Comments
1 - 17 of 17 Comments Last updated Apr 4, 2014

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Apr 3, 2014
DEAR ABBY: "Maybe Only One in Georgia" (Jan. 7), who asked whether she should have a second child, needs to understand there are no guarantees. Her 5-year-old could end up hating her younger sibling, or adoring her. Parents create a child because they want to share their union with a new life. Each child is unique and represents a life commitment, not just 18 years of hard work.

I am the youngest of four, the "surprise" baby boy when my parents were in their 40s. I loved them and they never made me feel unwanted. I adore my older sister. We were always close despite the eight-year age difference. My two brothers are very different than I am, and we don't have much to do with one another.

"Maybe" should not produce another child to be a playmate to the one they have. It should be done only if they're financially, emotionally and spiritually willing and capable of rearing another person. If not, they should enjoy the extra time, money and energy they'll have, and perhaps give a needy dog or cat a home.-- YOUNGEST CHILD IN SAVANNAH

DEAR YOUNGEST CHILD: I told "Maybe" I couldn't decide this for her, but would open up the question to my readers. And they sure had some comments! Here are a few:

DEAR ABBY: My advice is DON'T! I have two sons, 27 and 31. They hardly know each other and have no interest in what the other is doing. It breaks my heart, as they are the only close blood relatives they have.

I didn't have the younger one so the older would have company. I wanted another baby. I was 29, but wouldn't consider it at "Maybe's" age (38). How long does she think she can run that fast?-- MITZI IN DAYTON

DEAR ABBY: Most only children I know are spoiled and used to getting their own way, largely because they haven't had to share. My husband is from a large family and they are all close, even with a 20-year age span.

We recently dealt with issues related to elderly parents, and trust me, I was so thankful to have the help of my siblings. I feel it is unfair to raise a child alone if you're able to add to the family unit.-- GRATEFUL MOM

DEAR ABBY: I am a happy only child. I was raised by kind people. I have a positive self-image, was a self-reliant kid and am a confident, productive adult.

As a parent, I had a lot to learn. My husband, one of four siblings, reassured me that the quarreling and jealousy among our three was normal. They learned to fight and stick up for themselves -- something I had to master later.

As a child, I wondered what it would be like to have a brother or sister, but my imaginary friends were good company. When my aging parents were ailing, it might have been nice to have a sibling to share that with, but my husband was ample support.

"Onlies" can be very peaceful people. Most of us prefer to cooperate rather than compete. As kids, we're the center of the universe and responsible for everything. That sense of responsibility carries over into adulthood.-- ANNE IN ILLINOIS

DEAR ABBY: Have that second child if fate wills it. Your life will be richer for it. Your daughter will appreciate having a sibling, and you will wonder how you ever imagined life without him/her.

I was 6 when my sister was born. Yes, we went to different schools and had different friends. But we shared a bedroom as we matured and had many memorable times we still talk about today. There is no age barrier as time passes, and really, that gap closes earlier than you would think.-- BIG SIS IN FLORIDA

DEAR ABBY: Many kids, such as a classmate of your child, need a second temporary home -- if only for a play date away from their own house. Open your home to these opportunities. Expose your child to those less fortunate than she. On travels, visit a school (or community), so she can see how it differs from her own circumstances. Create independence in her, but also teach her the INTERDEPENDENCE she'll need for a balanced life.-- WYOMING TEACHER

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#2 Apr 3, 2014
Blech! Get these rug rats outta here!

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#3 Apr 3, 2014
Yawn!

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#4 Apr 3, 2014
Did someone really need to invent the word "onlies?"

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#5 Apr 3, 2014
How well the kids get along is due in large part to how the parents treat them when they are very young. Because of age differences with my husbands and my cousins, and geographical and personality distances with our own sibs we brought up our girls knowing that when they got older they would likely be their only close family. They live on opposite sides of the country now but they are good friends and cooperative; it also turned out that 2 of their first cousins are close but we could not have predicted that 25 years ago.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#6 Apr 3, 2014
I am closer to some siblings more so than others and it has nothing to do with age but rather the person. Parents can raise kids but kids all have their unique personalities. Never give too much credit or blame for how a kid turn out. Sometimes it's the kid that's awesome or evil and wicked and not something that the parents did.(Sometmes, though, it is most definitely the parent.)

As a mother of an only I can tell you that not all "onlies" (yes -- that's a stupid word) are selfish.

