every mornng too. If he's retired and expected to prepare for each day tge same as if he were going into the office, she should suffer the same.
This woman is a controlling bitch. I nean seriously. Threatening to cancel hs weekly card game for not shavng. I would become grizzly adams on principal alone
Yes, I think they should both be well-groomed and presentable, retired or not. Women shave larger areas; he's complaining about the small amount of area he has to shave on his face? Gaaack. How long does it take to shave, 5 minutes? But I have to admit, I hate stubble on men. It is unattractive and it scratches our delicate skin. I hate beards, too. On an older man such as LW, stubble/beards are three times as unattractive because of the grays. JMHO.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#18 Mar 24, 2014
Kuuipo wrote:
<quoted text>
Yes, I think they should both be well-groomed and presentable, retired or not. Women shave larger areas; he's complaining about the small amount of area he has to shave on his face? Gaaack. How long does it take to shave, 5 minutes? But I have to admit, I hate stubble on men. It is unattractive and it scratches our delicate skin. I hate beards, too. On an older man such as LW, stubble/beards are three times as unattractive because of the grays. JMHO.
Easy for you to say what is and isn't too much trouble for someone else. As it is now, I shave at MOST, 2 times a week. I try to keep it from getting too thick and unkempt looking for work, but that does not require daily shaving. With no job, i'd shave less without question. If my wife felt a need to dictate to me how often I should shave, i would ecpect the same control over her hair.

You don't like the way beards look? Have you never gotten a haircut that your man did not like? Should he demand that you conform to his version of presentable at all times?

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#19 Mar 24, 2014
Btw, I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that MOST guys like women with long hair. I doubt all those women who chop it off as they get older have decided to consult their husbands. They just don't want to deal with the long hair anymore so they chop it off. Whether or not he likes it is of little consideration.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#20 Mar 24, 2014
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>Easy for you to say what is and isn't too much trouble for someone else. As it is now, I shave at MOST, 2 times a week. I try to keep it from getting too thick and unkempt looking for work, but that does not require daily shaving. With no job, i'd shave less without question. If my wife felt a need to dictate to me how often I should shave, i would ecpect the same control over her hair.
You don't like the way beards look? Have you never gotten a haircut that your man did not like? Should he demand that you conform to his version of presentable at all times?
Your wife is OK with you shaving twice a week. LW's wife is not OK with it. Big difference.

No, I don't like the way beards look. They cover up the face. I prefer to see faces and jawlines rather than beards. And I really don't like the way they feel. So I do feel for the LW's wife more than the LW. I get your point about control, but I think it's LW who is making it into a control issue. LW's wife is like me - she likes a clean-shaven man. It is a preference.

Just for the record, I have long hair and I lightly trim it myself - rarely. I don't trust hairdressers. And I do my best to be presentable at most times. I might be somewhat less presentable when I am out pulling weeds in the yard.

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