Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#21 Sep 20, 2012
I think these folks need to get a life.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#22 Sep 20, 2012
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Well we can't have that, can we?
Sure we can, but don't try and use some BS that by texting your parent you will somehow be magically protected from any and every bad thing that might happen to you.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#23 Sep 20, 2012
It's not your *adult child's* job to make the parent feel better.
PEllen

Chicago, IL

#24 Sep 20, 2012
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Tell that to the victims of the several university shootings. And the students who are raped and/or murdered every year.
That is not confined to college campuses or even big cities
PEllen

Chicago, IL

#25 Sep 20, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>I wonder what these worriers are going to do when the kids are comppletely oin their own after college. "Oh, its such a dangerous world out there I worry so much"
Blah blah blah
I wonder how often these parents call their own parents.
As I said before, just about every college kid has a facebook page. Check the kid's facebook page and as long as you see activity, you'll have that warm and fuzzy that they are not bleeding to death in a dumpster behind the student union.
My Bro and SIL raised their kids like this. My niece is a scared mouse/princess who is nervous going outside her nice white upscale neighborhoods and base of friends. Different, poor, not as clean, non English seaking, people of the wrong color,knockoffs rather than brand names skeeve her out. It is sad.

Since: Feb 10

Location hidden

#26 Sep 20, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>That how you're gonna deal with your kids once they get to college? I'm the boss. do as I say or else FU. What happens when they say FU back and they do pay for it all themselves? Think you're gonna get that regular call that you were demanding? Good luck salvaging that relationship.
Why, why WHY do you guys continue to engage him on topics like this? Edog isn't going to raise any kids. If he does somehow end up having any, they and their mothers will have cut off all communication long before they get to college age and he won't even know where they are, let alone have their phone numbers.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Bronx, NY

#27 Sep 20, 2012
Bunch of cold-hearted people. Think once you go off to college you should cut off all contact with your parents. I just can't get on board with that.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#28 Sep 20, 2012
There edog goes again, with two extremes. Either you're in near-daily contact wiht your parents, or you cut off all contact. Why no shades of grey? Weekly phone calls should be enough.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#29 Sep 20, 2012
itser wrote:
<quoted text>Why, why WHY do you guys continue to engage him on topics like this? Edog isn't going to raise any kids. If he does somehow end up having any, they and their mothers will have cut off all communication long before they get to college age and he won't even know where they are, let alone have their phone numbers.
You have A LOT of faith in restraining orders and the witness protection program, don't you?

Since: Jun 09

Verona, WI

#30 Sep 20, 2012
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Could you elaborate please?
For one, there is no recipe for making a kid turn out a certain way. It doesn't matter what you think you've taught your kids or the lessons you've drilled into them. Anyone who says their kid will turn out a certain way IS clueless.

Second, you've repeatedly mentioned how you will rule with very little tolerance for deviation from your plan. If anything, that will encourage the insolence you insist your kid will not have.

Finally, we're not talking about a kid who insists on deviant behavior or who doesn't use manners or something like that. We're talking about how much contact and what demands an adult child will accept from his/her parents. That comfort level is a highly individualized thing and not something you can teach. If an adult child doesn't want to text his/her parent everyday, pushing and demanding is not likely to change his/her mind.

While you might counter that it's a respect thing, I would argue that anyone who demands daily contact from another adult is not one who appropriately understand how to show or teach respect for another person's boundaries and feelings.

While a text a day is not an overwhelming thing to request, such things tend to be symbolic or representative of larger behavior patterns and issues. Chances are that a mother who insists on daily texts is overbearing and that the ADULT child who refuses is finally making a stand to assert his/her independence and is not doing so purely to hurt anyone. If you can't understand that, then it's just another reason you are clueless.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#31 Sep 20, 2012
Cycle, if you'd gotten married earlier and had your child earlier, do you think you and your wife would have had a second one (I know she's a little older than me now)? Or do you think one would have been enough?

I have two sets of friends who wanted two, but complications from pregnancy and delivery kept them at one kid.

Since: Jun 09

Verona, WI

#32 Sep 20, 2012
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
Cycle, if you'd gotten married earlier and had your child earlier, do you think you and your wife would have had a second one (I know she's a little older than me now)? Or do you think one would have been enough?
I have two sets of friends who wanted two, but complications from pregnancy and delivery kept them at one kid.
Oh, we both think two is ideal.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Bronx, NY

#33 Sep 20, 2012
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
There edog goes again, with two extremes. Either you're in near-daily contact wiht your parents, or you cut off all contact. Why no shades of grey? Weekly phone calls should be enough.
No one ever mentioned shades of gray. You've just been so adamant that it's unreasonable for an "adult child" to send a phone call or a text to ease their parent's mind. A weekly phone call should be sufficient, but most are sounding like even THAT is overbearing.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#34 Sep 20, 2012
Nope, you missed it, edog. We're saying contacting one's parents every two or three days is excessive if it's the demand of the parent and the adult offspring think it's too frequent. No one said "never talk to mom and dad again."

And no, most are not making it sound like a weekly phone call is too much.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#35 Sep 20, 2012
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
No one ever mentioned shades of gray. You've just been so adamant that it's unreasonable for an "adult child" to send a phone call or a text to ease their parent's mind. A weekly phone call should be sufficient, but most are sounding like even THAT is overbearing.
As usual, reading comprehension fail. Since no one explicitly used the term "shades of gray", you just assumed they MUST have meant the polar opposite.

Since: Jun 09

Verona, WI

#36 Sep 20, 2012
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
No one ever mentioned shades of gray. You've just been so adamant that it's unreasonable for an "adult child" to send a phone call or a text to ease their parent's mind. A weekly phone call should be sufficient, but most are sounding like even THAT is overbearing.
Dude, you really do have a problem with the details.

IIRC, the original LW was bent out of shape that her kid in college would not agree to sending DAILY texts. Almost everyone believed that the kid should make somewhat regular contact but that the mom needed to chill. Most of us also seemed to think that a text a day is not *that* much to ask, but it is a lot to DEMAND. A college-aged kid whose mother has a fit if he/she doesn't make daily contact probably should find healthy ways to enforce some boundaries.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Bronx, NY

#37 Sep 20, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>As usual, reading comprehension fail. Since no one explicitly used the term "shades of gray", you just assumed they MUST have meant the polar opposite.
I assumed nothing. No one ever mentioned any form of compromise. Everyone started right out of the gate saying a parent should butt out and cut the ambilical cord of their "adult offspring" once they go off to college. Everyone's jumping down my throat for challenging this one-sided notion.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#38 Sep 20, 2012
no, that's how you INTERPRETED people who said "demanding your kid contact you every other day is too much." If someone responded with "Expecting your 20yo to call you three or four times a week is excessive," a reasonable person wouldn't jump the conclusion you did. A reasonable person would think, "Oh, so this person probably thinks once or twice a week is more appropriate."

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#39 Sep 20, 2012
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
I assumed nothing. No one ever mentioned any form of compromise. Everyone started right out of the gate saying a parent should butt out and cut the ambilical cord of their "adult offspring" once they go off to college. Everyone's jumping down my throat for challenging this one-sided notion.
Nope, not what I said at all.
Cass

Pomona, CA

#40 Sep 20, 2012
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
L4: " Unfortunately, there is so much violence everywhere today and kids are vulnerable to it, especially around many colleges and universities."
Baloney.
Exactly. There are literally thousands of universities and colleges in this country. Millions of students study in them. But then Virginia Tech happens, and it's all over the news, and the perception is that one can't walk onto a college campus without a crazy gunman hiding behind every bush and every door.

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