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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Nov 19, 2013
DEAR AMY: I recently discovered that my son, who is 17, is a homosexual.

We are part of a church group and I fear that if people in that group find out they will make fun of me for having a gay child.

He won't listen to reason, and he will not stop being gay. I feel as if he is doing this just to get back at me for forgetting his birthday for the past three years -- I have a busy work schedule.

Please help him make the right choice in life by not being gay. He won't listen to me, so maybe he will listen to you.-- Feeling Betrayed

DEAR BETRAYED: You could teach your son an important lesson by changing your own sexuality to show him how easy it is. Try it for the next year or so: Stop being a heterosexual to demonstrate to your son that a person's sexuality is a matter of choice -- to be dictated by one's parents, the parents' church and social pressure.

I assume that my suggestion will evoke a reaction that your sexuality is at the core of who you are. The same is true for your son. He has a right to be accepted by his parents for being exactly who he is.

When you "forget" a child's birthday, you are basically negating him as a person. It is as if you are saying that you have forgotten his presence in the world. How very sad for him.

Pressuring your son to change his sexuality is wrong. If you cannot learn to accept him as he is, it might be safest for him to live elsewhere.

A group that could help you and your family figure out how to navigate this is Pflag. This organization is founded for parents, families, friends and allies of LGBT people, and has helped countless families through this challenge. Please research and connect with a local chapter.

DEAR AMY: I am a responsible dog owner in every possible way.

Even though I have a great job that pays well, I have extreme social anxiety and take meds for depression and anxiety. One of the joys in my life is walking my dogs. About six months ago, I was walking my dogs in the neighborhood and one of them went potty in someone's yard. I promptly picked it up.

The woman who lives there came out and asked me not to let my dogs go on her lawn. I held up my bag and told her I picked it up. She said she didn't care and that I should walk out in the street or across the street so my dogs don't go on her lawn. I was stunned. Without thinking, I said, "You're crazy." She called me a pejorative.

Now I have extreme anxiety taking my dogs for a walk. Is it normal for people to get angry when a dog goes in their yard, even if the owner picks it up?-- More Anxious Than Ever

DEAR ANXIOUS: Like you, I love dogs, but I do not enjoy watching someone else's dog go "potty" on my lawn -- even if it is cleaned up. It just seems disrespectful, and I think it is completely within bounds for a homeowner to ask you to try to keep your dog off the lawn. Your response to a question ("You're crazy") was disrespectful.

Work with your therapist on how to rebound from this setback. You should try to recover in small stages, including rehearsing how to respond appropriately to people. Most ideal would be for you to find another dog lover who could join you for occasional walks and companionable (human) support.

DEAR AMY: Your advice to "Crushed" could have been off.

When my brother was getting married, I thought his fiancee's brother was cute. When I approached my brother about him, he told me "he's not your type, plus that would be awkward if you broke his heart." Interestingly, his fiancee told her brother the same thing about me.

Fortunately, our mothers intervened and fixed us up. We've been married 40 years.-- Very Crushed

DEAR CRUSHED: Mothers knew best. Good for you!

“Checks and Balances”

Since: Apr 13

Location hidden

#2 Nov 19, 2013
LW1- I hope this is a joke.

You are selfish and a horrible excuse for a parent. You don't want your son to be gay because people will make fun if you at church? Imagine what they will think of you when they learn that you are too self-centered to remember even his birthday. If you want to have any sort of relationship with your son after he turns 18, go ahead and contact PFLAG. I think the real problem isn't that he is gay, though.

LW2- Amy is an idiot. As long as the dog owner cleans up the mess, it doesn't matter which patch of grass along the sidewalk the dog uses. The homeowner was a little too high strung and the LW is the crazy one. Walk your dog and just make sure that you don't let it poop on that particular lawn anymore. See, very simple solution.

LW3- yay for you.

My 10 year wedding anniversary is coming up. I looked up the traditional and modern gifts for this anniversary. The traditional gift is tin or aluminum. The modern gift is diamond because "a marriage that lasts 10 years is a durable and beautiful as a diamond". How ridiculous and sad.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#3 Nov 19, 2013
ScarletandOlive wrote:
My 10 year wedding anniversary is coming up. I looked up the traditional and modern gifts for this anniversary. The traditional gift is tin or aluminum. The modern gift is diamond because "a marriage that lasts 10 years is a durable and beautiful as a diamond". How ridiculous and sad.
I thought diamonds were forever? I'll send you an empty coke can.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#4 Nov 19, 2013
1- Yeah, forgetting his birthday for the last three years is the bigger issue. Sounds like you've been an absent parent for a while now. What's it matter if he's gay? You're too wound up in your own life to worry about what's going on in his.

“Checks and Balances”

Since: Apr 13

Location hidden

#5 Nov 19, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>I thought diamonds were forever? I'll send you an empty coke can.
Thanks! I'm considering giving him leftovers wrapped in aluminum foil ;)

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#6 Nov 19, 2013
1: Fake

2: Yeah, sorry but if it's picked up right away, it's not that big of a deal. However, it's pretty not respectful to let your dog go on someone's lawn. Have them do it on public property like by a tree on the sidewalk next to the street or something.

3: Yay.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#7 Nov 19, 2013
My dogs go in the backyard, but for people withiut a yard, isn't that the point of taking them for a walk? And this woman saying he should go across the street? To where? Her neighbor's yard? People just gotta find reasons to be pissed off.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#8 Nov 19, 2013
1 Yup, fake letter, you can tell because the response was actually insightful. Basically the letter was written for the reply.