“An Apple a day”

Since: Jun 08

nil carborundum illegitemi

#7 Apr 3, 2014
If you need to ask someone like Abby whether or not to have another child, you're not mature enough to have had even one.
blunt advice

Jersey City, NJ

#8 Apr 3, 2014
My 2 daughters are 5 years apart but are close friends. I have just one brother who I never see because his wife only wants to do things with her family. Fortunately I have cousins who I am closer with. Husband's sisters are close but the brother and step brothers live in other states and if it weren't for Facebook would probably rarely communicate. Sisters definitely remain close. Brothers not so much unless they are single. JMO. .

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#9 Apr 3, 2014
blunt advice wrote:
My 2 daughters are 5 years apart but are close friends. I have just one brother who I never see because his wife only wants to do things with her family. Fortunately I have cousins who I am closer with. Husband's sisters are close but the brother and step brothers live in other states and if it weren't for Facebook would probably rarely communicate. Sisters definitely remain close. Brothers not so much unless they are single. JMO..
not sure what you consider close, but my sister lived with us for a year after college. Comes up and stays with us multiple times a year. I play silly facebook games w her. Correspond on twitter. And we're 10 years apart
boundary painter

San Antonio, TX

#10 Apr 3, 2014
Glance into the future six months for the Georgia lady described above:

After evaluating her situation, the Georgia mother decided:

(a) to be thankful for the one she had
(b) to take classes to qualify as a preschool helper, and be ready to
help the children and their parents enjoy building reading and math
skills
(c) to enjoy life to the fullest, whether she gets a little sibling for her child or not.
or
(d) other

Since: Mar 09

Pittsburgh, PA

#11 Apr 3, 2014
Sometimes kids are 6 years apart because Mom *lost* 3 in between successful pregnancies.

Keep fingers & toes crossed for my youngest, who will have a new son in mid to late May. Big Bro is 6 & very much looking forward to being a Big Brother!
Julie

Chicago, IL

#12 Apr 3, 2014
_Annabella_ wrote:
If you need to ask someone like Abby whether or not to have another child, you're not mature enough to have had even one.
This.

“An Apple a day”

Since: Jun 08

nil carborundum illegitemi

#13 Apr 3, 2014
Julie wrote:
<quoted text>
This.
:)

“An Apple a day”

Since: Jun 08

nil carborundum illegitemi

#15 Apr 3, 2014
Not nearly as crazy as people who follow other people around everywhere. One would think those people didn't really have a life.

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#16 Apr 4, 2014
I have 5 older brothers. I pretty close with 2 of them. One is 3 years older than me, the other 14 years. I agree with Toj that it depends on the people.

My daughter is an only (thank goodness because her father doesn't bother to support one, I can't imagine if we had had 2). I make every effort for her to see her cclose-in-age cousins who live far away. But they visit a few times a year and Facetime and such.

She is very mature for her age, though. She has been on me to see an Andy Warhol exhibit this weekend, even though I had suggested an amusement park or a local fair. That surprised me.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#17 Apr 4, 2014
Stina2 wrote:
I have 5 older brothers. I pretty close with 2 of them. One is 3 years older than me, the other 14 years. I agree with Toj that it depends on the people.
My daughter is an only (thank goodness because her father doesn't bother to support one, I can't imagine if we had had 2). I make every effort for her to see her cclose-in-age cousins who live far away. But they visit a few times a year and Facetime and such.
She is very mature for her age, though. She has been on me to see an Andy Warhol exhibit this weekend, even though I had suggested an amusement park or a local fair. That surprised me.
Cool. You have an artist of some kind on your hands, possibly.

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#18 Apr 4, 2014
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
Cool. You have an artist of some kind on your hands, possibly.
She is creative! SHe loves to paint and has an art desk and all the tools!!! We'll see!:-)

Tell me when this thread is updated: (Registration is not required)

Add to my Tracker Send me an email

Add your comments below

Characters left: 4000

Please note by submitting this form you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

Chicago Discussions

Title Updated Last By Comments
Barack Obama, our next President (Nov '08) 4 min THE DEVIL 1,101,271
Ill. House Approves Legalizing Same-Sex Civil U... (Dec '10) 16 min Death Angel 49,473
Messianic Jews say they are persecuted in Israel (Jun '08) 22 min JOEL 69,087
BARACK OBAMA BIRTH CERTIFICATE: Suit contesting... (Jan '09) 30 min wojar 177,518
Once slow-moving threat, global warming speeds ... (Dec '08) 58 min Lord Hater 46,369
2 teens critically wounded in South Side shooting 3 hr wow 2
Israeli troops begin Gaza pullout as Hamas decl... (Jan '09) 3 hr TRD 68,395
•••
•••

Chicago Jobs

•••
Enter and win $5000
•••
•••

Chicago People Search

Addresses and phone numbers for FREE

•••

Chicago News, Events & Info

Click for news, events and info in Chicago
•••

Personal Finance

Mortgages [ See current mortgage rates ]
•••