“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Jul 22, 2013
DEAR ABBY: My husband retired and we thought we were fulfilling our lifetime dream when we moved to the beach, but our dream has turned into a nightmare. Our family never wanted to visit us this often before.

When they come, no one even brings along so much as a bottle of water. My grocery bill has skyrocketed, and I'm sick of playing the role of cook and maid while they have a wonderful time.

I'm ready to move back to our hometown. At least there I had a life besides cooking and cleaning. My husband wants to live here because it's his dream, but I can't take another year of this. The workload is killing me.

I have been a fool for putting up with everyone having a carefree vacation at my expense. I'm so angry I'm ready to leave my husband with his dream. The last three years have been hell. When friends and family ask why I left, should I tell them, or keep my mouth shut and build a peaceful life by myself?-- RUNNING FOR MY LIFE

DEAR RUNNING: Leaving your husband is not the solution. Telling the individuals who are taking advantage of your hospitality that the rules have changed is. Set rules before guests arrive. If it's not convenient for you to entertain, speak up and say so when the relatives call to say they're coming. Make it clear that they will be doing their own laundry, buying their own groceries, etc.

And while you're at it, understand that the reason this has gotten out of hand is partly your husband's fault. He's retired; he can lend a hand.

The Good Lord gave you the gift of speech. For the sake of your sanity and your marriage, I'm suggesting you use it.

DEAR ABBY: Seven years ago, I was in a relationship with a man I thought was my soul mate.(I'll call him Louis.) We were together for two years and had planned on getting married right after college. Louis ended up breaking the engagement and six months later married another woman. I was shocked and heartbroken. We went our separate ways.

Louis contacted me recently. He apologized for the past and said he was out of his mind for losing me. He also said he was recently divorced and wants to see me to "catch up."

I have healed from the heartache and moved on, but I am not currently in a relationship. I am content with my life. The problem is, my curiosity and my heart are tripping me up. I'm wary of falling back in love with Louis and don't want to reopen any old wounds.

What do you think, Abby? Should I meet him and see what happens, or let the past stay where it is?-- OVER HIM? IN NEW YORK

DEAR OVER HIM?: Louis may be a cad -- or he may have become more mature in the last seven years. Because you are curious, I think you should go. But if he starts wooing you again, do not get serious unless you have had couples counseling. It's important that you clearly understand what went wrong in your romance the first time so it doesn't happen again.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#2 Jul 22, 2013
1- "the reason this has gotten out of hand is partly your husband's fault."

Of course, man-hater. As for the LW, I think she just wants a reason, any reason, to leave her husband.

2- He married six months after breaking the engagement with you? He's a cheater, it's no wonder his marriage didn't last, and you're a complete idiot for even questioning if you should get back together with him.

3- Because in America, if you're even partially white and defend yourself against a black attacker, you a racist!!
Cass

Rancho Cucamonga, CA

#3 Jul 22, 2013
LW1 - Speak the he11 up and tell people they are NOT invited. No, they canNOT stay with you. Use your words! Isn't that what your mommy and daddy told you to do when you were 3?

LW2 - Bad, bad, bad advice. Don't go. You'll fall for him again, and he'll dump you again, and you'll get hurt again.

LW3 - Didn't see a 3, but it's probably a rehash anyway.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#4 Jul 22, 2013
L1: You're willing to MOVE and LEAVE your husband because you're unwilling to say "No" to people?

Zero sympathy. None. Zero. Nada. Zilch.

L2: What do you have to lose?

Since: Dec 09

Smalltown, Colorado

#5 Jul 22, 2013
I think Abbey is asleep today.

LW1 - The clue to the answer is "Family never wanted to visit this often before". As family informs you that they are coming, give them a list of hotels and tell them it is inconvenient for them to stay with you. If hubby isn't on board with this, then leave the area for the duration of the next visit. He can wait on the family by himself without your help. That should solve the problem. There won't be a next visit.

LW2 - Couples counseling! My a$$! I wouldn't give him the time of day. You have moved on and are content - you don't owe him anything.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#6 Jul 22, 2013
1 If your doing the work, start charging the guests. You will either get rich, or you will get your home back.

2 Hey ya never know. Maybe it was just not the right time before, but it could be now! Meet up with him, and dont be surprised when you find yourself waking up next to him.

3 The GZ argument was last week dog, sorry you missed it. Try and keep up.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#7 Jul 22, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
L2: What do you have to lose?
self respect?

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#8 Jul 22, 2013
RACE wrote:
3 The GZ argument was last week dog, sorry you missed it. Try and keep up.
Sorry, spent last week in a drunken stupor. And this week is looking promising, as well! Long islands, anyone?!

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#9 Jul 22, 2013
LW1: Instead of divorcing your husband, learn to say no to your guests ... seems much easier. Tell them they are not welcome if you do not want guests and if you do allow guests to stay, have some ground rules, including 1) you are not their personal chef, 2) you are not their maid, and, 3) you are not responsible for their groceries.

LW2: I wouldn't go back to Louis. You weren't good enough the first time (guy obviously had little difficulty getting over the realationship with you because a) he dumped you and b) he married 6 months later (almost certainly dumped you for the woman he ended up marrying and was probably seeing her while you were dating)). While the spark may briefly be rekindled, over the long haul, you likely won't be good enough the second time.

No need to go through the wringer twice.
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

#10 Jul 22, 2013
Team Shari on this one!

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#11 Jul 22, 2013
LW1: What Shari said. Go on strike.

LW2: Maybe if you start seeing him again,*you'll* meet someone much better and then you can dump him and get married 6 months later.

Since: Dec 09

Smalltown, Colorado

#12 Jul 22, 2013
squishymama wrote:
LW1: What Shari said. Go on strike.
LW2: Maybe if you start seeing him again,*you'll* meet someone much better and then you can dump him and get married 6 months later.
On reflection, I like the idea of her dumping him. tee hee.

Since: Dec 07

DuPage County

#13 Jul 22, 2013
1: You're as big a douche as you claim your husband is. Speak up ya' freaking doormat!

2: Sure, go catch up with the guy who dumped you. What bad could happen?

What is it, idiotic letter day?

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#14 Jul 22, 2013
Aren't they all?
Saluki Rod wrote:
What is it, idiotic letter day?

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#15 Jul 22, 2013
L1: When they say they are coming, if you want them to stay with you, give them the list of rules including what they have to contribute. If you don't want them to stay with you, give them the list of hotels. If they come over, ask them to bring something or put them to work helping.
L2: You were young back then. Perhaps he has matured. 23 is a lot different than 30. I'd be careful, though. Neither one of you are in the same mindset as when you were in college, keep that in mind.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#16 Jul 22, 2013
This is a double facepalm of a column today.

Since: Dec 07

DuPage County

#17 Jul 22, 2013
RACE wrote:
Aren't they all?
<quoted text>
Thou maketh sense.

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