2 Most of the time my mutt craps in my yard, but occasionally he craps while taking a walk. I pick it up right away (mmmmm, steamy hot soft dog turds!)
Sure, sometimes theres streaks of poop, but other times he squeezes out some nice firm little logs, that I pick up, and nothing is left behind.

All that said, this guy needs to get over the fact that some old bitty had a hissy fit.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#9 Nov 19, 2013
1. Fake. If you have enough time to go to church you have enough time to remember your son's birthday.

Just remember you can pray away the gay only if it was the bad mother who turned him gay in the first place.
Oh, and why o your church lady friends know who your son is sleeping with anyway?

2. You are both nuts
3. The question is whether your bother's marriage also lasted.

Does that make the first cousins biological siblings?

“Checks and Balances”

Since: Apr 13

Location hidden

#10 Nov 19, 2013
Mimi Seattle wrote:
1: Fake

2: Yeah, sorry but if it's picked up right away, it's not that big of a deal. However, it's pretty not respectful to let your dog go on someone's lawn. Have them do it on public property like by a tree on the sidewalk next to the street or something.

3: Yay.
In my neighborhood, we don't have sidewalks. As long as someone's dog isn't peeing on the same spot on my grass every day, I don't take dog elimination personally.

Except for the time that someone let their dog poop next to my political sign and didn't clean it up - I took that one personally.

“Checks and Balances”

Since: Apr 13

Location hidden

#11 Nov 19, 2013
PEllen wrote:
Does that make the first cousins biological siblings?
???

They have the same aunt and uncle on both their mother's and father's side. They do not have the same parents.

I know a family like this.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#12 Nov 19, 2013
LW1: You just need to pray the gay away, is all.

Boy are you clueless. Your poor son.

LW2: I love dogs. Have had them my whole life, but I agree with the homeowner. Do you pick up the pee too? That stuff kills grass.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#13 Nov 19, 2013
L1: I can go with this being fake. Seems so. If not, I agree with Scarlet.

L2: I think Amy went a little overboard but I understand. We have sidewalks. There's a portion of everyone's lawn (called a parkway around here) that really the city/town owns but you take care of it. It's the portion of the grass nearest to the street after the sidewalk. That's where you let your dog do his/her duty and also pick it up.

L3: Congrats. Also, what PEllen said.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#14 Nov 19, 2013
Toj wrote:
L1: I can go with this being fake. Seems so. If not, I agree with Scarlet.
L2: I think Amy went a little overboard but I understand. We have sidewalks. There's a portion of everyone's lawn (called a parkway around here) that really the city/town owns but you take care of it. It's the portion of the grass nearest to the street after the sidewalk. That's where you let your dog do his/her duty and also pick it up.
L3: Congrats. Also, what PEllen said.
around here, the "parkway" is your property, but the city has rights to it. Allows utility workers access to underground cabling.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#15 Nov 19, 2013
LW1: What RACE said.

LW2: How f*cking hard is it to not let your dogs go in this yard again? It isn't. I bet you don't even have to walk past this house unless you want to. Your self-induced anxiety over this is just BS.

And if your dog pooped in the city-owned parkway, then you both have problems: the crazy neighbor for getting worked up over this and you for letting this effect you so much.

LW3: yay

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#16 Nov 19, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>around here, the "parkway" is your property, but the city has rights to it. Allows utility workers access to underground cabling.
Interesting. It's probably different in many areas concerning who owns it. Just to make sure I looked it up for the Chicago area and thought this was fitting to the letter:

"The property between the street and the sidewalk is part of the city parkway and is not privately owned. The city does allows adjacent owners to improve the area (by planting flowers, shrubs, etc.) with some restrictions, it remains city property. As such, a property owner has no right to exclude anyone from that area. Obviously, if a pet owner is leaving waste in the area, there are other ways to address that situation.
Blunt Advice

Hoboken, NJ

#17 Nov 19, 2013
1. That would be a good way to get even when spouses forget birthdays and anniveraries :p. Seriously I hope that letter was fake. Prob written to show how dumb homophobes can be.
2. The neighbor doesn't want anyones dogs on her property. An al as she may be, don't let him set foot on her property. Certainly there are plenty of dog lovers in the neighborhood to make up for her.
3. How lovely. although I personally feel that in laws are famil and would feel awkward dating one. But hey, if that's what's good for someone else, there's really no inbreeding so any offspring should have fully functional brains.
tiredofit

Los Angeles, CA

#18 Nov 19, 2013
L2: It seems that everyone in my neighborhood walks their dogs and they all have backyards. I get really annoyed when they walk up on my lawn, let their dogs poop and watch their dog scratch at the lawn. My husband did confront one guy about this. I have noticed some neighbors are putting up picket fences around their front lawns. I am not willing to do this because it becomes another maintenance problem in a few years.

Since: Mar 09

Pittsburgh, PA

#19 Nov 19, 2013
PEllen wrote:
Does that make the first cousins biological siblings?
No, they're double-cousins. But biologically, they share as much DNA as half-siblings.

If identical twins marry identical twins, their children would be biologically as related as full siblings.

Since: Mar 09

Pittsburgh, PA

#20 Nov 19, 2013
Blunt Advice wrote:
Seriously I hope that letter was fake. Prob written to show how dumb homophobes can be.
That was my take on it.

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